The bars blurred in my vision. I lowered myself to the floor.
Her colorless form moved behind the long, black stripes of the bars. Unlike when Sophie had set the cage in place, Annabelle heaved and huffed as she pulled out the restraints.
Sophie was dead.
Dead.
I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea that she could actually not be alive.
I’d called her Grandmother for anni—even though the only affection she’d ever shown me was by murdering anyone who thought to prey upon my brothers and me. For hours, I’d been cursing her in my mind, believing she’d killed Annabelle, imagining what I’d have to do when I finally broke out of the cage to protect Annabelle.
Dead.
I curled up, resting my head on my paws.
A moment later, a heavy, warm body settled on one of my sides, and another on my other. Not looking at my brothers, I let my eyes slip shut. I didn’t sleep, just laid there, trapped by Annabelle’s words.
“I’ll be upstairs,” Annabelle said from a great distance away. I didn’t look up as her boots clicked across the floor and up the ladder.
In the long hours that had stretched between when I’d last seen the woman I called Grandmother, I had considered that I might have to fight her. She had only sought to protect us from becoming monsters, from becoming her.
The pain hit with no warning. It grasped me in bone-crunching agony as I writhed beside my brothers. I didn’t fight it this time, just lay limply as my body convulsed. Every inch of my skin itched as if I had a thousand festering sores that burrowed into me. When the pain abated, I lay there, splayed out naked on the floor.
Sometime later, a bundle of material hit my back. “You need to dress, Dylan.” It was Joseph’s voice.
I raised my head to see both my brothers dressed and standing over me.
“We need to find out what happened from the lady.” Joseph heaved a sigh. “We don’t know what kind of danger we could all still be in.”
John stood just beyond Joseph’s shadow, moisture glistening on his face in the light of the lantern.
“Do you need help getting dressed?” Joseph asked, sounding as if he meant it in earnest.
“I can manage,” I choked out.
“Come tell us when you’re done. It will be better if she stays down here—for all our sakes.”
I nodded, rolling up to a sitting position.
They left me before I was fully clothed. Even though I knew I should follow, I slumped down against the stretch of wood paneling that was still intact. Putting my elbows to my knees and my face in my hands, I stayed.
I wasn’t sure how long it was until someone came to find me—minutes, maybe hours. From the clicking sound, so loud in a house used to near silence, I knew it was Annabelle.
She stopped some distance away. The windswept smell had faded to almost nothing, but it was still faintly there just in my senses.
“Joseph asked me to stay down here—I could leave—return to the manor if you would prefer solitude.” Her footfalls retreated two steps.
I didn’t look up, but rasped out, “No, please stay, Annabelle.”
The sound of her footsteps stopped. “Can I sit by you?” she asked.
“Yes.” Clearing my throat, I repeated it louder, “Yes, please sit with me.”
There was a rustle of skirts before I felt the heat of her presence along my arm.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” she whispered.
Dropping my hands, I looked over.
Though still colorless, compared to what she had looked like this morning, she could have been completely healed. It was as if she’d been dragging a great invisible weight that she’d cut loose.
I’d thought her beautiful when she was a lady in full color. But she had been beautiful in a distant way. She’d been like a finely sculpted vase or a meticulously rendered landscape painting. Today, here in my ruin of a workshop, she was something entirely different than beautiful. Lady Annabelle with her knotted hair, tattered rags, and complexion the color of a storm cloud was the most stunning girl I’d ever seen.
Hesitating a moment, she reached her hands up and brushed her gloved thumbs over my cheeks just under my eyes.
“Am I crying?” I asked.
The corner of her lip rose in a mirthless smile. “A couple of tears.”
I swallowed. “It just didn’t seem possible—I guess. Her dying, I mean. I never considered that it might happen. Are you sure she’s dead?”
She bit her lip as a tear fell from her lashes. Her head nodded once, decisively. “I know she is. I saw her myself. She transformed into a human after a magician reaped her Sun power. I should tell you that the gods Nirsha and Sun—they were there—and they honored her. Nirsha told me she would take her to her realm.”
I squinted at her, confusion creasing my brow. “I think I should probably hear the whole story to understand what you mean—I don’t at the moment.”
She told me. She told me every detail from the moment I left her yesterday morning all the way until Sophie jumped into the path of the magician’s spell. About how she’d escaped because the other magicians hadn’t known to send the dire wolves to hunt her—but that Nirsha said they’d realize soon enough.
“Sophie’s note helped me understand what was happening a little more. My cousin’s crimson ring that sank into my skin, it’s a bind between the wolves, magicians, and myself. The magicians have put a collar on the god Sun—I saw it around his neck. You’re all connected to him, and now, so am I. Through your connection to Sun, the magicians can force you into your wolf form in the daylight hours and control what you do. I don’t think they can control me. But because of our connection now, you’ll always be able to find me when you’re a wolf.”
I thought about it for a moment. “That’s not good news—didn’t you say there are many more wolves?”
“Many.”
“And they all can find you?”
“Yes.” She looked to her gloved hands, splaying out her fingers, and then looked back up at me. “Sophie’s note did say, however, that I’m safe in here—down here, during the daylight hours. Wolves can’t get through that stove. She also said she doesn’t think that the other wolves will come into a house with your scents—you and Joseph, it said. She didn’t explain that, but I’m hoping she’s right.” Annabelle inhaled deeply as if she was steeling herself for something. “If you’ll allow me to stay for the time being, I’ll find some way to repay you and your brothers. It might take a while, but on my honor, I will repay the hospitality two-fold.”
I looked into her mismatched eyes, wanting to smile at the ridiculousness, though my heart wasn’t up for smiling at the moment. “Of course you can stay. You can always stay here.”
“I can?” She sounded almost surprised, like she’d truly feared I would turn her away to die.
“Annabelle, you can stay forever if you want.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Somehow, in the time we were talking, we had inched closer, and her tattered sleeve brushed my arm. Her eyes fastened on mine, both otherworldly and enchanting. I leaned in, submerging in her amazing scent. She tipped up her head, her lips parting slightly.
Ever so slowly, I leaned in toward her.
When my lips were but an inch away, she whispered, “Wait.”
I paused, my lips hovering over hers. “I’m waiting.”
She leaned back into the wall, separating us by mere inches, though it was enough to break the moment. “I can’t kiss you, it’s unethical.”
I also leaned back. “Unethical?” The word was like a smack in my face. “Why? Because you think I’m some sort of degenerate?”
“No.” She reached up, grabbing my arm as I made to stand. “Stop, Dylan. You’re emotionally compromised. You just lost your grandmother today—therefore, you can’t be fully right in your judgments. And, beyond that, I’m your employer—it wouldn’t be right to take advantage of you that way.”
<
br /> I couldn’t help the huff of disbelief that escaped me as I sat back down on the ground. “You’re not my employer, Annabelle.”
“But I was for many anni.”
I looked down to where her fingers still gripped my arm.
As if she just remembered she was touching me, she drew away.
“How about this?” Reaching over, I took her hand in mine. “I’d like to hold your hand—if it’s not unethical.”
“Um.” She paused. “I suppose it’s fine. I don’t think that there’s anything… particularly unethical about holding your hand if it’s for comfort.”
“Okay, then. Mind if I take your glove off?”
“My glove? No—I mean, yes. I mean, you can take my glove off.” Her words trailed off to almost a whisper.
I peeled off her glove and wrapped her hand in mine, careful to keep her bare fingers away from my clothing. We sat for a long time as I ran my calloused fingers over her smooth ones.
“I have a dress for you,” I told her after a while.
“You have a dress. Really? How did you come by a dress?” She sounded a little amused.
“A friend. It’s nothing fancy, nothing like you’re used to.”
She laughed under her breath. “I’m used to this now.” She pointed down at the gray, ripped material that barely covered her legs. “I think your dress will be quite luxurious.”
I squeezed her hand. “I hope you know that I’m not really a rake who likes to ruin women.”
She squeezed my hand back, her thumb brushing over the pad of my palm. “I know that. I’m sorry for saying it. I’m sorry I said it and sorry you overheard it as well.”
“Well, just as long as you know that that’s not who I am.” I leaned back into the wall and looked at her. “So, you gained your color back for a time—do you think there’s a way to fix yourself entirely?”
“Perhaps.” She looked away. “My guess is that that’s up to Nirsha—if I’m lucky it’s up to Nirsha.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“I had some ideas, actually.” She straightened, drawing herself up. “First, I want to get the press running again. Are you still planning to work at the manor?”
I shrugged. “I suppose—if I’m not a wolf from now on during the days.”
“I hope not. I think that I was wrong about my cousin’s sympathies. That was why it took me so long to return. After I lost my color again today, Tony couldn’t see me anymore. He couldn’t see anything around him. He was just stumbling and walking into walls. I literally had to push him out of the east wing. I followed him to his study. There, we were able to write notes back and forth.” She paused to bite her lip and then release it. “He’s remembering me in pieces. The Congregation has him surrounded—his servants and the lord and lady visiting him, many of them are spies. Likely he suspects almost everyone; he was always suspicious in nature. He has a talent for uncovering secrets, and it has embittered him to nearly everyone. He told me the Congregation is forcing him to marry this Lady Egres, who’s under direct orders from the Congregation to force Tony to reveal me to them.” Annabelle shook her head. “She’s evil—she doesn’t care if he lives or dies, only for some sort of social advantage from the marriage. I’ve decided what I’m going to do, and it’s this… I’m going to save him. I’m going to free my cousin.”
The words sent an unexpected pang through my chest, though it was ridiculous. Of course she would want to save her cousin and fiancé. I was being a dolt. Slowly, I withdrew my hand from hers. “Are you two… still planning to wed? I mean, are you planning to wed when you retrieve your color permanently?”
Though she let me pull away, she exclaimed, “No. Most definitely not!” She shook her head. “No, but I dearly regret the callous words I have been saying against him. I knew what he was going through. He shouldn’t have acted the way he did, and I shouldn’t have responded the way I did. It doesn’t matter now. I love him. He’s my only remaining family, and even with everything that’s happened between us and our differences, he’s still one of my dearest friends. When I meant free him, I meant free him from the magicians. They plan to reap him, Dylan. I heard it from their lips. They want the Klein line ended for good. It’s a choice between him and Lord and Lady Stewart—and from what I learned from Tony today…” She flicked a tear from her cheek. “What I heard from him today is that it sounds as if Tony would prefer he die to spare Collin from the agony of losing his parents. I begged Tony to pretend, to act as if he’s hunting me down, to make the Congregation believe he is essential in the task of finding me.” Annabelle closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly.
Reaching over, I took her hand again. Immediately, her fingers closed around mine as if it was her natural reaction to hold onto me. “Do you think he’ll pretend?”
“I don’t know if he wants to survive anymore, Dylan. His life is suffocating him.” She shook her head and sighed. “He did say he would take over the patronage of Fauve. He’ll make the offer directly. And then he plans to pay Fauve extravagantly—‘as only a drunk man can,’ he said. He’s always tight and meticulous with his spending, except for with me—he was always generous with me. Therefore, he’ll have to be careful in his pretense of wastefulness, but I do believe he’ll start funneling money to the press.” Her gaze met mine, eyes burning with something that looked almost like anger. “I’m going to destroy as much of the Congregation as I possibly can before they stop me, Dylan. That’s what I plan to do. I plan to save my cousin, myself, you and your brothers—the lords and ladies of Domengrad, all of us.”
I couldn’t think of any response to that, so I only nodded.
“I must sound delusional to you—telling you I plan to destroy the Congregation by myself.” She looked away.
“No,” I said. “I would like to help you, but it seems I might become your enemy no matter what I want. I definitely didn’t have a choice in turning into a wolf today—and, now that I think on it, we had all felt this unquenchable urge to go find you—to be honest, I’m not sure if it was because we were all driven to save you or just driven to find you. And now I’m wondering if it would be better if John, Joseph, and I left… perhaps even to a different city. If Sophie’s right and the other wolves can’t enter here, the three of us are the biggest threats against you.”
“No. If you left, they likely would feel free to enter,” she said. “I’m safer with you here.”
“I don’t think so. Having us constantly around you…” I stopped because she shook her head so violently she looked as if she might have injured her neck in the movement.
“Please stay,” she whispered so quietly I barely heard it, and I had good hearing. She said nothing more, but her eyes begged me with an intensity that sent shivers through my body. I’d never seen Annabelle look so vulnerable before; it was as if all that hard, self-reliance had deserted her.
Even though I’d never truly been alone in my life, I understood the message in her gaze. I understood that, for just this moment, Annabelle was showing me something she likely rarely showed anyone; she was showing me that she needed me—that she probably needed us.
In that same moment, I realized, more than anything, I wanted to stay. Annabelle might be the only hope to change the world that took my parents, Sophie, and Lord Klein. I wanted to be a part of that. But that wasn’t all of it, I wanted to stay because I wanted to be part of her life—preferably a good part of her life. I wanted her to look at me that way, as if she needed me.
I knew it was likely that if I stayed, I’d be the worst part of her life. If I was the one forced to deliver her to the magicians—to stand there after delivering her and watch her die—I wasn’t sure I would want to survive that. I wouldn’t want to survive doing that to anyone, but most of all, not to her. If it happened, not only would I survive, I would also be cursed with immortality forever—to live forever as the murderer of this strange and beautiful girl.
She still watched me with that raw vulnerability c
lear in her expression, and I knew if I told her we were going to leave her alone, I might never see this side of her again. I didn’t want that to happen.
Though I knew it was the wrong decision and I was setting us on a path for devastation, I said, “I’m not going anywhere.” I squeezed her hand and repeated, “I’m not going anywhere at all.”
That vulnerability faded from her eyes and a small smile touched her lips. “Good,” she whispered. Her gaze broke from mine to peer deeper into the workshop. “I wouldn’t know the first thing about working a printing press all by myself here.”
I couldn’t quite manage a smirk, so I settled for a meaningful look. “I have a feeling that it won’t take you any time at all to learn—that is, if Joseph lets you touch his precious press.”
We didn’t say anything after that, just held each other’s hands in the ruin of a workshop, a lady and a stable boy, two allies destined to destroy each other.
Epilogue
Crimson Rain
Annabelle
My fingers combed through the downy fur at John’s muzzle as I stared at my new boots, thinking of the task I had set myself today. My new family of wolves were going to be furious with me.
They huddled together, just beyond the bars of their cell, three black noses the size of dinner plates pointed toward me, just within my reach. My other hand rested on the side of Dylan’s snout. His giant eyes had closed some time ago, his body rising and falling with slow even breaths.
It had been three weeks since they had first turned to wolves. In the first few days after, they’d insisted on spending the daylight hours locked away, but as the pattern for when and how the magicians would force them into wolf form became clear, we’d slowly regained some ability to live normally.
Normally.
A word that didn’t make any sort of logical sense in my life these days. Logic was another ill-fitting word for my existence.
Colorless Page 24