I narrow my eyes, my jaw dropping again for the millionth time today. “How did you know I was with him?”
“I feel him on you . . . everywhere. Did you spend an entire night with him?” His grip on the steering wheel tightens.
“Why?”
“Just answer me, Alexandria.”
“It’s my business, Felix. I don’t have to.”
He glares at me for a brief moment then pulls into an abandoned parking lot. He parks in a screech then immediately pulls me in and crushes his lips against mine. I gasp from the urgency and force from his smooth lips. They feel nice, he smells nice. He pulls his mouth away from mine but his hand is still wrapped around the back of my neck and his arm is hooked around my waist.
“Do you not realize how bad I want you, how bad I crave for you every second that I breathe? He isn’t the only one that cares for you, Alexandria. I want you to be mine,” he says gruffly.
“I’m not anybody’s,” I breathe as the heat of his lips remains close. It’s a pleasant sensation having him this close but I know I should break it off. I know I should just end this right now.
“There is no way that I am letting him win you over without a fight. I don’t care if he’s your mate. We can always change that. There will be a lot of drama involved, but I don’t care. I’ll deal with the drama if it means that I will get to live the rest of my life with you.”
“Felix, I don’t want to be the mate of anyone. I don’t want to choose. This is hard for me.”
“It’s hard because you don’t let yourself think. He’s manipulating you. He may love you, but what does he have to offer? A piece of art?” he scoffs. “Stacy can always show you how to spread your wings. There are options, Alexandria. He isn’t your only one. He just wants you to believe he is.” He pulls away with a sigh. We both sit in silence for a while as we slouch against the leather seats. Run for Your Life by The Fray plays softly. Are they telling me to run? Who should I choose to run with? I’m not really sure. I thought it was Jules. What we’d shared last night was amazing . . . something that I’ve never experienced before. And I want it to happen again but I also want Felix. Why is this so hard?
“Why do you want me so badly, Felix?” I finally ask.
He turns to glance at me before tearing his gaze away. “When I saw you, I felt something powerful—something that I’ve never felt for any other woman that I’ve dated. I knew there was another Guardian Angel around the complex besides Braxton and Stacy but I thought it would be a male. But when I saw you, I fell. Hard.” He reaches for my hand while letting out a calm sigh. “I’ve never had feelings this strong for anyone. With you, it’s different. I think about you constantly. I’m not sure if it’s because you are powerful and can possess that kind of feeling, or if it’s just because of how beautiful you are but either way, Alexandria, I’m stuck. And I’m not giving up.”
“But I don’t understand, Felix. You know about the Mate Connection. I have no choice but to be with Jules. I have to stick by his side and leave you alone or he’ll die.”
He pulls his hand away from mine. “Is that what you want? To leave me alone?”
I pause, choking on the words that were about to escape my lips. I wanted to say no—to tell him that I wish I could have them both, but I can’t. We both know that I can’t.
He huffs heavily as he stares through the windshield with defeated features. “I understand now, Alexandria.” He puts the car in drive then pulls out of the parking lot without another word or even another look at me.
What do I say? I don’t want him to be hurt over this. I hate this feeling. He’s going to hate me forever. The atmosphere in the car depresses and I try my hardest to find the right words to say to let him know that I do like him, that I do care for him, but I know that will just make things worse and make him fight harder. More songs by The Fray play and I really wish he would just turn them off. They are a great band but I only listen to them when I feel emotional. And right now, all I want to do is cry in a pillow.
I side-glance at him and his features are lacking their hardness. They aren’t solid anymore. He’s hurt. Oh, goodness. I’ve hurt him! Felix Wells, the hot architect? It doesn’t even seem realistic. He can have anyone that he wants . . . but he wants me.
He finally pulls into the parking lot of my complex but he doesn’t put the car in park. “I guess . . . have a good day. I’m not sure when I will speak with you again,” he sighs.
“Felix, I’m—I’m sorry,” I say, reaching for his hand but he pulls away slowly to place his hand on the steering wheel.
“It’s alright, Alexandria. I understand. Just know that if you need anything, I’ll be here for you to call on.” He forces a smile but it doesn’t meet his eyes. His eyes aren’t happy. They’re bothered . . . because of me.
I nod slowly before opening the door. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know how to make him feel better. I’m sure there is no way of making him feel better unless I tell him that I want to be with him. But I can’t. The nightmare that I had about Jules may happen and I can’t let him go through that. I feel like I owe Jules way more than I owe Felix and I can’t sit here and pretend that I don’t care for my mate. I can’t afford to have Jules dying because of me. I will feel guilty for the rest of my life. And the thing with Jules is that it’s not just guilt. I really like him. We’ve bonded a lot these past few weeks.
“Goodbye, Felix,” I say softly before shutting the door. I trail up to my apartment but listen as he pulls out of the parking lot slowly. My heart clutches and a pang of guilt takes over me but I keep my composure by shutting my eyes briefly before pulling my key out to unlock the door. I take slow, deep breaths but as I reach for the door, my hands shake. I’m trembling, shaking all over. What will he do now? What have I done? Is this really what I want? Maybe I should hurry off to London with Jules and forget about everything that has just happened. After all, what do I have to lose? What is there to stay for anymore? Jules can take care of me more than my own brother can and he’s right, Liam needs to learn how to deal with his own shit.
Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. I stick the key in and make my way to my room immediately. I hear the shower running so Liam must be home. I’ll deal with him later. After I make this call. After I do what’s best.
I reach for my Blackberry and immediately scroll through my contacts for Jules’ number. He answers after the first ring.
“Alexandria? Are you alright?” That’s how he answers, rather than saying hello like any normal person would.
“Yeah. Fine,” I breathe.
“What happened? I felt you worrying. What’s bothering you?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to tell you that we should go to London before two months. I don’t want to wait around anymore. I just want to leave.”
He pauses and the line goes silent for a few seconds. “Is it Felix? What happened?”
“I um—I told him that I’ve chosen you.”
He sighs, a breath of relief. “Well if you want to leave soon, I can arrange that. When do you want to go?”
“Next week . . . if possible.”
“Next week? Alexandria—”
“Jules, I have to get out of here. You don’t understand how bad all of this is tearing me apart. I need a new start and the longer I stay here, the harder it will be for me to let go of it. We need to do it now—while I’m ready because I’m sure that in two months, I won’t want to go anymore. He’ll just keep showing up.”
He pauses again with another sigh. “Alexandria, you’re running away from your problems. We can leave next week but you have to settle them or they’ll continue to haunt you, no matter how hard you try to run away. Trust me, I’ve been there. And I know better than to do it again.”
I slump down on my bed. Tears prick at my eyes but I refuse to cry. I won’t. Not now. This isn’t the worst that I’ve been through. But it is the hardest feeling to get over.
“Don’t cry. I feel it. Stop it,” he scol
ds. I never knew that anyone’s voice could be as intimidating as his is through the phone. “Look, I’ll let you think about it. I’ll give you time to deal with whatever it is that you’re going through. We will leave when you want, but I want you to drop all of the weight that is on your shoulders because when we go there, it will be even more stressful and you will only continue to add on more weight. You don’t need the stress. You don’t need any worries. So settle it. I’ll see if I can find us some plane tickets.”
“Okay,” I manage to say, trying my hardest not to cry from his mini lecture but I can feel the sobs and tears building up.
“Good girl. Have a lovely day, Alexandria. And remember, I love you. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters.” The call ends but my heart continues to flutter from his words. I always forget that he loves me. He cares for me and he’s right. I don’t need this weight on my shoulders. I shouldn’t be caring so much. I should just live my life. I know that Jules is the right choice and no matter how much I like Felix, I like Jules more because he understands me more than anyone else in this world.
But my body doesn’t seem to care because I toss my phone to the side, reach for one of my pillows, and cry into it until I fall asleep.
NIGHTMARES
The hardest part about what happened between Felix and I yesterday was the fact that I had to let him go like that. In his eyes, there was something there that I had never seen. It hurt me, woke me up in the middle of the night in cold sweat. My skin was so sticky that I had to push my blankets away, strip out of all of my clothes, and open up a window to let the cool New York breeze come in. My room was hot, and I felt like garbage. His eyes haunted me in my sleep. They were glowing, watching me. Sometimes the eyes would form into him, show his beautiful face and his lips would appear and kiss me. And every time that he’d kiss me, there was a need, a desire.
I’d even had a nightmare about Jules—how he’d lost me and couldn’t find me. But the dream was so realistic, so scary. I was walking through a cluster of large trees and at first I was seeing everything through his eyes, calling for myself. His voice was husky, gravelly. He was out of breath and every turn was a dead end. But then I would turn into myself. It started off by giggling, laughing, and following a bright red light with a few old friends. I don’t remember who they were but the red light grew brighter and brighter the closer that we got. We weren’t afraid of it, though. We wanted to see what it was. But as we’d gotten even closer, the cool air became thick and clammy. The friends that I was following kept giggling and going towards it but I stopped because something felt extremely wrong.
I could feel the negativity. I could sense that things were about to turn bad and that something terrible was waiting to take place. I glanced back up again but the girls that I was following were gone. They weren’t ahead of me. I called for them, yelled, screamed, and told them that if they were joking or playing a prank, to stop because it wasn’t funny. But they weren’t joking because as I took a few more steps ahead, they were trapped in the arms of Hellions.
The Hellions were huge—bigger than they were at the art museum. The girls tried to scream and get out of their massive arms and suddenly I had the urge to defend and fight for them. My hands glowed bright lavender, I felt my eyes getting hotter and my body boiling above the normal body temperature. I felt something poke at the shoulder blades of my back and suddenly I swooped forward with a pair of radiant lavender wings. But I didn’t make it too far across because I was kicked down; all of the breath had been knocked out of me. The smell of moss thickened and filled my senses as I landed face-first on the cold, wet ground. My radiance had faded and someone had jerked me up into their arms. They were squeezing me tight and I felt like I was getting weaker—like all of the power was being drained right out of me. I couldn’t see their face, it was too dark, but they were really tall—not buff enough to be a Hellion—and their eyes weren’t red, they were glowing an icy, eerie hazel.
After I saw the eyes glaring at me, that’s when I would wake up breaking out in cold, sticky sweat. They were familiar eyes. They were a familiar icy color that I had seen once before. I tried to say that it was just a dream—that it was just a nightmare and my mind was playing tricks on me—but it was all too real. I could feel everything. The heat radiating from my body, the prickling in my eyes, the glow of my hands, the wings shooting out of my back, and the weakness right after.
It was all so sudden, all so drastic. And maybe all of it had really happened.
****
After lying around, debating on whether I should ignore the nightmare that I had last night, I decided that I couldn’t. I was too worked up and too anxious for answers. And I knew exactly who I was going to get them from.
I clamber down the stairs of my apartment complex until I reach Braxton and Stacy’s door. I knock as the sound of music and shuffling comes from inside. “Just a minute!” Braxton calls over the music.
He finally comes to the door and swings it open; the music stopped sometime between. Wet and dry paint of various colors is all over him. He even has paint in his hair. His cheeks spread to reveal a wide grin. “’Ello!” he beams.
“Hi,” I say softly, forcing a smile. “Are you busy?”
He nods slowly, sensing the worry in my eyes. His grin fades but his face is still welcoming. “Well I was just in the middle of painting, but it can wait for a moment. Please, come in,” he insists, stepping back to let me in.
I step into the heat of his home and glance around. There is plastic white paper all over the carpet and on the center of their living room floor is a large sheet of white paper with different strokes and colors on it. Most of the colors are girly colors like pink and purple but there is a hint of blue as well. “I’m making this for Stacy. I wanted to apologize for my behavior a few days ago.” He gives a shame-filled smile as he pushes his hair away from his forehead with his forearm.
“It looks great. I’m sure she’ll love it,” I say, still observing it. It looks like it could pass for a butterfly but with more detail and depth. It really is beautiful.
“So, can I give you a spot of tea or anything?” He points his thumb in the direction of the kitchen.
“No, thank you. I won’t be here long.”
“Well, alright. What is it that you’re here for?”
“I wanted to talk to you . . . about Felix,” I say, slowly.
He frowns curiously. “Felix? What about him?”
“Well, I was wondering if you could give me some information on his past—something that will let me know more about him.”
His face pinches as he eyes me. He scratches at a dry flake of pink paint on his arm before he returns his gaze to me. “I don’t really like talking about Felix unless he wants me to. His stories aren’t mine to tell.”
“Braxton, please. I really need to know more about him soon.”
“Why? What is the rush?”
I sigh and debate on whether I should tell him. Braxton has a huge mouth and I know he’ll tell Felix as soon as I leave. But if it will help me gain more information . . . “I’m leaving for London next week. I’m going to be staying there for a few months.”
“Ah, going to retrieve your wings?” He grins.
I nod.
“Who are you going over there with?”
“Jules.”
His eyes widen. “Ah, Jules. Now I see,” he says calmly, not much of the reaction that I was expecting. “Let’s have a seat at the table. I’ll tell you all that I know.” He leads the way to his left until we meet the dining room. He sits at the end of the table and I sit across from him. “You know, I respect Jules. Not many Angels would go through the hassle of making their mates remember. Most Guardian Angels crave for a new start because we hardly get a choice at anything.” He folds his arms with a smug smile.
“How do you know about my memory loss?” I ask quickly, frowning.
“All of the Guardians know now. There was a trial that we had to attend and Jul
es was the one being interrogated.”
“Where was it?”
“Washington,” he says simply.
“Oh,” I mutter. I can’t believe he’s put himself through all of this and still wants to be with me.
“Yeah. A lot of the Guardians consider him some sort of hero for keeping track of his mate but the Leaders aren’t buying the heroic bull crap. They are still angry with him for hiding it for so long.”
“Wow.”
He chuckles but I lift up and prepare to speak about what I’ve really come here for. I didn’t come to speak about my mate. I came to speak about Felix. “So, about Felix . . .”
His eyes darken. “What do you want to know about him?”
“Is he really your brother? I find it kind of hard to believe now since you’re a Guardian and he’s a Fallen.”
“We aren’t full brothers. Just half,” he says gruffly. “My father had an affair with Felix’s mum while he was married to mine. He fancied another woman. Coincidentally, they both ended up pregnant around the same time. But I think the bastard planned it to happen that way.”
I jolt from his harsh words. Why is he speaking of his father so negatively? Felix seemed to love talking about their dad. “How could he plan it? Why would he?” I prod.
“Well, our father was half Fallen, half Guardian. But he liked to choose the easier side of life so he chose to act as a Fallen Angel. Even before I was born, he knew I was a Guardian and Felix was a Fallen. He had to.” I hold back on a gasp. “I am a descendant of a Fallen Angel”. Felix’s words chime in my head, hitting every wall of my brain. I never knew what it’d meant. I’d just assumed that he was born and chosen to be one. “My father wanted to be one the most powerful Fallen Angels known to both Guardian and Fallen Angels. That’s part of the reason why Wells and Son Incorporated is so big and so expensive.
“But as soon as I was born, my father wanted nothing to do with me. He treated Felix like more of his son than me. I remember him telling me that I would be of no use to him—that I was just as worthless as the other Guardians that save lives. I told my mum what he’d said and she immediately found him and flipped on him. But now I regret telling her because after their fight, my mum disappeared. And I knew that bastard had something to do with it.
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