“Here we are!” Watson said, unlocking a thick door that swung open with a loud creak. It too had considerable armor going for it, not to mention a very nice lock that would’ve taken minutes of anima to manipulate even if it was available to me. “Golems will be right outside making sure no one unwelcomed turns up. Other than that, you’ll be locked in tight as a button. Lights out for the whole prison in fifteen minutes, so dinner is off the table, but I’ll see you get a nice English breakfast at 6AM sharp.”
Watson led me inside, giving a quick tour of the place. “Nicer than my flat! Bit dated on the drapes, but the Guild loves its old artifacts of the past, don’t it? And not just the ones that use anima!”
Old . . . I don’t think the apartment had been updated since the 1920s. I noticed a rotary phone, picking it up to find a lack of dial tone.
“Sorry about that, hasn’t worked for years,” Watson apologized. “Phones on the common floor if you feel the need and if those in charge allow you can use them. Big room here when you come in, but look at all these bedrooms over this way. Have your pick of them. Was expected that the lord inside would have servants, I think. Even has a kitchen in the back, without any food in the pantry, mind you. There’s a library with some books in it over to the left there and then a bathroom with a shower and a tub. Don’t think they make them free standing like that anymore, but it does work. Shouldn’t try it with the lights off though, so you’ll have to wait until morning to clean up.”
“It’s 8PM. Lights go out. 6AM the lights come back on?” I asked.
Watson nodded confirmation. “They think sleeping for ten hours does the patients down below some good. Anyway, after you have a shower and some breakfast, Guild Master has ordered you be placed out on the common floor during the day. Out of my hands, but I urge you again to not worry too much. It’s the safest prison on the planet after all!”
[CLICK]
Ten hours of sleeping in pitch blackness.
For the sanity of the patients.
Sure.
Humans do so well with free time on their hands after all.
Ten hours of nothing every night.
Would’ve broken me normally.
Only . . . not a normal kind of week. I had shit to do, so that schedule was just fine as far as I was concerned.
Liked it a whole lot, in fact.
Wasn’t ten hours of nothing.
Was ten hours of unsupervised Go Time.
As soon as Watson and the golems were outside, I found a hiding spot for the lockbox. Just stuck it in an empty closet, but it would do. One empty closet among dozens, good as any other. Didn’t give a shit about the beds or the shower or the kitchen or even the library. Suppose I would eventually do a scan of the book titles on the off chance something interesting just happened to be sitting there forgotten, but I didn’t have much hope.
Be some bullshit if I searched for all this stuff, came up with these plans, then the info I wanted was in a library ten feet away from me cuz some clerk lost the paperwork before it got transferred.
More than anything else in the apartment, I was interested in the cell door. Feeling for anima around the Pit Wave, I felt one golem just outside the door, while the other traversed the hallway in a back and forth patrol. Golems . . . knew the Pit used golems, didn’t plan for the fact I’d have two of them watching my every move. Mini claimed he could feel my presence from as far away as fifty feet, but he was made of sterner stuff than these two. Mini also don’t have to sense me through the Pit Wave. Still, felt like a smart move to find the farthest room from the cell door before I began.
Said door was locked tight.
Felt like a good, solid security door. No bars. No invasion of my privacy. Lord and lady prisoners stay where you put them, I guess. Next I turned to the light fixtures, to the phone, to all the places T-Bone had trained me to look for electronic bugs. Found nothing. Thank the Mancy that the Guild was so smug in its own superiority. After I get done with them, they’ll have cameras in every cell and a tracker stuffed up every prisoner’s bunghole.
If they ever even figured it out.
Reasonable part of me wanted it to go off without a scent or whisper on my trail. Earthquake part of me wanted it all to crash down; me standing over the wreckage, grinning canines down at Massey’s broken corpse.
One thing was for sure: reasonable outcome or earthquake outcome, I’d enjoy it either way.
“This is happening,” I said aloud. “You’re really about to do this, you crazy motherfucker.”
Six months of planning and finally . . . I was right where I needed to be.
Right where they figured it was impossible for me to break out of.
Perfect fucking alibi.
I left the cell door, almost running to find the room in my apartments that would place me farthest from the security golems. Ten hours of darkness, maybe, but I would like to get some sleep in. Even if I was ballsy enough to doze in the Pit’s yard, I didn’t think I would get much shuteye during my stay here. “Too much to fucking do, ain’t that some truth,” I mumbled as I took off my geomancer’s coat.
Hadn’t felt safe with just sewing slots or pockets this time around, so I sewed in a whole hidden compartment. Carefully padded with extra fabric to be invisible to the eye, it even had a decent chance at passing a pat down. Good thing Massey is big on threats and not big on action. Still, I got lucky. Wasn’t all luck . . . but some, I’ll admit.
For once.
The lights went off as I found the seam. Grumbling, I took out my Magic Wand and lit the room with sunlight. “There’s your party toy in action Massey, how you like it?” So focused on the Elven Blade, he never even noticed the mistake. Two mistakes. One: I needed to see in the dark a whole lot more than I’d need to be stabbing any vampire.
Two . . . well, that’s what I was digging out of my coat.
Elven Blade . . . nice to have a historical name for it, even if it was the same fantasy shit Massey had mocked. Welfs and Roots have their own, kind of interesting. Vamps have the rest, much less interesting. Still, was a perfect distraction. Something so priceless and unique that Massey would never be able to take his beady eyes off of it. So rare and coveted that he never realized I had something even more powerful with me.
See . . . ain’t all luck, is it?
After some strings and threads were ripped open, I pulled out the World-Breaker into my waiting hands. The Jinshin Ken of Hiroto Arashi, Earthquake Sword, Earthquake Baton, Shaky Stick, five-hundred-year-old jade dildo. Pick your description.
Threw my geomancer’s coat back on and held the World-Breaker up before my face in the near darkness. It’s jade length almost glowed with faint green. Inside of it, I felt power waiting to be claimed. Dozens of Pit Waves, locked inside a bit of precious jewel. You get an earthquake! And you get an earthquake! Everyone gets an earthquake! More than power, I felt a whole other world waiting to be explored.
“Both the key and the door,” I whispered to the empty room.
Below my feet a blast of geo-anima rushed up through me, out into the ceiling.
“Can’t pool anima,” I whispered with a canine grin aimed at the whole of creation, “but just like them golems, I can store it. What I store is just different enough to survive that frequency, ain’t it?”
Let myself laugh, feeling some serious joy at all those guesses and plans and Hail Marys working in my favor. “See, Bitch-Queen, I ain’t such a bad dance partner, am I? Just got to let me lead you around for once.”
Fate was silent.
Watching.
Waiting.
Leading her or not, I knew a knee would eventually find its way up into my crotch.
Just the kind of gal Fate is.
But for now . . .
Look at us dance, baby.
Watch these happy fucking feet sizzle.
One more geo-anima blast came through as I stood up and readied myself. But it’s even better, ain’t it? Don’t need to use all that nice stor
ed anima to break out, do I? Just got to step on through to the other side. You’ll never even know I was gone. Ten whole hours of perfect alibi freedom to find a way into your impenetrable vault.
“Get fucked, Massey.”
I pushed the anima inside the World-Breaker through itself and at my feet, the whole world twisting away around me.
Didn’t need Meteyos to help any more.
I’ve been practicing.
[CLICK]
About Five Months Ago
“This might be the worst idea you’ve ever had!”
“Oh come on, it’s the best idea I’ve ever had and I always have good ideas.”
“How are you not aware enough to realize you have the worst ideas on the planet?!?”
“You cannot tell me my ideas suck when one of my plans ended with Valentine Ward as my girlfriend. That’s one of the top ten plan results in the entire history of the human race.”
“It ended with you throwing shit at me! With you drunk dialing Miranda! With you sleeping with Isabel! You almost died three times over that pity party!”
“That was nine months into that plan though; this plan is like six months tops, maybe even four. I know I can piss off Massey enough to pull the string, especially if I work hard at it. We shouldn’t ever get to the shit throwing phase.”
T-Bone and I were inside my underground workshop, seven or eight feet under what most people consider the floor. Mini clanked around on the ground, picking up discarded Dr. Pepper cans to add to his collection. I’m not sure what he did with them—since they just seemed to be disappearing instead of ending up in one of our trashcans—but I’m sure it was harmless.
Just like my idea.
Plan.
Whatever you want to call it.
I waved the World-Breaker in front of T-Bone’s face. “You know you want to.”
“I do not! It’s terrifying even thinking about it! To mention nothing of everything that would happen after. Getting yourself thrown into the Pit? Just so you can break into the Guild Vault? Are you insane?!?”
“Would you rather I break into the Asylum Vault?”
“No!”
“Go nicely ask the Divine Court to help a brother out?”
“Of course not, but there has to—”
“We could just go up to Yosemite and use this there . . . go right on through and ask Meteyos himself, sure that won’t have any strings attached.”
“Don’t even think of it!”
“Come on, T-Bone! Sack up! Be my Realm Traveling Companion! Okay, so you ain’t as cute as that Amy Pond, but you can start shaving your legs and we’ll get you a red wig or something.”
“Yeah, well, you’re no Matt Smith either!”
“Val did it and lived, what you worried about?”
“Popping out into the middle of a wall and suffocating to death!”
“You really think Hiroto Arashi or Roto Moboto or whatever his name was didn’t put some kind of safeguards into this thing?”
“We don’t even know if he’s the person who made it. He could have just designed the lettering and done the etching for it.”
Mini’s golem started the long process of climbing the ladder to the shop above, rung by rung. He basically had to do a pull-up and a little hop each time. Maybe we should get him a rope . . . or build him a mini elevator or something . . . “You wanted in on the secrets, now you’re in on the secrets. This is part of it. I have to go back to the Geo Realm, I have to learn how to use this World-Breaker without Meteyos’ help, and then I’m using it to break into the Guild Vault.”
“Listen to how crazy those words sound when they go together, King Henry,” T-Bone tried to reason with me.
“Yeah, they are. But we’re mancers and our world is a little crazy even on the best days.”
“We could die,” he reminded me.
“Could’ve died in the cage with Sapa. Could’ve died from the Divine Court. Paine, Vega, all of it. Could’ve died ain’t a good excuse for us. You want out? You can get out. No more secrets, no more partnership, no more being involved, but on the other side: no more chance you die. Safe, ignorant life never knowing the truth. This is a good plan, it’s not rash, it’s not reckless. I’ve thought it over. Guild’s the best target. Except I’ll need a number of days at the Guild to pull it off and Massey won’t just let me take a tour, will he?”
“We could just stay in a hotel nearby!” he pointed out a much more rational choice.
“Means a longer trip in the Geo Realm, more traveling time, whole bunch of other problems. Plus, not as many opportunities.”
“As in Valentine and Miss Dale won’t hear you’ve been arrested and rush to make up with you?” T-Bone deadpanned.
“N-n-nooooo. Why would you think that?”
He just stared.
“It’s the perfect alibi. You think we won’t have ESLED up our ass if we happen to be in London while the Guild gets robbed?”
“We’re just after information, we aren’t actually stealing anything,” T-Bone reminded.
“Would still rather have the alibi, I really like them, they help a whole lot with these things. Reason why Root never could figure out how I stole the Staff of Rebirth. Reason why Catherine Hayes got off the hook for trying to kidnap Welf. Alibi, it’s an amazing thing.”
“You’re finally admitting to stealing the Staff of Rebirth?” T-Bone asked.
I ignored him and my little slip on that subject. “As far as the extra opportunities of doing it my way, didn’t mean Val. Was talking about embarrassing Massey and getting him off my back. He’ll pull that string eventually, might as well get it out of the way, ya know? Even if it stings, especially if it stings. Plus, me being locked up in the Pit could make Paine come out into the open too. Mr. Too Sane will think I’m too sane to bring the World-Breaker with me, so he’ll assume it’s still at the shop. Means he’ll send Isabel or the Three Queens to ransack the place.”
T-Bone’s face twitched in panic at the mere idea. “How is this at all a plus?”
“Gives us a chance to track them back to his hideout. Pocket and Jesus could help with that, don’t you think?”
“They would be the natural pick to—” You could actually see T-Bone’s survival instincts catch up with his brain. “No! Horrible idea is horrible!”
“Not saying we attack Dread Fortress Paine or anything, but knowing exactly where it is and being able to tell someone about it might win us some desperately needed points.”
“Like Ceinwyn Dale Points?”
My turn to just stare at him.
“Like Ceinwyn Dale Points?” he repeated.
“Maybe . . . if . . . maybe,” I grumbled. “Or the Lady, ya know, if this all blows up in our faces and we need leverage. Trial could be trouble too. Massey will stack it, even if I anticipate what he’ll charge me with it could go wrong. Sometimes ya just got to take a beating to win the fight . . .”
T-Bone studied me for a long time as he thought it all over. “So this is a plan to embarrass Massey, steal unknown amounts of illegal information, not let you see Valentine because you would never want that, impress Miss Dale, and maybe track the Curator to his hidden lair. All hinging on you being able to figure out how to properly travel with a World-Breaker?”
“I mean . . . it will probably be more complicated than that—”
“More complicated?!?”
“We’ll have to make charts and do math to figure out distances covered in the Geo Realm compared to Earth and all that. Plus we’ll have to dodge all the Sawaephim, not get found out by Meteyos—”
“Is that all?”
“It’ll work! First up: grab on to the end of my rod and hold on for dear life.”
T-Bone warily studied the World-Breaker.
“Don’t think about how it looks like a dildo.”
“It doesn’t look like a dildo at all!”
“Only cuz Vicky’s collection is Triple XL.”
He grabbed the front of my coat before
he could stop himself, I’m assuming to throttle me. Would’ve been a first, but I never gave him the chance to act on it, since I grabbed his sweater-vest back. A big canine grin split my face. “Hold on to your butt!”
“Wait!” T-Bone screeched. “No!!!”
I threw anima at the ground and the world twisted away around us.
[CLICK]
Interested in having your very being, your body, and your mind melted into anima and spat back out? Realm-jumping might be a hobby for you!
It was a straight zip for me, rocket ship to break the atmosphere kind of journey, over in seconds. Felt like you were breaking sound barriers the whole way. Smashing through ceilings and floors and half of existence. Did it with my eyes closed, since that helped with the nausea. Tried a few times with my eyes open, was just a bunch of brown blurs I couldn’t decipher followed by everything that had entered my gut in the last week finding its way to my feet via my throat.
Even with your eyes closed there was some odd vertigo of leaving the ground and returning to the ground, without ever actually going down or flipping over. Helped if you thought of yourself as sinking into the earth, but you weren’t actually. You were just disappearing and reappearing.
With anima I had started to feel the currents out around me during the journeys, but it was largely gibberish to me still. Needed an Enigma machine to translate and quick. Point A Earth to Point A Geo Realm was a straight shot, but I’d started thinking about whether Point A Earth to Point B Geo Realm might be doable too. Or even Point A Earth to Point B Earth. Yeah, yeah, curiosity gonna get me killed, I hear ya.
Why can’t there be some type of Chronomancy? I need centuries to figure this shit out, not six months . . .
All I’d learned, all I didn’t know, arriving in the Geo Realm was still a rush into the unknown.
T-Bone and me had mapped out the area around Fresno, but there was a whole world out there: cities, mountains, huge mushroom forests . . . you never knew where you might come out. Still . . . give us some credit: we weren’t complete idiots. All that mapping gave us a decoder key on distances, even if the decoder key twisted back on itself and flipped you the bird and called you a Hackla Yunibu Vosh.
The Pit of No Return (The King Henry Tapes Book 6) Page 11