T-Bone tried not to look too guilty about it. “The bookseller caught the Three Queens on the way out and called law enforcement. I talked down the officer and told them nothing had been stolen, but . . . she’s back to check on us anyway. It’s good we haven’t been up to anything illegal in the past week, have we?” he couldn’t help but ask sarcastically.
“She don’t know about those laws,” I tried to keep him calm and on task. At least getting through with the Guild theft had seemed to knock his paranoia down a level. If anything he seemed resigned when it came to us taking on Paine. Them worrywarts do love when all their fears become realized, don’t they?
“We are, however, about to have an unknown number of dead bodies walking around,” T-Bone pointed out some of our upcoming guests’ rather disgusting habits.
“Don’t remind me.”
“Someone has to,” T-Bone grumbled to himself.
“Real problem is gonna be giving her the slip when we leave tomorrow morning. Not like we can call ESLED to help out, can we? Not with me being an escaped convict.”
“You think you can say that louder?” T-Bone growled in terror, “I don’t think she heard you.”
Whoever was behind the wheel of the RV managed to bring it to a stop without killing anyone, granted still stuck at the ass-end of the parking lot where no one would complain about it taking up extra spaces.
Interruption Number Two and they come bearing gifts.
Was nice to see everyone do their part for once, whatever problems we came across handled.
Or left for another day like with Massey.
“Thanks, by the way,” I told T-Bone out of the blue. Tried to make like it wasn’t a big deal. The last place I needed emotion from after the last week with Val and Ceinwyn, then with Vicky earlier, was from T-Bone too. “For holding the fort down and all that. You did a good job.”
T-Bone stared at me like I’d announced a vow of lifelong celibacy. “Sure,” he finally grunted. “I’m . . . your partner, you know. Helped you plan it . . . had to carry it through. Vicky wasn’t too mad at me, either. I suppose getting through with meeting Moira von Welf is better now than later as well. If I survive . . .”
“No one’s died yet.”
“No, they haven’t,” T-Bone agreed as the RV’s engine shut off. Could see Pocket at the wheel, though he was distracted.
Of course it’s Pocket at the wheel, never lets anyone else drive the thing . . . me especially.
“Think we’ll trick the Curator without taking a scratch too?” T-Bone asked.
“Might have lived, but we didn’t get out without a scratch last time,” I corrected him. “Paid plenty with the Guild, with some on lay-away. Gonna pay plenty with Paine too. Long as we’re alive, long as we get Susan back . . . call that a win.” There’s some of your wisdom repeated, Poug, hope you like it.
T-Bone seemed surprised by the sentiment, having been around me long enough to expect a rant about how I wanted to smash faces probably. If anything, he acted like that’s what I gave. “Just remember this isn’t about revenge for what he’s done.”
“I know what it’s about. About my sister. Speaking of abouts: ain’t me you should be worrying about this time. So make sure you tell Ceinwyn all that about revenge, she’s got way more reason to be pissy when it comes to Paine than I do.”
The idea of standing up to Miss Dale seemed to terrify T-Bone more than even facing the Curator. “Maybe . . . maybe we’ll let Vicky do that. No one would ever paper-cut Vicky.”
“That we know about. You should ask Mama Welf if Vick ever got spanked as a kid,” I teased him.
“Just because I’ve accepted my fate doesn’t mean I’m happy with you about causing that meeting now instead of five years from now by the way,” his sarcasm returned.
“Hey, at least I didn’t call Eva too. Could’ve. Didn’t.”
T-Bone grunted like he’d been shot. “I didn’t know that was an option . . .”
“Still give her a call if you want . . . might improve our odds, ya know?”
“No . . . no, we wouldn’t want to trouble her, would we?” T-Bone bailed some water before his boat sank. “We’ll be fine with what we’ve gathered. Bring too many and it might force a fight.”
Pocket and Jesus tumbled out of the RV just then, pair of scroungy looking mixed-breeds following at their heels. Never seen either dog before, but they looked arguably more cleanly than their master or his boyfriend. Even with the shower inside their vehicle of choice, didn’t look like either had gotten much sleep, much less any R&R.
“No, I didn’t tell them about you escaping,” T-bone informed me without me even needing to ask. “I figured I shouldn’t be the only one shocked by your sudden appearance.”
Across the parking lot, Pocket pointed at me. Both of Jesus’ strays barked in excitement, catching on to their master’s emotions. Unlike most faunamancers, who bonded with specific animals and kept them for what usually turned out to be unnaturally long lives, Jesus was always rotating his little pack. Cleaning them up, putting some pounds on their bones, training them, then finding them good homes away from the streets. Two he had with him now must’ve come from up north. Big ass dogs. One looked like it had some mastiff in it, other one was a boxer-pitbull mix about as short and stocky as I was, nothing but a mound of muscle covered by amber-colored fur.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in jail?” Pocket yelled at me as they got close enough.
T-Bone glanced worriedly over at Ribera’s tinted windows. “We aren’t having this conversation out here, are we?”
“Why not? Nothing like getting some ash-filled, exhaust-scented morning air to start the day, is there?”
Jesus shook his head at me as they came up on us. “Tricky puta, ain’t you, El Rey? Always got your special move for when the customer is getting bored and all of a sudden ping-pong balls are popping out your panocha.”
Had to give him a canine grin as I got some punches on my shoulders from the both of them, along with a couple handshakes. “What can I say, Lord and Savior? Learned that one from Wynona Ryder herself.”
Pocket turned to T-Bone. “Dude, they let him out and you didn’t tell us? You think we’d get distracted or something?”
“They didn’t let him out,” T-Bone gave the bad news in small sentences like every word pained him. “He escaped. Through the Geo Realm. Directly. Like a teleporter. There are some other new problems too. Bad problems. Very, very bad problems.”
Pocket grinned at us, as always a force of positivity even if he could never reach Vicky Welf levels of rainbows and moonbeams. “Before we get into what I’m sure will be another good King Henry story of absurdity and balls the size of watermelons, just want to say it’s great to see you guys on the other side.”
Far less positive about everything, even if he couldn’t reach the cynicism of King Henry Price, Jesus added, “Is great to see you. Thought we were dead men a few times these last couple days. Seattle ain’t a healthy place for mancers, El Rey.”
“That’s where Paine is located then?” T-Bone asked.
“Don’t matter now,” I pointed out. “Keep it to yourselves, it’s leverage for later. Whatever you do: don’t tell Ceinwyn.”
“I still want to know,” T-Bone complained. “I’ve spent the last week worrying about it. Also, I thought Miss Dale was on our side?”
“She is . . . she’s just also on the Asylum’s side,” I explained.
“Aren’t we on the Asylum’s side?”
“Mostly, but Asylum ain’t on our side, not yet. Might be after this is all settled, but shit just had to get all fucked and be up in the air, don’t it?”
“Wait . . . why doesn’t the hideout matter now?” Pocket asked, looking put out for once.
“Has to do with that good story,” I hedged some, “Balls in it are way bigger than watermelons too, more like asteroids.”
“You about to tell us that all we just been through means zero, El Rey?” Jesus asked, lo
oking . . . like he might stab me. “Fair warning: gonna have one of my strays bite off your verga if you do.”
“It still matters,” T-Bone filled in quickly. “We’re just busy with something else at the moment. Also, could you use a leash or something? I really don’t think we want to have the SPCA called on us right now.”
“Do I tell you how to handle computers, Tyson?” Jesus got a little macho over his territory.
“I don’t question your ability to control them, merely the perception of anyone who might be watching,” T-Bone kept trying to be conciliatory. “Like a police detective. Who is right over there in that beige car. Do we really have to have this conversation out here?”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Someone needs some food and a nap.”
“You’re just keeping it out here to torture my paranoia!” he accused. “And just when I was starting to calm down a little bit!”
“Yeah, guilty on that one. Not all about you though. Could be I’ve also been in a hole for the last week, so tinged brown with exhaust or not, liking the sky above my head.”
“Didn’t return to the Geo Realm then?” Pocket asked. T-Bone really did leave them out of the loop.
“I did. Quite a few times.”
“We know the names of the Divines,” T-Bone added. “And a lot more.”
“Also I’m a Maximus . . . just like . . . FYI,” I built on top of his addition. “So’s Val. And Ceinwyn. Who, as previously mentioned, is partly on our side now.”
Pocket’s green eyes had gotten huge. “You told her everything?”
“Yup.”
“Even about him?”
“Yup.”
“El Rey’s more crafty than I thought if he’s still alive after that one,” Jesus muttered mostly to himself, but a little bit to his strays as well, who kept pushing their heads against his hands for comfort. “Or she just cut your cojones off and maybe you got an adult diaper on under those jeans?”
My canine grin twitched. “Think that’s something, I even told Val I love her and we got back together.”
Jesus growled in pain, reaching into his pocket to extract his wallet, passing over what looked like a twenty to Pocket.
Pocket grinned at me some more. “Thanks for keeping the flame going strong, dude.”
“When she breaks up with him again,” Jesus complained, “I’m not getting involved this time. It’s all on you and Tyson. Maybe you rope Raj back in, but I’m taking a vacation . . . alone. No cage matches or us getting beat up by thieving Coyotes.”
“Ain’t breaking up again, ever. Final time. In it for good,” I tried to convince myself and let just a little bit of that Pocket and Vicky hope in.
“He’s gone Anima Mad,” Jesus theatrically whispered to Pocket. “Distract him while I get the hogtie, then we put him back in the Pit with the other locas.”
“Everything you did sounds cool, dude,” Pocket ignored Jesus, “Watermelons and all that, as expected. But I’m going to be selfish for once and focus on how we trailed the Three Queens all the way up to Seattle. You know, the part you were so excited about? Now you aren’t excited, not even a little bit. Don’t like it, at all.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I said again.
“It does,” T-Bone rebutted again as well, “just not as much as it did before you got here, I’ll admit. It’s nice to know just for knowing, I think, and even if we’re confronting Paine somewhere else, we’ll still need to follow it up by raiding the hideout eventually.”
“Still later in the game and not now.”
“He could have artifacts in there to study you know,” T-Bone tried to tempt me into giving more of a shit.
I did nod, conceding the point. Paine had experimented in a lot of areas I didn’t have time to touch yet and was ahead of me in half of what I had tested. Not in building faulty World-Breakers one hopes. Still, lot in there I wanted to get a look at. No matter what or how it was done, if I found the cure to Anima Madness in there, couldn’t just throw it away because it came from Paine. “Could be anything in there, not just the crazies he keeps as anima batteries. Why it’s such a nice bit of leverage. Happy Pocket and Jesus got it for us, but other shit to do right now is all I’m saying.”
“I don’t know if I like the idea of using leverage on the Learning Council, that sounds like the type of thing that will get us into trouble,” T-Bone regressed back into a worrywart.
“What they gonna do? Throw us in the Pit? I just escaped from it. Besides, that’s why you have the leverage, so you don’t get thrown in jail. Had leverage on Massey and none of this ever would’ve happened . . . ignoring that I wanted it to happen, of course . . . until it blew up when Paine showed up.”
“Whoa!” Pocket got physically rocked over that one. “What do you mean Paine showed up? Also, was there something in there about confronting him?”
Jesus pointed his finger at me as a warning. “You’re about to do it.”
“Zero is kinda overly negative, Lord and Savior,” I told him. “Like T-Bone said, you got us leverage that’ll keep us out of jail. Give it to ESLED, let them deal with taking out the hidden base and all the crazy Wilders in it. That’s worth the week you just had, right? Look at you, you’re okay. Even got two new dogs out of it. And I bet you two had some great gay sex in the RV to pass the time, right?”
“Was just a lot of trading shifts keeping a watch actually,” Pocket told me. “We were scared to death that they’d realize we were there. Especially once we got into Seattle. Then after that . . . well, got even worse once they found the trackers you installed. I mean, it’s not like you found time to have sex with Val while you were in the Pit, did you?”
My, that ugly brownish sky sure is interesting.
All three of them facepalmed.
Dogs might have even done it too.
“In my defense, it wasn’t in the Pit. It was in the Geo Realm,” I told them.
“So much better,” Jesus deadpanned. “I told you we should’ve relaxed a bit more. Especially on the way back here.”
“You always want to relax,” Pocket complained.
“So, Paine is in Seattle?” T-Bone interrupted before we got to hear more about Pocket and Jesus’ love life. Suppose he figured hearing about mine was bad enough already.
“Vancouver Island,” Jesus also didn’t want to talk about his own love life. “Defunct logging mill. Big area that looks abandoned, but it’s fenced off and there’s plenty of cameras ringed around it. Animals nearby know a bunch of humans live inside and said that there are strange screams that come from the area.”
“Also had a floro-concentrate warn me away from it, even wrote in its bark about how the Broken One was stealing away nature anima,” Pocket added. “Think we call that a clue.”
“Floro-concentrates . . . is that where dryad myths come from?” T-Bone asked an intellectual question that had absolutely nothing to do with what we needed to know. Problem with good students is they never know when to shut up and listen.
“Sounds like the place,” I interrupted before we got dragged into some info dump on the difference between dryads and nymphs. “Good to know. Thanks for risking your life to find it. Your service is appreciated. Don’t have a medal to give you or I would. As is . . . all I got is some more shit for you two to jump into.”
“How bad was it?” Pocket asked, concerned.
“Paine broke into the Pit to have a talk with me,” I told him.
“Not even the worst part,” T-Bone warned them before they could react.
“He’s got Susan.”
“Susan? Your sister? That Susan?” Pocket gasped.
“Still not the worst part,” T-Bone warned again.
“Today we’re gathering everyone together, then tomorrow we’re heading out to do a trade with him,” I told what felt like another story I was tired of telling, even if was small compared to all the secrets I’d shed in the last week. “Susan for the World-Breaker.”
“Still not the worst part,
” T-Bone kept on going.
“How can it get worse than that mala suerte?” Jesus goggled at us.
“Odds are he’s gonna kill me, trade or no trade.”
“That’s the worst part,” T-Bone decided
“Which is why he ain’t coming out on top. We’re tricking him. Gonna give him a fake World-Breaker, grab Susan, and fight our way out of there,” I laid out the bare bones of the plan. “Tell you more about it, but I got to get back to finishing the fake in question. So . . . T-Bone, all yours, man. Tell ‘em everything. As much as you want. Just keep it from Ceinwyn until I say so. Also, send some food down when Vicky gets back with lunch, okay? Whenever she figures out how to order takeout from the restaurant that is.”
“What?” T-Bone squeaked.
Pocket and Jesus looked at him expectantly.
“Uh . . .”
Me, I headed for the door of the Nerd Nirvana.
“See, he did fucking do it,” Jesus growled. “All that we did and he doesn’t even wait around for us to tell him about it. Plus El Rey goes and tops us . . . what a puta. It’s just like school! Now Boomworm’s back too . . . so annoying.”
“You’re just grumpy because we haven’t had sex in a week,” Pocket told him.
“Of course I am! Why aren’t you?”
Pocket considered this. “Good point . . . race you to the RV?”
“What about learning about Paine and Susan?” T-Bone asked, confused in his abandonment.
“It can wait!” both Pocket and Jesus yelled before they started running back towards the RV. Hopefully to a section that didn’t have a window, or else Detective Ribera was about to get a hell of a show.
“I haven’t had that much sex either, you know!” T-Bone yelled after them. “Just once a day . . . that’s way under our average . . . not that anyone is worried about my libido. Oh God, they left the dogs behind . . . you don’t have rabies, do you?”
Session 177
Interruption Number Three.
Not the best pair of legs I’ve ever seen, but I did happen to like the ones that appeared on my ladder.
The Pit of No Return (The King Henry Tapes Book 6) Page 64