Trade Off

by Cheryl Douglas

  “I want to sell real estate.” Just saying the words gave her a sense of peace. “I don’t want to be anyone’s boss or their mentor. If I can show someone the ropes and help them navigate their course, great, but I want to do it because I choose to, not because I have to.”

  “Finally,” Sharon said, smiling. “I never thought you’d admit it was time to let go of that goddamn ball and chain.”

  Sela took a deep cleansing breath and she suddenly felt the peace of making the right decision wash over her. “It’s the right thing to do. I’ll call a meeting with my team Monday morning, give my landlord notice, and try and find another agency willing to take me on.”

  “Are you kidding? They’ll all be beating down your door when they find out you’re available.”

  Real estate was a cutthroat business and everyone knew Sela’s reputation as a closer. That meant she could have her pick of agencies. “I think this is the right call.” She reached for her friend’s hand. “Thanks for helping me see that.”

  “What about Aiden? Have you decided what you’re going to do about him?”

  Sela was finally starting to see herself the way her friend and the rest of the world saw her. She had been at the top of her game before she let this business bring her down. She earned a good living, winning accolades and recognition for her accomplishments long before she decided to open her own agency. There was no reason to believe she couldn’t go back to doing just that. “Now that I have a plan, I feel better about where we’re going.”

  “Okay, I’m dying to know, are you gonna move in with him?”

  “No, not yet. I meant what I said. I think I still need some time on my own. Maybe by the end of his season I’ll be ready to make that kind of commitment.”

  “You think he’ll be okay with that?”

  Sela couldn’t even let herself consider the alternative, not when they’d come this far. “I can only hope.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Aiden was grateful that his teammates could carry his dead weight tonight, because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get his head back in the game after the first intermission. He’d seen Ryan and his sister hanging around outside the dressing room, and Brianna told him that Sela was watching the game with them in his box.

  He couldn’t help but wonder whether that meant she’d had a change of heart about taking their relationship to the next level. Not seeing her this week was torture, but he tried to give her cause to miss him, hoping the distance would make her come to her senses and realize there was no justifiable reason for them to spend even one more night apart.

  His parents were hosting a get-together at their house after the game, and he promised he’d stop by, although he just wanted to go home and wash away the bitter memory of the worst opening game he’d had since he went pro. Being so close to a reunion with Sela was messing with his mind even more than the years when he knew she was off limits because of her marriage to another man.

  He took a deep breath and turned the doorknob. He recognized many of the cars lining the large circular drive. Trey, Luc, Ty, and J.T. were all present and accounted for, and Brianna had told him their brothers would be there with their families too. Normally, he looked forward to catching up with everyone, but too many sleepless nights because of Sela, coupled with the stress of trying to find his groove with his new team, was taking its toll on him.

  “Hey, there he is,” Trey said, wrapping an arm around his neck and drawing him into a hug. “The man of the hour. You guys played a great game tonight, kid. Congrats.”

  “The rest of the guys may have played a great game. Too bad I can’t say the same.” He didn’t expect every game to be the best of his career, but he was disappointed in his showing tonight. He should be able to set his personal problems aside for the sake of his team. The fact that he hadn’t wasn’t fair to them or the fans who counted on him to lead their team to the playoffs.

  “You’re bein’ too hard on yourself, buddy.” Trey tipped his cowboy hat back on his head. “It’ll take some time for y’all to gel as a team. Give it a few more games and it’ll feel like you’ve been playin’ together forever.”

  “I sure hope you’re right.” Aiden sighed. “I can’t afford to screw this up.” Trey was one of his father’s best friends, and he was married to Aiden’s Aunt Sierra, which had made him someone Aiden could always count on growing up.

  “It’s not like you to second guess yourself, boy. You wanna talk about it?”

  Aiden could hear the sound of voices and laughter coming from the basement. Everyone was undoubtedly playing pool or video games while Josh doled out the drinks at the bar. He could even hear the faint strumming of an acoustic guitar. Ty or one of their other friends must have been conned into putting on a show for the group.

  “I don’t wanna lay my problems on you.”

  Trey had a scowl on his face as he led him down the hall. He opened the door to Josh’s office and flipped the light switch to illuminate the cozy room with wood paneling and a wood burning fireplace.

  A fire glowed in the hearth now, and it reminded Aiden of all the nights he and his father spent in this room working out his problems. One of the last times they’d retired to this room, Aiden was trying to decide whether leaving Nashville and Sela was the right call. His father encouraged him to follow his passion so he wouldn’t live with regret. If either one of them had a crystal ball that night, they would have known that leaving Sela would turn out to be the biggest regret of his life.

  “Sit down,” Trey said, pointing to one of the armchairs in front of the fire. “Tell me what’s been goin’ on with you. We haven’t had much time to talk since you got back to town.”

  “I’m sorry about that. I kept meanin’ to stop by, but I got busy with trainin’ camp, and—”

  “Don’t tell me, tell your Aunt Sierra. She’s the one who’s been gripin’ about it.” He grinned as he settled into the chair across from Aiden. “I’m just bustin’ your chops. We know you’re busy. How’s the new house?”

  “Good. Great.” He didn’t know who he was trying to convince, his uncle or himself. “Empty.”

  Trey laughed. “Man, I can relate to that. When your aunt divorced me years ago, I rattled around in that big ol’ house by myself wonderin’ how I was gonna get through another day.”

  “That house was built for a family, not a single guy like me.” When he and Sela looked at it, it had seemed perfect, but now that he lived there, he walked by all of those empty bedrooms and wondered whether he was ever going to fill them with children. If he held out hope for a future with Sela, that may never happen, but the possibility of moving on with any other woman wasn’t even an option for him. She was the only one he wanted.

  “You ever think about settlin’ down?” Trey asked, crossing one leg over his knee.

  “Sure, but it’s not that easy.”

  “Come on, a guy like you must have women all over him, all the damn time.”

  “Not the right women, or should I say woman.”

  Trey chuckled. “That’s what I thought. Your head wasn’t in the game tonight ‘cause there was a certain little lady on your mind. Sela, am I right?”

  Aiden winced. “Am I that transparent?”

  “Only to someone who knows you as well as I do.” He smiled. “That, and the fact that she’s here.”

  “What? Sela’s here? Why the hell didn’t you tell me that? I need to talk to her.”

  Trey reached for his arm when he stood up. “Can you just gimme a minute before you do that?”

  Trey was always the guy he’d go to on the rare occasions when he couldn’t talk to his dad about something. He would never disrespect him by refusing to listen to his opinion, not after all the times Trey came through for him with advice that saved him a lot of heartache.

  “Okay.” Aiden eased back in the chair and waited for his uncle to say his piece.

  “You mind if I give you a little advice?”

  “Of course no
t. You can say anything to me, you know that.”

  “Tread lightly with Sela.” He took his cowboy hat off and set it on his knee. “She’s been through a lot and she’s got to figure some things out. Give her the time and space to do that and she’ll come around to your way of thinkin’.”

  “How do you know?”

  “We had a nice long talk earlier.”

  Sela was a permanent fixture around his house growing up, which meant she’d become close with all of his family and extended family. She was a huge fan of his Uncle Trey’s music and she was always the first one to beg him to sing a song at a gathering like this one. Trey adored her, so he had no problem granting her request, time after time.

  “What did she have to say?”

  “She said she married the wrong man and she’s been feelin’ guilty about some of the choices she’s made.”

  “That’s just it. I don’t wanna waste any more time on guilt or regret. I just want us to move on with our lives together.”

  Trey laced his hands behind his head and stared at Aiden a long time before he said, “I felt the same way when I was tryin’ to convince your aunt to take me back. I wanted to put the past behind us and move on, but it wasn’t that easy. We couldn’t just pretend nothin’ had happened. A lot happened, and it took us years to get past it.”

  Aiden hadn’t even been born when his aunt and uncle split, so imagining a time when they hadn’t been together was difficult for him. Anyone who knew them could see how much they loved each other. It was difficult to even conceive of anything or anyone coming between them. “Really?”

  “Yeah, I wanted to just pick up where we left off, but Sierra couldn’t do that. It took a long time for me to regain her trust.” As though Trey could read his mind, he said, “That’s the funny thing about trust. You can lose someone’s trust in an instant, because of one stupid mistake, but it can take years to get it back.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  “You and I had a lot of good talks about your decision to move up to Canada. I know how torn you were.”

  “It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made.”

  “I know that. And I know how devastated you were when she married Michaels.”

  Aiden dropped his head into his hands. He knew everything Trey said made sense, but he couldn’t remain stuck in this limbo forever. One way or the other, he and Sela had to make some decisions about their future. “I hear what you’re sayin’, but—”

  Trey held his hand up. “Listen to me, I know you want to be with her, that’s obvious, but you’ve got to think about what’s best for her. She just got out of a marriage, don’t forget that.”

  “How could I?” Aiden muttered.

  “My point is, isn’t bein’ with her better than not bein’ with her?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “For the past eight years, the woman you love has been another man’s wife. I know that must’ve torn you up inside.”

  “You have no idea.”

  “Well, she’s not anymore. She may not be ready for the kind of commitment you’re lookin’ for, but it sounds to me like she wants to be with you. Why can’t that be enough for you?”

  Deep down, Aiden was scared that if they weren’t in a committed relationship, it would be too easy for her to walk away from him again. He wanted to give her a good reason to fight for them again, and putting a ring on her finger seemed like the best way to give them a fighting chance at forever. “I just want what we should have had years ago, what we were robbed of.”

  “You weren’t robbed of anything. You made a choice. You chose to go to Vancouver and pursue a professional hockey career. No one ever promised you that you could have it all.”

  Aiden counted on Trey to be blunt with him even when the truth hurt, but tonight he needed his support more than brutal honesty. “She promised me I could have it all. She told me she loved me, that she would never leave me.”

  “Ah, so that’s what this is all about.” Trey shook his head. “You think by rushin’ her down the aisle, you’re gonna prevent her from breakin’ another promise to you, is that it?”

  Aiden hated to admit that was his strategy, but he couldn’t lie to Trey even if he wanted to. He knew he’d be able to see right through him. “Can you blame me, given everything that’s happened with that girl?”

  “Why would you want to marry someone if you don’t trust that they’re in it for the long haul, kid?”

  It hurt him to admit that he felt he had to resort to drastic measures to keep her, but the thought of losing her again wasn’t an option. “I don’t know what the hell to do. I love her. I need her.” He may not be able to admit that to anyone else, not even his own father, but knowing Trey had been where he was made it easier for him to confide in his uncle. “I can’t lose her again.”

  “Then don’t try holdin’ on to her so damn tight. That’s a sure-fire way to scare her away.”

  Aiden released a shaky breath. That was the last thing he wanted to do. If Trey was right, he needed to figure out how to let go. He just prayed if he found the courage to set her free, she’d find her way back to him one last time.

  Sela was trying to enjoy Ty’s soothing ballad, but it wasn’t easy when her thoughts kept drifting to Aiden. She’d expected him to make an appearance by now. She was anxious to talk to him, to try to come to a truce so they could move forward and try to rebuild their relationship.

  Someone came up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She’d hoped to see Aiden, but it was Trey smiling down at her.

  “There’s someone in Josh’s office who’d like to have a word with you.”

  “Thanks, Trey.”

  He winked. “Good luck, darlin’. I hope you two find a way to work it out.” He reached out to grab her arm when she headed for the stairs. “Don’t ever doubt how much he loves you, Sela.”

  She let Trey’s words sink in as she made her way up the winding staircase. In spite of her vow to put the past behind her, moments like these, when the guilt resurfaced, reminded her that she had done nothing to deserve his love. Nor did she have the right to expect his patience and understanding.

  Sela tapped on the door and waited for Aiden’s response before she turned the knob. He was bent over with his back to the door, stoking the fire, and he looked so sexy in the glow of the firelight that her breath caught in her throat. Did she really have the courage to stand her ground when thousands of women out there would gladly trade places with her in a heartbeat?

  “Come on in,” he said over his shoulder. “We need to talk.”

  Something in the way he issued the quiet command had her gut clenching. She didn’t want to lose their last chance at forever, but she couldn’t bear to disappoint him again either. When she agreed to be his wife, she wanted to be certain that she could promise him an eternity of love and laughter, because he deserved nothing less.

  She sat on the edge of the two-seater sofa and waited for him to join her. The room was small and cozy with rich, hand carved wood panels decorating the walls. The perfect place for an intimate conversation about the future, if only she had reason to be optimistic.

  He sat down beside her, angling his arm along the top of the cushions. “I’ve thought a lot about what you said. In fact, I haven’t thought about much else this week.” He scowled. “You could probably tell that, given my performance tonight.”

  She touched his knee, desperate to rekindle the connection they’d always shared. In spite of the warmth in the room, there was a chill in the air, radiating from him. “I thought you were great.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Spare me the false praise. I know when I suck.”

  “I know you didn’t call me in here to talk about hockey, Aiden.”

  “No, I didn’t.” He took a deep breath as he glanced at the flames flickering against the glass pane. “I need to know where we go from here.”

  She knew she could put his mind at ease by telling him what he wanted to hear,
but that wouldn’t be fair to either one of them. “I’ve decided it’s time for me to close my business.”

  He looked surprised by her announcement as he inched back on the cushion to face her. “Why would you want to do that? You love what you do.”

  “There are parts of it that I love and parts that I hate. If I joined another agency, it would allow me to do what I enjoy the most, without having to worry about the other stuff.”

  He nodded. “I guess that makes sense. It’s a big decision though. Are you sure that’s what you want? You’ve got a lot goin’ on right now, with the divorce and all. Maybe you should take a bit more time to think about it before you decide.”

  “It’s what I need to do.” She removed her hand from his leg when it became apparent he wasn’t planning to reciprocate. “I haven’t been happy for a long time, and that’s my fault. I can’t blame Neil or my marriage. It’s all on me.”

  “I don’t know that I agree with that. I think if you’d married the right man, you’d have been a hell of a lot happier.” He smiled, and she finally felt like she could breathe again. “Of course, I’ll admit to bein’ a little biased.”

  “You’re probably right, but we can’t go back, can we?”

  “No,” he said, quietly. “As much as I’d like to rewrite history, we can’t do that.”

  “What we can do is build a better, stronger, healthier relationship than we had before.”

  He smiled as he stroked her cheek with his index finger. “I like the sound of that. Go on.”

  “Well, I think closing the business will relieve a lot of the stress I’ve been feeling. It will also free up time for me to pursue other things.”

  He shifted closer. “Like?”

  “Well, you and I could spend more time together, when you’re in town, that is.”

  He kissed her lips gently, tentatively. “Go on.”

  “And it would give me time for other things, like painting.”

  “I always thought it was a damn shame you let a talent like that go to waste.”