“There is nothing wrong with being chaste, ma’am,” Harr said with a touch of chivalry.
“Someone’s chasing me?” she replied, looking behind herself. “Honestly, I just can’t follow this man’s words.”
“She’ll put out for Herb because he’s going to be the king of the new world,” Grog said. “We told you this before.”
“Yes, you did,” Harr said, pushing away from the table.
There was simply no point in arguing. If it came down to these four not working out, he’d reset the time back again, pick up others, and try a second, third, fourth, fifth, or however many more rounds were necessary to get it right.
“Keep them down here and out of Jezden’s sight, please,” Harr said, stopping at the door. “We’ll hit Segnal first and then we’ll head over to Earth.”
“Which ones do you want on each world?” asked Grog.
“I’ll leave that up to you two,” Harr answered, and then exited the room.
SEEDING SEGNAL
They found the perfect spot on Segnal and brought Greta and Herb down, making sure to provide them with plenty of supplies to get them started, and some instructions as well.
Jezden had offered to show Greta the ropes, but Harr left strict orders for him to stay on the ship.
Grog and Vlak had been highly involved, which was nice to see. They’d even spent a few hours walking the mother and father of Segnal through some basic astronomy so they could judge the seasons in order to know when it was best to plant crops.
Harr was amazed at how the Feeder gave the two cavemen an abundance of useful knowledge.
He returned to the ship and was sitting on the bridge, waiting for Grog and Vlak to come back so they could head off to Earth.
Jezden was moping at his station, but that was too bad. The last thing Harr needed was for the most virile android in the universe to cause performance anxiety for Herb.
“Jezden,” Harr said, keeping his eyes on his datapad, “if you promise to be good, I’ll let you help on the away mission at Earth.”
“You mean it?”
“Are you going to be good?”
“I’ll be fantastic,” Jezden said in a voice that reminded Harr of when he was a young boy waiting for the holidays.
“I’m going to hold you to that, Ensign.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Harr saw Jezden’s demeanor completely change. Sometimes a little went a long way, thought Harr, which probably wasn’t the best saying to think of when it came to someone like Ensign Jezden.
Harr continued studying the readings from the datapad until Grog and Vlak returned to the ship.
He immediately requested the Reluctant be returned to their normal era to see the impact on things. There was a lot of chance that went into these things, but Ridly had proved herself proficient at calculating extreme odds. With any luck, the future of Segnal was going to be bright again. And if they were really lucky, the generation who created the rails system would find a smarter means of propulsion altogether.
“There are some minor changes, sir,” Ridly was saying with measured excitement, “but as far as I can tell, Segnal is as close to ‘normal’ as its going to get.”
“There are still rails, Honcho.”
“I see them, Geezer,” Harr said. “Can’t have everything, I suppose. Still, it’s good to see that things are back on track for our home world anyway.” He gave a nod to the cavemen. “You two obviously did well picking Greta and Herb.”
“And also training them,” Commander Sandoo said proudly.
“Gay.” Jezden turned quickly. “Sorry, Cap’n.”
Harr sighed. Some things would never change.
“All right,” he said, “we still have work to do. Helm, get with Geezer to set a course and time destination for Earth. We need to get that planet back on track as well.”
“Yes, thir!”
SEEDING EARTH
Harr had allowed Jezden to join this team, but he made sure to keep Sandoo with him so the horny android couldn’t make any moves on Ava. Better for Sandoo to have his hands full managing Jezden than for Ava to have her hands full with him… in a manner of speaking.
“How are we looking?” Harr called down, keeping tabs on them via the main view screen.
“All good, sir,” Sandoo replied. “No, Jezden, you have to stay on this side of the field.”
“But the cavechick is on that side of the field.”
Harr could barely hear Jezden through Sandoo’s comm, but it was enough for Harr to include Jezden in the loop.
“Ensign Jezden,” Harr said in his commanding officer’s voice, “do you recall that you said you’d be good if I allowed you to go down on this mission?”
“Yeah, dude, and I’m trying to go down, but Sandoo won’t let me near her.”
Harr grimaced as he saw both Ridly and Moon shake their heads.
Harr turned to the side and whispered, “I didn’t mean for you to go down on her, Jezden. I meant for you to go down to the planet and help.”
“Ohhh,” Jezden said. “Got it.”
“Are you sure?” Harr said, sitting back up again.
“Yeah, but if I’d have known that’s what you meant, I would have stayed on the ship.”
“Right.”
The hours dragged on as Grog and Vlak continued showing Ava and Steve the ropes. If ever those two had found their calling, this was it. They were certainly more patient with the other cavemen than they were with the crew of Platoon F.
Ridly was reverifying her calculations again. She’d done it multiple times already, and they checked out each time, but she seemed to be obsessing over it.
“Lieutenant,” said Harr as he approached her console, “is everything okay?”
“I think so,” she said, motioning at the equation in front of her. “I just want to make sure there aren’t any variables I may be missing.”
“I’m sure it’s all fine.”
“I just hate being wrong, sir.”
“Understood, but remember you’re moving into uncharted territory here. I don’t think many people have done what we’re doing.”
“No, sir,” Ridly agreed. “I guess I’m not used to theoretical mathematics.”
“My guess is you’re going to be dead-on,” he said with a smile, “or at least pretty damn close.”
Ridly looked up. “The problem, sir, is that with this level of abstraction, the difference between dead-on and pretty damn close can be drastic.”
“Well, that may be,” he replied as he glanced up at the new Earthlings on the main screen, “but the beauty of this is that we can always go back and try again.”
“That’s true.”
§ § §
“Looks like everything is in place, thir,” Moon announced.
The crew was back aboard and Ava and Steve were already working together, even though Steve kept on jumping from this task to that. Harr was amazed the man could accomplish anything with his inability to focus.
“Let’s move to the future and see how things are going.”
“Yes, thir.”
The scene laid out before them was no different than before they had seeded the humans. Earth was barren of people and overgrown with greenery. Nothing had changed.
“What the hell happened?” said Harr, pushing up from his chair in horror.
“Must be my calculations,” answered Ridly as her fingers flew across the console. “I must have missed something.”
“You were pretty thorough, Lieutenant.”
“Not thorough enough, obviously.” She shook her head a few times. “I just don’t see the problem. Every variable has been accounted for.”
And that’s when Harr spotted the issue. Ava was too adventurous and Steve was incapable of keeping his mind on one thing at a time. Chances were, she went exploring and was either eaten by an animal or fell off a cliff, and he likely starved to death while chasing after squirrels, and butterflies, and any number of shiny objects that caught and
released his attention at the speed of light.
“Did you meet Ava and Steve, Lieutenant?”
“No, sir,” Ridly replied. “Why would that matter?”
“Because they are the two variables you didn’t account for.”
“Oh.”
THE GARDEN
Ridly had gone through her calculations again and again, even after speaking with Ava and Steve, but she just couldn’t sort it out. Pretty soon she was working with Geezer, Frexle, and Moon on the problem. Even Jezden offered a few porn-based equations that she’d tried with no luck.
“May I make a suggestion?” Veli said out of the blue.
Everyone stopped and looked at him.
“I’ve learned that people need rules if they are to prosper.”
“Rules?” Harr said.
“Correct. An instilling of fear, respect, or whatever you want to call it.”
“You mean like a military thing?” asked Sandoo.
“Deeper.” Veli stood up and pointed at Harr. “Tell them you’re a god.”
“Not a fan of that,” said Harr, grimacing as he recalled what had happened to those poor saps on Merrymoon who thought they’d found their god.
“I understand your position,” Veli said, “but if they fear your wrath, they’ll be good to each other... supposedly.”
“Always seems to be just the opposite,” Harr noted.
Veli nodded. “Hard to argue. Still, based on what I’ve seen of your people, you seem to need that kind of thing to keep you in check in your early evolutionary years. After a few thousand generations, you finally get over it and start actually being good to each other, assuming you survive that long. But at the start, you’re not evolved enough to manage ethics without a little nudge.”
From what Harr could tell, Greta and Herb already had a decent sense of morality. Ava’s adventurous nature was not conducive to a long life, but her promiscuity, whether Harr liked it or not, was a positive in this case… assuming Steve could keep himself focused on the task at hand for five minutes. Well, two minutes, anyway.
Harr hated to admit it, but Veli might actually be right about this.
“I think you’ve got something here, Veli,” Harr said with a nod. “I don’t think the rules will help Steve as much as Ava, but maybe we can synthesize some medication to help him along?”
“Honcho,” Geezer said through the comm, “when I was helping Hank deal with his multiple personalities, I read there was a pill on Segnal that controlled this sort of thing.”
“Oh?”
“Something called Shitalin.”
“Sounds wrong, dude,” Jezden said.
It did.
“What’s it do, exactly?”
“It focuses the hyperactive mind on a single task, Big Cat.”
“Any task in particular?” Harr asked.
“Well, it gives the person taking the drug the shits.”
“Oh.” Harr wanted to say a number of things to this. “How would this help Steve?”
“The guy will be so worried about not shitting, he won’t be able to think about anything else,” Geezer answered.
“Right. I think that may be a bit extreme.” He turned to Ridly, but stopped himself. “Frexle or Veli, do you two know of a remedy for Steve’s issue?”
“I don’t,” Veli admitted. “Whenever I had to deal with people like him, I just… Well, I don’t like talking about it anymore.”
“There’s a cure, Mohawk,” Frexle said through the comm as soon as Veli stopped talking. “My people used to have this same issue. In fact, I had it when I was a boy.”
“I don’t recall seeing this shortcoming on your resume, Frex?” said Geezer.
“Well, I didn’t think it—”
“Can we please stay on topic?” Harr interrupted. “What’s the solution, Frexle?”
“I’ll search for the medication on my pad and we can use the replicator to build out a syringe full of the stuff.”
“And it won’t negatively impact their physiology?” Ridly asked. “Your genetic makeup is very close to the humans of Segnal and Earth, but it’s clearly not exact.”
“Good point, She Devil,” Frexle replied. “I’ll take that into account.”
“She Devil?”
§ § §
Steve had calmed down greatly since Frexle gave him the shot. He seemed exceedingly pleased, too, thanking Frexle over and over for his new ability to focus.
“Okay, Ava and Steve, listen up,” said Harr, putting into effect the advice Veli had given him. “I am…” He threw up a little in his mouth, but he fought to keep his resolve. “I am God.”
“You are?” they said in unison, their eyes widening considerably.
Harr told himself how important it was to follow through. It reminded him of how he’d had Geezer do something quite similar on Merrymoon. He despised it as much as Geezer had, but sometimes it was necessary to do things that were uncomfortable. Countless one-on-ones with Rear Admiral Parfait back in Harr’s cadet days was one example that came to mind.
“Yes, I am,” he said, though it hurt a fair bit to say.
They bowed down immediately.
“Okay, okay, get up.”
“Yes, my God,” said Ava.
“As you wish, God.”
“Ugh. Right. Listen, you guys have to follow some rules and such… or I’ll get mad and bad things will happen.”
“Whatever you say, we shall do,” Ava said with a wink.
Harr leaned back and gave her a disturbed look.
“Absolutely agree,” Steve said. “Your wish is our command.”
“Yeah, well, uh... Let’s see.” He paced around in front of them for a minute. “I got it. You see all these trees and such around here?”
They both nodded.
“They’ve all got apples on them, right?”
“You mean the red things?” Ava asked.
“Yeah, those. You can eat any of those apples you want.”
“Thank you, God,” Steve said with a little too much gratitude.
“But, uh…” He pointed at the largest tree he could find. It sat at the top of the hill in the middle of the rest of the trees. It was tall and covered with apples that appeared enormous, even from this distance. “See that tree up on the hill there?”
“The one that is taller than the others?” said Steve.
“That’s the one.”
Ava nodded. “We see it.”
“Don’t eat from that one.”
“Why not?” asked Ava.
“Because I said so,” Harr answered, hoping that’d be enough. He was playing the role of God here, after all.
“But is there a reason that we should be aware of?” Steve asked.
“Maybe those apples are poisoned?” Ava suggested.
“No, they’re not poisoned,” Harr replied, wondering why people wanted gods so bad when all they ever did was go out of their way to avoid listening to them. “It’s just a rule, is all.”
“Seems a bit arbitrary, doesn’t it?”
“Same thing I was thinking, Steve.”
Harr stared at them both. They must have felt the heat of his gaze because they both looked away innocently. Steve was even whistling a bit.
“Look, just don’t eat the apples on that one, okay? Is that too much to ask?”
Ava shrugged. “I guess not.”
“There are thousands of other trees, I suppose.”
“Good,” said Harr, hoping that having a rule such as this would help keep them in line.
“Even if that one is the biggest,” Ava pointed out.
“True,” agreed Steve.
“Fine. Good. That’s settled then.” Harr cracked his knuckles and then said, “Now, let’s talk about how you’re going to keep yourselves to this garden and go no place else.”
“But I love adventure,” Ava complained.
“There is plenty of adventure coming, I assure you.”
“Oh.”
HER NE
W TITLE
Mistress Overseer Pillbox had gotten her full makeover, including the black leather outfit and high boots. She’d also had a secret dungeon connected to her main office. It seemed fitting with her new identity.
There were leather chairs, chains, whips, and any number of interesting devices that could be used to elicit pleasure for her. It may result in not-so-pleasurable moments for others, but from what she’d read in her copy of Ninety Adumbrations of Mauve, that was all part of the game. And in order to complete her transition from the mild-mannered senator to becoming the ruler of Overseer Land, she needed to express herself.
“Senator Jord has entered the building,” her admin announced through the phone system.
“Send him in when he gets upstairs.”
§ § §
Senator Jord walked in to Pillbox’s office. It looked different than it had earlier in the day.
The lines were sleek and tight. The furniture was no longer light and airy, but was rather contemporary. Gunmetal panels tiled the floor, glass tops covered each desk, red tapestries hung from the windows, and a large black rose was painted on the wall behind Pillbox’s desk.
As Jord admired the new decor, he couldn’t help but notice there were multiple copies of the bestselling Ninety Adumbrations of Mauve neatly lined up on the main bookshelf. He tugged at his collar as his eye twitched. It was one of his favorites, after all.
“Well, hello,” came the voice of Lord Overseer Pillbox from the opposite side of the room.
Jord turned to look at her and his heart nearly stopped. She was such a vision that his only response was a hushed whimper.
§ § §
When Senator Bezzin arrived at the office, she was told to walk straight in. The office was not what she’d expected at all. Clearly the Lord Overseer had redecorated, and obviously she had done so in such a way that made it clear she was joining the HadItWithTheHadItWithTheKillings group.
“Good evening, Senator Bezzin,” Pillbox said, stepping out of one of the shadows.
Platoon F: Quadology: Missions 6, 7, 8, and 9 (Platoon F eBook Bundle 2) Page 69