“Broke something?”
“Yes. Of course. I’m really sorry. That pretty vase by the front door? Crystal?”
“Vase…oh, that.” His tone was dismissive, then concerned. “You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”
I swallowed, rubbing at a small nick near my ankle. It was probably from one of the small shards that had gone flying. “No. I’m fine, but the vase is toast. I destroyed it. My laptop is probably busted. The vase is nothing but a million little pieces now.”
“It’s just a vase. What’s wrong with your laptop?”
“I dropped it before I crashed into the table and knocked the vase over. The vase landed on it, and there was water...” I shrugged lamely, forgetting he couldn’t see it through the phone.
“You’re having a rough day. I was calling to tell you I’d be late, but now I’m wondering if I should come home as planned.”
“No!” I couldn’t yank back the tone I’d used, but I covered it fast, saying again softly, “Edward, you can’t leave everything when I have a bad day. I’m guaranteed to be cranky at least five days out of the month, what are you going to do then?”
He paused and then chuckled wryly. “Well, I see what you mean. Very well. What did you have planned for the day? I know my mother mentioned she had plans this afternoon, looking at swatches and dress designs for the bridal party?”
“Yes.” I was delighted I managed to say it without clenching my teeth. If I made it through this afternoon without committing matricide, I’d been amazed. Was it matricide if you killed your soon-to-be mother-in-law? I didn’t know, and hopefully I wouldn't find out. “But for now, I thought I’d find a coffee shop and get some more work done, maybe look for some leads on my next job.”
“Your next…? Oh, yes. You said you’d be finishing up this project soon.” He hesitated.
I could all but feel the words building inside him. I knew what was coming and hoped he wouldn't say it.
He did.
“You know, it’s not necessary that you work right now, Gabriella. You’ve got your hands full with the wedding and adjusting to everything that’s changed.”
“I need to work.” If I didn’t, I’d go nuts, but I couldn't tell him that, not without sounding like he wasn't enough for me. “I like working, Edward.”
“Of course.”
A car pulled up in front of me and the sight of Paul climbing out shouldn’t have made me scowl, but it did. It would be a lot easier to find a coffee shop with him around, no doubt. I just wanted to be alone. Me and my bad mood. “I’m going to get going, Edward. Get to work at all.”
“Of course. Call me around lunch so we can talk.”
“If I can.”
***
I didn’t call.
I forgot.
Between an actual idea for a new TV show—one that I suspected wouldn’t sell just as nothing else had—and my focus on job opportunities both on freelance sites and classified ads, I completely lost track of time. By the time my phone went off to remind me about texting Paul for a ride to the offices of Magnifique for my meeting with Claire and Estelle, hours had gone by and I hadn't even noticed.
When the phone did go off, I jerked my head up and looked around, confused as I took in my surroundings. Loud music, louder voices and the general chaos of a New York coffee shop. It was familiar and comforting.
Home.
Sucking in a huge breath through my nostrils, I breathed in the scent and realized that for the first time in weeks, I actually felt relaxed. It was pitiful, but the noise was more soothing to me than the blissful silence and sweet serenity of Edward’s home—I couldn't quite bring myself to call it mine—and definitely far more comfortable than things had been with Kendra lately.
Maybe I should have just moved into a local barista.
Amused at the idea, I sent off a message to Paul and started clearing up my work area, including the cups from all the coffee I’d consumed. I was surprised my hands weren't shaking. Paul responded back and told me he’d be there in ten minutes. That allowed time for a pit stop and then I was out the door just as he pulled up.
Once I was tucked inside and he was navigating the mean streets of New York, I asked whimsically and wistfully, “I don’t suppose I could talk you into joining us, could I?”
“Joining you, Miss?”
“I’m doing some wedding stuff with Edward’s mom, Claire.” I sighed. “She's not exactly...fond of me. It'd be nice to have a buffer.”
“I wouldn’t be much of a buffer, Miss Gabriella.” He flicked me a look in the rearview mirror after he’d come to a halt at a red light. “Mrs. Bouvier doesn’t take much notice of me. She’d act as if I wasn’t even there.”
I wished I could say that surprised me.
He came to a halt in front of the elegant, old building that housed Magnifique. When he came around and opened the door, I took a deep breath. “Wish me luck.”
“You’ll do fine.” He caught my arm before I walked by. “However, the next time you’d like company, perhaps we could pick up Miss Kendra?”
The fact that I actually considered it when I was annoyed at her showed just how much I didn't want to face Claire and Estelle alone.
***
“Sure.” Kendra shrugged at me over the table, but her smile was guarded. “I can help hold the monster-in-law at bay. Are you two still arguing over what the bridesmaids are wearing? You know, I really hope I don’t end up in something that makes me look like a cow.”
“Nothing could do that.” I rolled my eyes and took a drink of the mai-tai. We’d ordered a pitcher of them at the small, park-side bistro. The dinner rush hadn’t quite hit, but it was getting close. “Right now, Estelle is playing the mediator. Claire is insisting on rust red, floor length debacles that I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. We’re looking at a few more in two days if you can make it. She keeps trying to push me toward these designer wedding dresses that I hate and can’t afford, so of course she says she'll pay for it, which means I can't protest...” I sighed, twirling my straw in my drink. Just the thought of it was making me tired.
“You should just tell her to suck it.” Kendra shrugged. “But I'm free in two days.”
We sipped our mai-tais and looked out over the sprawl of Central Park. There was an awkwardness between us now, a tension that hadn't been there before I'd met Edward.
She broke the silence first. “How is it, living with a guy?”
Putting my glass down, I reached for the discarded straw wrapper and started to twist it around my finger. “I don’t know. Weird.”
“Well, yeah. You’re living with a guy.” She rolled her eyes. “Just tell me he doesn’t do anything nasty like leaving the toilet seat up.”
“No!” I laughed a little and some of the tension faded away.
“He’s fine…I just…” I stopped and blew out a breath, not sure if I could even explain it. “He calls and checks up on me. All the time. If I don’t answer the texts within a few minutes, he’ll text again, then he’ll call.”
“Awww…” Kendra’s face softened. “Honey, that’s sweet.”
“No!” Groaning, I braced my elbows on my hands and buried my face against my palms. “It’s not sweet. It’s irritating. Nobody needs to know where I am twenty-four seven. I knocked over a vase this morning. It was an accident, but he offered to come home. I don’t need a man leaving the office because I’m a klutz.”
“How about because you’re sad?” Kendra countered, sounding almost annoyed.
I groaned and then shoved back, peeling some money from my wallet and tossing it down to cover the tapas and drinks we’d been sharing. “Sad, mad, sick…I’m still a big girl, Kendra.” She just didn't get it.
I swung my bag over my shoulder and hesitated, only because Kendra was clearly packing up as well. Once she was mostly ready, I turned away and moved through the sea of bodies, heading for the exit. But I didn’t go home. I wanted to be out of here in the worst way, but not home. Edwar
d might be there. Yeah, big girl you are…running from the guy you don’t want to face.
Maybe what I needed was a good smack in the head. I was running. I didn’t want to talk to him, not about the wedding, wedding plans, not about anything. Whenever we were alone and talking, all I could think of was how I needed to be free of this guilt, how I needed to tell him about what had happened, from the time I'd first met Flynn all the way up until our final photography session. Every kiss, every thought. Edward deserved to know but knowing would destroy us.
What was happening to the life that had seemed so set just a few weeks ago?
I veered toward the waiting car and felt Kendra go with me. Paul automatically opened the back door for me, but I didn't get in.
“Can you take Kendra home? We’re close to Cody’s so I’m going to see if he wants to grab some food, go out for a while tonight.”
Paul looked like he wanted to argue, but then, after a moment, he nodded. I was, after all, marrying his boss.
***
“So, sweetheart, are you going to tell me why you’re blue?”
I delayed by taking a drink of the Cosmo that had just been placed in front of me. Lowering the glass, I smiled at Cody and shrugged. “Nothing. Well, nothing except stress about the wedding and needing to find a job.”
“Yeah, about that. Why do you need to find a job? I thought you liked the modeling gig.” Cody studied me with shrewd eyes and I had a feeling those eyes saw far more than I wanted him to see.
“I just...” My smile started to wobble and then it fell away completely.
I can't do this, I realized as I sat there staring at his face. Lately, it felt like Cody was the only one I could really talk to. He wouldn’t make snap judgments about anything and he wouldn’t try to pat and soothe me or tell me that if I just listened to him, my life would be so much better. He would just listen.
I couldn't lie to him about this anymore. I needed to tell somebody.
“I slept with Flynn.” The words came out of me in a rush, like a dam inside me had suddenly broken.
The only emotion he betrayed was a faint flicker of his lashes.
“It happened before I met Edward,” I hurried to add. “Like right before. I'd interviewed at the company and Flynn barged in, pretty much wrecked the interview although I doubt I would have gotten the job anyway. I told him off when I ran into him at a club the next day and he told me he wanted to do a photoshoot of my hands. I needed the money.”
The story came pouring out and Cody listened, nodding occasionally, but otherwise making no response of any kind. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking at all, which actually helped me keep going.
When I got to the part about what happened after we’d completed the project with the kids, he closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat. He drilled the heels of his hands against his eye sockets as if he hoped to blot out something he really didn't want to see, all the while muttered vicious ugly things I could barely hear over the muted noise coming from the dance floor a few levels down.
In an abrupt motion, he stood up and pulled some bills from his wallet, tossing them down onto the table. “Come on,” he said, holding out a hand. “Let's go where we can hear ourselves think.”
I don’t want to think…
I looked at what remained of my drink and tossed it back before following Cody. It took nearly twenty minutes to navigate the floors and the maze of twisting, bodies.
At one point, he called over his shoulder, “If you want a drink, we can find someplace quieter.”
“No.” I gave him a weak shrug. “I’ve kind of hit the point to where getting smashed has lost its appeal.”
He nodded and we stepped out into the cool evening. I wrapped my arms around myself and looked at the glitter of the lights of the city as we began to walk.
After a few moments, he broke the silence, his voice flat. “Explain this to me again. You woke up at Flynn’s place? How?”
“I don’t remember much.” I shot him a look. We came to the intersection and I rested a hand on a street light while I rotated one ankle, then the other. Heels sucked for walking. As we started to cross, I told Cody what I did remember, wrapping it up with what Flynn had said at the party, how he insisted nothing had happened and how he'd been pissed that I could actually think something might have.
“He was enough of an asshole to let you think something had. Shit, you’d had sex once and he’s been jonesing for more—” Cody caught sight of my face and he grimaced. “I know my brother, Gabs. I thought he was just wanting what he couldn’t have. But it’s more than that. He’s already been with you and now…” His voice trailed off. “There are times when guys like my brother make me ashamed of my own gender.”
“Don't...” My voice trailed off because I didn't even know what to say. I wasn't really sure what I was feeling just then. “I was wasted,” I said. “I came on to him. I begged him to have sex with me.”
“Exactly.” Cody crossed his arms over his chest as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and turned to look at me. “You were wasted. He was sober enough to think about getting you off the streets and taking care of you. Did it occur to him to call Edward? Me? Kendra? No. He took you home. Then, when you woke up, confused, instead of doing the right thing and explaining what had really happened from the get-go, he probably let your mind run wild and then he played the wounded one when you came to your own conclusion. Why would he make you think he’d touched you if he hadn’t? Only one reason—his asshole traits are showing through.”
“I told you.” Shoving my hands through my hair I linked them behind my neck and let out a frustrated sigh. “He...”
“Yeah.” Cody nodded. “I heard what his reasoning was. I love my brothers, but I know their flaws. Edward has a stick up his ass and Flynn probably needed to have his ass swatted a few times, or at least hear the word no once in a while instead of always being told he wasn't good enough. He takes disappointment and rejection like he’s still a kid. He still stuck in a high school phase where if something hurts his feelings, he thinks it’s okay to lash out and hurt somebody else. In this case it was you.”
Turning away, I sat down on the closest bench. Bracing my elbows on my knees, I stared at Cody. I must have really looked lost, because Cody came over and sat down next to me, tugging me into a hug.
“Don't tell Flynn,” I whispered. “Okay? I don't want him to know I talked to you. And don't tell Edward anything. Please. I don't want him to know.” I knew what I was asking of him, but I had to ask it. I couldn't lose Edward.
He rested his cheek on the top of my head. “Don’t worry, Gabs. I won’t tell.”
Chapter 10
Talking to Cody had helped some. It had taken a weight off my chest, and in a way, it had given me a weird sort of peace with the whole thing. Not that I was ready to go back to talking to Flynn or working with him again, but I was no longer looking in the mirror and cringing. Now I was just going to do what I should have done in the first place and stay away from Flynn.
It had taken nearly a week, but I was more level than I had been in a while. Now if only Cody could come up with some magic words to help me deal with all the other shit I was dealing with.
I’d spent two days job hunting, with no luck, and three days with Claire while she showed me china patterns and demanded I consider a string quartet over an actual band. I’d tried to offer a compromise, a string quartet for the wedding itself as we’d need music. The band for the reception.
This isn’t some backyard Tennessee hoedown, Gabriella. People expect a certain level of class from the Bouvier family.
I started having daydreams about showing up in white silk overalls with my hair swept in a bandana. Red, of course.
Today, though, I was dodging calls. Kendra and I had the day already planned and I wasn’t going to let Claire ruin it. I needed an escape.
Kendra and I were shopping for wedding dresses. We’d checked out several places and I’d looked at probably
fifteen different dresses—in person. Online? Probably a hundred. Nothing seemed right, which was why I needed my best friend, even if she wasn't so sure she approved of my choices.
My phone rang as we came up the stairs from the subway, both of us squinting into the bright light. I’d called for a cab, feeling a little guilty at the expense, but I had money in the bank. And I’d get another job. Soon. Once I was in the city, Kendra and I had met up and we were getting around via the subway. I almost felt like me again.
Except…
“Is that her again?” Kendra gave me a sidelong look as I checked the display.
“Yep.” I shoved it back into my pocket as we eyed the shop in front of us. They specialized in formals and designer discount wedding gowns. Discount sounded good to me and I knew Claire would approve of the designer part.
A rush of cool air greeted us and we stepped inside. Kendra was in a ball-cap and sunglasses, a look that totally wasn’t her, but I’d figured out why when we'd stopped for coffee. People were starting to recognize her, even when she tried to hide her face. She’d signed three autographs, which was both bizarre and cool.
“Why don’t you just answer the phone and tell her to chill, you’ll pick out whatever tomorrow?”
“Because she’ll guilt me into doing whatever she wants.” I gave her a grim look as we moved to the section where the wedding gowns were kept. “She's the queen of guilt.”
“Chicken.” She said it without rancor so I just stuck my tongue out at her. She added. “So…divide and conquer?”
“Let’s do it.”
An hour later, we’d left that store and tried to conquer another one and we were failing miserably. This was our third store and so far, I’d seen only two that were even passable.
I didn’t want passable for my wedding dress.
I wanted the dress. The one. That one that my heart swell and the one that would make Edward’s race.
None of them were even close.
Pure Lust: The Complete Series Box Set Page 24