“Is she sick? I heard someone being sick.”
“Sort of,” Oli replies.
“I bet it was the cheese from the picnic,” Carter whispers back to him.
“Maybe, she won’t be long. Anyway, how are you doing?”
“Wicked,” he replies with quick enthusiasm, “But…”
“But what? You can tell me, we’re going to be buddies. In fact this could be our first official guy chat.”
“Our what?” Carter asks him, clearly puzzled.
“It’s where guys share important information and news, we then agree on what to do next.” The silence is deafening for a while, I begin to feel bad for eavesdropping, but in my heart I know that Carter has to learn to trust Oli, they’re going to have a long term relationship because of the trust fund in place.
“Do you mean like the staff meeting in Toy Story?”
“Um… maybe,” I cover my mouth to hide my chuckle. Carter’s love of Disney is insane, I know what he’s referring to, I’ve watched Toy Story with him over and over again but Oli will have no idea what he’s referring to.
“Have you watched Toy Story?” Carter asks him.
“Well the thing about our guy chat is that we have rules. The first rule is about honesty, OK? We will always tell the truth to each other. No matter how painful, a guy chat is based around trust OK?”
“Rule number one, honesty,” Carter repeats.
“Rule two, guy chats can happen any time, any place, in person or over the phone. You want one, you call a meeting. If I want one, I’ll call a meeting OK?”
“Rule number two, anytime.”
“Good remembering skills dude. OK last rule, no girls in a guy chat. This is a guy thing, these chats are for us to discuss important guy matters, OK?”
“Um, like what?” Carter queries.
“Guy stuff like cars, business, money, girlfriends and shaving.”
I stifle another laugh at Carter’s reaction, “I don’t shave!”
“Really? Damn, I was just gonna say how neatly your beard was trimmed.”
“I don’t have a beard Oli.”
“You’re right, my mistake. So, our first guy chat is in session, what else did you want to tell me after you said you were feeling wicked? Remember rule one buddy.”
“Um, I’m sad and I’m happy. I’m confused Oli.”
“Tell me why dude,” Oli prompts him.
“I’m still sad that I don’t get to see my mom and dad anymore, but happy I get to see Lottie. I know Lottie gets sad and I hear Granny Annie crying sometimes. I want them to feel wicked too, just like I do.” God, this child. So pure and full of feelings and emotion. He isn’t untouched by what’s happened, Carter knows he’s lost his mom and dad, but he’s desperate for those around him to be happy to keep on going and make the most of life. I swipe at the tears creeping down my cheeks, more grateful than ever that he’s in my life, where he can help me find my purpose and some joy to live for.
“Ah, I see, interesting question you’ve raised at our first meeting. OK, here are my thoughts. Sometimes people are sad because they don’t know how to be happy all the time. You see, you, me and GI Joe are the men, our job is to protect the women in our lives and make them feel that it’s OK to be sad because we’ll help them smile again and make them feel happy. Guys are strong and we become strong through chatting and sharing our problems. My advice Carter, keep that smile on your face and dish out plenty of hugs for your gran and sister and they’ll start to see you as the strong man in their life. You are now Mr. Carter Groves, man of the family.”
“Does that mean I can’t be sad?”
“Not at all, it just means when you’re sad, their hugs and smiles will make you feel better too. It works both ways.”
“OK. Do you love Lottie?”
Shit, time to rescue Oli. I’m hoping a perfectly time interruption will save Oli from lying and breaking rule number one, as well as breaking me again. He’ll break the hope that tickled at the edges of my heart and world when he knocked on the door and began to declare his feelings. “Hey guys, I think Annie wants us downstairs, why don’t you take Oli down so I can get dressed?”
“OK, but next time Lottie, never eat cheese before rolling down the hill,” he tells me very seriously and looks at Oli, urging him to follow.
“You OK?” Oli whispers as he passes me.
“Yes, no, maybe. I don’t know. All of the above, but I have a feeling I will be.” Oli looks me over, trying to search for any signs of a crumbling will to survive and carry on my bull shit life. Satisfied in my truthful response he gently kisses my forehead and backs out of the door. “Thanks… thanks for what you did just then,” I mutter at his retreating back and he stops in his tracks. The smile he gives me turns into embarrassment, he knows I heard his chat with Carter.
I hurry to brush my damp hair and throw on some clothes, thinking that I should be devastated by the news that Oli delivered. I’m not devastated, I don’t really know what I am, but I’m learning to expect the unexpected because the unexpected is making me stronger.
New Lottie is stronger.
New Lottie will deal this shit and kick its ass.
Chapter Nineteen
“So Woody is Andy’s best friend, he’s the leader of all the toys in Andy’s bedroom and then when Buzz came along Woody felt unwanted. The other toys thought he’d tried to kill Buzz, but really he’s not, he’s trying to rescue him.”
“Oh, I see,” Oli tells Carter in a very unconvincing manner. The loud volume of our dinner times was now normal for me, but I had no idea what Oli would make of it. By the time I made it downstairs, Carter had assigned everyone seats, with Oli placed proudly next to him and GI Joe at a smaller place setting on the other side. Annie was elbow deep in mashing potatoes and some of the older kids were on other assigned duties that made it all look like organized chaos, that somehow came together perfectly at just the right moment. There were now seventeen of us around the table and I was no longer a stranger or a guest, I was a part of this and expected to muck in too.
Carter spent most of the meal filling Oli in on what we’d been up to over the last couple of weeks, between mouthfuls of food, I could see Oli doing his best to verify that the Lottie he knew was able to become the girl who did face painting, math homework and scrubbed pots and pans with her once delicately manicured hands. He was either impressed or shocked, it was difficult to tell. I’d watched him perfect role playing and acting to a fine art for over a decade and although I wanted to believe he found the change inspiring and worthwhile, part of me accepted I would never know for sure.
I’d done as much as possible to delay spending time with him, I didn’t want to drag up bad stuff like my parents or difficult stuff like feelings. I wanted to stay in my bubble, day dreaming that we both wanted to help these kids have a better life. My delay tactics lasted for as long as there were dirty dishes to be washed and when I got to the family room, Carter had commandeered the TV, the front row of seats and Oli, in order to give him his first Disney adventure.
“Hang on, you’re telling me that when the adults are out of sight, the toys come alive and just do stuff? Like regular people?”
“Yeah! When a grown up comes, they freeze on the spot so they don’t get caught,” Carter confirms excitedly.
“Mind. Blown. Who knew?” Oli mumbles and then spots me leaning against the door frame, just watching them both.
“Room for one more on that sofa?” I ask and Carter smiles at me, moving closer to Oli so that he stays seated in the middle. It’s clear that having a guy around is something that he’s missed. Within about twenty minutes my little brother’s head begins to droop, his attempt at fighting sleep isn’t working and he’s never going to make the end of the movie. I’m not paying attention to it, I’ve seen it at least five times and my total focus is on these men who have busted into my life. As predicted, Carter falls asleep against Oli who has a protective arm wrapped around him. The other arm is ca
sually draped over the chair back, he’s got crossed legs at the ankles and he looks every inch the loving father, the protector. The flashing colors of the TV highlight Oli’s face and make his hair shine like he’s got an inbuilt halo. This is the future I thought we would have. It was the scene of a family I dreamed I’d get to share with him.
Like he has a sixth sense, Oli turns and catches me staring at him. He swallows deeply and I find myself wondering if I make him just as nervous as he’s currently making me, “I should carry him to bed,” he whispers.
“You’ll miss the end of the movie.”
“I’m sure he’ll put it on another time if I ask him, his explanation and enthusiasm is half the fun.”
“OK.”
As if Carter weighs nothing, Oli gently picks him up, burning a picture of love and devotion in my mind that I will never forget. I follow them over to Annie’s sitting room so she can kiss him goodnight, she looks exhausted but manages to smile when she sees the three of us together. I lean in and hug her goodnight, just to communicate I’m grateful for the love she’s showing me. The returning smile on her face helps place another brick in the wall of hope I’m building inside me, maybe my life is turning around.
Between the two of us we juggle Carter into his bedroom and into a set of PJ’s. He has his usual death grip on GI Joe, which makes changing him a real challenge. “How does Annie manage all of this?” Oli asks me.
“The woman is like a machine. She is totally amazing and has the biggest, most gorgeous heart.”
“I can see that, but the time it must take, the compassion, she should have her own super hero character.”
Panic and fear creep in, “How… how am I supposed to leave here Oli?” He turns to look at me, like he’s truly worried I might not. Taking my hand, he leads me back to my own little room and urges me to sit beside him. Our position is not like before, he leans us back and wraps his arms around me.
“I can see it’s going to be hard. I wanted to believe that you were here because you were running, but I can see you’re settled here, at home. Being somewhere different has done good things for you.”
“I was running,” I confirm, “Carter and Annie were the perfect excuse.”
Oli laughs at me, “Well now we’ve cleared that up, let’s figure out the things we need to deal with. There is the sheriff and his latest information and your parent’s house. I want to tell you that these are the only important things that you should be concerned about, but they’re not, your friends miss you and then there’s me. I feel lost not seeing you with your crew. I never realized what I had until I lost it.”
I remain silent after his admission, daring myself to take a peek over my newly created wall of hope wondering if I can do it and protect my emotions. I don’t move or look up at him until I hear, “Lottie, look at me,” said in that demanding tone that my body can’t resist or ignore. “Tell me we can try, we can give it a go to see what being us really feels like?”
“I’m scared, my life has to be different because I’ve changed. I don’t want to be the person I was. I’m not sure I’m going to fit into your life.”
Taking his arms from around me, he looks into my eyes and traces his hands up my neck, “Don’t you see, I want those different things. I was so fucking set on not becoming my parents that I pushed you away. I always believed you agreed with what they wanted and that was the life you wanted. I always believed that the person you were and what you showed the world on the outside was the real you and that’s on me. I fucked up. Big time. I was too busy running from you and what I thought our future would be like to actually stop and see what everyone else saw.”
“I can’t be country club Charlotte. I won’t be her again, ever.” On this matter I am determined and sure, there is no going back.
“You don’t have to be that person for me. I want to be with Carter’s big sister who gets covered in mud at the play park, I want the girl who has a team of fierce bitches at her back, so fierce that you become a force to be reckoned with. I want the woman who was brave enough to tell the world the ugly truth about me, even if I didn’t think so at the fucking time. I want Leather Lottie.”
That memory causes a shudder to course through my body, it brings me back to our night and even I’ve got every detail memorized, I’m scared I’ll never have that feeling again of wild abandon and passion again.
“I love that making you remember that night causes this shy, timid woman who is unsure of herself, to appear in front of me. I’ve not met her before and she’s cute as fuck, but even better, I know what’s really on the inside. Passion and fire and that’s the real Lottie, the girl I’m asking to be with.” Oli leans forward and places a gentle kiss on my lips, I know he’s trying to figure out which way I’m going to jump. My brain has turned to mush and I’m struggling to concentrate and get the words out, I want to tell him that I deserve the chance to see where this will go and I hope by leaning back in to kiss him this time, will deliver the message for me. “Thank you Lottie, I’ll make things better. All this shit, we’ll deal with it together. I’ll try and be the guy who deserves to be by your side as you grow into whoever you’re destined to be.”
Our kissing rapidly changes pace and intensifies, his touch is like a spark to an open flame and before long, it’s getting too heavy for these thin walls and kid filled corridor of rooms. “We need to slow down before I can’t stop,” I sigh and like the gentleman that everyone else sees, he complies with my request.
“OK, I’m going to go, I’ve got a room at the motel down the road. Can I take you out to dinner tomorrow night? I’ve got some business stuff to go over with Annie during the day, but it won’t take long.”
“That sounds nice,” I do my best to appear calm, but in truth I am seriously excited. At last, I get a real date with Oliver Hart.
“I’ll call the sheriff and tell him, you know what’s going on and will be back in town soon,” Oli can sense my apprehension around this, he knows leaving here is going to be hard, but it’s more than that. I don’t want to get back and lose who I’m becoming. “We’ll work it all out,” he tells me before finally kissing me and leaving my room.
I walk over to the mirror and see I have pink flushed cheeks and bright wide eyes, they’re part of the real me because they’re like little peeks of light cracking through to the surface. They’re the woman I’m chasing, the woman I’m excited to become and the one who needs to take this chance because the real Lottie isn’t going to be scared. She understands that missed opportunities in the long run only turn into things you regret not doing.
*****
Oli
The sense of relief at having her accept me and my offer gave me such a rush that I couldn’t remove the smile from my face if I wanted to. I couldn’t believe she didn’t kick my stupid ass back to Hawkstown because I would have deserved it. Thank God I finally found my bollocks and put myself out there.
Getting Lottie away from here was going to be tough. It was obvious that Carter and Annie were an anchor she needed, they were her calm in rough waters. I knew there were things I had to try and sort out before she came home and this investigation was another unknown shit pit, looming like a stormy fucking cloud; time to make some calls.
“Dad, I need to ask you something, but it’s awkward.”
“Son, where are you?”
“I’m in Thornton Grove, visiting Lottie,” I knew my dad would have heard about Paul’s other life and Carter, but I wasn’t sure just how much he knew and for how long.
“How is she coping?”
“Better than expected, she’s got a focus to keep her grounded. About that, did you know about Paul’s other life? Sophie and their son?”
“I didn’t know the details, but I knew he’d met someone, he told me years back that his marriage was over and he was trying to come up with an exit plan,” that’s an interesting and honest answer if ever I’d heard one.
“Did Laura ever come onto you?”
; “Shit, son really?”
“Sorry dad, I did warn you this would be awkward,” I laugh.
“Well, um, only when she’d had too much to drink and it was pretty easy to fend her off then, but let’s say it wasn’t comfortable to be around her without your mom.”
“Christ, I was hoping you’d flat out deny that shit,” needing to know this stuff and being prepared was making me queasy.
“I’m hoping you understand why I was so angry over the business with Claire Michaels. Knowing Charlotte’s mom was of the same mindset as Claire and you were in the middle of it was… disappointing.”
“Fuck, why didn’t you say something?”
“You’re a grown ass man Oliver. I taught you better and dropping hints only seemed to push you further the wrong way. There are some things you have to learn for yourself, even at your age.”
“Did you know that Laura was with other people at the club and her house?”
“Unfortunately yes, not much stays under the radar in our world. If I think back I can see the difference in them, Paul’s change of business direction were all signs that things were about to explode. Davis has called and told me the details of Paul’s will, I hope you do that boy proud. Your lives are going to be intertwined, with or without Charlotte for a long time to come. He needs to be set the right example.”
“I’m working on that dad.”
“Oliver, I know I don’t tell you often enough, but I’m proud of all you’ve achieved, it hurt to learn your personal life was mess. Your mother and I never wanted to make you feel like you had to conform. You’re the future for both our name and family, but only you can live your life and be happy.”
“Thank you, I appreciate that,” and I did, more than I could express over the phone to him. After we’d said goodbye I reflected on his words. The class system demanded that the Groves dealt with their drama a certain way and it only hurt innocent parties. Maybe Lottie was right, did I want to carry on actively being a part of that lifestyle?
Fated Love (The Soul Sisters Series Book 3) Page 15