“True, sir,” said Ridly, “but we can’t live our entire existence in fantasy anyway. Even if we did stay here, we’d be doing jobs all year and only getting a couple of stints in our fantasy worlds.”
“Well said, Lieutenant,” Sandoo stated. “I have no desire to leave the Reluctant, sir.”
“I love designing clothes, Captain,” Moon admitted, “but I also have to take into account my other personality … well, personalities now that Gravity has thomewhat returned. Besides, I have to admit that there is thomething about the unknown that gives me more excitement. In my fantasy, I know exactly what will happen. On the Reluctant,” he added with a smile, “one can never be sure, thir.”
Harr nodded, glad to hear that Moon’s lisp had gone back to its minimal state.
“What about you, Ensign?”
“It sucks that Norklandia can’t be a real thing for me,” Jezden replied, “but the truth is that it’s not real.” He sighed in a very Human way. “As long as you promise to let us come here once a year or so, I’ll stick around.”
“Good,” Harr said, even though he had secretly hoped that the ensign would have taken the opportunity to resign on the spot.
“What about us?” asked Grog. “I know Inkblot said that there were jobs here and all, but I’d kind of like to stay on the ship.”
“I could dig that, Grog.”
“Right on, Vlak.”
“Well,” Harr said, feeling as though he were about to make yet another mistake, “with Middleton and Curr leaving the squad, we are short two ensigns at the moment. If you two want their—”
“We’ll take it,” Grog interrupted.
“Done.”
Harr wasn’t surprised.
He turned back to Middleton and Curr, who were still grinning from ear to ear. This was definitely not something that Harr was used to seeing. It was … odd.
“Well, gentlemen,” Harr said, “I wish you luck in your new life.”
“Thank you, sir,” Middleton replied and then looked at all of the crew. “Thanks to all of you. You were good to us.”
“Yeah,” agreed Curr. “We’ll miss you all.”
Jezden grunted. “Gay.”
Parfait stepped over and studied each of the androids in detail. He walked around behind them and mumbled a few “hmmms” and “yesses” before stepping back in front.
“Are either of you good at giving massages, by chance?”
“No, sir,” Middleton replied.
“But we can learn, sir,” Curr said strongly. “We are androids, after all.”
“Valid point,” Parfait said as he turned to look at Harr. He wiggled his eyebrows and added, “There may be a, uh, happy ending in this for me after all, eh, Captain?”
A FINAL REPORT
The SSMC Reluctant had returned to the Overseer base. While Frexle could have transported himself back without the need of the ship, he had to admit that he’d grown somewhat fond of being on it over the last couple of days, especially the engineering department.
But now was not the time for wistful thinking. Now was the time to provide his final report to the Lord Overseer regarding his personal mission to retrieve the Platoon F crew from Fantasy Planet. Now was the time to ruffle some feathers.
“Everyone is off and accounted for, yes?”
Technically, they were not. Middleton and Curr had stayed behind, but the Lord Overseer didn’t know that. What he did know was the head count of Platoon F.
“There are eight crew members on board the Reluctant, my lord.”
Veli began his trademark tapping. “I have to say that it was one of the slowest things you’ve ever done, Frexle. I’m sorely disappointed.”
“I do apologize, my lord,” Frexle said, feeling a twinge of angst towards Veli. “I gave it my best. It’s simply shameful how horrible the owner of that Fantasy Planet is.”
The tapping stopped.
“Oh?”
“A real weenie, if you ask me, my lord. Couldn’t find his buttocks with both hands, I’d wager.”
A growl could be heard.
“Why do you say that, Frexle?”
“Well, I looked a bit at the software that makes up the place. Archaic is a nice word to describe it. The jerk who coded it is obviously an amateur.”
“Amateur?” shrieked the Lord Overseer. “Well, let me just ...” He trailed off, clearly catching himself. “I mean,” Veli said more calmly, “is that so?”
“Terrible excuse for programming a computer, my lord. If the twerp is even capable of tying his or her own shoes, I’d be amazed.”
“That’s going a little far, wouldn’t you say?”
“True, my lord,” Frexle said almost apologetically. “The buffoon probably doesn’t even know how to put shoes on in the first place.”
The tapping resumed, but it was rather forceful now.
“I think I’ve heard enough about this planet owner you’re speaking of. I’m sure that his skills far surpass anything that you could possibly imagine.”
Taking a page out of Goozer’s book, Frexle replied, “As far as you know, my lord.”
“Right,” said Veli tightly. “I believe we’re done here, Frexle.”
“Yes, Lord Overseer,” Frexle said with a hint of venom that he knew could have resulted in the immediate extinction of his own personal existence, but he was riled up. “I believe we are.”
“Hmmm.”
HEART TO HEART
While Harr expected that it would take some time to fully get over Dr. Rella DeKella, he couldn’t help but feel better knowing that his crew had mostly stayed on. At the same time, he also still harbored a bit of concern over how each of them had portrayed him in their individual fantasies.
They were obviously also keenly aware of this because they were still walking on eggshells around him. Well, not Grog, Vlak, or Jezden, but the other three were.
He called them all to the bridge to discuss things so that they could get it out into the open.
“I know that you all want to explain to me why you did what you did in each of your fantasies,” he said.
“I thought mine was pretty obvious,” stated Jezden.
“Sorry, I mean about how you cast me in your fantasy.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. Were you talking about something else?”
“Anyway, I don’t want any explanations.”
Geezer’s eyes brightened. “I’d like to hear about it.”
“You don’t need to hear about it, Geezer.”
“I swear,” Geezer complained, “I never get to have any fun. Even with my new battery I’m trapped on this damn ship. Can’t I at least get some hearsay on the goings-on out there?”
“Trapped?” said Harr. “I thought you loved it on this ship?”
“Rationalization for when I was tethered to it, honcho,” the robot replied. “Now that I’m free, I want to explore and such, just like everybody else.”
“We should include him in our next mission, sir,” Commander Sandoo said.
“Thanks, Sandoo.”
Sandoo ignored Geezer and added, “It would be good to show him what it’s really like out there.”
“The dangers?” asked Ridly.
“The aliens?” said Moon.
“The disco dancing?” Jezden added.
“Not sure I can handle all of that in one go,” Geezer noted. “Especially the disco part. Sounds dreadful.”
“It was,” Sandoo, Ridly, and Jezden chorused.
“I liked it,” Moon admitted.
“Anyway,” Harr said loudly enough to silence them all, “hopefully you’ve had your fun at my expense and got it out of your systems. I don’t know what the next mission will be, but I don’t want any legacy feelings of resentment.”
“It’s done, sir,” affirmed Sandoo.
Ridly nodded and said, “Agreed.”
“Unless you still want to wear the tights or something ...” started Moon, but suddenly thought better of it. “Thorr
y, thir.”
Jezden leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the console. If there was any one constant on this ship, it was that Jezden would always be himself. Not that it was a good constant, but at least there was something that wasn’t bound to change in Harr’s world any time soon.
“You’re still a dick, Captain,” Jezden stated as fact, “but for now those couple of days I had with Jiggly Nipples in my bed, and you as my court jester, was cool enough.”
“Court jester?” Geezer said with a robot equivalent of a laugh. “Wow, that’s harsh.”
“Before you judge, Mr. Geezer,” Sandoo said, surprisingly coming to Jezden’s defense, “I would remind you about the original SSMC Reluctant model you built.”
Geezer shifted uneasily. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I think you do. As I recall—and do note that I have the same eidetic memory that you have—it had a miniature Captain Harr doll that you stuck pins into now and again.”
“Memory or not,” said Geezer after a moment, “how’d you know about that?”
“I found it in the trash,” Sandoo replied.
Geezer’s eyes darkened. “Snitch.”
Harr sighed. No matter what he did, he couldn’t seem to catch a break.
Such was the life of a captain, though. Whenever there was trouble, they all looked to you for direction, but when things were running smoothly, you were the butt of all the jokes.
“Okay, enough fun time,” Harr said. “Geezer, get back down to your station, please.”
“No need, big cat,” Geezer replied. “I’ve got it all rigged so I can do stuff from anywhere.”
“Super,” Harr said with as much sarcasm as he could muster. Nobody seemed to notice. “Anyone have any suggestions for where to go?”
Without so much as a pause, Jezden replied with, “There’s the annual Steel Bone Awards on Klood.”
“You mean the porn convention?” Moon asked interestedly.
“Yeah,” Jezden replied.
“I wouldn’t mind going to that, thir.”
“Sounds good to me,” Ridly chimed in.
“I’ll stay on the ship,” Sandoo stated, giving the rest of the crew a holier-than-thou look.
Grog and Vlak spun in their chairs.
“What’s a porn convention?” asked Grog.
“What’s a steel bone award?” questioned Vlak.
“It’d probably be best for you to get that information from the Feeder,” said Geezer.
“There goes his default response again, Grog.”
“You know it, Vlak.”
“I’m not boning those guys,” Jezden replied with a look of disgust while pointing at Grog and Vlak.
Geezer turned towards the ensign. “I’m talking about the device I created to feed information to people quickly.”
“Oh,” Jezden said. “Didn’t know that you had a device called that. It’s the nickname chicks gave to me on Klood.”
“The Feeder?” clarified Geezer.
“Yeah.”
“Ew,” said Moon.
“Okay, okay,” said Harr, trying to shake that image from his mind, “I’ve heard enough of this. If you all want to go to Klood, that’s fine. I’m just hoping that they have non-porn related options there, too?” He thought back to Kallian’s sexual revolution. “I’m not really in the mood for any of that at the moment.”
“They have to have something other than porn, right?” Ridly said.
“I honestly have no idea,” Jezden replied with a shrug.
“Yeah, they do,” Geezer stated after a couple of seconds. “There’s an entire section for older folks. Golf, bingo, charades, and such.”
Harr groaned. “Nice.”
“We could play a round of golf, sir,” suggested Sandoo.
“That’s something to look forward to, at least,” he said with a groan. “I’m sure I’ll have no trouble out-driving an android.”
“He’s going to squash you, sir,” Ridly said.
“Obviously,” Harr replied dryly. “So Klood, then?”
They all nodded.
Things were changing yet again in Harr’s world.
He’d gotten a bit of understanding about how each of them had felt about him, now, and it wasn’t great; the two cavemen … erm, Early Evolutionary Humanoids … were now sitting at the consoles where Middleton and Curr used to sit; Geezer was no longer tethered to the ship, which may or may not be a bad thing; Gravity Plahdoo had returned to some degree, though Harr wasn’t sure if she would show up again or not; and Frexle seemed to have stumbled upon something that Harr couldn’t help but believe would involve the crew of Platoon F sooner rather than later.
One thing was for certain, serving as the captain of the SSMC Reluctant looked to be a never-ending adventure.
“Geezer,” he said as he leaned back in the Captain’s Chair, “set a course for the planet Klood, if you would.”
“Already done, honcho.”
Harr nodded one last time, took a deep breath, and said, “Hit it!”
NEW ORDERS
Frexle sat in Lord Overseer Veli’s office for the first time since returning from Fantasy Planet.
As always, Veli was playing coy, tapping the desk at regular intervals. Frexle couldn’t see the Lord Overseer since he kept himself sequestered in the shadows, but the depth of his voice and the power of those taps made it clear that the man was powerful indeed. It was assumed that if you ever actually saw Lord Overseer Veli it assuredly would be the last thing you ever saw.
But Frexle didn’t feel like his normal pensive self. He had just found new information about the Lord Overseer that was interesting. Very interesting.
Frexle was damn certain that Veli was the owner and creator of Fantasy Planet. He hadn’t shared this information with anyone else, of course, but were he correct the proverbial zebble—which is a cat-like creature from Frexle’s homeworld of Zibble—would be let out of the bag. Not that they kept zebble’s in bags on Zibble or anything. It was just a saying.
For most people it wouldn’t matter if external interests were maintained, but there was a strong rule that government officials were disallowed from doing business until they left power.
Frexle had wanted to start up a yogurt shop in the Oobow district, for example, but Veli threatened to shred the skin from his person if he even toyed with creating a business plan. It was even rumored that a few senators had been assassinated because their secret investments in various firms had been discovered.
So if Veli was involved with this Fantasy Planet, it would be quite a nugget of information.
“I have a very important mission for your beloved Platoon F, Frexle,” Veli said in his gravelly voice.
“Oh?”
The tapping stopped.
“Don’t you mean, ‘Oh, my lord?’”
“Sorry,” Frexle said, not really feeling sorry. “That’s what I meant.”
“Don’t you mean, ‘Sorry, that’s what I meant, my lord?’”
“Yes.”
“Don’t you mean …” Veli trailed off and growled lightly. “Nevermind. Anyway, a new upstart planet called Lopsided-11 is gaining a fleet of technologically-advanced ships and they must be stopped.”
One of the primary tenants of the Overseer government was to ensure that no universal body could grow to the point of usurping them. To this end, Lord Overseer Veli created a program that constantly scanned the cosmos in search of planets that contained life. The celestial bodies were then surveyed, studied, and placed into an algorithmic matrix that determined their propensity to compete with the Overseers. If a threat was uncovered, whether that threat be immediate or predicted to be a concern 10,000 years into the future, the planet was flagged. Once flagged, the planet was slated for destruction.
Well, historically anyway.
Ever since Frexle had found The SSMC Reluctant, and since the HadItWithTheKillings group started gaining influence, the Platoon F crew had been used to
dissuade cultures from continuing down their technological paths in order to avoid extinction. So far it had worked perfectly.
“Lopsided-11?” Frexle said finally. “I’ve never heard of this planet … um, my lord.”
“Not surprising,” replied Veli. “There are billions of planets out there, you know.”
Frexle brought up his datapad. “True, but Lopsided-11 is not listed anywhere in your program as a threat. In fact, it’s not even listed at all. What sector is this in?”
Veli banged his desk powerfully.
“Are you doubting me, Frexle?”
“I’m just trying to understand, sir,” Frexle said, feeling a rush of adrenaline.
“You don’t need to understand, Frexle. You must merely do as you are commanded.”
“Yes, sir,” Frexle said. He was aggravated that his normal reaction to Veli’s outbursts was fear. The Lord Overseer could undoubtedly snap Frexle in two in the blink of an eye, or at least that was what everyone believed. He cleared his throat and added, “Has the senate been informed …”
“I do not require the permission of the senate for trivial things,” Veli said, cutting Frexle off. “They are already aware of the fact that Platoon F was brought on board for this purpose. We don’t need a vote every time some half-baked planet begins growing too quickly.”
“Hmmm.”
The tapping had stopped again and the room fell silent. It also seemed to get about ten degrees colder, as if someone had opened a window in the middle of a blizzard. Frexle fought to avoid shivering, but it wasn’t easy.
“You’re acting strangely, Frexle,” Veli said accusingly.
“I am?” Frexle squeaked.
“I’ve noticed your attitude growing ever since we brought this Platoon F crew of yours on board. This HadItWithTheKillings group has been gaining power, too, and that’s another thing that appears to be leading to your new-found confidence.”
Platoon F: Quadology: Missions 6, 7, 8, and 9 (Platoon F eBook Bundle 2) Page 38