A blink later, the Reluctant was hovering over Kallian. Geezer had set the cloak before activating the GONE drive, so Harr felt confident that they weren’t seen. Still, he didn’t like to leave things to chance so he got the crew checking over the planetary communications and also had them size up Kallian’s level of sophistication. Vool had wanted them to just jump down to the planet and get things moving, but Harr decided it was better to know what they were getting into.
“Planet looks like it’s nice enough from here,” he said while gazing at the floating marble that hung in the center of the main view.
“First time I’ve ever seen a planet of that color,” said Sandoo.
“Greenish-pink is odd, I’ll admit,” Harr agreed. “Could mean that the air’s not breathable.”
“It shouldn’t matter to any of us, sir.”
“True, Commander, but it may matter to me.”
“What do you mean, sir?”
“That I’ve grown somewhat fond of breathing oxygen,” Harr said with his eyebrows raised.
“But, sir,” Sandoo said in that motherly tone that came out whenever Harr was about to breach protocol, “you can’t go down to that planet. It’d be against regulations.”
“Whose regulations, Commander?”
“The Segnal Space Marine Corps, sir.”
“Ah, yes, I see.” Harr thought it best to go a little easy on Sandoo. The android was all about regulations, after all, and he was a damn good soldier. Arguably, he was the most by-the-book soldier that Harr had ever met. “In case you’ve forgotten, Commander, we’re no longer a part of the SSMC.”
Sandoo surveyed the area as if seeking a perch to stand on, and then said, “That’s true, but we still have to adhere to some form of regulations or there will be anarchy.”
Harr glanced away for a moment. Lieutenant Moon had three screens going full-time, each with either a stream of text or multiple video feeds pouring out. Ridly’s layout wasn’t much different except for the content she viewed was less fashion-based. Curr was wearing a set of what appeared to be headphones. That was peculiar, seeing that he could just plug straight into the console. There was likely something in his programming that preferred the old-fashioned route, or it could be that he was doing his best to dissuade Middleton from talking to him. Not that Middleton would have, since he was too busy working on the satellite data collection near the back of the bridge. Jezden, of course, was checking out the local porn.
“Commander,” Harr said eventually, “I appreciate your concern. I honestly do. You’re just doing your job and I respect that. Actually, I demand it. But please recall that we just had a conversation a few hours ago regarding why I’m in command of this ship. You were the one who made the observation that I’m the only person aboard this ship who thinks outside of the box.”
“Except for Geezer,” Sandoo answered with slump of his shoulders.
“Right, him too.” Harr stood up and put his hand on Sandoo’s shoulder. “My point is that I’m the most likely candidate for success here. If we succeed, we’ll end up with more missions, and that means more times this is going to happen. There’s no point in having this conversation every time. We’re just going to have to change the way we think about some of our procedures. It’s a new world, Commander. Time for us to make some new rules to go along with it.”
In that moment, Sandoo seemed exceedingly human. His face was drawn and he even sighed in such a way that made his body appear distressed. “Yes, sir,” he said in a ragged voice, “but I don’t like it.”
“I know you don’t, and that’s what makes you a solid commander.”
Sandoo brightened a bit. “Thank you, sir.”
By now, Jezden was over by Vool, making his first move. Harr had been surprised that he’d waited this long. She was too attractive for him not to take a shot. Plus, she was a “god,” in a manner of speaking, which had to have the android’s circuits buzzing.
“What’s up, baby?” Jezden said in his smooth way.
“The ceiling?” answered Vool, looking upward.
Jezden let go a practiced laugh. “Good one. So, you new in town?”
“What town?”
“Look, babe,” Jezden said, “I’m just trying to break the ice here, ya know?”
Vool furrowed her brow. “I see no ice.”
“You’re a pretty literal chick, huh? I like that in a woman. Of course, I can think of a number of things that I like in a woman. Me, for example.”
“I sense you are trying to use a…pick-up line?”
“Got it in one,” Jezden said with a wink.
“Got what in one?”
“I just meant…”
“Let’s save some time,” Vool said with smoldering eyes. “I’m an Overseer. You’re a peasant, and not a very attractive one, at that.”
“Excuse me?” Jezden’s demeanor rapidly changed. “Not good looking? I’ll have you know that I’ve bedded down more women in a weekend than most men do in their entire lives.”
“I’m sure you’re very impressed with that,” noted Vool.
“Damn straight, I am. On top of that, I was voted the most likely to get laid at every adult convention I’ve ever been to, and I’ve been to many.”
Vool blinked casually and said, “I can’t imagine it’s all that challenging to find a partner at an adult convention.”
“And you’re not exactly the hottest chick I’ve ever seen either, lady.” Jezden was on fire now. “I was just trying to be nice to you. Throw you a bone. Literally.”
“Well, soldier-boy,” Vool said, tilting her head, “if you’re done being nice, it would be great if you would return to your chair. Alternatively, I could just kill you, which I assure you would grant me a far better sensual response than anything you could muster sexually.”
Jezden grimaced and shook his head at her. “You’re one weird chick.”
“You have no idea.”
Harr felt a little respect for Vool from that, but he still didn’t trust her. He’d had an operative along on his first mission with this crew who had turned out to be a complete lunatic. That man, too, was calm, cool, and collected when he talked about death and destruction. There was just something about the breed of natural-born killers that made Harr’s skin crawl. He understood that being a soldier meant that he was going to be faced with fighting, and that often meant someone was going to end up on the wrong end of a laser beam, but unlike people such as Vool, Harr found no pleasure in the kill.
“Sir,” Middleton said, having gotten back to his own desk during the exchange between Vool and Jezden, “I’ve found information regarding the person in charge of the warp research.”
“Technically,” argued Curr, “I found it, but go ahead and take the credit, Middleton. You always do.”
“Cool, thanks,” Middleton said with a fake grin. “Anyway, sir, the scientist’s name is Dr. Rella DeKella and she works for a place called Wagean Associated Research Program for Engineers and Designers.”
“The acronym is W.A.R.P.E.D., sir,” noted Curr.
“I got that, Ensign, thank you. Anything else, Middleton?”
“Just that she’s done a few video statements on the upcoming test and it appears that they are on schedule.”
Harr scratched his nose. “Anything you can put on-screen?”
“Sure.”
The main view filled with the sight of a woman who was roughly Harr’s age. She had dishevelled brown hair, thick-rimmed dark glasses that slightly magnified her kaleidoscopic eyes, and she was clearly not all that competent in the field of wearing makeup.
“Slevb blurg glagger glinti-poot…”
“Sorry, sir,” Middleton said, resetting the video. “I forgot to activate the Universal Translator.”
“Idiot.”
“Shut up, Curr.”
“All of the components are in place for the test,” Dr. DeKella said as she adjusted the collar of her white lab coat. Harr had already found her incredibly attracti
ve, and the sound of her sultry, yet nerdy, voice only served to solidify his feelings. “We are running final evaluations and calculations to ensure that we’ve not missed anything. One can never be too careful when it comes to mathematical models. At this point, I see nothing that will derail a successful outcome.”
“Beautiful,” said Harr.
“What’s that, sir?”
“Nothing, Commander,” Harr said quickly. “Just find it, uh, beautiful when a project comes together.”
“Ah,” Sandoo said with a firm nod. “Couldn’t agree more, sir.”
“So she’s the one you’re going to kill?”
Harr did not allow himself to get irritated at this question. Instead, he calmly replied, “Only if necessary, Vool.”
“Seems necessary to me.”
“I’m sure it does, but seeing that Frexle left me in charge, it’s really not your place to make any decisions in that regard. I’ll make the call on who lives and who dies on this little adventure.”
“Unless you fail,” she reminded him, “which you most likely will. Then it’ll be up to me to make that call, and you can be certain that I won’t hesitate.”
“Until then, your role is to observe,” Harr commanded.
“Continue talking to me like that, Harr, and I’ll shove a shoe up your ass. And do believe me when I say that. I will quite literally do it. My shoe, your ass, full insertion.”
Harr rolled his eyes and shook his head. She would not get the better of him. He’d already had experience working with that nutty operative in the past. Their kind had to have their little power-plays to make them feel superior. Harr was one who had been trained that the superior officer was to be respected. Not that he wouldn’t counter orders if they seemed ridiculous, of course, but he’d always first try to find another way to accomplish a mission via an indirect route. People like Vool, though, they approached each mission the same way, through intimidation and violence, and the more of both the better.
“Ensign,” Harr said to Middleton, “I noticed that Dr. DeKella has multicolored eyes. Is this normal to their species or is it particular to her?”
“All Kallians have that, sir. Also, they have tails.”
“Sorry, did you say tails?”
“I was supposed to bring up the tails,” Curr complained.
“You probably do, Curr,” Middleton said with a laugh. “Besides, I can’t help it that you’re so slow.”
“You’re a jerk.”
“You’re a bonehead.”
“Honestly,” Harr interrupted the bickering before it got out of hand, “if you two don’t get control of yourselves, I’m going to have to separate you.” The two men glowered at each other momentarily before finally looking away. “Okay, so they have tails. Long tails? Short tails? What are we talking about here?”
Middleton grunted toward Curr. “Go ahead and tell him, Curr. I wouldn’t want to interfere with your incredibly important job.”
“Jerk.”
“Ass.”
Harr cleared his throat, silencing them.
“Curr?” he said.
“Sorry, sir,” Curr said tightly. “He’s just…never mind. The tails are of all different lengths.” Curr turned toward his console and put up a bunch of pictures of Kallians in all different angles. “If you look at their pants, sir, you’ll see that they all have holes in the back, just under the belt line. That’s where their tails hang out.”
“It’s odd that they have belt loopth at all,” Moon said. “It’s not like they need belts with those tails hanging out.”
Harr found the outfits to be pretty much the same as Segnalian standard wear. Shoes, slacks, standard shirts, some button-up, some not, and a jacket. A few of the Kallians were even wearing ties. Then he saw a grouping of pictures that made him cock his head in contemplation.
“How come that one group of people has their pants hanging so low? Honestly, I can’t even see how they can walk around like that.”
“That’s the younger crowd, sir,” explained Curr. “It’s the style to wear them like that.”
“Looks like they have to hold them up with one hand,” said Jezden. “Seems pointless.”
“Ridiculous,” agreed Harr.
“The older folks on Kallian would concur, sir,” Curr said with a nod, “but, then again, they are old.”
“Right.”
“Thtyle is thtyle,” Moon stated, shrugging.
This would mean a pretty radical alteration in their physical appearances. Multicolored contacts were easy enough for Geezer to manufacture, but tails would be tricky. They’d also have to put together some clothing options that made sense. Nobody on his team was going to go with the low-hanging pants, though—of that he was certain.
“Lieutenant Moon,” he said, “I’m putting you in charge of making us look the part.”
“Sorry, thir,” Moon said dubiously, “but are you selecting me for this job because I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body?”
“No, Lieutenant, I’m selecting you because you’re the most skilled person for the job.”
“Oh.” Moon sat up a little taller, smiling proudly. “Thank you, thir. Who will I be working on?”
Harr had put a lot of thought to that already. He wanted to have Sandoo along, but he was too much of a stickler for regulations. Moon was out of the question because Harr didn’t know what the Kallian’s societal norms were for Moon’s particular situation. Harr was fine with it, but the Kallians might not be, and the last thing this team needed was to appear out of place. Middleton and Curr were too rambunctious when around each other. He could—and probably should—split them up, but he needed them here to help Sandoo monitor things. And, obviously, Geezer was always better off staying on the Reluctant.
“It’ll be me, Ridly, and Jezden.”
“And me,” said Vool.
“Whoa, Captain,” Jezden said while getting to his feet. “Nobody’s putting a tail on me. I’ll go for the eyes things ‘cause that’s pretty sweet, but a tail? I don’t think so.”
“I’m sorry, Jezden,” Harr said with a hard stare, “did you mistake what I’d said for me asking if you wanted to go?”
“Huh? Well…”
“You’re on this mission, like it or not, and that means you’re getting a tail…like it or not.”
Jezden was obviously fighting to keep his ire down. “Yes, sir,” he said through gritted teeth, “but I want to make sure it’s as short as possible.”
“Fine with me. I’ll agree to whatever length Curr and Middleton find on the subject.”
“I’ve been looking that up, sir,” Middleton said. “It seems that leaders have longer tails, for some reason. Could just be coincidence.”
“There ya go, Captain,” Jezden said with a big stinking grin. “I can have a nice short tail and you can have one of those enormous boss ones. Comparing our backs will be just the opposite from comparing our fronts.”
VOOL REPORTS
Vool moved to the quarters she was assigned and set up a connection with Veli. It wasn’t the cleanest connection, but since he always hid from view anyway, it didn’t really matter. She couldn’t understand why he felt the need to hide who he was. Probably something to do with fear of assassination. Fact was, if she were hired to kill him, it wouldn’t be that hard to find a flashlight.
“Vool,” Veli said, “what have you learned?”
“Nothing much,” she replied. “We just got here. The people on the planet have tails so I have to get one of those. Right now they’re working on the crew, though. All in all, it’s boring.”
“I’m talking about what you’ve gleaned regarding the technology on that ship.”
“Haven’t checked,” she said with a shrug.
“Well, will you?”
“I guess.”
“You guess?” Veli sounded incensed, and that improved Vool’s mood. She did so love irritating people. “Look, Vool, I know your father is a senator, but remember that I’m the Lord Overse
er. You can go about being as flippant as you wish with senators and the like, but it’s not wise to be so with me.”
“Or what, you’ll kill me?” she said with a scoff. “Yawn. What do I care?”
“Okay,” Veli said after a few moments, “let’s try a different tact. Would you like to keep your ability to do your job?”
“If you’re threatening to fire me, Veli, I’m not worried. There are plenty of people willing to hire me to exact my particular brand of work.”
“Not if you’re missing your limbs,” Veli pointed out.
“I’m impressed,” Vool said with a mischievous grin. “It takes a rare individual to find my leverage points.”
“It takes a rare individual to ascend to the top of the Overseers,” Veli responded. “Now, will you please find out what you can about that damn ship?”
“Fine,” Vool said and then disconnected the call.
She could only hope that Veli was still speaking, thinking that she was still listening. He’d figure it out eventually.
ODD BEHAVIOR
Geezer had spent the last weeks poring over old records of how transporter systems could work. Nobody had a definitive answer as to the technology, and most scientists claimed it was a physical impossibility due to a number of factors. The Meschoingberg Principle spoke of the futility of determining position and momentum of quantum particles; the data storage necessary for even a single life would register in the tredecillion range; a beam with sufficient energy had not been identified, nor had one even come close; and the celebrated Segnalian Physicist, Dr. Lou Zaire, called the entire idea “a bag of hooey.” On top of that, the Clonographic Theory stated you’d end up leaving a bunch of copies of yourself all over the place.
But things like that never stopped Geezer from working. In his estimation, the only reason that technology failed to advance was because people were not plugging the right stuff into the right place. It also didn’t hurt that he never bored of trying different combinations of wiring, on everything from simple breadboards to complex matrix panels. Frankly, it could be argued that his tinkering thus far had given them many amazing pieces of tech already, including a few additional ones that he’d never bothered to report, such as his Coffee-Tea Merge-O-Cuppa, the Triple-Headed Wratchett-Screwdriver, and the Multistudded Tonail Deatomizer. All of which he planned to patent if the opportunity ever presented itself. He still wanted to market the SSMC Reluctant model that he’d created a long time back, as well. There just hadn’t been time.
Platoon F: Quadology: Missions 6, 7, 8, and 9 (Platoon F eBook Bundle 2) Page 6