Let It Be Me
Barbara Speak
LET IT BE ME
Copyright © 2015 by Barbara Speak
Cover Art by: The Final Wrap
Edited and Formatted by: Ready, Set, Edit
Cover Models: Mac Robinson and Alexandra Jones
Photography by: Kaylyn McClendon.
This ebook is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the material herein is prohibited.
This ebook is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Chapter 1
Looking out the window as all of the trees along the roadside turned into one long blur, I tried to focus on breaking free.
I hated him. I hated him more than anything in the world for what he stood for, what he took from me, and for what he continued to do: control me.
The tree line only broke when we would pass a driveway and then it was back. I stared at it for so long that I became lightheaded, just so I wouldn't lose my focus. If I had, the only thing that would come to mind was what we were running away from. My life as I knew it was over because of the shame I brought on my family.
"Arianna, do you think I will like my new school? Will they play with me?"
Shelby, my little sister, broke my concentration by whispering her questions at a volume HE couldn't hear. She was only eight and didn't deserve any of this. It was all my fault as my step-dick, John, loved to point out.
"You are the disgrace of this family and yet we all have to endure this because of your actions!"
I heard it so many times that I could recite it word for word.
"They will love you, Shelby. Only a fool would choose not to. It's just a natural thing to adore you, don't worry your pretty little head about that."
She smiled at me and then turned to look back out her car window.
We had been driving for days. Coming from Baltimore, Maryland where my step-dick was the lead attorney at one of the most prestigious firms in the city, we had it all. The elite private school upbringing, the high-rise apartment in the middle of the city, hell, we even had a chef prepare our meals. And somehow he agreed that moving us to Montana, in the middle of nowhere, would make it all disappear. Nothing was going to make me forget. I couldn't.
Three more hours went by without a word from anyone in the car. My mother sat in the front with him, reading a book on her iPad, not even acknowledging her own children in the back seat, but that wasn’t something foreign to us. She was a zombie of a person. A walking shell. I didn't expect HIM to say anything to me, I wasn't his. But for him to ignore Shelby was downright ridiculous.
Yes, I was my step-dick's burden. The one thing that reminded him that my mother had a love that could never be smothered and it wasn't his to own.
I was four when my father died in a car accident. A drunk driver with a blood alcohol level two times the legal limit hit him head on after running through a red light.
She never really did get over it. I believe the day my step-dad came into her life she gladly handed over the control. That way she wouldn't have to think. She could remain numb forever. I have faint memories of a loving woman from my childhood, and Shelby never will. That woman no longer exists.
Two more hours came and went before we started to slow down and turned onto a gravel road. Dust was circling us as HE drove so fast you could hear the rocks hitting the car.
"Did the movers deliver everything?"
It was the first time I heard my mother speak in what felt like forever.
"Yes. I have it under control, Camille. Don't question me."
She didn't respond, only making me want to slap some sense into her. I will never understand how she could choose the life she has. Why would anyone want to live with someone like him?
I wanted to ask what the house looked like, if I could see the pictures too, but I knew better. He wanted me to suffer and those questions would never have been answered regardless so I chose to use my imagination instead.
"Is that it, Daddy?"
We slowed down approaching a magnificent Victorian style farm house. The wrap around porch had my jaw hanging open. The shutters were green, offsetting the cream exterior paint covering the rest. I think the turret is what excited me most. I had never seen one in real life before. It looked like it belonged on a castle instead of a farm house out in the middle of nowhere.
"No, Shelby. That is the house next door."
I turned around in my seat, looking out the back window until it faded away from the cloud of dust being kicked up by the tires.
"This is your new home thanks to Arianna."
He never referred to me as her sister. The fact that the two of us even shared blood infuriated him.
I turned back in my seat as we pulled into the driveway of a ranch style shack. That isn't really true. It wasn't a shack, but compared to what I had just seen, nothing would have been good enough. It was blue with white shutters on each window. The front door was painted red, clashing with the color of the house itself. The shingles on the roof were green leading me to believe the previous owners had to have been color blind and my mother and step-dick were fools for picking it.
The car pulled up to what looked like a garage and was turned off. It only took a second for Shelby to jump out, slam the door shut, and then she was running as fast as she could into the house. If she thought I even cared about what room I got she was wrong. I didn't care about anything other than what I lost. My friends were my support, my escape, my happiness, and now he stripped me of that too.
Of course he would tell me this was all my fault and in a way he was right.
I heard their doors close and laughed a little to myself. I was left in the car without a word from either of them. I was invisible once again. Surprise, surprise.
I sat there looking out of the window at the fields around us. When he said he was taking us out of the city he wasn't lying. My life was officially over at the age of seventeen. He wanted me to suffer and he got his wish.
Eventually, I got bored enough that I had to get out of the car. As soon as I closed the door though I practically passed out. The distinct smell of crap hit me like a brick wall. I don't know from what animal but it was awful! I covered my nose, ran as fast as I could to the front door and threw it open rushing through it. Just as I was thinking, “No wonder Shelby ran so fast”, I heard, "Damn it, Arianna! Watch the fucking door!" come from the left which was obviously the kitchen.
Internally I flipped him off, shaking my finger right in his smug face but of course I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Sorry."
Looking around I couldn't help but hate it already. Seeing all of our furniture placed within this house didn't help it feel like home. It was just another misplaced thing in my life.
The walls were painted yellow with trim that was stained oak to match the hardwood floors. There was nothing open about the floor plan. Each room was divided by a wall cutting the house up into a maze.
"ARIANNA! COME SEE MY ROOM!"
I heard Shelby's excitement and couldn't help but let my feet carry me in the direction of her voice.
Through the family room was a hallway that held several doorways. The last thing I wanted was to have us all on the same wing but there was no guess work that this house didn't have wings at all. Sure enough, looking into the first door I passed showed my bed and dresser already put together.
One turn of the head and I was looking into my mom and step-dick’s room.
"Wonderful."
Ten more steps got me to the end of the hall where I found my s
weet Shelby jumping on her new bed. Looking around her room I noticed she had all new furnishings. It was pink and purple with flying unicorns painted on the walls, perfect for her. She didn't ask for any of this. The least they could do was buy her something to be excited about.
"Don't you love it? It’s so pretty. What did they get you?"
I walked over to her bed and threw myself backwards, landing on the lush fabric I was now positive our mother had special ordered.
"I'm sure there is something in my room somewhere."
Lying to her became easy over the years. I didn't want her to see what was obvious to anyone else. Our family was as dysfunctional as they come and there wasn't any fun surprise waiting anywhere for me.
"Let's go see! Arianna, this is going to be so much fun. We get to make new friends. Start a new school. Daddy says I can even get a pony if I want and glue a horn on its head to make a real unicorn!"
I couldn't help but smile at her. Shelby's hair was bright red and the natural curl made her look like Annie. Her green eyes were the most beautiful thing on the planet and the spray of freckles across her nose just completed the package. We look nothing alike. My hair is board straight and black as night. My father was American Indian and I took completely after him. My eyes could be considered almost black as well. My skin always has some form of tan and there are no freckles to speak of. I actually looked adopted next to my family and sometimes I felt that way as well.
"Come on, Arianna! Let’s go see outside."
Shelby grabbed my hand and pulled me from the bed, leading me through the family room and out the back door.
The smell hit me again but there was something about the space that allowed me to ignore it; it seemed endless. Mountains were off in the distance and flat land filled with trees appeared to stretch for miles. It was a sight that could steal your breath away. Shelby was talking but I didn't focus on anything but the scenery as I walked farther away from the house.
Before I knew it I had gone far enough that when I looked back, I saw nothing. The house had disappeared and I let the idea of it leave my thoughts as well. Surreal, that's the best word I can come up with to describe the view that was now mine to keep. In the madness of change, this place had come to be a sanctuary for me in just seconds.
My head snapped to the left when the sound of an engine caught my attention. I didn't expect to hear anything like it out there. "This was a place for silence," I thought, aggravated that someone would ruin this too.
Looking closer, I noticed what appeared to be a truck and the black color of it stood out in the sea of green from nature. I took a few more steps when I saw a man without his shirt on throwing bales of hay into the back of it. Quickly, I searched for the closest tree to hide behind and ran to it. Peeking around the side I went back to staring at him. Every muscle pulled and tightened as he worked. I couldn't get over how far away I was, yet how easily I could make out the fine details of his body. It may seem crazy but he was huge.
He didn’t seem to notice me which I thanked the Heavens for. The last thing I needed was to be called out for being childish and hiding. Something about him kept me locked in place, though. I couldn't move. When he turned his back to me, I found myself holding my breath. I had never seen muscles look like that. His jeans rode low on his hips and...
"What are you doing? Why are you hiding?"
I whipped my head around to see Shelby a split second before I was lunging for her and throwing my hand over her mouth.
"SHHH!"
Her eyes grew huge as she looked up at me even more confused. I kept my hand over her mouth while I walked us both far enough away that he wouldn’t notice us before I answered her.
Keeping hold over those lips, I whispered, "There is a man over there and I didn't want him to see me."
Her hand came up to grab mine and pulled it from her mouth. "Why not? If he is our neighbor why can't we say hi?"
Leave it to a child to simplify things.
"I just don't want to is all. Sometimes I don't feel the need to know everyone."
"You sure wanted to know what he looked like."
"Shelby!"
"Well, why else would you be hiding behind a tree staring at him?"
"Let's just go back inside."
"Fine with me. You're the one freaking out."
I gave her the dirtiest look I could muster and went back toward the place that would now be my living hell without her.
Stomping through the house, into my room and slamming the door behind me, I plopped down on the end of my bed and wanted to scream. A boy got me in that mess to begin with and nothing about that man out there was going to bring any good to my life. Even if he was pretty to look at.
"Arianna! What did I say about slamming the damn doors around here?"
This time, behind the security of my closed door I wasn't scared to flip the asshole off.
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was sitting up on my bed in complete darkness listening to my stomach growl. Looking over at my phone I saw it was three o'clock in the morning. So much for dinner with the family.
I tossed and turned with no luck of falling back asleep. Grabbing my phone again I saw it was now four-thirty and I was no closer to sleep than the hour before.
I got up and walked quietly to the one room in the house I had yet to visit. My stomach practically screamed as I opened the refrigerator door. Reaching in, I wrapped my hands around two yogurt cups and immediately started pulling the foil tops off. I don't think I can remember a time that yogurt sounded so good. Four drawers later I finally found a spoon. Dipping it into the creamy goodness before letting it hit my tongue was quite possibly my favorite part of the day. And that brought our new neighbor straight to the front of my mind. What was it about this guy?
I finished the yogurt and was on my way back to bed when I glanced at the front door. I could either go lay there for the next three to four hours or I could go for a walk. To tell you the truth, anything would be better than laying in the dark with nothing to do other than think about how if you had only done this or that you wouldn't be where you are now.
Before I could think about it anymore, my feet were taking me from the house and down the rock covered path most would call a driveway. I knew where I wanted to go but I didn't let myself believe it was anything more than wanting to see that house again. The man I saw earlier was nothing but another person to complicate my life. Something I didn't need or want. Sure he was nice to look at, but I wanted to keep it from afar, if you know what I mean.
Twenty minutes or so later I passed the group of trees lining the road that I remembered seeing as we drove past them. My pace quickened with the thought of seeing it again. This time I would be able to focus, concentrate on all the detail put into making it.
When the house finally came into view, it stole my breath just as it had the first time I saw it. Only this time it seemed twice as big. Maybe it was because I was standing on the ground next to it but I was literally dwarfed by its magnitude. Following the turret all the way up into the night’s sky, I was marveled by how many stars I could see. There had to be thousands if not millions up there. I sat in the grass bordering the road, placed my hands behind me and allowed my body weight to rest on them as I wondered what it would be like to live in a castle. To be doted on by parents that loved you, hell, loved each other. To wake up every morning being showered with kisses until you were old enough to refuse them thinking they were gross. Something I wanted so badly to give to my child.
Faintly, I heard a guitar begin to play coming from behind the house. Whoever was making that sound had talent and I had no problem sitting back and enjoying it. When the voice that belonged to those hands started to sing, chills ran across my skin. I had never heard the song before but my gosh did I want to know what it was called. He sang about a smile that lets you know you're needed, a simple touch bringing on faith that you would be caught if you fall. The next words were hard to hear. He l
et his voice drop low which maybe was why it got to me like it did but I know I heard something about saying nothing but it still saying everything.
I wanted to be closer. The feelings resonating within me from this music worked like a beacon calling me home.
I walked through the front lawn to the side of the house, letting my hand drag along the wood that wrapped it until it came to an end. The back corner of the house met with the view of a well-lit garden. A pergola stood over a sea of colorful flowers blowing in the breeze. The smell came straight toward the house. Someone was a freaking genius when they came up with that idea. The smell of crap completely disappeared.
I peeked my head around to find a covered, screened in porch and sitting within it was the musician that lured me here. I still didn't want to be seen so I made sure to stay in the shadows as he continued to play.
The next song I knew as soon as he began plucking the strings. I saw Matchbox 20 in concert in the sixth grade and that CD was my favorite of theirs. Why he would pick "Unwell" shocked me, but then again, I knew absolutely nothing about this guy. The longer I listened to him sing the more I knew I needed to keep my distance.
I turned and starting walking back to my prison reminding myself he was going to be nothing to me. Just like this town and everyone else in it.
Chapter 2
Monday morning came whether I wanted it to or not bringing with it Shelby and the first day at our new schools. There wasn't much debate over who was more excited.
"Arianna, wake UP! It's school day! Get up!"
"Get out of my room!"
"Fine. Go ahead and sleep. I'm going to have the best day ever meeting all my new friends and you can just sit here and mope like you have been since we got here."
"Get out!"
I waited until I heard the door close before I opened my eyes and got out of bed.
Let It Be Me Page 1