Yet there was a part of my brain that just couldn't click on. It was a bizarre sensation, part of me right there, ready and willing, truly aching for him, but another part stood aside, not involved in anything that was happening. It was like that part of me wasn’t even involved in the scene. The pleasure that other Gabriella felt didn’t belong to me. It couldn’t.
When he turned me around, I went eagerly, lifting my mouth to meet his, parting my lips for him and greedily sucking on his tongue, biting at him and demanding everything he would give and more.
I lifted my hands to tug at his tie, unbutton his shirt and push at his clothes while he dealt with mine with the same quick urgency. Even when Edward went to his knees and began to press a line of kisses from my belly button down to the curls between my thighs, I still wasn't all there.
I felt the hard tugs of pleasure when he licked my clit and then slid his tongue through the folds of my pussy and I felt the way my legs went weak and he steadied me, then eased me down onto the floor before he brought me to a sobbing climax with his mouth.
But I was still detached.
Even though I wasn’t.
That pleasure seemed to belong to somebody else, to a woman who had the right to lie there and open her arms for him, wrap her legs around his hips as he drove inside her. The right to call out his name as he moaned hers. She had the right to feel the love and tenderness he had to give her.
That woman wasn't me. I was too guilty to deserve it. Too guilty to deserve him.
***
Edward made love to me again downstairs, this time on the living room couch, and then we went to his bedroom and showered, having hard, driving sex against the wall while water rained down around us and we stared into each other's eyes. It had been too much, my pussy already sensitive from our previous bouts of love-making, and I'd reveled in the pain that had come with the pleasure. Even my orgasm had ridden that edge and I'd still begged him to take me harder.
The naked need in his eyes called to me and I finally felt a little more me as his fingers dug into my hips, calling bruises to my skin even as he'd called out my name. But the feeling faded when he came up behind me after we'd finished showering and brushed his hands down my sides.
“I was too rough with you,” he said, a frown marring his face as he lightly touched the bruises on my hips.
“I’m fine,” I told him, catching his wrist and holding it in place. I gave him a reassuring smile and said, “I love knowing I can push you to where you forget to be a gentleman, Edward.”
“Hmmm.” His lids dropped down low over his eyes and he came in closer, bracketing me in with his hands coming to rest on the bathroom counter on either side of my waist. “You could make me forget a lot of things, Gabriella.”
He pulled me back against him and held me close. Turning my face into his neck, I stood there in the warmth of his arms, our bodies still damp from the shower and loose from sex. I could feel his cock stirring, hardening against my butt and despite how sore I was, we might have gone again except my belly rumbled and Edward chuckled, sliding one hand around to rest on my stomach.
“I think I need to feed you,” he said softly.
He pulled away and as I was toweling my hair off, he slid out of the bathroom. When he came back, he was carrying a beautiful emerald green robe. My eyes widened when he held it out behind me.
“Here,” he murmured. “I bought this for you.”
The softness caressed my skin like a cloud and all over again, my throat wanted to lock up. I didn't deserve this man. “It’s so soft.”
He drew my hair out from under the collar, and smoothed it down while I adjusted the front and tied the belt, securing it at my waist.
“Cashmere. Almost as soft as your skin.” He kissed me again and then took my hand, guiding me into the bedroom. “You lay down, take it easy. I’m going to scrounge us up something to eat.”
He grabbed another robe from the foot of the bed, a blue one a few shades deeper than his eyes and pulled it on. He was gone in another moment and I collapsed onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
There weren’t any answers written there so I covered my face with my hands. I didn’t want to look at anybody or anything just then. Like a predator, the guilt snuck up on me again and I felt like it was going to eat me alive. I couldn’t deal with it, couldn’t handle it. What was I supposed to do?
Tell him, the small voice in the back of my mind whispered.
But how?
To that, I had no answer.
The sound of Edward’s voice calling out my name had me jerking up in bed and tears I hadn’t even been aware of choked me as he walked inside. I swiped at the tears, swearing silently when he came to an abrupt halt.
“Gabriella.”
I cleared my throat and focused on the window, surreptitiously wiping at the damp tracks on my face. I heard him put the tray down. From the corner of my eye, I saw as he knelt in front of me, but I didn’t turn my head to look at him.
His hands covered mine. “What’s wrong? Please don’t try to brush this aside. Did I hurt you?”
“No.” I shook my head. “No, it was amazing.”
“If…are you uncertain about the wedding? Is that it?”
“No!” Whipping my head around, I stared at him. “No, Edward, that’s not it at all.”
“Then what is it?” He moved closer, his weight leaning against my knees until I parted them, letting him come closer. Big hands caught my hips and dragged me to the edge and now we were pressed close, chest to chest, the hard, flat ridge of his belly against my crotch.
“Talk to me, love. Please.” There was a note of desperation in his voice.
“I…” Searching his face, I tried to find the words. What did I tell him? What did I say?
But the truth that had so often guided my life failed me. I’d been known for speaking my mind and telling people how it really was. But not now. “I’m just scared. Nervous. I feel…stupid. And my job, it’s winding down and I’m worrying over money and Kendra and I aren’t getting along very well and I’m just stressing, Edward. It’s a lot to deal with.”
He smoothed my hair back from my face while the understanding in his eyes made me feel like the lowest piece of slime imaginable. I’d lied. Again.
How could I do this? How could I keep doing this?
He took my hands and lifted them to his lips, staring at me with intensity in his eyes. “I understand. Well, I can’t say I know what you’re going through, but I understand that this is a lot to juggle all at once. Would…Gabriella, if you want to delay the wedding, I’m okay with it.”
“No.” I tightened my grip on his hands. I didn't even want to think what Claire would do if I tried to put things off. “That’s not what I want.”
“Then…” He stood up abruptly and picked me up, settling back down with me on his lap. He brushed my hair back and leaned in, staring into my eyes, leaning in until his forehead touched mine. “Move in with me.”
My heart hitched. Everything in me sort of froze. “Edward…?”
“I know you value your independence, but we’re getting married. Most engaged couples live together, sometimes even before they get engaged. You’ll be my wife in a few months. If you’re here, then you’ll worry less about money. Kendra is doing very well now. She’s becoming one of Bouvier’s hottest properties. She'll understand.” He brushed his thumb across my cheek as he continued to watch me. “And you already said the landlord addressed the issue about rent control. The situation isn’t what it was a few weeks ago, a month ago. Say yes, Gabriella. Please.”
How could I deny him anything when I'd fucked up so badly? I just wanted to make him happy. To make up for what I'd done.
“Yes.”
Chapter 7
“Aren’t you moving a little fast?”
At the sound of Kendra’s voice, I closed my eyes.
I waited until I knew I could answer without snapping before I said anything. “Aren’t you the one w
ho told me I was going to lose the best thing that ever happened to me if I wasn’t careful?”
“Yes!” She sounded exasperated.
I opened my eyes just in time to see her flopping down on the couch next to the box of clothes I'd almost finished packing. Edward had offered to have movers come in and pack my things, but I didn’t like the idea of strangers touching my underwear. As soon as I'd said that, he'd agreed. He didn't like that idea any more than I did.
“But Gabs, look.” She caught my hands just as I went to grab one of my sweaters. “Look at me. Last week, you were all down in the dumps over something. And don’t lie to me and say it was over this job that’s ending. I know you better than that. Something was really eating at you. If you aren’t ready to talk, okay, but, come on. Now you’re rushing into moving in with him?”
“We’re getting married, remember?” I held up my hand and wiggled the finger with the ring. “How is this rushing anything?”
She gave me a knowing look. “I don’t know. You tell me.”
“Well, I can’t. Because we’re not rushing.” I jerked my shoulders in a shrug, as if I hadn't already been having this conversation with myself. “This is what feels right.” Especially if I didn’t want to lose Edward, if I wanted to feel safe and secure in what we had, this was what I needed. When I was with him, everything felt right. I didn’t even think about whatever crazy shit was happening elsewhere. He was a rock, and that was what I needed. What I wanted.
“Gabriella…” Kendra’s voice trailed off.
I didn’t look at her. Tugging my hands away from hers, I went back to folding my clothes. “I’ve only got a couple of hours before the movers get here. You’re coming to the party, right?”
“If you’re certain this is what you want, well…yeah. I wouldn’t miss it.”
“It’s what I want.” It had to be…right?
***
The party had been Edward’s idea, to celebrate my moving in with him and to introduce me to more of his friends. Same social circle as the people at the club, but closer to Edward's age than his parents. This was for friends rather than business associates, though I got the impression that some of them were one and the same.
The thing was, I didn’t know any of them and almost none made any attempt to speak with me. Quite a few of them, however, did know Kendra, thanks to the fact that her face was currently being splashed all over the media. Edward hadn’t been joking when he said she was becoming one of their hottest commodities. I was happy for her, but every time we had a minute to sit down and breathe, somebody would come and start chatting her up. Almost all of them were men and more than a few seemed to have something other than friendly conversation in mind, which Kendra was more than aware of, judging by the glint in her eyes.
She wasn’t like me, though. She knew how to handle men like that. The ones who flattered and cajoled. She could see right through all the bullshit and knew what each man really wanted, and whether or not she wanted to give it to them. Stupid me, I’d done one photoshoot with a known party-boy and I’d ended up naked in under an hour.
And had I learned from my mistake? Had I listened to my more worldly-wise friend? No. I’d gone out with him again and what had happened?
I’d ended up drunk and flat on my back.
The misery and the shame of it started to choke me again, and I could feel the burn of tears in my eyes, but before I succumbed to them, a familiar laugh caught my attention. I looked up and saw Stacia Vanderbilt. She was leaning close to Edward and as she rested a hand on his arm, she laughed at something he said.
My belly twisted in an ugly, hot snarl. They looked so right together. Like a match. Like they fit. They belonged. She was dressed in a sleek black column dress that set her pale skin off like a pearl and while I'd thought my own blue dress had been flattering, compared to her, I felt like the frumpy country cousin.
As if he sensed my gaze, Edward looked up and smiled at me, his eyes heating up. There was a time when that smile would have filled me with delight, but now I could only think about how he would look at me if he knew the truth. Still, I kept smiling and he turned back to his friends, murmuring something to Stacia and then to the others around him.
I half-expected the acknowledgement to be just that, but he walked away from them and came over to me, moving with the athletic grace that came from years of sports and maintenance.
“You’re the belle of the ball and yet you’re standing on your own, Cinderella,” he said, dipping his head to kiss me lightly.
“Well, Cinderella was a woman of mystery.” My attempt at a quip fell flat. Was I losing my ability for pithy comments too? Not that it had been doing me much good. “I don’t really know anybody, Edward, and I'm clearly out of my element.” My gaze wandered to Stacia who was watching us over the rim of her wineglass. Her gaze was anything but friendly. “Stacia seems to know a lot of people though.”
“Yes,” he answered absently. “She and I grew up in the same circle. We know a lot of the same people.” He slid his arms around me and pulled me back against him. “I’m so glad you’re here now, gorgeous.”
“Hmmm.” I tucked my head against his shoulder as he pressed a kiss to the hollow below my ear. “Me too.” I told myself that if I kept saying it, eventually, it would be true, but I wasn't entirely sure I believed the whole fake it till you make it saying anymore.
“Come on.” He pulled away from me. “I want to introduce my beautiful fiancée to some of my friends.”
He nodded to Kendra who returned it before going back to a conversation with a guy I was pretty sure I'd seen on a billboard a few weeks ago. For the first time since I'd met her, I was truly jealous of my best friend, but not of her looks or career. No, I was jealous at how easy she took to her surroundings.
I gave Edward a plastic smile and let him tuck my hand into the crook of his arm before he led me off into the crush. From the corner of my eye, I saw the look Stacia directed our way. I wanted to hate her, wanted to tell Edward how much I disliked her being there, but after the past week, I didn’t think I had the right to make demands of him on anything. Or any right to judge another woman's desire for my fiancé. Not after what I'd done.
***
After a couple hours apart, Kendra and I finally managed to steal a few moments just outside on the balcony. It was dark out, but the lights placed here and there kept the darkness from being too complete. We’d chosen one of the darker corners, though, because we were both trying to hide. Me from the curious and disapproving looks from Edward's friends, Kendra from her admirers.
“Some party,” she said over a glass of sparkling water. She had a shoot in the morning.
I had a glass of the same. Even the thought of alcohol made my stomach turn right now. I took a sip of the almost-certainly-expensive water and glanced at her. “Edward doesn’t do anything small scale.”
She gave me a sideways look. “Are you happy?”
“Happy? Of course I’m happy.” Even as I voiced the lie, I tried to figure out why I had to lie. Aside from Flynn. Aside from the fact that I’d cheated on my fiancé. Why had I cheated? Why had I gone out with a guy I probably knew I shouldn’t trust anyway? Why was I so messed up?
Kendra's voice drew me from my thoughts. “Then how come you aren’t in there, walking around with him and having fun, doing the new fiancée thing?” She sighed, the sound almost sad. “Gabs, you don’t look happy.”
“I am,” I insisted again. I couldn’t even tell her the truth. She wouldn’t understand and she’d already tried so hard to warn me away from Flynn. Granted, she’d been a bitch about how she’d done it, but she hadn’t been wrong, had she? “I am happy, Kendra. I’m just stressing. The wedding. Edward’s mom…none of the wedding planning is really falling to me. I just—”
“Excuse me.”
The voice was low, almost hushed.
Both of us stiffened as a form emerged from the shadows, gazing at Kendra with rapt eyes.
I wasn
’t quite able to hide my irritated sigh, but Kendra was already smiling graciously. She was taking to the insta-fame a lot better than I was, and I wasn't generally recognized on sight.
“Hello.”
He started to blink rapidly, smoothing down his suit and patting at his hair. “Yes, hello. Yes.” He licked his lips and stuck out a hand. “You’re Kendra, aren’t you?”
“I am.” She shook his hand.
“I was…” He swallowed and looked at me. If he knew who I was, it didn't show. “Yes, hello. I…that is, my partner and I, are doing a charity fundraiser to benefit the youth of the city and we were needing a spokesperson for the event. Could I, that is, if you don’t mind, can I beg a few moments of your time?”
Kendra shot me a look that clearly said it was my call.
I tipped my water at her. “Your public calls.”
They hadn’t even made it ten feet when a low voice behind me said, “I thought they’d never leave.”
I jumped, my entire body going cold. Spinning around, I started to back up. The heel of my shoe snagged on one of the stones and if Flynn hadn’t caught me, I would have ended up falling on my ass. Honestly, I would have preferred falling on my ass.
Shoving at his hands, I twisted away. “Let me go.” I tore away from him with a ferocity that surprised me.
He gave me a bemused smile. “What’s the matter, Tennessee? Afraid your beloved prince will see? Or is something else bothering you?”
“Yes.” A knot was threatening to choke me. I curled my hands into fists “You.”
He blinked, confusion stamped on his features. He shoved an unsteady hand through his hair and took a stumbling step toward me.
Shit. He was drunk. Flynn was bad enough sober.
“I sh—think you’re gonna have to esh—explain that one to me, darling.”
I backed away another step, determined to keep as much distance between us as I could. “You’re drunk,” I snapped.
Pure Lust: The Complete Series Box Set Page 22