"I've only been here for a week. Don't give me that much credit."
"I may be dramatizing this a little but don't think for a second you haven't changed things. Only a week or not, you make me feel again and that means more than you know."
Three hours later I was screaming at the top of my lungs from the top of Magnus.
"Don't you let go, Canyon Michaels!"
"You can do this."
He was laughing and I found nothing amusing about the situation at all.
"I can't and I don't want to."
He opened the gate anyway and smacked Magnus in the butt causing him to start running into the open field. I had never in my life been as scared as I was in that moment. All of the things in my past never led me to feel like each breath I took could very well be my last.
I held both reins in my hands like he had taught me to do but without him there to guide me, the horse could choose not to listen and I would be screwed. I pulled back on the reins to try to get him to slow down when he completely stopped, throwing me forward in the saddle.
"Okay, Magnus, that was probably my fault for pulling so hard but you have to bear with me. I don't really know what I'm doing here and I'm a little freaked out."
I rubbed my hand back and forth over his neck to soothe him. I was really the one who needed the soothing but treat others as you would like to be treated is a motto that works for most.
"All right, I'm ready to go back now. I'm going to kick you but I won't do it so hard that it hurts, okay? It would be much easier if you could understand me right now. Okay, let's do this, don't hate me."
I kicked, putting the heels of my shoes into the back of his belly and pulled on the left rein to make him turn.
It worked!
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You are the best horse ever!'
He trotted all the way back without going to fast or to slow. Honestly it felt great the longer I was on him. Fear disappeared and was replaced by security. He wasn't going to hurt me and being in control felt amazing.
The closer I got to the corral the more I didn't want it to end. I could see Canyon sitting on the top of the fence watching me with his perfect smile in place as we slowed down to a walk before we reached the fence.
Canyon jumped down and grabbed the reins to tie up Magnus while I swung my leg over the saddle to get down. Without seeing it coming, Canyon grabbed me off the saddle and swung me around screaming, "You did it! I knew you could do it! I am so proud of you!"
I was proud of myself, to tell you the truth. I rode a freakin’ horse by myself. That is a huge accomplishment.
He set me down but grabbed my shoulders to square me up with him.
"I'm going to kiss you right now, Ari. This is what it feels like to be kissed for no other reason than I really want to."
He came down to meet my willing lips and I melted at the taste of him. His tongue did things to me that I couldn't remember ever feeling before. I let him pull on my lips and soaked up every bit of what he wanted me to have. I was falling for him whether I wanted to or not and in that moment I let all my doubts and fears go.
When it came to an end he brought his lips up to kiss my forehead before he looked down at me and said, "How did I do?"
"I think you might have to try harder next time."
"Oh really, you’re so sure there's going to be a next time."
"You’re right. Let’s just end this now before it gets complicated."
He picked me up off the ground squeezing me. "I have no intention of letting you go."
"You know you're going to have to, right? This can’t be anything."
"Will you just stop with that? I'm tired of hearing about what we can't or shouldn't do. Just shush woman and let's have some fun while we can."
Chapter 14
Shelby was disappointed just as I predicted when I got home that night. She didn't talk at all through dinner and as soon as she could, she went straight to her room, closing the door behind her.
I wanted to kill John for it but saying something to him wasn't going to change him in any way. It would make my life harder. Some things are just better unsaid. I couldn't take any more from him. Somehow Canyon giving me time away made me feel not as intimidated but more angry instead.
I knocked on Shelby's door before I entered finding her faced down in her pillow.
"Go away," was barely heard but I got the point.
Sitting next to her on the bed, I began petting her hair and wishing I had the right thing to say to make it all better. "I'm sorry."
Her head turned toward me and the first thing I noticed were her swollen eyes from crying. "He promised and then took it all back. He isn't going to ever let me get a horse like he said. It was all a lie."
"Maybe today he couldn't but I doubt that he never will..."
"No, he said so, Arianna. He talked to a man and he told Daddy what he would need. That's all that happened and then he got off the phone and told me absolutely not."
That son-of-a-bitch. I wanted to storm into the living room and tear into him. He has the money. I know personally where it came from and it left him with no excuse to use.
"I bet we could talk to Canyon about using his stables. Let's see tomorrow what he has to say and then you can talk to your dad. How does that sound?"
She sat up wiping her face and nose. "Do you really think he would let me?"
"It's worth asking, don't you think?"
"Thank you, Arianna."
"You're welcome, hun, now go grab the shower, you need it."
"Me? You smell like horse poop."
I had gotten so used to the smell that it went unnoticed. "Then I'll go first but you have to follow my lead."
"Deal."
Later that night when everyone was sound asleep I decided to go for another walk. This time I wasn't lying to myself. I wanted to see Canyon. I picked up the sound of his voice right as I passed the trees. The closer I got to the house I started mouthing the words along with him. I loved Rascall Flatt’s song “My Wish”. I went to sit down in what had become my spot on his front lawn but something inside pressed me to continue forward until I was at the back corner of the house looking at him.
He was handsome, there was no doubt there but he way he could play the guitar only upped the ante. When the song came to an end I decided to be bold for once and stepped away from the house clapping my hands together for him. He jumped up from his chair holding his guitar in the air, completely shocked to see me.
"What are you doing? Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something?"
I walked forward until I reached the stairs leading up to the screened in porch and climbed them. Once I was inside the door I asked, "Was that for me?"
Canyon looked down at the ground before coming back up to look me in the eye. "How could you tell?"
"I loved it."
He looked out into the night before he said, "I've never played for anyone before. This is pretty embarrassing."
"It shouldn't be. You truly are talented."
"I wouldn't say that."
He smiled letting me know he was okay with me being there. "First tell me why you're even awake at this hour."
"Would it make things more awkward if I told you this wasn't my first time hearing you?"
"What? You've been here before? I mean this late? Why? Why didn't you say something? You were just sneaking around..."
"I wasn't sneaking at all. I went for a walk and could hear you. After that I wanted to come talk to you but it always sounded like you wanted to be alone. Tonight was the first time your song wasn't about sadness. It hit me that maybe you wouldn't mind company this time."
"I'm so used to being alone. Having you here really is changing everything." He looked out at the property again and then his face lit up. "Oh, I was going to tell you something tomorrow but you're here now."
"I'm sorry if I invaded your privacy. I seem to be here more than I'm welcome. You can wait and tell me tomorrow. G
o back to whatever you were doing..."
"Ari, I got in to the rodeo coming here in two weeks."
"Wait, what? The PBR is going to be here again? I thought they...."
"No, you're right. They travel. This is a much smaller scale event but I have to start somewhere again. I can't just jump back to the PBR. I need practice."
"So in two weeks, huh? Are you nervous?"
"No, darlin’, I'm excited. I couldn't sleep. I was just thinking about all the ways life is coming full circle, ya know?"
"No, I don't."
"Come here."
When I got closer, he pulled me down on his lap facing him. "I'm not going to pretend like life is easy. I am working my ass off to try to make it a better place to be though. When my mom died I really thought I wanted to go with her. Now I have you here to hold. I have to look at the bright side or I'm gonna fall into that hole again. I don't want to go there again."
The way he described himself was almost someone I wouldn't recognize.
"Will you sing me a song?"
"No way."
"Come on. Why not?"
"Because you were never supposed to hear me to begin with."
"You won't change your mind?"
"No, I won't."
"You would have if I hadn't come around the corner."
"If you would have stayed on the other side of that corner you would officially be a stalker. The creepy kind too."
"Whatever! I'm going home."
"Four o'clock doesn't ever come late enough for me. I need to get some sleep. You're welcome to join me."
I ignored the offer. "You get up at four?"
"How else do you think everything gets done around here?"
"You are a stud, Canyon Michaels."
"Why thank you, pretty lady. You're mighty fine yourself."
I leaned forward and pecked his lips. "Goodnight."
He patted my butt two times and then helped me climb off of him softly saying, "Goodnight, sweet Ari."
I walked home with a smile on my face that I couldn't wipe off. I was seriously falling for that man.
The following morning Shelby and I left without waiting for John to share his opinion. We didn’t even say goodbye to him or our mother. And as soon as we pulled into Canyon's driveway she was tearing out of the truck, straight for the barn he was walking out of.
"Canyon!"
He knelt down to catch her in his arms. "Hey there, little bit. I missed ya yesterday."
I was almost to them when Shelby blurted out, "Arianna says you might let me keep my horse here. Will you please?"
Canyon stood up with her still in his arms and looked at me questionably.
"John didn't get her the horse. He said they don't have the means to hold one."
Canyon looked back down at Shelby. "So you want to get one and keep it here?"
"If you would say yes I could."
"Let me talk to Ari for a second, okay? In fact, why don't you go see the puppies? They got even bigger."
She wiggled out of his arms and was gone in a second.
"That worked well."
"You should see the puppies. I wasn't lying, they are freakin’ cute."
"So what do you think about letting her keep it here?"
"Do you really think he's going to get her one if he knows she has to come here to see it?"
"Good point. Damn I hate him!"
"What if I gave her Nyah?"
My jaw practically fell off. "You would do that?"
"For Shelby? Yeah, I think I could do just about anything for that little girl."
I leapt into his arms and started smothering him with kisses all over his face.
"If this is what I get for giving away a pony I can only imagine what I'll get when—"
"Just shut up and kiss me."
He laughed but kissed me anyway. "Do you think we should run it by John first?"
"I think that is the worst idea ever. We don't need to tell him anything."
"You know full well she is going to run home screaming her head off that she got a horse."
"Well then maybe we don't tell her yet. Let her learn some responsibility first. You could tell her that she could earn money to buy her own. That way she understands what it takes to own a horse to begin with."
"I think you are a sneaky creeper with stalker tendencies but I agree."
I smacked him in the chest. "That's not funny."
"You really freaked me out last night. I had no idea people could hear me or I never would have started."
"You make it seem like a bad thing. You really are good. I'm not giving up either. One of these days I will get you to sing for me."
"Not a chance in hell."
Canyon wasn't wrong, the puppies were like little puff balls jumping all over the place. Shelby wanted nothing to do with anything but them giving Canyon insight into her reality. She wanted to call a horse hers but was in no place ready for the responsibility. He and I worked more on my riding and I am proud to say I was really getting the hang of things.
When three o'clock came, I took Shelby back home before Canyon and I were going to go out on our first ride together on individual horses.
I walked into the house with Shelby on my heels to change my clothes when John met us at the door.
"Where the fuck have you been and why weren't you answering your phone?"
I hadn't realized I left my phone in my bedroom until he mentioned it. "I left it..."
Bam! He slapped me again straight across the face causing Shelby to scream bloody murder. He must have forgotten she was standing there because this was a first for her. The blow knocked me to my knees and as I was going down he yelled for Shelby to go to her room. The look in her eye showed all the fear in the world as she didn't move.
"It's okay, Shelby. I'm fine. Don't worry, honey."
"Are you sure?"
Her voice quivered as she spoke breaking my heart with every deep breath she had to take through her tears.
"Positive."
"I said go to your ROOM!"
She ran down the hall and slammed her door shut behind her. My mother was nowhere to be seen but then I remembered her car wasn't in the driveway.
"I'm sorry I worried you..."
"You are one sorry piece of shit and there will never be a day I worry about you. You could fucking leave and never come back and it would make me the happiest man alive. What you did was take my fucking daughter again without permission. What do I have to do—" Bam! he kicked me as hard as he could in my side causing me to drop to the floor from my knees and cover my face out of instinct "—to get you to fucking understand she's mine! Mine not yours."
BAM! He kicked me again.
I hadn't realized how long all of this was going on. It felt like seconds and hours mixed together. I could hear Shelby wailing from her room. All I wanted to do was get up and beat the crap out of him but I didn't stand a chance against him. He had hate seething through his veins and I will forever be his target.
I opened my eyes just in time to see his foot coming straight for my face. I screamed, "NOOOOOOOO!" just as the impact should have happened but it never came. Instead, the front door flew open and nailed me in my side as I laid on the floor crying, too afraid to open my eyes. I heard blow after blow land, a gurgling sound and then a thud.
My head was lifted off the ground, then I heard Canyon begging me to open my eyes for him.
"Please, Ari, you're okay now. I'm here and I will never let him hurt you again."
All I kept thinking was, what did you do? I had only weeks left of enduring him until I could leave. Now those weeks would feel like years.
I opened my mouth before my eyes but only to ask, "What have you done?"
"He won't touch you again. I promise you I will protect you with everything I—"
"I'm not your mother, Canyon! You shouldn't have come here. You only made things so much worse."
His body went stiff. The soft cradle he had on my head t
hen felt cold and unfamiliar. I forced my body into an upright position taking away his need to hold me.
"Oh MY GOD!"
I looked across the floor at an unconscious John with a face almost unrecognizable it was so swollen. Just then I heard Shelby's door open. I have never moved as fast as I did that day trying to get to her before she saw her father.
"Shelby, stop!"
"Arianna, what's happening? Why did Daddy do that? Where is he? Where's Mom?"
"Let's get you back to your room, okay? I need to talk to your dad for a few more minutes."
"Arianna..."
"This is not up for discussion, Shelby, please just go back in your room."
"Fine!" She turned back and slammed her door for the second time.
I walked back out to the family room and found the front door still wide open but no Canyon. The only thing left was John who was starting to wake up on the floor. I sat down in the chair furthest from him, grabbed ahold of my knees trying to get my legs to stop shaking. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. John grabbed his face, feeling the obvious swelling that had taken over and then he was scrambling to his feet looking in every direction for the person who caused the damage coming to land his focus on me.
"What the fuck did you do?"
His voice sounded nothing like usual. It was as if it hurt to speak. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to mention Canyon and I had no idea what he remembered.
"I didn't. I..."
"Who did this?"
Shelby came out of her room and was down the hall before I could get to her. "Daddy? Why were you hurting Arianna?"
"I didn't mean to, baby. I was scared when I didn't know where you were. I made a mistake. Arianna and I have already talked about it and she knows to not do it again. See, everything’s fine."
"What happened to you, Daddy?"
"I wish I knew, honey. I'm going to go jump in the shower and then take a nap. You can play some video games if you want."
He disappeared down the hall leaving Shelby looking at me for answers.
"I don't know either."
"You always promised you would never lie to me."
Let It Be Me Page 12