“Waste of a good soldier’s uniform,” Struggins said under his breath as Deddles shut the door.
“Sir?”
“Nothing, Ewups.” Struggins pointed toward the geek’s screen. “Just keep an eye on that video. Where are they now?”
“They seem to be heading to Dr. DeKella’s apartment.”
“Please tell me we have her place bugged?” Struggins said hopefully.
“Yes, sir. I installed it myself last year when you implied that I could improve my station from Technician to Sr. Technician if I only learned to do what needed to be done, sir.”
“Yes, yes,” Struggins said with a wince. “I remember that. I finally got your paperwork on my desk just a couple of weeks back, as a matter of fact.” Whether that was true or not, Struggins truly had no idea. “Haven’t had a chance to look them over just yet, but if you do well in this little spy game of ours, I assure you that my pen will be in-hand before the weekend.”
The proverbial carrot had been placed. Struggins hated it, but that’s the way it was with today’s soldiers. The satisfaction of doing one’s duty had been replaced with the “What’s in it for me?” mentality.
“Yes, sir,” Ewups said, sitting straight up and refocusing. “Thank you, sir.”
HER PLACE
Dr. DeKella’s apartment was nicer than even the hotel that Harr and his crew had been hooked up with. The furniture was contemporary by his standards. Sleek lines and bright patterns were the theme. He was used to high ceilings being the norm for most places on Segnal, but they were low compared to DeKella’s place. She was on a top floor, though, which may have garnered her that extra ceiling height. All of Harr’s past dwellings were typically on ground level.
“Nice place you have here,” he said as she sat across from him on the couch, after first handing him a glass of wine.
“I wish I could take credit,” DeKella replied. “It came furnished.”
“Well, I suppose you had to have selected which one to rent in the first place, so you can still take some credit.”
“That’s true,” she said with a laugh. “Well, not really. It was one of my interns who found it for me.”
“Oh.” Harr took a pull on the wine. “Still, it’s nice.”
“I had wanted a place in the suburbs, but with all of the work going on, it just seemed more fitting to be close by. Frankly, I would have preferred something a little less ostentatious. I’m a simple girl who likes simple things.”
“Same here.”
“You’re a simple girl who likes simple things?” DeKella cracked a smile.
“Funny,” Harr said, raising his glass. “If this scientist thing doesn’t work out, you might consider comedy.”
His mind was racing, though he tried to maintain a calm demeanor. It had been a while since he’d been this interested in a member of the opposite sex. It was obviously poor timing, but such was the way of things for an intergalactic traveler. At least that’s what he was trying to convince himself of.
The fact was that he was falling for this woman. Ridly and Vool knew it, and Jezden could have spied it a mile away, but Harr understood that there could be no relationship here. She was a Kallian and he was a—well, past-Segnalian. He guessed they could have a long-distance relationship, measured in light years, but that wouldn’t be fair to her. Besides, what if he happened upon another mission and fell for another woman? Harr wasn’t the cheating type. The reality, though, at least if you followed the trend of shows like Stellar Hike, was that Harr was a space-ship captain and that meant he was bound to garner the attention of many hot alien chicks.
“I know you can’t give me the details of where you’re from, Zep,” DeKella said, “but I find you and your team to be quite different than most people.”
“Inspectors are an odd lot, I suppose.”
“No argument there, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’ve worked with inspectors from all over the world and they all share in some basic similarities. They all know that there are male and female sides to a menu, for example. They also know that gentlemen order first at a restaurant. And none of them have ever heard of tipping a waiter.”
“Obviously,” he said carefully, “you’ve not met anyone from my particular part of the world.”
“Is there no television in your particular part of the world?” she said challengingly. “Seems you’d pick up the basics of things just from watching a show or two in your lifetime.”
Damn. If she kept up with this line of questioning, she’d eventually figure something out. There wasn’t much chance she was going to jump to the conclusion that he was from another world, but Harr had to think quickly.
“Once the test is a success,” he said, knowing that this would never happen, “maybe I’ll take you for a trip to my homeland. Then all of your questions will be answered.”
“Promise?”
Harr shrugged noncommittally. He couldn’t make that promise. First off, where exactly would he take her? Segnal was out of the question. He couldn’t risk being seen there after everything that had happened. Not that his face was on a Most Wanted poster or anything, but who was to say what’d happened since he’d left home? Bringing her to Overseer-land was an even more ridiculous idea. It wasn’t his home anyway. The only place that really was “home” to him and his band of androids was the Reluctant. Not exactly a homeland, per se, but it’s all he had to offer.
She smiled and slowly pulled the band out of her hair, letting it fall in long waves down the sides of her face. She’d had that reserved librarian thing going all day, but now she was a woman full of desire. Harr gulped.
“What say we quit with the small talk, doctor?”
It had been a long time since he’d gone beyond small talk. At least with someone else. Of course he never bothered with the small talk when he was alone. “Yeah, okay. I mean, sure. Right.” He set his wine glass down. “Do you mind if I use your restroom first?”
DeKella gave him a very odd look indeed. “Of course,” she said as though catching herself. She then pointed toward the main hallway. “It’s right through there. Second door on the right.”
“I’ll just be a moment.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
CUTTING THE WIRES
Ridly and Jezden entered the lab with clippers in-hand. Geezer had provided them with the details on where Vool had placed the charges, and now it was up to them to cut the red wires and be done with it.
There were still a few scientists working, but they were so engrossed in what they were doing that they paid little mind to the inspectors. Ridly assumed that they were more worried that they’d be questioned if they said anything. All in all, she couldn’t blame them. Even as an android, she had no desire to be held up to scrutiny.
“Okay,” she said as they approached the Multicombo Chamber, “Geezer said that they’re on stations one, seven, and thirteen. This should be a snap. Small wires aren’t much of a challenge.”
“Was that yet another insult attempt regarding the size of my tail, Ridly?” Jezden said with a groan.
“What?” she replied, looking confused. Then she slowly broke into a grin. “Oh, you mean because your tail is of the nearly record-breaking variety? I hadn’t even considered the comparison,” she said, placing her hand on his arm. “Mostly because I think the wires may be more impressive.”
Jezden gaped at her and yanked his arm away. “I don’t think you understand how this is affecting me.”
Ridly knelt down and found the first explosive. It was small indeed, but she could clearly make out the three wires that Geezer had mentioned. She carefully reached in and snipped the red one, and then pulled the two ends to opposite sides so that they wouldn’t accidentally touch again.
“Serves you right,” she said while walking to the next section. “You never seem to care about how your comments affect others. Not much fun being on the receiving end, is it?” She reached down to look for the second explosive, but stopped and sai
d, “Then again, you’ve been on the receiving end before, right? On Merrymoon, if memory serves.”
The women on the Merrymoon mission had taken a shine to Jezden, which was a common theme wherever he went…until Kallian. Seeing that the men on Merrymoon weren’t all that attractive, yet the women were incredibly so, Jezden thought he’d died and gone to android nirvana. But things didn’t quite turn out the way he’d expected.
“Hey now,” Jezden warned, “the captain made us promise to never bring that up. What happens on Merrymoon stays on Merrymoon. We were just out looking for the SSMC Voyeur, and that’s it. That’s all we’re supposed to say on that subject.”
“Captain’s not here,” she said teasingly. “What are you going to do, tell?”
“Just finish up the damn job.”
They moved toward station thirteen when one of the scientists came up to them. She was taller than most Kallians and possessed a tail that demonstrated a hefty dose of virility. Beyond that, she had what Ridly could only describe as swagger.
“I’m Dr. Levton,” she said to Jezden specifically, “and I’d like to speak with you.”
“Sure,” he said after giving Ridly a wry smile. She rolled her eyes in response. “What can I help you with?”
“You’ve got an incredibly small tail,” she said, looking him over.
Ridly snickered.
“Here we go,” Jezden said with a groan.
“Does anyone…” Levton paused and focused on Ridly. “Actually, I apologize. Are you two a couple?”
“No,” Ridly said quickly. “We just work together. Please, pretend I’m not even here.”
“It’d be better if you actually weren’t here,” Jezden said out of the corner of his mouth.
“I should have asked that first,” Levton said to Ridly. “When I see a small tail, my brain changes levels.”
“Completely understandable,” Ridly replied. “They are such a turn-off, aren’t they?”
“On the contrary,” Levton replied with her eyebrows up. “I find them quite interesting.”
“Really?” said Jezden and Ridly in unison.
“Everyone knows that people with small tails are submissive-minded,” Levton said.
“What?” Jezden said with a start.
“Hush, you,” Levton said to Jezden in a stern voice. “The long tails are speaking.”
“Yes, Dr. Impotent,” Ridly said with a chuckle, “you should know better.”
Jezden closed his eyes and shook his head. Ridly was already having a blast making fun of how his ego-driven choice to have a small tail had backfired, but this just put things over the top.
“Anyway,” Levton continued, “if he doesn’t belong to you, I was going to see if he was looking for someone to belong to.”
“I don’t belong to any…”
“Oh no,” Ridly interrupted as if he weren’t even in the room, “I’ve known him a long time. He doesn’t belong to anyone. But I’d wager he’d like to.”
“What?” Jezden said. “Let me tell you something…”
Dr. Levton put her hands on her hips. “You’re obviously in need of training,” she said.
“I’ll have you know…”
“Can it, small tail,” Ridly said as seriously as she could muster, but she was dying from laughter on the inside.
“Seriously?” Jezden said to Ridly. Then he turned back to Levton. “What is it with you people and small tails, anyway? What’s the big deal?”
“Besides the fact that you’re all submissive?”
“I’m not submissive,” Jezden replied.
“Merrymoon,” Ridly pointed out.
“They were giants, Ridly,” Jezden said. “It wasn’t like I had much of a choice. And we’re not supposed to talk about that!”
“It’s Dr. Baloo, thank you very much,” Ridly replied.
“Look, lady,” Jezden said, turning to look at Dr. Levton, “I don’t know what it is that makes you think that just because I have a small tail that I’m submissive, but I’m not. And frankly, I resent the stereotype.”
“Hmmm,” Levton said after a moment. “This is interesting.”
“What is?”
“I think I find you even more attractive now that you’re talking to me this way.”
“Well,” Jezden said while flashing his pearly whites, “most women can’t resist me.”
“No, that’s not it. I guess I just like a bit of a challenge.”
Jezden crossed his arms and turned very serious. “Go away, lady.”
“Interesting,” she said as she spun on her heel and sensually walked away.
“You know…”
“Shut up, Ridly,” Jezden said. “I’m not in the mood.”
“That’s a first,” Ridly replied as she knelt back down to take care of the wires. “Must come with the territory of being Dr. Impotent.”
SPYING AGAIN
General Struggins had just cleaned his fingers after devouring his order of Snarling Bloodstick when he noticed that a couple of inspectors had come back to the lab. He assumed that they were just taking advantage of the quieter atmosphere due to the late hour. Wise, if that were the case. He much preferred the late hour when getting things done was a priority.
They were two of the junior inspectors, too, so the likelihood of finding any interest in what they were doing was low. As he’d said before, underlings were always given the unimportant tasks.
Still, there was something about the way they were moving that gave him pause. He couldn’t help but feel that mischief was on their agenda.
“Deddles,” he said, pointing down toward the lab, “do those two look suspicious to you?”
“Those are the inspectors, sir.”
“I’m aware of who they are, Private. I’m more worried about what it is they’re doing.”
“My guess is that they’re inspecting things, sir.”
“I mean specifically, you moron.”
“Uh…”
“Goodness, boy,” Struggins said while furrowing his brow, “show some initiative. I don’t know how many times I have to say it before you get it through your skull. And me telling you all the time to do something is not the same thing. You have to do things on your own.”
“Yes, sir.”
He waited, but Deddles just remained standing there. Bottom line was that if Struggins ever died, this place would fall apart, unless another like him came in to take over.
“Deddles, get on one of those infernal machines and train a camera on them,” he commanded in a not-so-nice way. “Figure out what the hell they’re doing.” Then he turned to the technician and said, “Ewups, what’s the status on Welder and DeKella?”
“Last I heard, things were starting to get hot and heavy,” Ewups answered, “but then Dr. Welder said he had to use the bathroom.”
“That’s disturbing,” Struggins said with a look of distaste.
“Yeah,” Ewups agreed.
These inspectors were getting odder by the moment. They had an air about them that felt wrong. That wasn’t a stereotype, either. These inspectors didn’t quite fit any particular stereotype that Struggins could think of.
“Sir,” Deddles said from the other terminal, “it looks like they’re clipping wires on some device.”
“Let me see that.” Struggins pushed Deddles out of the way and plopped down into the chair. He zoomed in the camera and his eyes bulged. “That’s a bomb, private.”
“A real one, sir?”
“Of course it’s a real one, you nincompoop!” Honestly, what kind of weeding out process did the military use these days? He shook his head and refocused on the feed. “Looks like they’re activating it. Everyone knows that when you cut the red wire it starts the countdown.”
“Just like on Moon Adventure,” Ewups said.
“What do we do, sir?”
“Simple, Deddles. As soon as they leave, we go back in and hook those damn wires right back up.”
“That makes sense, sir,
” Deddles said, looking relieved. “Great thinking, sir.”
“Gotta be on your toes to be a general, boy,” Struggins stated firmly. “Start using that noggin of yours and maybe, though doubtfully, you’ll make it to lieutenant one day.”
“Thank you, sir.” Deddles was beaming for a moment, but then frowned. “Why not general, sir?”
“Just trying to be realistic,” Struggins said, wishing he’d had another order of Snarling Bloodstick. “Bending the realism enough already with the concept of you making it to lieutenant, Deddles.”
THE RIDGWAY CONVERTER
No matter what he did, Geezer couldn’t figure out what the hell was holding up the transporter from working correctly. The physics were stupid, of course, but that’d never stopped him from accomplishing things before.
After much study, he finally found something that could pull it all together. It was called the Ridgway Converter, though some scientists referred to it as the Jelboobah’s Witness Converter.
It was an ingenious device that had the sole purpose of making other pieces of technology believe that there was a higher technological power that wanted them to do their jobs without rational thought, even if those jobs were improbable, impossible, or nonsensical.
The device was named after Dr. David Ridgway, a scientist from Segnal who stumbled upon the idea for the converter when two Jelboobah’s Witnesses showed up at his door one day. He had tried to push them along their merry way, but they simply wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. They were so adept at their conversion abilities, that they had Dr. Ridgway seriously considering whether or not there truly was a hell. After about 15 minutes, he felt that he was actually in hell. Finally, he took the pamphlet with a terrified smile and promised that he’d put serious thought to their points of view. Once they had left, Dr. Ridgway’s brain reengaged and he promptly launched the pamphlet into the flame canister with a shake of his head. When he returned to his work, though, he began to wonder if he couldn’t somehow use the same tactics to guilt pieces of technology into reacting in certain ways. He immediately set upon working on a device that could convert other devices into its way of thinking. The underlying theme was that if the tech didn’t succumb, it would suffer an eternity on the scrap heap. The good doctor was more surprised than anyone that the device had actually worked. It even landed him a Slobel Prize in two fields: technology and religion. Unfortunately, Jelboobah’s Witness engineers got their hands on the device and twisted it in such a way that it had convinced all of the vending machines on Segnal that they should become Jelboobah’s Witnesses. Not long after this, Dr. Ridgway was expelled from normal society, forced to live out his days as a nomad, dodging launched tomatoes and kicks in his pants each time he visited town. Rightfully so, too, as it’s rather aggravating having to sit through a sermon every time you wanted a carbonated beverage. No, it wasn’t directly his fault that this happened, any more than it’s the gun-maker’s fault that someone invented bullets, but repercussions tend to flow much like shit and every invention had to have a face to put to any failures. It wasn’t like they were going to try and expel the Jelboobah’s Witnesses. That would have caused all sorts of religious uprisings, discussions, and conversions. Throwing tomatoes at them and kicking them in the pants was fine, and quite commonplace, but ousting Dr. Ridgway was a far simpler option.
Platoon F: Quadology: Missions 6, 7, 8, and 9 (Platoon F eBook Bundle 2) Page 14