He stopped to look up at me. "I'm a weak man when it comes to you."
His mouth lowered until he kissed not only one but both of my breasts before he rose up off the couch and started for the stairs. He had gotten me so worked up I was lost as to why he was leaving the room until he turned back to me and said, "I may be weak but I never lose" before he climbed the stairs and left me alone.
I jumped off the couch and ran after him up the stairs screaming, "Canyon!"
Just as I got to the top he yelled back, "Who's begging now, huh?"
Chapter 24
It was finally my birthday and all of the waiting was over. I no longer needed John or my mother for anything and I can't tell you how freeing that was for me. The only thing left to take care of was Kale.
I decided that morning that making him wait until that night was just cruel. I know it may have been insensitive but I chose to send him a text instead of meeting face-to-face. I thought at the time that it would save me from having to see the hurt I caused and for him the embarrassment of it.
All day at school I tried to think of a nice way to put it. Nothing about saying you’re done with someone and want to move on is nice though, no matter how you put it.
Finally, after throwing practically an entire notebook of paper in the trash I decided on what to write.
I was getting ready to leave my last class for the day when I got my phone out to text him. It had been so long since I typed in his number that it felt almost foreign when the bubble popped up for me to use. My thumbs went to work on the tiny keyboard and before I knew it I had written this:
I want to say that first I'm sorry for hating you as long as I did. Everything that happened was the fault of all that were involved and I shouldn't have blamed you entirely for it.
I don't want you to think that I went into making this choice easily. Nothing is ever easy when you know you're going to hurt someone you love and I never want you to doubt that I loved you. I loved you for so many years it's hard to remember a time when I didn't. But life changes things and what happened will forever alter who I am. That girl would have done anything and everything for you and I wish I could say I was still her but I'm not.
So instead of dragging this out more I'm just going to say it. Don't drive all the way back out here. Get on your plane and go live the rest of your life happy. I may not be a part of it but that doesn't mean that you can't move on.
Too much damage came out of what happened that night and I think it's best if we don't be around each other to re hash it.
Good luck with whatever you chose to do and know that at one time you owned my heart it's just not available anymore for me to give it back to you.
Goodbye, Kale
My thumb hovered over the send button until the final bell of the day rang, startling me. When I looked down, it had sent. Instantly, I felt guilty. Like maybe I should have given him more respect and talked to him face-to-face instead. Regardless, what was done was done and now I just had to sit back and wait to see if he would send me a response.
We didn't have much time to fiddle fart around after school since Canyon's rodeo was two hours away.
I pulled into the driveway to pick up Shelby and just stared at the house for a while. So much bad happened in there it made it hard to imagine that I made it through it. I was glad to be leaving and after I grabbed my things I was never going back in that house again.
Eventually, I walked through the front door, ignored my mother sitting on the couch watching TV and went straight back to Shelby's room, finding her on her bed waiting.
"What took you so long?"
"So long? I just got out of school."
"You didn’t come home yesterday."
"We're going to need to talk about some things on our way to the rodeo. I'll explain it all later. Right now I need you to pack an overnight bag. We probably won't be getting back until it's pretty late."
"I get to stay at Canyon's?"
"Yes, you do, now pack. I'm going to go start getting my stuff together."
I walked into my bedroom and began to look around. I didn't really have much to take that I wanted. Almost everything I owned was attached in some way to memories and none of them were something I wanted to reminisce over. That left my clothes.
I grabbed three large duffle bags and started shoving everything from my closets and my drawers into them. I needed a suitcase for my shoes but decided I really didn't need the bulk of those either so I chose five pair that I loved and left the rest.
I had made several trips out to my truck and was on my last when John pulled into the driveway. I was wondering how long I was going to be able to enjoy the peace and quiet around there before he got home and I had gotten my answer.
"What do you think you are doing?"
He slammed his car door and started to approach me as I threw the last bag in the bed of my truck before I looked him in the eye to answer.
"I'm leaving."
“Where do you think you're going?"
"That's none of your business. Oh, and by the way, sorry to hear about your case."
"I bet you are, you little bitch. You're just out to screw me, aren't you? That case was going to get me back on my feet and you had to fuck that up for me too."
"Daddy!"
Both of our heads snapped to see Shelby standing there with her hands on her hips.
"Sorry, honey, I didn't see you there."
"Say sorry to Arianna, not me."
"Excuse me?"
"You said a bad word and weren't being nice at all. You need to say sorry to Arianna."
The look on John's face was priceless. He would rather eat crap than apologize to me.
"I don't need it anyway. Shelby, are you ready?"
"I still think he should say it."
"Just get in the truck, I'm ready to get out of here."
We both opened our doors and were getting in when we heard, "Shelby, don't you dare get in that truck. Do you hear me?"
She looked at me and I could see the fear in her eyes.
"Maybe you should stay home this time and next..."
"I want to go."
"I know but Canyon and I can't take you without your parent’s permission. I can't do anything about this, honey."
She looked back and forth from me to her father before she climbed back out of the truck and walked over to him. I couldn't hear what she was saying but the shock that took over John's face before he watched Shelby walk back to the truck, jump in and close the door behind her was picture perfect.
"What did you say?"
"Can we just leave?"
I turned the key and started backing up out of the driveway and out onto the road. "Are you going to tell me?"
"I told him I saw. He knows I watched what he did to you and I told him I would tell if he wouldn't let me see you anymore."
I reached across the seat, grabbed her hand and squeezed. "I'm sorry you saw what happened that night, honey."
"It's not your fault. I'm sorry he did that to you."
"Yeah, me too."
We pulled into Canyon's driveway and there he was, waiting for us. Shelby jumped out of the car as usual and ran into his arms. I, on the other hand, started grabbing bags.
"Hey, stop! I'll get those, don't worry about that stuff."
"I can carry my own bags."
"I know you're capable but that doesn’t mean I can’t help and it's your birthday, let me do things for you."
"Well if you really want to, who am I to keep you from it?"
Shelby walked over to me with very confused expression on her face.
"Today is your birthday?"
"Yes, it is. Remember I had said were going to talk about a few things later, this is one of them."
She hadn't waited for me to finish talking before she was hugging my waist.
"Happy birthday, Arianna."
"Thank you, sweetheart."
"How come I never knew you had a birthday?"
Canyon looked at me with sorrow in his eyes. I never wanted him to know the depths my childhood went to but he was getting bits and pieces of it whether I liked it or not.
"Well that just means we are going to have to make this one pretty special, huh?"
"Yay!"
"You don't have to do anything, Canyon. Being free is the best gift there is."
"Let me take care of this, okay?"
"Can we get ice cream? Arianna loves mint chocolate chip."
Canyon looked down at Shelby smiling, "We will definitely get some ice cream."
Twenty minutes later, we were loaded up and heading out of town. Occasionally I glanced down at my phone, checking to see if Kale had responded but each time led to my disappointment. Because there was literally nothing to look at due to the sun going down, I started to glance through the history of our texts to each other. We had a lot of funny pictures, jokes, gossip, there were ones where he would complain about his dad and then finally, the last one sent before mine that day was from the night my world was destroyed.
I don't know why I never deleted our history but then again, this was the first time I had ever gone through anything that had to do with him. When people get hurt it only can go two ways: you do nothing but go through old memories just to torture yourself or you cut off what hurt you and vow never to revisit it again. I chose the latter.
"What's got you so quiet over there?"
I shut off my screen and turned to look at him.
"Nothing important. So, are you excited for tonight? This is your last ride before you are officially back in the PBR. That's gotta be a little nerve wracking."
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that."
"Why? What's up?"
"I'm not sure that's what I want anymore."
"What? Why would you say that?"
"You were right when you said my love was for the rodeo. I only wanted to get back to the PBR for the money. If my uncle isn't getting any part of my company then I really think I should focus on that for a while. You know, make my last name mean something again only this time it will have respect attached to it. Besides, the PBR would take a lot of my time. They tour for months on end. I can't really do both."
I sat there and took in what he was telling me.
"So, you’re saying you changed your mind? I just want to make sure that I have nothing to do with this. I want you to be happy doing what you love and I was sure bull riding was it."
"I'm not giving it up completely. I will still take on a rodeo here and there. I love the PBR but I love you more and I don't want to be away from you for months at a time."
"I don't want you to end up regretting this."
"How could I ever regret having you in my life?"
"Oh, buddy, you will for sure feel that way sometimes. That I can guarantee."
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
Shelby sat forward and poked her little head between us in the front seat.
I looked to Canyon for support. This wasn't going to be easy but I knew it was for the best. He squeezed my hand letting me know he was there if I needed him and that's all that mattered. I turned around in my seat to look at her when I said, "Well, I want to talk to you about some things you're going to have to try to understand even though you may not really like them, okay?"
She looked confused already but shook her head up and down letting me know I could continue.
"As you know, your dad and I don't get along very well. You also know that today is my birthday. When you turn eighteen that means you're an adult and you can move out. Are you understanding what I'm saying so far?"
"Kind of."
"I'm going to be staying at Canyon's from now on. I'm not going to live in the same house as you." Her eyes started to glass over and I knew I needed to be quick. "But that doesn't mean you and I won't still see each other a whole lot. Things might even get easier for you without me there to make John mad."
"I don't want you to leave."
"I know, honey, and I'm sorry, but..."
"Can I come live at Canyon's too?"
I shook my head in disbelief and looked at Canyon wide-eyed. He didn't say a word but simply squeezed my hand again.
"You can have sleepovers but I think for now we need to just take it slow."
The last thing I needed was step-dick getting pissed and deciding to move and take her away from me.
"But I don't want to be there without you."
"For now it's all we can do. I love you, Shelby, with all my heart. I will never leave you."
"Do you promise?"
"I swear."
"Don't forget."
"Never."
We got to the arena a couple minutes early and decided to hit the vendors for some non-healthy snacks before the rodeo started. I picked a huge soft pretzel with cheese while Shelby and Canyon went straight for the funnel cake.
"How can you both love those things so much? One or two bites and I'm done. I bet either of you could eat the whole thing by yourself."
Sticky fingers and all they both looked at each other and said, "Yep." Shelby started giggling making Canyon laugh out loud.
We didn't have long after that before it was time to say goodbye to Canyon. Shelby gave him a hug and wished him luck. I, on the other hand, wrapped my arms around his shoulders and gave him the best kiss I could give.
"Have fun out there, stud."
"Oh I will. Just having you here means everything to me."
He gave me one last kiss before he started walking away. Shelby and I turned to go find our seats when I heard Canyon say, "Don't think I didn't know you could be leaving with him right now."
I whipped around to see him wearing that trademark smile while my jaw was practically touching the ground.
"How did you..."
"I love you, Ari."
Then he turned and walked away.
I stood there in awe. How could he have known?
"You were going to leave tonight? Where were you going to go?"
"There's just a lot that you won't understand."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I'm older. Gosh, when am I going to be older already?"
I laughed and then grabbed her hand and started swinging it back and forth as we walked. "Hopefully not for a long time."
Shelby did a lot better this time around. You could say she was becoming seasoned to the rodeo experience. She kept her questions to a minimum of one or two per event and only went to the bathroom twice before the bull riding started, allowing me to sit back and try to enjoy the show.
I kept wondering if Kale was so pissed at me that he didn't have a response or worse if he for some reason hadn't checked his phone and was waiting for me at the park confused and angry. I even contemplated calling him at one point but talked myself out of it. There really wasn't much of a chance he hadn't seen the message and the last thing I wanted was to pour salt in the wound.
Most of the riders had done a decent job that night leaving it down to the score to decipher the winner. Two men had scored extremely high making me grateful Canyon was no longer banking on this ride to be in with the PBR.
When the announcer did call his name, Shelby and I were out of our seats and screaming for him causing all the spectators to stare but I didn't care in the slightest. He looked over to us giving us that smile you know I love so much before he climbed on his bull and strapped his hand in.
There was a time I was petrified watching him but that passed long ago. My adrenaline was pumping hard through my veins waiting for that gate and when it did it was amazing.
Canyon got one of the larger bulls who in no way shape or form wanted him on his back. That bull did everything in his power to shake him but Canyon twisted and turned right along with him. It really was beautiful to see. He had a gift that most men dream of having.
When the buzzer sounded, he didn't jump off like we all expected. Instead he continued to ride making the entire arena stand on their feet. I didn't know what
he was thinking unless he wanted to prove he belonged in the PBR regardless of if he went through with it.
When he finally jumped off, the crowd went wild when Canyon threw his hat up in the air. Both hands were raised as he waved to all the onlookers while the men in orange took care of getting the bull out of the circle.
I was on my feet clapping along with the rest of the fans more proud than I had ever been. He definitely went out of this one with a bang.
An hour later, we watched as he was declared the victor. I grabbed my phone and made sure to take as many pictures as I could hoping one of them would be worthy to frame on his wall of accomplishments. He never stopped smiling the entire time letting me know this was everything he ever wanted and I couldn't have been happier for it.
After it was all said and done, we met up outside the area the participants were gathered. Men and women made sure to pat his back as they made their way to their cars and told him things like, "That was amazing," or, "Hell of a ride, man".
Me? I simple gave him a kiss and said, "I love you, Canyon Michaels."
"Those are the best words I could ever hear."
Shelby didn't really understand the magnitude of what had happened so instead of boasting about how great he was, she went with, "Can we go get ice cream now?"
I laughed while Canyon swung her around before she ended up in his arms.
"Have I ever told you that you're my favorite little girl in the whole world?"
"No, but you can."
We both cracked up at the blunt honesty she possessed.
After we stopped for ice cream, because you know we really had no choice, we headed for home. Shelby fell asleep ten minutes after we got back on the road leaving Canyon and I to talk openly without worry.
Let It Be Me Page 21