“Would you prefer we just punched you in the stomach, then?” suggested Deek.
“No.” Veli’s voice was subdued.
“Didn’t think so.” Then Deek announced, “Everyone sing together!”
The entire class began to chorus, “Smelly Veli, fat as jelly!”
“Again,” cried Deek.
“Smelly Veli, fat as jelly!”
“Oooh look,” Hoospa said as she pointed and laughed, “he’s crying.”
Deek gave out a real belly laugh. “Veli is a cryosourus!”
The class fell into a fit of laughter as Veli jumped from his chair and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
§ § §
Current-day Veli awoke from his nightmare and bolted upright, hyperventilating.
“I’m not smelly,” he yelled at the top of his lungs.
“Sorry, sir?” Dummy said.
“And don’t you ever call me a nerdosuar!”
“I shall make a note of that, sir.”
That was when Veli realized something was amiss. He was no longer in the classroom. He was now sitting inside of a metal room of some sort. His brain was spinning.
“Wait, what happened? Where am I?”
“Inside your ship, sir. We’re in the past on your home planet known as Earth.”
“Shit,” he said, noting it had been nothing but a dream. A vivid, horrible recollection of what his life once was, yes, but it wasn’t his current reality. Obviously this had all come about due to his subconscious mind’s recognition that he had returned home. “Anyone snooping around out there?”
“No, sir.”
“Scan the area for lifeforms.”
Beep-boop-bop-boop-bip.
“Aside from insects, there is nothing within the immediate area.” The computer then added, “At least nothing considered sentient. There are barely any sentient beings within the ship.”
“GAH!”
“Good comeback, sir,” Dummy said in his monotone way.
“What kind of insects are out there?”
“There are thousands, sir.”
“Any roaches?” Veli said as his scales crawled.
“Scanning…”
Beep-boop-bop-boop-bip.
Veli crossed his claws hopefully.
“None that I can find, sir.”
“Okay, good.” He pressed the button to lower the main hatch and pushed his way out of his chair. “I’m going to go for a walk. Keep the ship hidden until I return.”
“As you wish, sir.” Just as the hatch was closing, Veli heard the computer say, “Don’t get lost.”
TINY SHIP
Lieutenant Moon was busily working with Lieutenant Ridly on determining Veli’s location. Harr was confident it would be Earth, as noted by the ship’s logs, but with time travel in play, there was an endless supply of possible destinations in the past, present, and future.
“Thir,” Moon said, keeping his eyes on the screen he was sharing with Ridly, “we have narrowed down the amount of time we need to go back, but it’s just a gueth.”
“What’s the margin of error?”
“Unknown, thir. Could be two hours or twenty thousand years.”
“That’s a pretty wide margin, Lieutenant.”
“Yes, thir.”
“I think I got something here,” said Jezden from his station.
Harr doubted the ensign had found anything of actual use while studying Veli’s pornographic library, but seeing that Ridly and Moon had come up with a number that did little to help their situation, he decided to play along.
“I’m listening.”
“Based on my calcs, I think that Veli dude is 65,212,019 years in the past.”
“And you got this from looking at pornography?” Harr said.
“Yep.”
“Has to be correct, then.”
“Theriouthly, thir?” said Moon with wide eyes.
“No, Lieutenant,” Harr replied with a grimace. “Not even remotely.”
“Whatever you say, Captain Douche Canoe,” Jezden said as he gave Harr the finger.
“Watch yourself, Ensign.”
“Or what,” Jezden argued, “you’ll demote me?”
Harr opened his mouth a couple of times to respond, but the fact was there wasn’t much he could do to Jezden… or any of the crew, for that matter. They were all aboard voluntarily. Granted, they had agreed to follow his command, but the only real option he had for discipline was to drop them off at the next stop, and he wasn’t likely to do that, even with someone as irritating as Jezden.
“Just watch yourself,” he said tightly.
“I’m telling ya I’m right, man.” Jezden flicked a thumb towards the screen. “Boning doesn’t lie.”
Harr was about to start down the rabbit hole of questioning how precisely “boning” could influence calculations in any meaningful way, when the tiny replica of the SSMC Reluctant appeared on his personal console.
It was the ship Geezer had created a number of years ago to test out the now infamous GONE Drive. During the test, the miniature model transported to a planet many light years away that was inhabited by itty-bitty people. They’d climbed into the vessel and began to follow the full-scale Reluctant around. At first they would just blink in and out of existence, but soon they’d learned how to maintain their position, which was when they introduced themselves to Platoon F. Since then, Harr had relied on the little crew during a number of missions.
The hatch opened and their commanding officer, Liverbing, walked down the ramp.
Harr leaned over to the little man, who was wearing a three-piece suit and looking nothing like a military person whatsoever. If anything, Liverbing would be best described as a politician, and he carried himself in a way that told you he was important.
“Hello, Liverbing.”
“Captain Harr,” Liverbing replied, holding up his diminutive portable horn so his volume could match that of Harr’s, “we have been doing a number of calculations on our ship and we have come to the conclusion that Veli is 65,212,019 years in the past.”
Harr pulled his head back appraisingly as he glanced over at a smug Jezden.
“You’re joking,” said Harr as he blinked a few times.
“Why would I be joking?”
“It’s just…” Harr cleared his throat. “Never mind. How did you come to this conclusion?”
Liverbing began shifting from side to side. “I’d rather not say.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just unbecoming, is all.”
“I don’t understand.”
“All right,” said Liverbing before taking the PA from his mouth and adjusting a few knobs on its side. Finally, in a much quieter voice, he said, “The fact is that my ensign, Shelly Demoise, is a bit of a pornography connoisseur and she’s been studying the adult movies on Fantasy Planet since we arrived here a few days ago.”
“You’re shittin’ me, man,” Jezden said with a laugh, clearly able to hear Liverbing even at his new volume. “You got a little porn chick in your ship?”
“Sadly,” Liverbing replied, cranking the sound back up. “Anyway, Captain, she claims her study has brought up this number.”
“I’m speechless.”
“‘Cause you hate it when I’m right, dude.”
“What’s he talking about?” Liverbing asked.
“I just gave the same number to Captain Balls here,” Jezden answered before Harr could.
“Balls?” said Liverbing. He scratched at the back of his neck for a moment. “I thought your name was Harr.”
“It is, Liverbing. Jezden is just a bit insubordinate.”
“Ah, just like my Demoise.”
“Sounds like.”
Jezden stepped over to the Captain’s Chair. He was carrying a swagger that Harr had grown to dislike, along with a turd-eating grin that nobody liked.
“Can I meet this little chick? I think I’ve got something in my pants that would—”
“…Kill h
er,” Moon finished.
Jezden froze. “What?”
“Remember she’s not even the size of your finger, thtupid.”
“Just means she’d really be surprised at the size of it.”
Moon groaned. “You’re thuch a pig.”
“Anyway, Captain,” Liverbing said, making it clear he had no intention of encouraging this dialogue, “while I’m not a fan of Ms. Demoise’s personal choices, she’s never been wrong when it comes to things of this nature.”
“I’m frankly amazed.”
“As am I.”
“While you’ve all been discussing this, sirs,” Ridly interjected, pulling up a screen full of data to the main view, “I ran a few calculations against the data we have in our banks regarding Earth. It does seem reasonable that Veli could have existed 65,212,019 years ago.”
Of all the people on the ship who could be right, why did it have to be Jezden? Not only was he incapable of being humble, he was equally incapable of letting it go. If his numbers ended up being accurate, Harr would never hear the end of it.
“That settles it, then. Good job, Jezden.” That was difficult to admit. “And, Liverbing, please let your Ms. Demoise know that we appreciate her help as well.”
Jezden called out, “And let her know I’ve got the biggest dong she’s ever imagined, dude.”
BUILDING THE WALLS
After Geezer had welcomed a robot named Goozer, whom Geezer had created for the Tiny Ship, and who was an exact scaled-down replica of himself, he turned his attention to getting the Reluctant ready for its meeting with Veli.
He’d called down Ridly to be part of the team, too, needing her coding prowess for some of the finer points.
“The fact is we’re not going to have a lot of time to get this done,” Geezer announced as he held up the documentation he’d put together.
“Would go faster if it weren’t for the humanoid,” Goozer noted, pointing at Frexle.
“What?”
“Hey now, Goozer,” Geezer warned, “watch yourself. I have to protect my employees, you know?”
Goozer tapped himself on the chest. “But I’m your offspring!”
“He’s your offspring?” Frexle said. “I didn’t know you could have kids.”
“I created him.”
“Oh, right.”
“Can’t believe you’re taking him over family,” Goozer said in a sullen voice.
“It’s not easy being in management, you know?”
Goozer made a static sound. “I suppose.”
Ridly, who was clearly disinterested in the infighting that had just happened, flipped over the last page of the document and handed it back to Geezer.
“Your plan looks fine to me,” she said. “I should be able to whip up the code for this in about an hour.”
“An hour?” Goozer said, nearly falling over as he looked up at her.
Geezer, too, was shocked by this proclamation. “Seriously?”
“You’re joking, right?” added Frexle.
“Sorry, but that’s the fastest I can do it.” Obviously she was taking their surprised responses the wrong way. “If I didn’t have to worry about testing, it could be quicker, but—”
“An hour is fine, Ridly,” Geezer interrupted, patting her on the shoulder.
“Quite,” agreed Frexle, patting her other shoulder.
“Now I feel like the slow one,” Goozer groaned. “Imagine how that must make Frexle feel.”
Frexle jolted. “Hey!”
“Okay, Goozer, stop doing that.”
“Kin is kin, right?” Goozer said hopefully.
“You’re essentially me, remember?” Geezer pointed out while giving the little robot a look that only another robot could translate. “You know I don’t buy into all that ‘we share the same oil’ crap.”
“You mean DNA?” said Frexle.
“Fine,” Goozer said as his eyes dimmed. He then turned to Frexle. “Sorry, Frex. Was just having fun at your expense.”
“No problem, Half-Pint,” Frexle said, clearly taking a jab back at Goozer.
“Half-Pint?” Goozer said, hands on his hips.
“I could use a little help testing the API,” Ridly announced while typing away at Geezer’s keyboard. “I should have something ready in about fifteen minutes.”
The three engineers looked at each other in awe.
Geezer knew the androids were good, especially since he’d worked with Hank to combine all the personalities the poor guy once dealt with, but Ridly was a step above them all when it came to engineering. At least in the realm of software development. He couldn’t say how stable she was in hardware, though he did recall Jezden remarking at how well she handled his thumb drive.
“How do we help with that?” asked Frexle.
“I’ll have full documentation for it.”
“Unfathomable,” Frexle whispered reverently.
“It’s nuts,” Goozer said.
Geezer plucked at one of his antennas and said, “I’m seriously going to have to utilize her more often.”
“That’s what Jezden said.”
Geezer, Goozer, and Ridly slowly glanced back at Frexle.
“Frexle,” Geezer said, “did you just make a joke?”
“No good?”
YOUNG VELI
Veli sneaked through the small town, making his way over to the patch where he used to hang out as a boy. It was a little club just on the outskirts where the smart dinos used to find a reprieve from the toils of daily life. Contrary to popular belief, it was a challenging life being smart.
The area’s smells had his feathers bristling, as did the sight of the huts and minor buildings. His own grass hatch was just a few blocks from where he walked. While it was pulling at heartstrings, he held his resolve and kept on target.
Memories flooded in when he crossed the town square. Few people took note of him, though a couple sniffed the air and gave him a funny look. While he had aged many years in comparison to the version of himself who lived in this time, each dinosaur carried a unique scent that stuck with them throughout their lives. Without even looking up, he could pick out the odor of many townsfolk who had once tormented him. It was all he could do to stop from ripping them to shreds.
He cleared the square, passing by The Yummery, a local shop that made various meals at reasonable prices. Their T-Bone steak—a steak from the Triceratops with a bone running down its center—was enough to make him drool.
A few moments later, he stepped to the edge of the area the geeks frequented.
“This has to stop,” he heard one of them say. “I’m tired of being bullied around.”
Peeking through the brush, he spotted the one who had just spoken. It was his younger self. Truthfully, he remembered himself as being better-looking.
“The only way that’s going to happen is if you stop acting like such a nerdosaur,” said Crebbo, one of Veli’s pseudo-friends.
Crebbo wasn’t quite as smart as the others, but he was too awkward to fit in with the sports crowd, so he was accepted with the geeks on the grounds of being an outcast like the rest of them.
“Don’t call me that name,” Young Veli warned.
“Why not?” said Crebbo. “I’m one, too.”
“Sort of.”
“Don’t be mean, Veli,” Heeps said as she pushed up her glasses. She was the looker in their little bunch. Of course, she was also the only female, which made it easy for her to be the best-looking in this group. Her scales had a ruddy look to them that Veli found oddly appealing. “The difference, Crebbo, is that you hide it better than Veli does.”
Hook laughed.
Veli had never liked Hook. He was a jerk. Snobby, blunt, and lacking in ethics. Much like Veli was these days. That sobering thought made Veli’s shoulders drop. But at least Veli wasn’t as clumsy as Hook. This probably had to do with Hook’s weight issues and the fact that he had extra toes on each foot.
“Everyone hides it better than Veli does,” said H
ook after wiping his snout.
“I can’t help that I’m smart,” Young Veli retaliated.
“No,” agreed Hook, “but you don’t have to rub it in everyone’s face.”
“Yeah,” agreed Heeps.
“I don’t do that.”
“Oh please,” laughed Hook. “You’re a downright dinodong about it.”
“Am not.”
Hook crossed his arms. “Are, too.”
“Shut up,” Young Veli said with a sulk.
“They’re right, Veli,” stated Crebbo. “It’s not your fault or anything. You just don’t have very good social skills.”
“My social skills are fine.”
“If that’s true, explain why you’re always getting picked on and beat up.”
“Because the kids at school are a bunch of dummies, that’s why, Crebbo. And you know it.”
“Right,” Crebbo said with a roll of his eyes.
Old Veli took this opportunity to push through the bushes and step in their midst. As one, they all bolted up and began to head out in different directions.
“Stop,” Veli called out. They did, slowly looking back but keeping their distance. “Don’t worry, I won’t harm you.”
“Who are you?” said Hook, looking as though the few steps he’d taken had been enough to take the wind out of him.
“Yeah,” agreed Heeps, who stayed over by a tree on the edge of the clearing, “I don’t remember seeing you in town before.”
Crebbo moved closer in and sniffed the air. “Me neither, but you smell familiar.”
“Yeah, he does,” Heeps said, breathing in and squinting at him.
“He smells like…” started Hook, and then turned to look at Young Veli, as did the others.
Nobody had to say who he smelled like. It was obvious.
“And you have my markings,” Young Veli noted with a look of fear in his eyes. “What’s going on?”
Veli waved them back in as he sat down on one of the stumps. He didn’t want to appear threatening. Not that it mattered, since the only one of them he actually needed was the younger version of himself.
“As to that,” Veli said as each of them moved back into the clearing, “your noses and your eyes do not deceive.” He then pointed at the younger version of himself. “I’m you. The older version of you.”
Platoon F: Quadology: Missions 6, 7, 8, and 9 (Platoon F eBook Bundle 2) Page 60