by P R Glazier
***No records on file***
How, or why did the library no of some and not others. It was clear that the names the library knew about where the names of older families, those that could trace their lineage back the furthest. Solin’s family name for instance returned a report of being classified as did the ranger H’Arad’Dunn. A small part of her thought that all these coincidences were the result of a preconceived plan, put into place long ago by a person or people she would never meet. She felt distinctly uncomfortable that more of her life seemed to have been directed by forces beyond her immediate control, something that she had never suspected before.
But whatever the reason she had decided to come, although, she remembered with some amusement, that she wasn’t entirely sure where she was going at the time. Well it just seemed to be the next adventure in her life. Only now did she feel a pang of regret at having to leave her friends, those she had journeyed with all those years ago. Yet she had broken many such friendships in her long life, perhaps she was ultimately a selfish person, taking people with her, molding them, showing them, using them, yet then abandoning them when she decided that her life took a different road from theirs. She always managed to persuade herself that it didn’t matter, but deep down she knew it did.
So much had happened since then; so much had demanded her attention. She felt a tear well up in her, it overflowed running gently down her cheek, caressing her skin, warm and damp. She knew she was about to turn lives, lives of people she loved, upside down yet again. She was about to set in motion the final stage in her purpose. Was she still being selfish? She told herself no. Then perhaps to persuade herself further she thought of the messages she was given as part of her training as a ranger, how the greater good always rose above all, the thoughts and desires of the individual were not as important as the collective good. With some irony she thought of her own applications of that doctrine. She had undertaken many deeds in the pursuit of that belief, even to the point of killing one she loved and in the process destroying that which she held most dear.
She continued to wait. She thumped her clenched fist upon the table. BAH! Too much time to think.
So many years had passed, so much solitary time, time to think, re-think and to contemplate. Yet so much had been done to accomplish what she set out to do. Again she was sure it was the will of Eny’Nin’Rel that she should accomplish this, for he had his own way of sending messages, much more subtle perhaps than those of the vast intelligence that controlled this place, but just as persistent. Eny’Nin’Rel really had all the time in the world. For he commanded all the time in the world and beyond the world. It didn’t matter to him what she chose to do, after all he could see all paths, all methods, the results of all choices. This was all laid out before him like a great book and he was the author. She thought with a smile, whatever she did, the outcome would be the same, whether in a day, in a month, in a year, even in ten thousand years, eventually Eny’Nin’Rel the Maker, would have his way. For that is the way he had originally designed it, therefore it would be fulfilled and her part however large or important she thought it to be, would be just a tiny insignificant spark in the greater purpose. A single small sacrifice made for the good of all.
But she couldn’t help wonder if she was driven by her own arrogance, her own selfish desire. No, only failure lay along that path of thought. Her faith would prevail, it had to. She knew that without the support of Eny’Nin’Rel’s guidance she would fail.
So then, her resolve returned. She sat upright, pushed her shoulders back. This then was her task, given to her by Eny’Nin’Rel. Given to her and no other. Yet she knew even with his help she could not be successful on her own, at least not now that she found herself here and as yet unable to return. Yet still she had reservations about involving others, she did not like putting those she loved in great danger, she would rather have attempted this alone as she had done in the past, only risked herself, not the well-being others. Yet those others were already involved and already in danger. She breathed deeply, sighed, longed for an end to her toil, her misgivings put to sleep. She pursed her lips and breathed a deep breath. She would see this through to the end.
Serinae closed her eyes, settled her mind, cleared away the rubbish of her thoughts, removed her doubts and refocused on what she knew she must do.
She must be patient, she must wait.