“Are you going to tell us what happened?” asks Neely.
“I guess I finally snapped. We were at our diary scheduled brunch,” I say refusing to hide the annoyance in my tone, “And I just had enough of pretending, enough of the lies and I’d made up my mind I was going to tell my parents. Anyway, I needed a breather and he followed me, laying it on about getting my shit together. His interest in me didn’t last long because Claire came in sight and he dumped me metaphorically so I went back to the parents and dumped him, literally, in the shit.”
They’re all looking at me in amazement, even Flo, who suspected that I’d done something radical. I’d led all my friends to think I was happy with the status quo. It was easier to do that and express contentment than share my feelings.
“Listen, it’s been a long day and I know tomorrow will be just as long, I’m going to head to bed.” I don’t wait for them to say anything, I simply turn and head for my room. I’ve no idea whether they will leave but I don’t think they will. I’m starting to feel the numbness my shield usually affords me, crack and wither and I refuse to break down in front of my friends. If they see me fall apart they definitely won’t leave then, keeping my tough exterior in place will get me the space I’m craving.
I shrug out of my clothes and leave them in a heap on the floor, grabbing a nightgown from my closet. I head in to the bathroom and go about my business making the conscious decision not to look in the mirror. I don’t like the ice princess, we aren’t really friends but right now, she’s a necessity. It hurts to have her back in play when I’d made the decision to let new Lottie come out.
Never mind something else I have to get over, because needs must.
I switch the lights out and plunge the room into darkness. I climb in bed feeling aggravated that I can darken the room but not my mind because the film roll is playing again. It’s showing me everything I’ve done over the years with my parents, all the good times and the bad and they both hurt the same as each other.
Oh my fucking God, I’m all alone and I have no family.
I’ve often made the choice to be alone, but that was a choice. That was because I knew they would always be there for me, like a fucking safety blanket.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sobbing into my pillow, but the sorrow and grief I’m feeling are so profound that I don’t notice my soul sisters climb into bed with me, until their comfort and solace starts to soothe my heart.
The four of us hug in my bed, we’re all crying and the unspoken meaning behind their actions is the reason they’re here. I was a fool to think I could survive this night on my own and I’m so grateful that they’re here with me, but I have no idea how to tell them this.
How do you repay honest love and kindness? No fucker taught me that along the way, I’ve just been trying to mimic what these girls do with their families and hope for the best. No one lets go of me as my sobbing continues and I’ve no idea how long it lasts for, but eventually exhaustion takes over and sleep finally wins.
The morning after is like one of those funny hang over movie scenes, what’s happened? Why are the girls here? For that brief second I forget everything that took place yesterday and then I remember. I was so distraught and they were here for me, my girls stayed and tried to keep me whole as I fell apart.
Flo is asleep in the bed beside me so I start to move carefully because I don’t want to wake her up. Unfortunately I manage to stand on an arm as I put my feet on the floor, the limb is attached to Neely, who has fashioned a bed out of cushions and spare bedding. A tiny bit of ice thaws around my heart because my best friend slept on the floor so she could be near me if I needed her.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“How are you?” asks Flo rubbing her eyes, coming to her senses.
“Uncertain at the moment, I’ll see how things look and feel after coffee.” Heading to the living area of my place, I see Dolly is folding up spare bedding in the lounge. “I guess you won at rock paper scissors and got the sofa gig, double bonus though, no crying people in here.” She gives me a forlorn look but she knows the ice princess is feeling out her defence mode.
Over coffee we try and discuss a plan of attack but I’m distracted, I can see the flashing red light of my answering machine is bothering me. I know what those messages will contain and in any language, red always equals danger.
“I’ll listen to those later for you if you like,” suggests Flo.
“No, I have a better idea,” I tell her, striding over to the machine and pressing a few buttons until the robotic voice tells me all my messages have been erased. “That takes care of the fake sympathy shit.” So now it appears the ice princess has changed modes and is operating with that of, take no prisoners.
“I hate to ask this, but do you want to go to the hospital, to um... say goodbye to your mom and dad?” asks Flo cautiously.
“I honestly have no idea what’s expected of me and what the fuck I’m supposed to do.”
My sisters all look at me and then each other, until Dolly takes charge and makes a phone call. “Barbara, we need you...we’re at Lottie’s... Ok bye.” It was a smart move, Barbara is Dolly’s foster mom and is probably the best person to call, she’ll know what to do and help us with whatever the fuck it is we need help with. I know that she cares for me because I could always see her looking at me with concern over the years, Barbara will not let me down.
Within the hour Barbara is knocking at my front door. “I’ll get it,” shouts Dolly. When they don’t appear straight away my curiosity gets the better of me and I head to see what’s keeping them occupied.
“I just need to know if she’s OK,” I hear.
“Now is not the best time, she needs some space and people who actually care about her,” Dolly says in a snippy manner, she looks completely ridiculous barricading the doorway and trying to stop Oli from entering.
Once Oli registers he’s being denied access and that I’m stood watching, I hear, “I do care about her,” and he never takes his eyes off me whilst he mumbles the words in frustration.
Time for the ice princess to do what she is best at, “What do you need Oli?” Her voice level and tone reeks of total control.
“How are you? Do you need anything? I promised my mom and dad I’d drop by and see how you were.”
And there it is.
Once again he’s in my space because it’s important to someone else. It’s important that he’s seen to do the right thing in the eyes of his parents. I don’t have it in me to feel disappointed. He’s been a constant mistake in my life, he helped me cultivate feelings that were never going to be reciprocated because it suited him.
“Thank you for calling, if you could relay my thanks to your parents for asking after my welfare, I’d appreciate it. I’ll be in touch as soon as I know any... more details.”
“Lottie...”
“If you’ll excuse me I’m expecting Barbara. As you can imagine I’m not well versed in the correct protocol for becoming an orphan and having to bury your parents, not to mention the unpleasant aftermath of facing your life alone.”
“Shit, Lottie!”
I don’t hang around for his response. I need five minutes and I know the only place I will get this is in my bathroom. I have to calm myself down because I can’t be Ice princess and super bitch when Barbara does get here.
A few hours later and things don’t seem so helpless, Barbara was brilliant and she became the “grown up” rock at my side whether I wanted it or not. The elephant in the room known as Oli Hart was not an open topic for discussion and between the five of us we had a list of things that needed to be done. It was a huge relief not to be facing every aspect of it alone.
My father was always a prepared guy and he always instructed me to contact our families legal representation in the event of a problem, unfortunately this was Davis Hart, Oli’s uncle. Thankfully, Neely worked at the firm, so I asked her to make the arrangements for a meeting. It seemed that my mom and dad had
made individual funeral preparations, assuming that one would die before the other, but never did they think that I would have to take care of both of them.
Davis was full of sympathy and shock, but maintained the Hart professionalism throughout the meeting, it was agreed that Barbara would see to the arrangements as per my parents instructions. At the end of the meeting he took my hand and said, “I’ll need to see you again, we have your family estate to sort out, the real estate, company holdings and some other important matters.” I wanted to get these things out of the way as quickly as possible, but he and Barbara convinced me to wait until after the service. “You’ll always have my full support, legally and as a friend, our families have been working together for generations Charlotte, take care now.” Then he left us to it.
The day had been long and draining, they could see I was tired and I’d managed to convince the girls to give me some space, I was pretty sure that last night’s ocean of tears was the breakdown that was expected by all. I promised I would call if I needed them, but Dolly had a family to get back to and Neely and Flo needed to get back to their lives too.
After they had force fed me, I turned the TV on hoping that channel surfing would occupy my brain. It didn’t work, I knew I needed to tire my body out in the hope that my brain would follow so I made the rash decision to do something I hadn’t done in years. Jogging... outside... in public. The night was still warm and I knew fresh air was the answer.
I ran regularly, but in the comfort of a gym which was fully air conditioned and there was no danger of me looking all sweaty and haggard. I was in my territory and could socialize, be Charlotte Groves of Hawkstown.
My sneakers were laced up, my iPod was going and after grabbing my keys and locking the front door, I headed out to pound the sidewalk.
The estate where I lived (and Oli) was big enough that I’d be able to get enough decent exercise out of a couple of laps and then retreat to a shower and collapse in bed. As I completed the first pass of my house I noticed a car parked out front, it was an average sedan with a woman sitting crying in the driver’s seat. I sped up because I didn’t want to deal with anyone and not someone crying. I want emotionally resourceful enough to deal with some stranger who couldn’t hide whatever grief she was feeling. My only goal was to find the zone my body needed for effective mind numbing and this meant speed and concentration were of the essence. Getting there required the task to be given priority, so I kept going until the only thoughts that bustled around the edge of my mind were breathe in, breathe out and repeat.
Rounding the corner, I noticed the car was still parked up but the driver was no longer sitting in the car. Fucking great, now I would have to deal with the sobbing mess before I could get inside my house. Bracing to take that task on, I sprinted up my drive and noticed she was sitting on my doorstep.
Only she wasn’t sitting, she was slumped forward.
The smell of tangy iron coming from her body made me gag, I knew that smell was blood and there was a lot of it. The puddle she was sitting in was steadily growing as the fluid leaked from her wrists, draining the life from her body. I rushed to her and picked up her head up by the chin, she was barely breathing, when she managed to open her eyes and whisper, “I knew he’d leave me, I told him I wasn’t strong enough to do it without him.”
Her breathing became shallow as her eyes rolled back in her skull and she died.
This fucking stranger, this random crying woman, died, right there on my fucking doorstep.
Chapter Six
*****
Oli
My dad had pretty much commanded me to put things right with Lottie, no matter what it took, because he wasn’t prepared to admit or accept that I had sunk to such an epic scum bag low. His logic was sound, it usually was and it pissed me off for no real reason, whether we were together or not, no one should disappear from a friend’s life when they needed you, especially when they were in pain and feeling despair.
He was right.
My mom had an entirely different approach, she didn’t want people to hear that we were no longer together when I should be comforting and supporting my girlfriend. Me not doing what she considered was the right thing, was some of the reason why things were such a mess. That was my mom, family name first, people and fucking feelings second.
Shit.
I’m like my fucking mother.
I must be to put Lottie through the last fuck knows how long of keeping up our ruse, because I always told her I did it for the sake of the family dynasty.
My life could have been classed as normal up until a few days ago. Well, my kind of normal, Lottie helping me get some space, a regular hook up with Claire Michaels and I was running a successful business. I was an integral part of our community.
If people really found out what I was doing, what I had become then the town folk would be up in arms and that had the potential to destroy my business. I may not be all about the family name, but I didn’t want to undo generations of hard work and relationships that my family had built.
I had to rescue this but I couldn’t do that if the one person who could help me make this right was treating me like shit on her shoe.
Fucking Karma. You always need the person you fucked off the most.
Grabbing a beer from the refrigerator, I tried to come up with a plan. I mean, I was a successful business man, surely to fuck I could make this work.
The knock at my door raised me from my musings. I could really do without another showdown with Claire or my parents, so whoever it is could just fuck off and leave me be.
“I know you’re there Oli. Open the door.”
Shit. Flo. Nothing good could come from a visit from Flo, mainly because she didn’t just visit, Flo always arrived with a purpose.
“What can I do for you?” I asked after I’d complied with her request.
“Lottie needs you.”
“No. She made it clear that she really doesn’t.” Flo tilted her head to the side and raised her eyebrows, taunting me to continue arguing with her. “OK, I’ll play along, why does she need me?”
“Because she always needed you, you blind bastard.” On that gut punching one liner, she pushed past me and headed for the living room. It was becoming clear that she wasn’t going to leave until she’d said her piece.
“Flo, I appreciate you coming by, but I think she’s got enough stress in her life without me wading in there when she doesn’t want me to.” I knew something profound was coming, I could tell by the way she took in a huge lungful of oxygen and folded her arms under her chest. Flo was a seriously attractive woman with a great figure and enough tits and ass to complete an appealing package. Why she was single was a bit of a mystery but come to think of it, I’ve also noticed the way she looks at Sonny when she thinks no one else can see her. Add her brains and ability to deal with the high school masses to the list of attributes and some day she’ll be a great wife and an amazing mom.
I took a slug of beer and braced.
“OK Oliver Hart. What planet do you live on? I’m not sure what the point of your friendship with Lottie has really been about, but at some point she meant enough to you that you would trust her to help you with this bogus couple thing.”
“Now hang on a fucking minute, that arrangement suited us both...”
“REALLY!” she snapped, cutting me off mid sentence. “The only person who couldn’t see what was going on was you. Lottie adored you and watched you burn through girl after girl when all she really wanted was to be the girl.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it. Then repeated the same action until I was sure I had a fucking fish impression down pretty well.
Flo continued to stare at me, daring me to challenge her ridiculous theory. “I can see I’ve given you some food for thought, but here’s another one. What sort of person puts themselves through that, just to be close to you and be part of your life? What sort of person finally implodes and risks upsetting the stable life her parent’s thin
ks she’s living? Do I really need to answer for you?”
“Flo, honey, I think you’re way off here.”
“What sort of person lets you use her like you did so you could see other women and blatantly rub her nose in it?”
“You’re wrong.”
“No. I’m not. Get your head out of your ass and see what the rest of us see,” she pleads.
Before I can respond and give her more opportunity to mentally fuck me over any more, a loud thumping noise hits the door. “Oli man, open up.”
“Fuck. Did I send out invites and forget?” I mutter to myself, “Sonny, are you looking for your educational partner in crime? Please do come in and take a place in line. Flo was just about to continue her straight talking character assassination.”
“We don’t have time for that shit. I’ve just passed Lottie’s place on the way here and it’s like a god damn disaster movie. Something’s going on. There are paramedics, police cruisers, the whole fucking nine yards.”
Flo is already running out the door. The panic on her face is obvious and she’s coming to the same conclusion I am, have I really fucked up so much that Lottie would hurt herself?
My stomach pitches and rolls and I’m on the verge of puking up the beer. Sonny has sprinted after Flo and is attempting to calm her down whilst loading her in the back of his jeep. “Get a move on Oli,” he shouts as I grab my house keys and force my legs to go with them.
When we arrive at Lottie’s place I can see that Sonny was not exaggerating. It’s a circus. Neely and Dolly had got Lottie huddled up in a blanket and are guiding her back inside her house whilst Jonas and Chris are in deep conversation with the town sheriff.
Flo erupts from the back of the car and takes off up the path only to stop suddenly. I look to see what’s caught her attention and see two Paramedics hauling a body bag onto a trolley. Sonny goes to her aide and coaxes her to blank out the sight of it and go inside with the girls.
“What the fuck is going on? Why the fuck is her doorstep like a blood bath? I need answers, what the fuck has happened and who is in the body bag?” I demand from my friends and the sheriff as I join them.
Fated Love (The Soul Sisters Series Book 3) Page 5