“So, why did you leave your home to come here all alone?” He asks after an abrupt silence..
“I told you why.” I state.
“Not really, you told me why you were hurting.”
“Well my dad is a Major and he never really could handle me after my mother died. I know that he tried, but he was hurting so much as well he just didn’t want to talk he doesn’t know how to talk and that’s what I needed; I needed him to be emotionally supportive for me.”
“That’s understandable.” He nods.
“Not for a Marine who has been trained to not feel emotion.” He nods with my response and I fall silent letting the sights around us take me in.
“So, where are you going to college at?” he asks me I can only assume trying to make small talk.
“South Carolina.” I shrug, it’s not that important to me.
“Good school.” He nods his head and I agree.
My alarm wakes me early in the morning as I get up and make my way into the shower, I try to rid my thoughts of Chase, but moments later I realize that I will not be able to do so, I grunt and get out of the shower pulling on my robe and walking into Avery’s room to wake her up.
“I don’t want to go to school mom.” She whines.
"You have to." I say, firmly.
“Can’t I stay home with you?” She pouts her bottom lip out.
“No baby, I told you I have to go to school as well. How about as soon as I am done I will come and get you out.” I compromise with her.
“Promise.” She says holding out her pinky towards me and I lock mine around hers.
“Promise,” she laughs as she gets up from the bed and pulls out clothes to wear for the day.
Somehow I have been blessed with an amazing child who is more independent than any five year old should be. She really is the best kid. I walk back into the bathroom as I am getting ready and I look to the platinum blonde hair and blue eyes staring back at me.
I am looking into the vanity mirror as we pull up to the house that the guys stay at as I get out of the car and stretch my legs. I smile as Chase looks over to me and grins grabbing my bag out of the car and walking with it inside.
“What are you doing?” I ask him as I chase after Chase.
“Taking your bag inside for you,” He says nonchalantly.
“I can’t stay here.” I tell him.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know you,” I say it again.
“Look, Ariana, honestly you know me better than most of the guys surrounding us right now.” I stop in my tracks and he turns to look at me. “Are you coming inside with me?” I don’t want to but I nod my head as we make our way inside.
I walk up onto campus moments later as one of my class mates walks up to me.
“Hi, R,” His long hair passes his shoulders.
“Hey, Dylan,” I say back to him.
“Look do you want to go out and get something to eat tonight.” I can tell that he’s nervous.
“I can’t. I have to pick up my daughter.” He doesn’t even say anything back to me but just walks away, usually that does it for guys as soon as I mention my child they back down. Sadly, this doesn’t have the same effect with men, I guarantee if Chase had Avery and told a girl the same sentence she would be all over him, I don’t despise Chase for it, it’s not as if he knows that he has a daughter, it’s just it makes things difficult for me, I mean here I am 24 and I am finally a senior in college, it’s just slightly depressing. My first class for the day is Psychology and I am lost in my own world even before the class begins.
I follow Chase into the house and up the stairs as he still has my bags.
“You will sleep in here.” He says sitting them down on the ground. “This is my room.”
“Then where will you sleep?” I ask him, making sure that he knows we won’t be sharing… if I decide to even sleep in here.
“On the couch over there,” He points to the couch sitting on the opposite side of the room, pauses and then adds, “If you don’t feel comfortable I can sleep downstairs.”
“No, I can sleep on the couch.” I tell him.
“Absolutely not, Ariana.” He says, firmly.
“But I don’t want to put you out of your bed.”
“Listen to me,” he says stepping up to where I am standing, “If you sleep on the couch, then I will sleep on the couch downstairs, and the bed with be empty anyways.”
"Fine," I gasp as he leans in and kisses my cheek. I was hoping that he was going to land it on my lips. “I tend to get what I want.” He laughs walking out of the room.
That night as I lay down to go to sleep, I hear him knock on the door. “Have you changed yet?”
“Yes,” I tell him and I hear the door open and then close back as he walks through the room and I hear him pulling off his jeans, "Although it doesn’t matter since you saw me naked this morning.” He chuckles quietly to himself.
“You figured that out, huh?" I can see his grin even in the dark room.
“Yes, you forgot that I could see you as well.” I laugh even harder as I hear him pull back the covers on the couch and slide under them.
“Worth it.” I’m asleep seconds later.
I hear my mother screaming from the other room as I hear his voice tell her, “I am going to do the same thing to your daughter and I am going to make you watch. Only this time I don’t run, I slide out of my bed and crawl underneath the bed trying to hide from him, but he looks there for me. He pulls me out by my ankles and I scream as the pain shoots through my body. I hear my mother’s sobs coming from the bed and I can feel the carpet burn across my face. I feel myself rip as I scream…
Two arms are around me that I’m trying desperately to fight off, only this time I’m awake.
“Shh, Ariana, calm down it was only a dream.” I’m drenched in sweat and my heart is racing. I am being rocked back and forth.
The second Chase’s voice registers in my head my pulse begins to slow as he wraps me tightly in his arms.
Once he feels that my breathing has evened again he pulls back and looks at me, “Are you alright.” I shake my head no as the tears erupt from my eyes and I let the sobs consume my body.
He slides onto the bed next to me and I cry into his hard chest occasionally punching his chest with my fist, I’m not sure if I’m trying to say let me go or that I am angry about my dream, about my life, but either way his grip doesn’t loosen.
The tears begin to slow and he lays me down and then lies on his side next to me.
“Ariana, do you want to talk about it?” He asks.
“No,” I whisper. And I curl up as I try to go back to sleep. I feel the bed shift with his weight as he begins to get up. “Please don’t leave me.” I say and without a second of hesitation he slides in next to me and wraps me in his arms.
“One day you will tell me what’s going on in the beautiful head of yours.” He whispers into my ear.
“Maybe,” If you don’t think I’m bat-shit-crazy and run off before that happens, is what I want to add but I don't. He wraps his strong arms around me and I fall back to sleep without any nightmares this time.
I make myself begin to pay attention before the lecture is over, but it turns out to only be minutes before class is out. I sigh jotting down the assignments that I need to get completed and walking out of the class.
“R, sorry for blowing you off it isn’t because you have a kid.” Dylan says as he walks next to me.
“No, Dylan, you don’t have to lie. I know that is exactly why you did, and it’s alright.” I say turning around and walking towards my car. I turn quickly as I hear the familiar reeve of the engine. I see the red GTO and I feel myself become giddy. I’m almost sprinting towards it when I get closer and a woman gets out of the car and looks me up and down.
“Like what you see?” She asks I know that she is hitting on me; I quickly shake my head no and walk back to my car. Why did she have to say that?
I wake up in the
morning and he is lying on the left side of the bed, his bed sits against the wall and I am pressed into it. I am trying to get up and go to the bathroom before we wakes up but as I am literally kneeling over top of him, as he lies just in boxers, I see his eyes flutter open and he grins, “Good morning, you like what you see?" I jump up off of the bed and run into the bathroom, the thing is that I really did like what I saw especially his erect... I turn on the cold water and jump in immediately.
I make myself stop thinking about him as I walk into the Kindergarten class and collect my daughter. Avery stops me and sprints over to me.
“Mommy,” she shouts. How could I ever hate Chase for leaving me this? She jumps up into my arms and we begin to make our way home.
Chapter Six
Chase
The drive back to Orlando is longer than I remember it being on my way to Virginia, it’s probably due to the fact that I am exhausted. I pull into a rest area and let myself fall asleep for a few hours.
The rain is falling harder than I have ever seen it in my life, but this time it isn’t Matt that sits in by my side its Ariana. I am anticipating the truck cutting me off but it’s before I think to react and I twist the wheel. When the car hits the rock wall at our side I let out a scream and look over to her, who is bracing for the impact. I pull her closer to me and whisper to her that I love her as the car is struck and pushed towards the edge.
I wake breathless. I stopped having those dreams years ago, I guess since I am on a quest again to find her they are resurfacing. In the few short months that she and I had together she completely turned my world upside down. She changed me forever, and she has no idea that she even did. In the months afterward I tried to get on with my life, in fact she never shared a useful detail of her life at least nothing to track her down with. I never got a phone number or an address from her… we didn’t need it and we both had left our phones that summer. I only knew where she lived when she left and her last name- and that was only thanks to Will.
I woke that morning and looked over to my left, peacefully she was sleeping with her head on the pillow; she was so perfect. The nightmares had stopped weeks ago, as long as I was next to her, she never told me that but I figured it out, only because mine had stopped too. I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom destined to take a shower only I never got in. I stood staring at my face, my Mohawk had grown out drastically and the dark circles around my eyes had faded. My skin was almost radiating with an after sex glow, and for a moment I smiled. I hadn’t smiled to myself in years, not since before Matt had died. It scared me how happy I had become in this adventure of ours. I didn’t even know this girl and I was giving her the option of destroying me. I couldn’t take that so I did the only thing I could think to do. I ran.
By the time of that fateful morning I knew that she was a solid sleeper as long as there weren’t any nightmares and that she would be asleep for a few more hours. So I hurried and packed up my things. I stopped at the door for a moment and looked back to her, hoping that for a moment she would wake up and beg me to stay. Tell me not to leave. Tell me again that she loved me; maybe that was what scared me off. I’m not sure, I knew that I loved her, hell I still do, but at twenty-one I couldn’t admit to her that the last months had meant more to me than the rest of my shitty existence. I couldn’t bring her down. I wasn’t good enough for her, for what she deserved.
So I was a coward and I left. I left her asleep in the bed. And the whole way home I hated myself for it. I didn’t drive right back to school, but I went home. Even though classes were starting the following week and I never went home anymore I drove straight to the cemetery and found my brother’s grave. I sat in front of it and I finally cried. I cried for him, I cried for me, I cried for the fact that it was my fault that he died, and I cried for Ariana who I could only imagine had woken up and cursed my name and then eventually let the tears consume her soul.
When I see the signs for Savannah I quickly veer off of the interstate and drive in the direction of downtown. I remember her voice telling me how beautiful it was, she grew up only an hour from here, but I checked and she no longer lives there, she always said that she loved going to Savannah. I see the old oak trees standing trough the city and the moss hanging off of them, I understand why she adored it so much. I let my car slide into a parking garage and I get out maneuvering the city. I walk slowly through the squares and take in the beautiful scenes that unfold.
There’s a wedding being set up in one of the squares and I can’t help but imagine where Ariana is at this moment in life.
Chapter Seven
Ariana
“Mom,” Avery shouts from the other side of the apartment and I rush towards her.
“What?” I say, annoyed, when I see that she isn’t in trouble.
“Do you have to go to work tonight?” she says, innocently.
“Yes, dear,” she scoffs and then looks back up to me.
“But I don’t like staying with Mrs. Schuman.” She pokes out her bottom lip.
“She’s a nice lady.” I tell her.
“She smells like cats.” Her comment causes me to laugh. Sometimes she reminds me exactly of Chase. It’s amazing how she has never met him and somehow carries so many of his personality traits. She huffs and I go into my bathroom again to get ready for the night.
I stand in the bathroom looking at my reflection and it’s like I’m transported back in time. I hear him laughing to himself outside of the doors and I never want to open them to look up at him. When I finally let myself out of the room he smiles at me.
“I was only joking.” He laughs.
“I know.” I tell him. “Thank you for consoling me last night.”
“It’s not a problem. Do you want to talk about it?” I let the sigh fall out of my mouth and I sit on the bed. “I’m not sure why I am telling you this.”
“Because for some strange reason even though we have just met it’s like we have known one another for years.”
“Yeah,” my jaw drops and it’s like he read my mind, “The night my mother died, well I wasn’t at the neighbor’s house.”
“What do you mean?” he asks me his deep brown eyes staring into my soul. Someone knocks hard on the door telling us that they are going to breakfast, we hurry and change and leave with them. Before we walk out of the door Chase pulls my arm back and I look at him. “You will tell me one day?” I’m not sure if he is asking or telling me, so I just let it drop and shrug my shoulders.
I walk out of my apartment a couple of hours later walking towards my job. It’s a crummy bartending job, but it pays well, and between my inheritance and my pay I only have to work a few nights a week, so I can concentrate on school and Avery more.
My breathing halts when I see the GTO sitting a row above me in the parking garage I pass as I make my way through the town. I can’t help myself but I open the door and climb the stairs and I see it, staring at me, perfectly red with the two black stripes down the center. I approach it carefully looking around me to make sure that he isn’t anywhere around. I circle around it taking it in from all sides. I look for any indication that it isn’t his car. I peer into the windows and I notice the black leather seats. It brings back a memory of looking over to him as he drove us away, away from our pain. I turn quickly and convince myself that it isn’t his car that there isn’t a way that he was here in this town and if he was it wasn’t to look for me. He had never been to Savannah, why would he come now, and anyway he knew that I was from Beaufort why would he think I would move here? Why would he even be looking for me at all he left me alone in a hotel room years ago, and at that moment I feel furious and I turn to leave walking back out of the parking garage and to my shitty bartending job down the street. As I walk away from the car I pretend to not notice the dent in the back bumper if I allowed myself to notice it than it would prove to be Chase’s car.
The next afternoon we sit in the driveway of his frat house, it really isn’t a frat house, but it’s w
hat I have decided to call it, he keeps correcting me. “I can’t believe you don’t know how to drive stick.” He says to me sitting beside me in his car and I shrug my shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” I mock his frustration, “I can’t believe you are trying to teach me in your car.”
“Well, what else would you like to learn on?” He raises his eyebrows.
“Anything but your “baby’,” I mock him. I see him grin.
“Shut it, just let off the clutch and ease onto the gas. Come on reverse and first are the only hard gears.” I sigh looking over to him,
“Oh, are they, they are only the two most important gears.” He laughs.
"Go," he shouts and I attempt it but I know as soon as I do it that I have pressed too hard on the gas and I have just catapulted us backwards toward the road I try to swerve and then I slam my foot onto the break as he is yelling me to do so, but not before I feel a little jolt to the car, and I know that I have just hit something. My face falls slightly and he gets out of the car walking to the back and he starts laughing.
“Why are you laughing? Have you just lost it because I hit something with your car?” I feel the tears creeping into my voice.
“Maybe,” he says walking around to me and placing his hands on my arms. “But it isn’t that bad, I could actually just pop it out.”
Even if I did notice the dent I wouldn’t let myself wonder why he never popped it out. I make my way inside of the bar just minutes later and my boss meets me at the back door.
“McCree, you’re late again.” He snaps at me.
“Sorry Dale,” He is all bark and no bite.
I can’t seem to focus tonight my mind keeps wandering back to the car sitting in the parking garage. As much as I don’t want to admit it I know it was his, but why would he be in Savannah? I’m trying hard all night to stay centered but I seem to keep going back to that instant where I was standing on the other side of his car.
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