The machine beeped twice and that was the message.
What did Kate mean? She knew exactly what Kate meant. She wished that Kate would just stay out of this. She and Reese were just friends. Well, maybe a little more than friends since they had kissed…the enormity of the emotion that one kiss had produced was still very much on her mind.
Alex went back up to bed and spent the rest of the night tormented by Kate’s message and visions of Reese.
When she finally woke later Sunday morning, she felt tired and her head felt groggy. After taking a shower and making some coffee, she took her cup into the study and tried to call Reese. After the fifth ring, Alex stared at the handset as if it were an alien object. She looked over at the clock on her desk. It said ten o’clock. Where is Reese? She dialed again, thinking maybe she had dialed the number incorrectly. Again no answer.
Alex started pacing. Where was Reese? Why hadn’t she told her she was going out today? Why should she have to tell me? the little voice in her head said. Alex kept calling every hour until the early part of the evening. She had not eaten or done anything but sit in the chair behind her desk in the study. Her only motion was picking up the phone every hour, on the hour, and dialing Reese’s number.
When seven o’clock came around, she got up, grabbed her car keys, got in her car and headed toward Reese’s house.
Suppose something has happened to her? That had to be the reason she was not at home. No, why would something have happened? When she pulled into Reese’s driveway a car almost immediately pulled in behind her. She got out and waited next to her car.
Reese got out of the passenger’s side and smiled at her. Alex looked over at the driver of the car. When the driver’s door opened a young woman with luscious auburn hair got out, she glanced at Reese then turned around to help Carly out of the backseat.
“Hi, Alex,” Reese said.
Alex kept looking at the dark-haired woman as she went to get some bags out of the trunk of the car. Alex then looked to where Reese was standing.
“Hi,” she said crisply.
“I wasn’t expecting you. This is Gail. We are going to make some quesadillas. Would you like to stay for dinner?” Reese asked.
Alex was silent. Reese looked over to Gail whose arms were filled with grocery bags.
“Alex!” exclaimed Carly as she ran into Alex’s arms.
“Hi, small fry,” Alex said, smiling at the child.
“Gail is making some quesadillas. Do you like them?” the small child asked.
“Sure,” answered Alex, looking over to Reese and Gail.
As they all headed inside the house Alex noticed the way Gail was looking at Reese. She decided right there and then that she didn’t like her. She didn’t like Gail one bit.
†
It had been two weeks since Gail had come into Alex’s picture-perfect world. It started gradually. First, she noticed the usual phone calls to her office from Reese begin to lessen. Then a week after this change Reese called to tell her that she would be busy one, then two nights. Slowly it was changing and Alex started to panic.
She felt odd, somehow, walking into Reese’s house where before she had just come in. Reese had given her a key and asked her to just use it and let herself in when she had started coming by every day after she finished at the office. Now, it felt strange and she was beginning to feel like a visitor. Something had changed after that weekend when she went out with Elliot and Reese went out with Gail. Every day she felt Reese pulling away a little more. And Alex felt the absence of her more and more every day.
She missed the intimacy and the feeling of belonging. They didn’t even kiss goodnight anymore. Reese was pushing her away. Why should this bother me? They were still friends…not like before, but still friends. If she didn’t want a more physical relationship with Reese, then she should be happy. But, Alex realized, she wasn’t…she wasn’t happy at all.
†
A week later, it all came apart. When Reese called her to break the plans they had made for the weekend, Alex realized she had lost something very precious. She had lost the joy she had found in Reese and Carly and this terrified her. Hanging up the phone after talking to Reese, she stood, her back against the wall and slid to the floor, covering her mouth as a sob escaped. The darkness began to close her in as Alex cried into the night.
†
It had been four days since she had last spoken to Reese. Alex was sullen and the hardness that had started to leave her features had begun to reappear again.
“Ms. Masters, Reese Owens on line four,” Carol’s voice came over the intercom. Alex leaned back on her chair and remained silent. “Ms. Masters?”
“Tell her…I am not available, Carol,” she said into the intercom and went back to her paperwork.
†
Reese called every day for the remainder of the week, and Alex was always unavailable. Alex had begun to feel the cold slide itself back into her life. Her days were filled with work and more work.
Elliot had been dispatched out of her office after she had picked a fight over something totally banal. Alex had told him off in no uncertain terms. Slowly she was going back to the life she had thought she had left behind.
After two weeks, Reese stopped calling.
One night, Alex pulled into her driveway, went into an empty house and closed the door.
Quite suddenly, she started to shake.
What has happened? she asked, looking around her house. All she could see was the emptiness; all she could hear was the silence. She braced herself and went into the living room. She opened the decanter filled with thirty-year-old scotch, poured herself a glass and gulped it down. She then proceeded to refill it then walked over to the sofa and sat down while she drank the contents of the second glass.
She wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting in the dark when the doorbell rang. The incessant buzzing made her get up, walk over to the front door, and pull it open.
“What!” she yelled as she swung the door open. Her expression changed completely when she saw Reese standing in front of her.
Alex stood in stunned silence. Reese! her mind whispered tentatively. Reese stood in front of her. All she had to do was reach out and she could touch her, hold her, kiss her...
“Are you going to let me in or do you hate me that much?” Reese asked angrily.
“Come in,” Alex answered just as sarcastically.
Reese walked in past her. “Well, can we turn on the lights or are you living literally in the dark too?” Reese snapped as she turned around to face Alex. Alex slammed the door shut.
They both stood in the dark, illuminated by the diffused lighting coming through the glass panels on the sides of the door, creating a soft glow around them. The air was so charged that it kept them physically apart.
Alex relented, and reached out to flick the light switch up. She walked back into the living room followed by Reese. She went directly to the scotch decanter and poured herself another drink. She swallowed it, took a deep breath, and turned to face Reese. “Want some?” Alex asked, showing her the empty glass.
“Drinking won’t make it go away,” Reese said softly.
Alex shook her head and looked down at the glass in her hand. “It dulls what ails you,” she answered as if talking to herself.
Reese was not about to let her wallow in self-pity. “Why have you been avoiding me? You haven’t taken my phone calls. You haven’t come around the house. You have simply just cut me out of your life and thrown me out with the trash,” Reese accused her angrily.
Alex’s head snapped up as she turned back and started filling her glass again.
Reese was suddenly next to her and snatched the glass out of Alex’s hand, spilling the gold liquid all over.
“What are you doing?” Alex demanded irritably, taking the glass back.
“I am…I am here, Alex.” Reese suddenly sounded tired. “I am here, loving you.” Reese’s eyes met Alex’s wounded ones.
&n
bsp; Alex walked away from her and the silence stood between them. “Where’s Gail?” Alex demanded without turning to look at Reese.
“Probably where I left her, in bed!”
Alex turned to face Reese with a scowl on her face. Suddenly, Alex closed the distance between them and grabbed Reese by both arms and shook her. “Why are you here? Are you trying to drive me crazy?” she growled, looking into Reese’s eyes accusingly.
“Why should it matter to you who I sleep with as long as it isn’t you?” Reese yelled back.
“How could you let her touch you? How could you let her kiss you after me?” she demanded angrily.
“After you!” exclaimed Reese as she pulled herself out of Alex’s grip. “After you? I don’t belong to you. You don’t want me, remember?” Reese’s eyes filled with tears and the pain inside her was visible.
“Get out! Get out!” Alex yelled.
Alex just stared at Reese when she didn’t move.
The tears started rolling down Reese’s face and she started to speak softly. “You don’t want me, Alex. She does. She looks at me the way I wish you would. She wants all that you don’t. And I…I sent her away because all I want is you.” Reese took in a deep breath before she continued. Alex just stood and stared. “I never slept with her, Alex. I am in love with you.” Reese’s voice shook with crying. “Why are you fighting me so hard? Is it so terrible to love me?”
Alex did not answer and the silence grew between them.
Finally, Reese spoke. “I am cursed with loving you, wanting you, dreaming of you, crying for you. Do you know that, Alex? I have been reduced to crying for you. I’m not ashamed to tell you because loving someone is beautiful. I don’t care what the world thinks. All I know is that I love you. I have to put some distance between us because loving you is going to kill me, Alex. I can’t live like this. I can’t. I won’t bother you anymore,” Reese finished speaking softly and walked toward the door.
The sound of glass breaking filled the silence. Reese looked back and found Alex still standing in the same place staring at her, the floor beneath her covered by broken glass. “You’re running away?” asked an angry Alex.
Reese just stared back. Instead of answering, she just seemed to look sadder.
“You are! You’re running away!” exclaimed Alex even louder in disbelief.
Alex quickly closed the distance between them to stand in front of Reese. She was close enough to feel her breathing but did not touch her.
A sob escaped Reese as her head bent down. She swayed into Alex’s arms and held her as her crying became audible and her body shook. Suddenly, Alex’s arms went around her and pulled her closer.
Alex’s embrace quickly got tighter and Reese buried her face in Alex’s neck. “Alex,” she cried, breathing her in. Reese said her name with a mixture of pain and pleasure. As she was about to pull away, Alex pulled her back into her embrace and her mouth covered Reese’s with a need that took her by surprise.
Alex’s lips were warm and enticing and Reese gave herself over to the sensations. Alex’s lips brushed hers lightly now. “No…don’t go…” said Alex before she again covered Reese’s mouth with her own.
Alex’s kisses demanded with a hunger that caught Reese off guard. She pulled away, trying to catch her breath and stared at Alex in a mixture of surprise and incredulity.
Alex spoke first. “I don’t want you to go,” she said softly. “I don’t want you to go,” she repeated. “I need you.”
Reese stared in confusion.
“I need you,” she said again as she pulled Reese back into her embrace
“Alex,” Reese said softly as she tried pulling away from the embrace that held her.
“I’m afraid, Reese,” Alex said softly into Reese’s hair.
Reese stood still, listening.
Alex continued, “I’m afraid to love you. But, I’m more afraid to lose you...” she trailed off.
Reese kissed Alex’s neck tenderly. “I’m here, Alex. I’m here and I want to love you. Let me love you, Alex.”
Alex was the one to pull away this time, turning away from Reese.
Reese stopped Alex in her place and looked into such vulnerable eyes. She saw so much raw hurt. She lifted her hand to caress Alex’s face. “I won’t hurt you, sweetheart,” she said softly.
Alex pulled away. “What if I lose you?” She stood with her back to Reese.
Reese came up behind her and turned her around. “I can’t promise that I won’t die, Alex. I wish I could. But I can’t. I do promise to love you till my dying day,” she said with all the love possible visible in her eyes. Her hand reached out and caressed Alex’s face tenderly. Alex leaned into the caress and her eyes closed as she surrendered to the warmth that seemed to be infiltrating her body. She was tired of fighting Reese, tired of needing the woman, tired of the loneliness and of the time she spent missing Reese, wanting Reese…loving her.
Reese’s body was welcoming, and as Alex gave in completely to the embrace she experienced the warmth of surrender. Reese held her close and her body responded, swaying toward the object of its need. “Reese, Reese, I’ve missed you,” she whispered into Reese’s ear as one hand went into her hair and the other pulled her even closer. Alex wanted to melt into the woman in her arms.
“Alex, oh Alex,” Reese said before her mouth was claimed once more.
Alex pulled away, took her by the hand, and led the way up the stairs.
Reese was filled with both excitement and anticipation. Her breathing became heavy. And she stopped halfway up the stairs, not believing what was happening. She looked toward Alex and was rewarded with the brightest of smiles. Alex stood next to her in the middle of the staircase holding nothing back. Her eyes were completely open and all that Reese could see in them was love mirrored back at her.
Alex kissed her gently at first. And as Reese’s mouth responded, the need between the two women intensified.
Reese was now leaning against the wall as Alex’s mouth traveled down her neck, and her hands pulled Reese’s hips against her.
“Reese, I want to see you,” said Alex with a breathless voice so filled with passion that she hardly recognized it as her own.
“Yes, make love to me, Alex,” Reese said as she leaned her head back even further.
“Come…” Alex took Reese by the hand again and climbed the remaining steps even faster, leading her into her bedroom. Alex leaned toward the bedside lamp and looked at Reese asking a silent question. When Reese nodded the room filled with soft lighting that glowed with a dream-like haze. Alex walked up to Reese again and their eyes met expressing so much more than words ever could.
Alex pulled Reese to her for a kiss while her hands started pulling Reese’s blouse out of her slacks. Breaking the kiss Reese raised her hands and Alex removed the blouse over her head.
Alex never took her eyes away from Reese’s. Once Reese unhooked her bra and it fell to the floor, Alex’s eyes focused on Reese’s breasts. Oh god, Reese’s breasts are perfect, she thought; they fit so perfectly in her hands and their allure was her undoing. Her mouth opened slightly as her hands caressed them. Alex looked up and saw Reese’s eyes closed and her head bent slightly back. Her hands then started caressing lower over Reese’s abdomen and then started unbuttoning the slacks.
“Alex….” moaned Reese.
Alex pulled back and Reese’s eyes opened. She searched Alex’s face, questioning. The awe and admiration visible in Alex’s features and then blue eyes met green. For a moment, she saw such vulnerability in those green eyes. Reese, filled with so much tenderness, she quickly filled the space between them and kissed Alex lightly.
“We don’t have to do this if you are not ready, we have all the time in the world,” she said lovingly to Alex.
Alex’s eyes softened. “I am not afraid. I am taking in the moment. I want to remember it forever. You are so beautiful, oh God, you are so beautiful,” said Alex without releasing Reese’s eyes for one moment.
> Reese started to slowly remove Alex’s clothing. When she was done, she saw so much love in Alex’s eyes that Reese then allowed herself to look down at the body of the woman who had taken over her thoughts and held her heart. Reese stared at Alex’s full breasts and her eyes traveled down to perfect hips. She could feel her body reacting to her need to possess Alex. Reese was filled with a desire to tease those breasts and to touch and caress the body of the woman before her.
Neither woman spoke. They instinctively went into each other’s arms. Hands caressed and mouths explored as both women fell onto the bed with sweet abandonment.
Alex was on top one minute, then Reese. They could not seem to get close enough.
Alex was above Reese, lifting herself to catch her breath. She stopped and stared at the beautiful woman beneath her and her mouth came down slowly to find the lips she had wanted to kiss from the very first day she had seen her. Slowly, she began to move against the body beneath her, grinding with such pleasure that her moans ascended and grew louder as the emotions inside her built beyond the realm or reason, she reacted only to the need that filled her. All she knew was Reese’s skin, the scent of her body that grew to meet and entice all of her senses with a desire that became lost to all reason. All she felt was hunger; a hunger that had been hidden inside her and now would not be denied. Suddenly the flood of emotions filled her body with such power that the release of pleasure was beyond anything she had ever experienced before. There was no control and, for the first time in Alex’s life, she allowed herself to just feel and not think.
Reese’s release came as well and both women held onto one another in its aftermath.
The Very Thought of You Page 7