by P R Glazier
Chapter 7. The day of Departure.
It was late, but Nar’Allia was wide awake, she felt the sleeping form of her husband beside her, felt the warmth both physical and spiritual that bonded them together. She had been thinking hard and the results of her thoughts were that she was about to sorely test that bonding relationship. Perhaps she was going to ask the impossible of him. The last time this happened it was for her own selfish desire, she needed some time, some period of freedom, an opportunity to make up her mind. She needed time to discover herself, what she was really like. But there was no real obligation then; they were not married, not even in any formal relationship. So she had left. She had gone to Amentura at Solin’s request. A short holiday Minervar had called it. She sighed, some holiday, for that vacation had resulted in her being catapulted into a series of events many of which still shaped her life today.
Now she was about to embark upon another adventure, setting out once again into the unknown. This time however, it was not so much a voyage to discover herself, no, this time it was something that she needed to do. A self-imposed obligation she needed to complete. Yet her responsibilities had changed now. She could no longer selfishly make decisions about herself. Others were now involved with her, others that had a right to say what happened to her and what she did. She felt guilty for if she had Lo’Rosse with her and therefore that additional person to worry about, she may fail, he may form too much of a barrier to her doing what she should when the time came, influencing critical decisions that would be easier made on her own. The only thing was she didn’t know how to break this difficult news to Lo’Rosse. They hadn’t even discussed it yet, even though they both knew that their lives were about to be changed, probably for ever.
Lo’Rosse stirred restlessly in his sleep. Nar’Allia turned to face him and placed a hand upon his shoulder. He groaned in contentment and took in a sighing breath.
After a few minutes and to her surprise he said, “you are going alone aren’t you?”
Nar’Allia was shocked by the words. “I, I thought you were asleep.” Nar’Allia replied trying to sound sleepy. She immediately felt a pang of guilt. Who was she trying to fool? Lo’Rosse knew her better than anyone, it was futile trying to lessen the blow to come.
“Just dozing.” Was the reply.
There followed a soft rustling of sheets as he also turned over so that she knew he faced her in the dark. She felt the warmth of his breath across her face.
“Well Narny, I was waiting for you to tell me that you wanted me to stay and look after D’Irune. That is what you want, that is what is upon your heart Narny, isn’t it?”
Nar’Allia tried to think of something to say. She felt a little panicky, her first thoughts were to deny what Lo’Rosse had just suggested, but this would do no good, it would be a lie and that was not a path she wanted to set herself upon, not with him, her husband. Even if the intent was in kindness. She had to be true to herself, especially if she was going to be true to Lo’Rosse. Her resolve returned. “I need to do this Lo’Rosse, I need to find Minervar, I must take up that mantle once again. I have to complete this task for good or for bad. I have already become too far embroiled in its grasp, if there is hope, then I will take it up once more and replay my part.” She stroked his hair. “I am truly sorry, I have tried to forget, tried to dismiss this thing. I have sort to bury it deep within me, foolishly thought it forgotten. But these last hours have brought it all back.” She sighed and sat up her arms drawn around her raised knees. “I have been a fool Lo’Rosse, a fool to try and think my life was complete. For I know that until I have seen this thing through to the end, it will always be there within me.” She sighed, turned onto her back and said, “I must end it.”
Lo’Rosse rose up upon one elbow and gently stroked her back. “Yes Narny I know. I have always known. I knew it before we were married, I knew it when we were wed. I have long suspected that before our years were very many you would go. Once again you would leave to fulfil what has been worrying you for so long.” Then with a slightly sterner edge to his voice he continued, “I am not a fool Narny. I know you well, I also know I have been missing a part of you all this time. But I have been content to live with that, to live without the part of you that you could not give to me, for I know you can give it to no one else, except perhaps to Minervar. I love you, always have. I love you even with some part of you missing, the part you keep hidden from me. I have long been resolved to support you in any way I can.”
He stroked her cheek, “I will look for the day of your returning. While I wait upon that day, I will see your spirit reflected in the eyes of our son, I will see your smile upon his lips and I will feel your breath of life within the rise and fall of his breast. I will be content Narny with these simple things for as long as it takes, for as long as you need to take. For I will have you returned whole.”
Nar’Allia lay back down facing him. She grasped his hand to her lips and nodded her head; a tear fell from her cheek onto the cotton pillow. She tried to speak but the lump that had formed in her throat would not allow the passage of any words. She wondered what she had done to deserve this man, wondered at the love he had for her, was ashamed that she perhaps had not reciprocated that love in return. But of course he was right. Lo’Rosse had voiced something that she could not. She had always struggled, knowing that part of her remained closed to him, buried as deep as she could get it, shut away out of sight. That part of her wasn’t even truly hers, it belonged elsewhere to another time, belonged to a different Nar’Allia. She understood then how Lo’Rosse’s greatest wish was for her to be released from that hidden thing, he would even risk her not coming back, all so that she could be free of this burden, and hopefully he could have her returned as she should be. He loved her enough to allow her all that. It was a humbling thought.
It must be a terrible thing he had to contend with, even compete with, yet he had endured it. Perhaps a lesser person would have given up the fight of trying to live with that fact. But Lo’Rosse had lived with it, he had put up with it, even embraced it. It was this acceptance that was now willing to allow her the time and space she needed to address it in the hope that she would return, but this time be whole in herself and for him, no longer divided.
“I do not deserve you Lo’Rosse,” was all she could say in a faltering voice.
Then as if he had read her thoughts he moved forward and kissed her brow. He then said. “There is but one demand I place upon you Narny, but I will not ask you to promise this thing, for I know that you cannot do so, however much you may wish it. But this one demand as a husband and as a friend is what I place upon you.” He faced her on the pillow and ran a hand down her tear stained cheek drying the wetness that was there. “I will only ask that you hold us in your thoughts, remember us for what we are and what we mean to each other. I wish you to return, return to me and to D’Irune. But you must return with all of you, complete and whole, even that part of you that has remained hidden from me for so long.” His voice faltered a little then became firm, she detected some slight anger in his voice as he said, “leave it somewhere Narny, out there in the wild, forsake it and cast it forth, then we may start a new chapter in our lives.”
They wrapped their arms around each other like lovers that knew they must be parted come the first light of day, trying to extend time and their embrace for as long as possible.
So it was they all gathered in the morning at the foot of the ramp that led to Nar’Allia’s home to say their farewells.
Solvienne, dressed as she had been on her arrival a few days before, held D’Irune in her arms making him laugh and giggle. She walked across to Lo’Rosse and handed his son to him. Then she kissed Lo’Rosse with a slightly sorrowful but knowing expression, he in turn just smiled at her.
Thor stood by the side of Solin as if he had already started his mission to be her protector and guide.
Solin herself glanced around at the assembled group smiling and giggling to herself as
if she were a little girl again, full of excitement, about to embark upon some great adventure. She wore an old travelling cloak of expensive looking material and had a gnarled staff in her hand made of some dark wood.
Alonso leant heavily upon his own wooden staff. He was the first to depart; he sensed a feeling that he should leave this family to say their farewells. So with a nod to each of them he stood straight. The air shimmered about him for s second or two and there stood the old grey wolf once more. Nar’Allia couldn’t help but stroke him gently upon the head, the wolf’s sharp eyes stared at her and then lowered to the ground as if in respectful acknowledgement. Then he turned and after shaking his fir trotted off down the ramp that joined the village to the ground and into the trees and was gone.
Nar’Allia watched until the wolf disappeared from view before she sighed and turned. She had dressed once more in the exquisite Grûndén chain mail that Serinae once wore; she also had the two short swords and bracers the ranger also once wielded. The mysterious old quiver she had clipped to her belt. But now ethereal arrows were indeed set within, it was difficult to see how many for they seemed to flow around and past each other. She fingered the long bow she held ready to hang across her back. But her thoughts were of another weapon. A black T’Iea long bow, a war bow, covered in ancient runes, the weapon she had lost many years ago to the person that she hoped still grasped that bow. She shook her head as if coming out of a dream, as she looked around her she was held by Solin’s piercing gaze, the elderly elf smiled a knowing smile and nodded her head slightly as if she understood something or was giving her consent to something unvoiced. Nar’Allia looked down feeling slightly embraced by Solin’s fixed gaze.
The elderly woman took up Thor’s left hand in both of hers as she said, “come Thor, we have a ways to travel and I am looking forward to having many a chat with you along the way. She then grasped his arm tightly and turning him away they walked in the direction of the ramp and reaching the bottom took another route out of the village along the old forest road. As they went Nar’Allia just heard Solin say, “did I ever tell you the story of ……..”
But Solin’s final words were lost to her. Nar’Allia turned, dreading what she must do next. She walked to Lo’Rosse and D’Irune, she hugged them both.
Lo’Rosse smiled at her, he said with a resigned smile, “I feel like I should have broken my leg or something.”
Nar’Allia couldn’t help but shake her head and smile; she hugged him tighter and kissed their son. Now it came to it she didn’t want to leave, a feeling of panic rose within her. But she steadied her resolve; it would not do to show doubt now. So turning she walked to where Solvienne waited and they left on the well known way back to Amentura. Nar’Allia was thinking unvoiced thoughts of the familiar way to the town, but she also thought of whatever lay ahead of them, beyond Amentura. She knew that much would happen before she returned to her home and to those she loved.
If she returned.
~
There is an old T’Iea song for farewells, the chorus is thus:
Depart we must, reunite left to trust.
Your face to recall, but in memory befall.
Wherever you fare, still pain shall I bear,
‘Till back once more in your presence I fair.
Return to me. Return to me.
Return to me. Return to me.
Only then shall I be as complete.