“I cannot tell a lie, Lord Overseer,” he said, thinking on his feet, “for if I did, you would most certainly know it.”
“Yes, I would.” His words were laced with accusation.
“Of course you would,” Frexle agreed confidently. He had an angle. “Your intellect knows no bounds, my lord.”
“That’s true.”
“Again, Lord Overseer, I can only speak the truth when in your presence. To do otherwise would be naught but a foolhardy pursuit.”
“I’ll grant you that,” Veli said, “and since you are obviously aware of this fact, I’ll ask you again: Are you the head of this pesky group?”
“I am not, my lord.”
“Really?” Veli said, sounding shocked. “Damn. I thought certain that I had that one nailed down.” Frexle held his tongue as Veli tapped on his desk with what sounded like an ice pick. “But seeing that you couldn’t possibly speak falsehoods around me, after your incredibly accurate description of my intellect and all, I suppose I have little choice but to believe you.”
Frexle fought the desire to take a deep breath and say, “Whew.” His life had been waiting behind the curtain just moments before, preparing itself to flash before his eyes. Fortunately, there was another rain check. At least until it was learned if Platoon F had succeeded or not.
“Your wisdom is supreme, Lord Overseer. I take comfort knowing that my innocence was the only conclusion your advanced mind could have arrived at.”
“Exactly,” Veli agreed. “Ah well, I guess it’s some other idiot. I’ll just have to keep an eye out.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Have you heard any updates from Vool lately?”
“No, sir. I assumed she was only contacting you directly since there is little point in her going to one of your underlings.”
“True again.” Veli’s clicking on the table was now moving in rapid hits. Frexle had noticed that the Lord Overseer tended to do that when he was feeling important or pleased. “I have to say, Frexle, that your perfect evaluation of my incredibleness serves to improve my position on your acumen.”
“That must mean that I’m not nearly as stupid as many people think, my lord. I am fortunate that the greatest mind the Overseers have ever been privileged to call their leader has formally declared me as intelligent.”
“I never said that,” Veli retorted. The clicking stopped. “I’m just saying that you’re not a complete moron.”
“That’s enough to brighten my day, my lord.”
“Understandable.” Back to a single tap every few seconds. “Anyway, what’s the latest on this warp test?”
“It’s still on as scheduled, my lord.”
“That should be an interesting light show,” Veli said happily. “Yes, yes, nothing better than blowing things up, except maybe eating things that are struggling not to be eaten.” Frexle couldn’t contain a shudder. “Also enjoy those plagues. They’re a hoot.”
“As you say, sir.”
“Well, it seems that you’re not the leader of that group, so your death will have to wait until this crew of yours fails tomorrow.”
“Great…sir.”
SPY RUN
Technician Ewups had rigged it up so that General Struggins could see through the goggles of his lead trooper as the team of soldiers closed in on DeKella’s apartment, which took them an incredible fifteen minutes to manage. They slid through the main lobby without much fuss, except for a little dog that kept barking at them as they waited for the elevator. The apartment building was only three levels, so Struggins couldn’t fathom why they hadn’t just taken the stairs. Then again, the out-of-breath sounds coming from the small band of black-clad soldiers spelled that they were struggling enough with just the run in to the building.
The elevator doors opened and they began moving in, but an old lady was already inside the elevator.
“Out of the way, you hoodlums,” she said. “You let people out of the elevator before you go in. Kids these days just don’t have any respect for the way of things.”
“Sorry, grandma.”
“Grandma? I’m not your grandma.” The old lady was suddenly brandishing an umbrella because, well, that’s what old ladies tended to do when they felt irritable. “I’ve a mind to knock you upside that silly helmet of yours, I do.”
“Quick, everyone inside.”
Struggins heard a “dink” sound that spelled the old lady had indeed knocked his lead trooper upside the head as they piled into the elevator.
“Should I assume,” Struggins said through the microphone, “that your team isn’t well-versed with stealth, Sergeant Clebsy?”
“Only the ‘wearing dark clothes’ part, sir. We’ve just recently graduated from that class. We would have been out sooner, but Lieutenant Zjarba kept on donning bright green socks, so…”
“I don’t need the details, Sergeant,” Struggins said tiredly. “What I need is for you and your team to try to be as quiet as you can when you get to DeKella’s room. We don’t want to tip our hand.”
“Ricky that, sir,” said the remote soldier.
“Isn’t that supposed to be ‘Roger that,’ sir?” Private Deddles asked.
Struggins covered the microphone. “Clebsy’s ex-husband’s name was Roger, and she hates his guts, so she refuses to use his name in any context.”
“Oh.”
Clebsy attached a card to the electronic reader on the door. A couple of seconds later, the light turned green and she turned the handle to reveal DeKella’s apartment. Struggins grunted upon noticing that the place was nicer than his.
“Again,” he warned, “keep quiet.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You just said that at full voice, Clebsy. You need to whisper.”
“Sorry, sir,” she said at full volume.
Honestly! He counted to ten and then centered himself.
“Slip toward the bathroom,” he commanded, “and tell me if you see any shadows.”
“The bathroom, sir?”
“Again, will you please whisper?”
“Sorry, sir.”
“Yes,” Struggins affirmed, “the bathroom.”
“Why are they in the bathroom together, sir?”
“First off, we don’t even know if they are in the bathroom. Secondly, if they happen to be, you don’t want to know why. Trust me on that.”
“Ricky that, sir.”
Clebsy motioned the other soldiers to check the rest of the apartment while she headed for the bathroom. There was a light coming from under the door, but there was no way to tell if anyone was inside. Struggins couldn’t see any shadows moving or anything.
The sound of a bag ruffling suddenly filled the air.
Crunch.
“What the hell was that?” Struggins asked.
Chomp, chomp, chomp.
Clebsy started seeking out the source of the crunching sounds. Struggins was hopeful that the moronic soldiers wouldn’t be caught, but if they were he would simply deny any involvement and instead pin it on one of the local police chiefs.
Crunch. Chomp, chomp, chomp.
Clebsy turned the corner to the kitchen, her gun held high, when she saw Private Upler with his hand in a bag of chips.
“What the hell is he doing?” Struggins said.
“What the hell are you doing?” Clebsy nearly mimicked.
“I was hungry,” Upler replied and then offered her the bag. “Want some?”
“Sure,” Clebsy replied, reaching her hand in.
“Stop,” Struggins yelled. “This is unbelievable. Put those damn chips away right now or I’ll have you both put in irons.”
Clebsy yanked her hand out of the bag and then wagged a finger at Upler. “You should know better, soldier,” she said. “We’re trying to be stealthy here.”
“Full voice again, Clebsy,” Struggins said with a sigh.
“Oh, sorry, sir.”
“Check the damn bathroom!”
She moved back into the main room and fixed her gaze d
own at the crack under the restroom door. There were shadows.
“The lifeforms are back, sir,” Ewups announced urgently.
“Get out of there, soldier,” Struggins commanded. “Mobilize! Mobilize!”
BACK HOME
That was simply the most amazing experience I’ve ever had,” DeKella said as she and Harr materialized back in her bathroom.
“I’ll bet that’s not something you’ve ever thought you’d say while in the bathroom with a man.”
She laughed in a snorting sort of way that Harr couldn’t help but find endearing.
“I don’t suppose I could go with you when you leave?” she asked suddenly. “It would sure make life more bearable than staying here and being known as a failure.”
“Honestly,” Harr replied, “I think you’d feel differently were you to spend even one day in our shoes.”
“That bad?”
“Always seems to be.” He went to open the door but stopped. “Remember that they’re listening to everything we say when we’re not in here.”
“Got it.”
They walked back out into the main room and looked around. There were fresh boot-prints on the carpet, the front door was slightly opened, and the smell of tortilla chips filled the air. That last note made very little sense to Harr. Whoever was in charge of training the strike team for this planet was clearly lacking in capability.
“Well,” DeKella said, “that was quite something, Dr. Welder. You are an amazing lover.”
Harr smiled, knowing that she was playing on the fact that the Kallian military was listening in. “I do what I can.”
“You do quite well, indeed,” she said as she walked over to the door. “Now, would you look at this? We seemingly left the door open in our rush of passion. I should close it quickly. We wouldn’t want anyone spying on us, now would we?”
“That would be bad, yes.”
“Speaking of spying, have you met General Struggins yet, Zep?”
“I don’t believe I have, Rella.”
“He’s a fat old man who smells of mothballs,” she said with a wicked grin. “Always in a sour mood, which I suppose should be expected after what I’d heard about him.”
“Oh? What’s that?”
“Someone had apparently spied on him for a couple of years before he made it to the rank of 13-Star General. I guess the military has a strong interest in knowing what’s going on at all times, you know?”
“Interesting,” Harr said. “What did they find?”
“It was a little disturbing, actually.”
“Do tell.”
“Well, the report was that they have footage of Struggins dancing naked at a campsite in the middle of winter while singing show tunes.”
SPY SHOCK
That’s not true,” Struggins yelped as Deddles and Ewups stared at him with wide eyes. They both seemed to be holding in their mirth. “I’m telling you it’s a lie. I’ve never done such a thing! I don’t even like camping.”
“Whatever you say, sir,” Deddles said, giggling.
“You’ve got to believe me,” Struggins said, seeing his authority waning. “I wouldn’t dance naked outside in the middle of winter. What sense would that make? And I haven’t been camping since I was forced to do it during the terrorist crackdown back in 1411.” He hoped that pointing out how he’d fought in an actual war would bring his underlings back into order. It didn’t. “Now, I’ll admit that I sing show tunes from time-to-time. But, really, who doesn’t?”
Both of the young men raised their hands.
“Well, for my age group it’s a very normal thing, but I would never do that in the nude.”
“Not even in the shower, sir?” Deddles asked with a gleam in his eye.
“Okay, fair enough. In the shower I’ve sung a song or two. I’ll admit that.”
“Do you want me to continue recording all of this, sir?” Ewups asked while pointing at the little red blinking light on his screen.
“Recording it? You’ve been recording this entire surveillance?”
“Of course, sir. It’s procedure.”
“Are you insane?” Struggins bellowed. “Erase all of it, immediately. Pay special attention to that last bit, which, again, I attest was a patent fabrication.”
STARTING THE TEST
The next morning put Harr and his crew in the lab of the W.A.R.P.E.D. building.
It was a madhouse of scientists, military personnel, reporters, and camera crews. Harr, Ridly, Jezden, and Vool tried to keep out of the way, but Harr knew he’d have to get into that room with the Stewnathium Particles before Rella could fire off the test. The problem was, how?
There were two scientists standing at the terminal next to the stairs that led up to the room. They obviously wouldn’t be a problem. The two guards standing at the base of the stairs, however, probably would be.
Harr started looking around for another way into that room when General Struggins stepped right in front of him at the bequest of one of the reporters.
“I’m here with 13-Star General Laffable Struggins,” the reporter said toward the camera in her pedantic way before turning to the general. “Sir, you have been a part of this project for a few years now. How do you feel things have progressed over that time?”
“More slowly than I would have liked, but that’s usually the way of things.”
“Do you anticipate any problems?”
“None. I have complete faith in Dr. DeKella and her crew of outstanding scientists. They’ve been working long hours to make sure everything is ready to go as planned. On top of that, I’ve brought in additional military police to watch all facets of this building until the test is done.” He looked fixedly at Harr and added, “We wouldn’t want anyone to do anything we might deem nefarious, after all.”
The reporter turned back to the camera. “You heard it here, folks,” she said. “General Struggins has placed security as a top priority.”
“You can never be too safe with Kallian lives,” Struggins noted proudly.
“Brilliantly stated,” the reporter agreed. “On that point, I guess we can assume that the inspection phase went smoothly and that they’ve found nothing to cause too much concern?”
“Well,” the general said with a grin as he motioned toward Harr, “why don’t we just ask Dr. Welder over here directly?” Struggins walked over and offered his hand, which Harr reluctantly took. “I know we haven’t been formally introduced,” Struggins said, “but I would imagine that everyone knows about the famous Dr. Zep Welder.”
“Never heard of him,” the reporter said.
“I suppose I mean the people in the scientific community,” Struggins amended.
“Ah, right.” The reporter turned her attention to Harr. “Dr. Welder, you were responsible for the inspection of the systems here?”
“Uh…yes, right.”
“And you expect everything to function as designed?”
He glanced at Struggins, who appeared to be hanging on Harr’s every word. “I can’t say that for certain, but all of the failsafes and procedures check out.”
“I’m curious, Dr. Welder,” Struggins said, “how long have you been an inspector? I would imagine a very long time. I can’t see them sending a rookie along for something so important, after all.”
“Yes, it’s been many years,” Harr said worriedly.
“Maybe you could share with the world of Kallian some of the more prominent projects you worked on?”
“I wouldn’t want to bore everyone,” Harr said with a wave of his hand.
“I think it would be fascinating,” the reporter said.
“Oh? Well, uh…let’s see.”
“Excuse me, everyone,” DeKella announced, quieting the room and pulling the attention of the reporter and the cameraman away from Harr. “We are about to start the test.”
Struggins moved to stand next to Harr. Out of the corner of his mouth, he said, “I know you’re a fraud, Welder, or whatever your real name is.
The real Welder and his crew never arrived. We don’t know what you did with the actual inspectors, but you can be certain we’ll find them. I also know all about your little attempt to sabotage this test.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, General.”
“Is that right? So you don’t know about the charges that were placed in the lab?” Harr shook his head. “Come now, you’re obviously the brains of this group.”
“No idea what you’re referring to.”
“Well, no matter, we thwarted your little countdown already anyway. You could have at least used something complicated, but I guess going with the standard red-wire snip was all your meager team could muster. Fortunately, we caught it in time and connected those wires back up after your people left last night.”
Harr turned to look at him. “You reconnected the wires?”
“Ahah,” Struggins said with a winning grin, “looks like you did know about the charges.” Harr bit his lip. “Of course I reconnected the wires. Everyone knows that if you clip the red wire it starts a countdown. Do you think I’m a first-year cadet, mister? And don’t even think to try to clip them again. You won’t have the chance. When this is all said and done, you’ll get your comeuppance.”
“Why wait?” Harr said, knowing that he could have Geezer teleport them off the planet anyway. Then he peered around at the cameras and the slew of reporters. “Ah, I see. You can’t. If you do, you’ll have egg on your face.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Struggins said with a look of disgust. “Egg on my face? Who’s ever heard of such a stupid thing?”
“It’s just a saying where I come from. Means that you’ll look foolish.”
“You’re talking about putting eggs on your face and you’re calling me foolish?” Struggins signaled toward a few of his soldiers. “Take our ‘inspectors’ to that room up at the top of the stairs. They won’t be able to do any harm from there. As soon as you have them secured, stand guard at the bottom of those stairs. If any one of them steps out, shoot them.”
Platoon F: Quadology: Missions 6, 7, 8, and 9 (Platoon F eBook Bundle 2) Page 18