Lottie hasn’t said a word and I’m absolutely terrified of what her reaction will be when she finally releases the self imposed clamp on her lips. I urge her forward by slightly putting my hand on her back and she steps away from me so quickly, as if my touch is causing her physical harm.
Fuck. She can’t even look at me.
“How do you like your tea?”
“Weak, milk and no sugar, thank you,” Lottie’s answer is barely audible.
“Same for me please Mrs Fray,” I say with a smile.
“Oh Mrs Fray, was my mother, call me Annie please.” We get to the kitchen and I wouldn’t describe it as messy, more like chaos on an industrial scale. Huge restaurant sized sink units and stoves are covered in dirty dishes and crockery. There are three boys and one girl having a water fight that I imagine should currently be elbow deep in suds, scrubbing pans.
“Lord above! Boys, your idea of help isn’t the same as mine. Clean yourselves up and come back later. Lacey would you mind taking Carter to play for a bit whilst I talk to our guests.”
“Sure Annie,” she smiles and grabs the young boy by the hand. They all wander out, with Carter dragging his heels staring at Lottie and in return, hers are also glued to the young boy’s.
“Tiring, but rewarding,” Annie mumbles and starts to put together our drinks. Once the tea is made we follow her to a small sitting room where she indicates for us to take a chair. “I’ve been telling Carter that you’d be by soon enough to introduce yourself. He’s struggling, well we all are, with the loss of Sophie. So tragic for the boy.”
Lottie gasps and looks at Annie, finally understanding the boy no longer has a mother either.
“Oh my, I’m sorry Charlotte, how insensitive of me. I’m sure you understand, having lost your parents as well. But, well... I’ve been trying to stay strong for him, but it’s hard though, she was my only child.” Annie starts to sniff and dab her eyes with an old fashioned handkerchief she produces from her apron pocket.
Lottie then starts to formulate the missing pieces of the puzzle as she glances at the walls beside Annie, they are covered with pictures of Carter being hugged and loved by his smiling mom, Sophie.
The girl who took her life at Lottie’s place.
I sense her beginning to get distressed, her breathing has changed just a fraction and her hands are starting to shake. In an effort to help her calm down, I reach over and cover her hands with one of mine. Once again she freezes at the contact and pointedly removes her hands from within mine.
I know I’m not imagining it, her message is crystal clear, don’t fucking touch me.
“Annie, would you mind if I went to say hello to Carter?” I bravely hear Lottie ask.
“Oh of course, silly me, he’ll be in Lacey’s room. Room fifteen on the third floor. The elevator is at the end of the corridor.”
“Thank you,” she leaves the room, smiling at Annie and completely blanking me.
“Now, you must be young Oliver Hart. Paul mentioned you’d be by at some point to look things over. I’m not really prepared for an inspection, would you be able to come back?”
“Things?” I enquire.
“The books, the business plan, the fund raising schedule. The whole kit and caboodle.”
“Of course, no trouble,” I have no idea what the fuck she is talking about.
“How about I just tell you a little bit about us to keep you going?”
And whilst Mrs Annie Fray, Thornton Grove’s answer to June Cleaver tells me about Sunnyside I find I have to force myself to concentrate. My mind is entirely somewhere else. Elsewhere being, upstairs, with Lottie, wishing I could be by her side whilst she gets to know her brother. I’m hoping like fuck that she’s going to forgive me for the monumental way I fucked up telling her she had a brother. No one should find out that they weren’t alone and still had some family the way she did.
Chapter Twelve
I knock gently on the door but only because other kids are starting to look at me strange. I think this is because I’ve been standing outside the door, plucking up the courage to knock for about ten minutes.
What the fuck is going on? So many questions are swirling around my head, but none seem so important anymore. The only real important detail I can focus on, is that I have a brother. He lives in this crazy place, and he too has no mom or dad, just like me.
Shit scared doesn’t cover what I’m feeling right now.
Before I can back out again, I knock and Lacey appears and invites me in with a smile.
“Carter, I think you’ve got a visitor buddy. Is there room at our table for another tea party guest?” He nods nervously at me and spins back around on his chair armed with a yellow plastic tea pot. I follow Lacey to the table and take a seat. “Come on buddy, she’s going to need a cup and a saucer.”
After a bit of deliberation, he whispers, “You’ll have to share with Joe. He’s probably full up anyway and we don’t like to waste food.”
“Thank you, and thank you Joe. You can talk very well for a little boy. How old are you Carter?”
“Six and three quarters.”
“That three quarters makes all the difference,” I tell him seriously and Lacey nods in agreement, or encouragement. Following her prompt I pick up my cup and pretend to drink. Feeling ridiculous and nervous, I slurp and it causes this beautiful boy in front of me to giggle. “Oh my goodness, please excuse my manners. I hope I haven’t upset you or your guests.”
“No, Joe’s a soldier, he’s got no manners either and my mom says that sometimes ladies can forget to use them.”
“I think your mom was right.” The room goes quiet and even someone as small as six and three quarters understands that I referred to her in the past tense.
“Carter, dude, you didn’t give her any cake,” Lacey says diverting his attention and with a sudden flurry of activity he busies himself cutting up pretend plastic cake wedges with a pretend knife and placing them on random plates.
“Thank you Carter, I may not be able to manage all of this. I don’t want to bust the button on my pants,” I whisper across at him.
“It’s OK to leave some if you’re full. Joe will eat what you don’t manage later.”
“Phew! Good cake should not go to waste,” I nervously look at Lacey who smiles at me. What is going on here? There is a small boy sat opposite me who seems less nervous than me and a teenage girl offering me reassurance. I’m supposed to be the grown up!
“Carter, do you know who I am?”
“Yes. Charlotte. My big sister,” he says succinctly, like he’s proud he remembered.
“Wow, that’s great,” I tell him smiling, “Can you tell me who told you about me?”
“My mom and dad,” it is the oddest thing to hear someone referring to my dad like that.
“Again, wow, you’re a clever little guy, but I’m not sure how you know I’m Charlotte.”
“Pictures,” he says quickly, “I’ve seen lots of photo’s of you and my dad. He told me you were his beautiful princess and I was his handsome prince. I’m thinking he was right.”
Sweet Jesus, how can a boy and such simple words, bring you to your knees? I gulp heavily and look at my lap, willing the tears that are on their way to stay inside. “How was he right?”
“I’m handsome... I know, my mom told me all the time and you’re beautiful. Just like Rapunzel, but your hair isn’t as long as hers. She’s my favourite Disney princess from Tangled. Have you seen Tangled? One day I’m gonna be just like Flynn from Tangled. He can do loads of stuff like ride horses, fight with swords and climb really big walls.”
“Oh,” I mumble not having a clue what he’s going on about. Rapunzel, yes, but Tangled and Flynn, hell no.
“He gets a bit soppy though, he falls in love with her and they... kiss!” he whispers in horror, which causes me to burst out laughing with Lacey following my lead.
“Yeah, kissing... bleh,” I say making a silly face. I know I have to try and bring th
is back to the real stuff. “I’m sorry you lost your mom and dad, but I was hoping we could be friends, you see I lost my mom and dad too.”
“Yeah, I know. Granny Annie said it might take you a while to come here because you were sad too,”
“I was, I am, still sad I mean.”
“So we’re both sad,” he confirms.
“Yes Carter, we are. So what do you say, you help me and I’ll help you?”
It didn’t take him long to agree, “OK. Deal.”
“Thank you. Let’s shake on it then, so it’s a real deal. No backing out,” I tell him and reach over the table offering my perfectly manicured hand to him. He looks at it, then up at me and grabs my hand with his tiny chubby one. The feeling of calm that passes through me in that moment is immense. He is my little brother and he needs someone in his life, but not half as much as I need him. He feels like a balm to soothe my soul, sent from heaven.
“Well, I’m stuffed. Joe, the rest of the cake is all yours, but can I also suggest you get dressed as well.” Lacey laughs and suggests that Carter find an outfit for Joe. As he gets ready to leave Lacey’s room, I wave goodbye and head back downstairs.
I’m relieved that the Carter Groves mystery is solved, but as I knew there would be, there are always more questions waiting in the wings. I am determined to find the answers, wherever they may be. Outside the sitting room door, I hear Annie telling Oli about the many people in the framed photos on the walls.
I’ve no idea how I’m going to survive the drive home with him. I’m no longer angry about him and me, him and Claire or him at all. I’m just... nothing. He led me here and let me walk into this knowing what he knew, he could have been gentler about it, like actually telling me I had a fucking brother. It wasn’t just about Carter, it was learning that my father wasn’t faithful in his marriage and not just on a small scale, he had a fucking child with someone else. As with everything Oli Hart, it’s always on his terms. Well for once, we’re going to do things on my terms.
And I have already chosen these terms.
He is not going to be a part of my life.
Whatever involvement he has with Carter’s trust fund, he can do via his uncle as per my dad’s wishes.
At the end of this road trip, when we get back to Hawkstown, he no longer exists in my life.
“Oh Charlotte, how did you get on with the little guy, he’s a gem.”
“Very well, thank you Annie. I had imaginary tea and cake, shared with a naked GI Joe and it was very pleasant.” I tell her, noticing that Oli smiles at me, showing a mixture of relief and happiness muddled into one.
“Ah Joe and Carter are much the troublesome twosome. That poor plastic guy gets blamed for lots of mischief.”
“I can imagine. We need to be making tracks, I’m sorry I can’t stay to chat longer, but it’s been a tiring couple of days and we’ve got a fair drive back. Would it be OK to come by and visit soon? I’ll make some extra time to come and see you, there are probably lots of things I need to know about Carter.”
“Of course my dear, anytime. Young Oliver has given me your number, here’s ours.” She hands me a piece of letter headed paper that says Sunnyside Residential Care Home for Children on it with the address and contact numbers.
“Thank you,” I tell her and then leave, not checking to see if Oli is following, if he doesn’t, I don’t care. As I make my way to the car I notice Carter waving from an upstairs window, so I give him a wave and bright smile in return. Lacey waves too before resuming whatever craziness Carter has got her involved in.
Oli’s nervousness becomes visible once we’re in the confined space of my BMW. “Lottie, I...”
“I don’t want to hear it, I’m not interested.”
“No you need to listen,” he persists.
“No I don’t. I don’t need to do anything you say. Our arrangement is over.”
“It wasn’t about that.”
“Are you going to drive us home or am I going to get on a bus or a train?” I glare at him as I give him these options.
He slow blinks his eyes in frustration and turns the key in the ignition. I lean my head back against the cool leather of my seat and pretend to sleep. Whilst my eyes are closed I start to mull over the bizarre direction my life has taken. The only constant picture that comes into view, is Carter’s image. As clear and bright as a star in the sky I can perfectly visualize his smile, his eyes and features.
I’m saddened that he knew about me and I didn’t know he even existed. Why did they hide him from me? Even as I ask myself the questions I realize I know the answer.
The impeccable Groves reputation.
The timing of his birth fits with my mother’s demise, her desperate attempts at attention and her unhappy drinking habits. Carter’s mom was clearly younger than me, the embarrassment of that would have been a fate worse than death for the Groves name.
How fucking ironic, death is how it ended anyway and the only ones left picking up the pieces are the two innocent children.
“Lottie, we’re here.”
I open my eyes and see I’m parked in my drive. I put my hand out indicating I want my house keys, which Oli hands over without an argument. I climb out of the car, retrieve my bag from the trunk and make for the front door. I can hear him behind me and if he thinks he’s stepping inside my home, he’s very much mistaken.
Opening the door I turn to face him blocking the entrance. “No. You’re not coming in. Ever. We’re totally through. I gave you every opportunity to tell me how you really felt about me over the years and you didn’t. You strung me along with hope and desperation until it became my normal mode of operation, my default.”
“Fuck.”
“I’ve loved you for so long that it scared me to think about the hole I’d have in my heart without you. I thought loving you enough for both of us was better than not loving you at all, but it was never enough for you though. Well I’ve survived without your love for so long, it doesn’t matter and now I’m surviving without my parents too. You don’t get the Lottie Groves I’m meant to be. You passed on that, so now you don’t get anything at all. If you want to discuss Carter you can do it through Davis at the office. I’ll be polite when we’re out with our friends, but that’s it.”
“Lottie...”
“No, you’re free. You can have the life you always wanted not what you were forced to live. You don’t deserve anything else from me and you’re lucky you’re getting my passive politeness when we’re out. I need my life back, I need me back. I need to find me, so I can give Carter what he needs and you don’t get to be part of that because you don't deserve that either.”
“FUCK!” he roars at me, slamming his hands on the door frame.
“Goodbye Oliver Hart. The Charlotte Groves you knew was never the real me and the real Lottie, well... I guess you’ll never know.”
I step through the door.
Shut it behind me and jump when his fists hit the other side of it.
Then step forward into the next phase of my life with determination, leaving the old ugliness and uncertainty behind me on the other side of that door.
Chapter Thirteen
Having Carter dropped in my life has given me a focus and direction I didn’t have before because I’m no longer wondering what is going to become of me. I’m committed to seeing my life turn into something good and solid for that little boy. I’ll fucking cut my arms off before I let him grow up feeling like I did, like he can’t be himself and has to face the world everyday being that person, something fake and unreal.
Time for action.
Job number one is my parents’ mansion, it’s sitting idle and gathering dust. I need to sort out the things I want to keep and give the rest to goodwill. Once that is done the house can be sold.
I keep thinking it will be too hard to get rid of my childhood home, but it all feels tainted now anyway so I’m proceeding one step at a time. “Hey sister, fancy gathering the girls and meeting at my parents pl
ace?” I ask Flo on the phone that I’ve got balanced between my ear, chin and shoulder.
“Um, well, sure. Are you OK?”
“Yeah, kind of. I’m getting there,” I am going for honest words because this is a part of the new me, I am done living a double life. I’m going to be me and people can either take it or leave it.
“OK, I’ll rally the others and see you there in a bit.”
I thank her and then hang up, I’m dressed in shorts and a t-shirt because this job will be both shitty emotional and shitty dusty, the cleaning staff haven’t been working as diligently as normal, there isn’t really the need to. Having the girls with me will give me extra strength and also the time to catch them up on my crazy life.
An hour and a half later I’ve started to create piles in each room depicting the final resting place of my family possessions, keep, trash or goodwill. Anything that is too big to join the piles is being left in its original place and marked with an appropriate sticky note. I’ve got all the windows open and some music piping through the house, the quiet and silence that hit me when I got here was eerie and disarming.
“Yo!” shouts Neely and the look on her face tells me she’s surprised I’m upright and mobile, let alone cracking on with the job in hand. Clearly she was expecting a drunk, disorderly and depressed Lottie.
“Yo girlfriend,” I holler back and then begin to explain the house rules of keep, trash or goodwill. When Flo and Dolly arrive, they also pass nervous looks between each other. “OK, let’s just get this over with. I have a brother, his name is Carter and I met him yesterday. He’s cute and lost, just like me. I am done with Oli Hart because his inconsequential bullshit has no place in my new world. I’m not having a meltdown and I still need some answers, but I’ll find them when I find them. Old Charlotte is history. New Charlotte is going to live her life, love her brother, continue to be a kick ass soul sister and eventually hook up with some man mountain that will rock my world. Any questions?”
Fated Love (The Soul Sisters Series Book 3) Page 10