“I can not believe how much of an idiot you are.”
Charlie appeared on the bench in front of him. He shook his head, blond hair shimmering in the sunlight from the front of the van.
Oh yeah? So what should I say to her, oh wise one?
“Maybe actually tell her you don’t want to burden her, that’s why you’re leaving.”
Hadn’t he said that? He thought back. He thought he had.
But had he?
“Oh jeez,” Charlie said. “Say what I tell you say.”
What?
“Do it! Now put your hand on her back and repeat after me.”
Charlie cleared his throat. “Jessica, I’m not running from you. You’re the best thing in my life.”
I…I can’t say that.
“You’d better or you’ll never see her again.”
Charlie was right. If Sebastian didn’t do something, say something to convince her, he’d lose her for good, if he hadn’t done so already.
He hesitated before he placed his hand on her shoulder. Her shoulder flinched but she didn’t pull away.
And she didn’t punch him.
Progress?
“Jessica, I’m not running from you. I just… I just don’t want to screw things up for you any more than I have.”
“That’s not what I said,” Charlie said.
Shut up!
“Right.” Her voice sounded muffled. She sniffed. Her hands moved away from her face. Even turned away he caught a glimpse of the tears staining her cheeks.
“So after all the people I’ve lost, Joan, and even Nigel, you’re just going to leave me all alone.”
“That wasn’t what I meant,” he said.
“Will you wait for me?” Charlie said.
Shut up. I’m talking to her myself.
Charlie threw his hands up. “Oh great. Screw it up even more then.”
“Charlie’s trying to tell me what to say,” Sebastian said, “and he is better at it than I am. I know I suck at it.”
Several strands of her hair clung to her cheek. He brushed them back, tucking them behind her ear. Her skin was smooth and soft against his palm. He couldn’t smell her at all, just the faintest trace of soap left over from washing. But nothing of her.
How he wished he could smell her.
How he wished he could let her know how much he wanted that.
Maybe he could.
He closed his eyes and breathed in. His hand on her neck felt warm, as if her skin was heating up, melding to his flesh. Another breath took him down deeper.
Deeper.
He felt the waves of her around him, familiar and yet strange. Pain weighed on her. Unshed sorrow over Joan. Guilt over Nigel, that she had left to follow after Sebastian instead of staying to help. Fear that all the vampires she’d killed had been people, not monsters.
You freed them, he tried to tell her, but he felt her pull away. He didn’t want that. So he let it go.
Still he could feel her turn away from him. It wasn’t working. He had to do more.
Help me, please.
He felt his words drop away. For a moment, nothing seemed to change, then he felt a shift, a flicker of curiosity. Her attention turned toward him.
He’d done it now.
He had to either tell her all of it now, share it all, or pull away and probably lose her forever. He wouldn’t get another chance like this.
But telling her... she’d really know how much of a freak he was, how different from the others, from her.
Would she ever be able to accept it? Accept him?
He would never know if he didn’t tell her.
Everything.
It isn’t just Influencing vampires and seeing ghosts. There’s more...
He showed her. The vampire he’d sent up to the roof. The man he’d shoved into the convenience store, the man he’d killed accidentally. Killing Bianca, which had resulted in Brent’s death. The vampire Thomas. Even his mother and how he’d felt the spark of her inside, begging for freedom, for Callum’s safety. He finished with Miranda.
And all the while, the effect it had on him. The pain, the headaches.
How touching the book had changed him, given him this power, and urged him to cross over, to take full control.
How tempting that was, how seductive that call.
His own fear about how it made him even more of a freak.
When he finished, he felt stripped bare.
No more defenses.
He felt terrified.
Now she knew. She knew how close to the edge he was. How freakish he was.
Now she had every reason to turn away.
He waited for her to do it.
Instead, he felt a warmth flow through him, envelope him. She turned, not away, but toward him. He felt the spark of her glow, burning so bright and strong he felt almost weak before her. And then a trickle of delight, of laughter echoed through him.
You’re such an idiot, Sebastian.
Her words danced around him, bright and childlike. He could almost imagine the girl she’d been before she’d morphed into the woman she was.
You try to do everything by yourself, don’t you know by now I love you and I’ll help you no matter what?
Loved him? She loved him?
He felt the trickle of laughter again. It trailed off into the distance, as her presence faded.
After a moment, he felt the steady rocking of the van beneath him.
And her hand on his arm.
He opened his eyes.
She’d turned toward him. Tears dried on her cheeks, evidence of her sorrow, but now she had an amused expression on her face.
“You’re such an idiot,” she said.
“Um,” he managed before she leaned over and kissed him.
“Well, I guess you must have managed to say something right,” Charlie said.
Sebastian waved his hand at the ghost then pulled Jessica closer.
To hell with the peanut gallery.
CHAPTER 18
“Alone,” Sebastian said. “I have to go alone. She’ll know if you’re there, you know she will.”
They stood under the shade of a large maple, a block away from the Ridgeview College. The oddest sense of déjà vu flowed through Sebastian. He recognized this street, was sure he’d walked up the concrete sidewalks, admired the older Victorian style homes. From here he thought he could smell the sweat from the long distance runners that always ran the track on the other side of the campus. Different perfumes mingled with exhaust and the new buds that sprang up around the campus. Late spring heading into early summer. Soon classes would get out.
It all felt so familiar, almost as if he’d lived a parallel life here. Maybe part of him had branched off that fateful night. Was there a twin of him wandering around here somewhere? A Sebastian who had not left the party, had not been bitten by Bianca and turned into an In-Between? Had that Sebastian finished classes and continued on with his degree?
Continued on with a normal life?
He tried to imagine what that would be like.
It all seemed like grey fog to him.
“We could back you up,” Gareth said.
“She’ll know,” Jessica said. “It’s probably bad enough that we’ve brought him this close.”
She shifted on her feet. Her hands were shoved deep into her pockets. Her eyes were lost behind a pair of sunglasses but he knew how much those sentences cost her. He could see the tiny muscle jump on the side of her jaw.
Gareth frowned. “I don’t like it.”
“I won’t risk Callum,” Sebastian said.
Gareth glanced away, down the street toward the campus. He too wore sunglasses. He slipped his hands into the pockets of his black jeans, mimicking Jessica. His head bowed.
“Sebastian…”
“Don’t,” Sebastian said. His hand shot up to stop Gareth’s words. “Don’t say it. I don’t want to hear it.”
Gareth pressed his lips together. “Okay. W
ill you at least carry a phone? Leave the line open so we know you’re okay?”
“Yeah. I suppose I can do that.”
“Good.” Gareth stepped past him and climbed into the back of the van.
Jessica moved to Sebastian’s side. Her hand slipped around his arm.
“Are you sure this is such a good idea?” She pitched her voice low.
“I have to,” he said. “I wish…”
She nodded. “I know.”
Her lips brushed his cheek and came to rest next to his ear.
“She’ll try to pull you down, to turn you, to tempt you. Remember, I’m with you.”
Her cheek felt smooth and soft against his face. Even without her scent, he could feel the warmth of her body, the steady sureness, the bright glow of her love.
His hand slipped around her waist, tightening into an embrace.
“I’ll remember,” he said.
Her lips pressed against his cheek again then she stepped away just as Gareth jumped out of the back of the van.
“Uh sorry,” he said. “If you’re done…”
He held out a small black cell phone.
Sebastian took it and slipped it into his pocket.
“I’ve programmed it,” Gareth said. “Just hit one and hold it for a moment. That’ll open the line. I’ll mute us on this end so she won’t be able to hear us, but we’ll hear everything. If anything starts, we’ll be right there.”
“Sure,” Sebastian said. “Thanks.”
Gareth nodded and put out his hand. They shook. For a brief moment, Sebastian thought he almost caught the echo of a thought from Gareth, something mixed with worry and hope, then it was gone.
Was this how it had been for Joan? Was that why she thought she’d die sooner? Did this ability somehow burn you out faster?
He only hoped he’d be able to worry about that later.
He gave Jessica a final brief smile before turning to head toward campus.
Back to school.
Funny that he never thought he’d see this building again.
Saggon Dorm sprawled in front of him, silver siding gleaming in the late afternoon sun. Two years had done little to change it. Maybe a little more dirt around the bottom near the foundation. A few different colored blinds or curtains hung in the windows. But everything else looked the same.
The same as two years ago when he’d shared a room with Charlie, ate in that same cafeteria facing the bank of windows that looked out into the courtyard. Walked those same halls with his feet pounding those tiles just like everyone else.
The same hurrying students flocked in and out of the main door, running shoes scuffing on the concrete steps. The late spring breeze brought him a mix of perfumes and colognes, soap and body lotion all overlaying the warm scent of their bodies, of their blood.
So many people. So much blood.
Just a taste...
He turned away from the front of the dorm. The grass crunched under his feet. It hadn’t rained here for a few days. Vegetation was a little brittle. He could smell it in the air. But rain was on the way. He could feel the hint of moisture, the way the wind carried it.
It would be a good soaking.
He headed back across the lawn, following the path as it curved along, angling past the grove of trees. Those trees.
He remembered those trees.
Wandering in at night, his sense of direction getting mixed up. The wet scent of dirt. The harsh grip of her hands. The sour smell of her breath.
And the sharp bite on his neck.
His life was never the same.
Please don’t let it be that way for Callum.
It would be hard enough helping him deal with their parents’ deaths. Let that be the only thing he had to help his brother deal with. Let him not be too late for anything else.
He had to keep hoping. It was the only thing stopping him from curling up into a ball.
The path curved away from the trees.
He stepped off and slipped into the grove, sliding between a set of dark, brown trunks. The ground felt hard under his feet. Diffuse light spackled the dead leaves, dirt and twigs that littered the area. It reminded him so much of that same time, just a few years ago.
This would have a much different outcome.
“It was in here, wasn’t it?”
Charlie’s voice floated behind him. Sebastian didn’t bother to turn his head. He could feel the coolness that accompanied Charlie’s appearance.
“In here is where I died.”
“You don’t have to come,” Sebastian said. “If you don’t want to see...”
“No, it’s okay. Just weird is all.”
Sebastian glanced back over his shoulder. Charlie followed, his hands shoved deep in his jeans pockets, shoulders hunched up toward his ears. He shook his head. His blond hair waved over his shoulders but didn’t catch the various pockets of light.
Sebastian wasn’t the only one with bad memories.
He found a natural clearing, with no small bushes. Even the ground looked clean, with only a scattering of dead leaves. He brushed some away from the bottom of a tree and sat down.
Charlie stood in the center. “Now what do we do?”
“Now we wait,” Sebastian said. “We wait for nightfall.”
“Do you think she’ll find us?”
“Oh, she’ll find us all right.”
“Hmph.” Charlie sat down to Sebastian right. “Do you think we’d have graduated by now?”
“Well, I would have,” Sebastian said. “I don’t know about you.”
They talked about school then. Classes. People they’d known. Things they`d done. Parties they’d attended, or actually all the parties Charlie had attended, which was quite a lot. And all the while, the sun moved across the sky until shadows stretched across the clearing. As they dipped lower and darkened, Sebastian took off his sunglasses and slipped them into his pocket. His fingers brushed the phone. He pulled it out and turned it on, leaving the line open.
He pictured Jessica and Gareth sitting in the van listening, themselves waiting for the sun to go down.
Waiting for Alexa.
First the colors of the leaves deepened. As the darkness spread, Sebastian found they looked more distinct, the ragged shapes of some of them, the branches twisting above his head. Besides him, Charlie even looked more solid. Somehow that seemed fitting. This was the last place he’d been alive.
The buzz of students that had been the backdrop for the afternoon, faded with the light. He caught the distant rhythmic beat of the bass from the student pub. If he focused enough, he was sure he’d be able to sense the malty aroma of beer on the air.
But even beer tasted bland to him. Nothing would ever have any proper flavor again.
Nothing except blood.
And he would never give in to that.
“I told you to come alone.”
His breath caught.
She stood across the clearing, a shadow between the trees. One foot shifted and she stepped forward, letting the dim starlight from above light her.
Alexa.
She had the same pixie cut to her brown hair, just a little longer now, a little shaggier. The same glasses perched on her nose. Dark Capri pants covered her legs. A white spaghetti strap top glowed in the darkness. Her feet pushed into wedge sandals. If she’d been carrying a book, she could have just been another student returning from a late class.
Except for the smear of blood on her chin.
“We have unfinished business, Sebastian,” she said.
He pushed up from the ground. His knees cracked. He’d been sitting too long. His muscles felt stiff. Mistake. He should have been preparing for a fight.
But he wasn’t sure their fight would be physical.
He straightened to his full height, maybe the first time he’d ever done that in her presence.
“You’re right,” he said. “We do have unfinished business. Where’s my brother?”
Her lips curled into a
smile, not unlike the smile he used to swoon over when they were in class together.
“He’s around. He’s my insurance, you might say.”
“Insurance?”
“That you’ll do what I say,” she said. “I want to make sure you cooperate.”
“I thought you wanted revenge,” he said. “For Constantine.”
“Oh I do. Not just for him but for the book, for the plans we had. You fucked things up pretty good for us, but I’ve come up with something almost as good. That’s what they taught us in school, right? How to be flexible.”
“Where’s Callum, Alexa?”
She waved her hand off to the right. “Over there, somewhere. Don’t worry. You’ll see him soon. When we’re finished here.”
Sebastian felt something else in the darkness between the trees. Another presence. Callum? He had to keep Alexa focused on him, distract her so she wouldn’t realize it was his brother.
“Finished with what here?” he said.
Her head tilted, the way it always had at a particularly difficult economic problem.
“Finished with what I have planned for you.”
Her finger flicked.
Movement exploded around him. Before he could focus, hands clamped on his arms, shoving him down to his knees. Sourness enveloped him. Three, maybe four vampires, surrounded him, held him on the ground, kneeling before Alexa.
He struggled to pull away but those hands tightened, squeezing flesh and muscles, grinding against his bones. Much more pressure and his bones would snap like kindling.
A lot of good he’d be for Callum then.
He sagged, stopped resisting. Maybe if the vampires felt him relax, they would relax their grips.
No such luck.
Alexa stepped forward and stopped right in front of Sebastian. He felt a hand grab a handful of his hair and yank his head back so he stared right into her face.
She smiled, her mouth wide. He smelled the sourness of her over all the others, a twisted version of her human scent. How often had he sat beside her in class, breathing in that warm scent, intoxicated by her?
Now it just made him want to gag.
“I was going to kill you,” she said. “You deserve it. I wanted to do it for the longest time but then I kept thinking about Constantine’s lessons. He always talked about the long view. He didn’t mean years or even decades, he meant centuries. And that got me thinking. What would be the best revenge on you that would take a really long time?”
Retribution of Soul: Book 3 of the In-Between Page 21