by KL Donn
He was gutted. Absofuckinglutely gutted. She wanted to be rescued, to be safe, and he wasn’t there. He was so fucking angry that they were called away. Their girl needed them and they couldn’t do the one fucking job they were truly meant to. To make her feel safe. FUCK!
Her hand squeezing his shocked him. He’d kept it locked down though— didn’t move, change his breath, but she knew. Of course, she fucking knew you fool, women know everything. Looking to his twin he could see Creed was in the same boat as him. The rage behind his eyes burned brightly, his jaw ticked, and the veins at his temples pulsed.
Grabbing her cheeks a little rougher than he’d meant to, Linc told her fiercely, “I am so fucking sorry we failed you, Sunshine. The one thing in this fucking world we should have been able to protect and we weren’t here. We ain’t ever fucking leaving again! You hear me, Sunshine? Not while there’s breath in my body will I leave you for anything.” He searched her eyes having to know that she knew. Her eyes watered but it was there. The belief, the trust, everything he needed her to know in that moment she did.
“I know, Lincoln,” she tried to soothe with a small smile.
·٠•● ●•٠·
Her words nearly destroyed his jaded heart. Creed could hardly contain his anger at the world in the moment she told them she just wanted to be safe. To have someone rescue her from her terror. It was like a knife to the gut. He could practically feel her fear; he fed off it. He needed to destroy that motherfucker again.
“Creedence.” At her soft word he looked to her. Tears in her eyes, she was trying to soothe his beast when she was the one who went through hell.
“What else, Sunshine?” he asked in a controlled voice.
“You,” she whispered simply.
“I don’t – “ She cut him off singing softly, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.” She smiled as realization dawned on him. His voice singing to her brought her back. “Why did you choose that song, Creed?”
“Honestly?” At her nod, he wasn’t sure how to answer. “Before our mom got mean, she used to sing it to us when we were upset or scared. It helped. Stupid, I know, but that song was my fucking anchor for so damn long. I figured what could it hurt?” He felt foolish but it was the truth.
Satisfied with his answer, she looked back to the sea. They watched the lazy waves rolling across the water like they were stuck on repeat with no change.
“The thing is… you, that song… it took a while. I remember waking up that morning cramped under a dusty bed, hands knotted from being balled into tight fists all night ready to fight anything that came my way. I got out and it was like I was a completely different person. I’d changed; I was sadder. Deeper into my depression. I remember wandering out the back door, the sun was just beginning to crest over the sea the way it is now, and thinking that I wanted to touch it. Just one time to see the colors up close. They bounced off the sea in a beautiful kaleidoscope of rainbows all around me. It was the most stunning thing I’d ever seen in my life, but it wasn’t enough. That’s when I came out here for the first time, the rocks digging in my feet because the path hadn’t been swept of debris in ages.
I got to the edge and was mesmerized. I’d never been so close to the sun before, and I thought if I just jumped in and swam a little ways away, I’d make it. Foolish really, but I was in some weird trance-like state. When a cloud that hadn’t been there moments earlier blocked it and I lost sight, everything came rushing back. The pain, the hurt, all of it. I remember looking into the water, watching as the waves crashed harshly against the rocks, and thinking it would only hurt for a moment and then there’d be nothing. The torture, the scars, the imperfect and broken girl would just be… Gone. She wouldn’t feel anymore and the pain would turn to bliss.”
Creed was shocked, fucking stunned, and scared as all hell more than he’d ever been in his life. Knowing how close she’d come to taking her own life shook him to his core, scared him in ways even the most radical terrorists didn’t. He couldn’t believe the beautiful, warm creature before him had nearly taken her own life because she was so lost and alone. He didn’t know what to say, how to feel. The betrayal he certainly felt was unwarranted and irrational as fuck though.
“Just like that? You were going to jump? Kill yourself? Leave everyone who gives a fuck about you wondering what the fuck happened to you forever?” he demanded angrily, irrationally. He knew it too; he just couldn’t help it.
·٠•● ●•٠·
She knew they would hate her. God, did she know, and it didn’t make it hurt any less. If anything, it tore her apart more knowing she was right. They saw her as weak and selfish, and she was. She didn’t think of anyone in that moment but herself. It was one of the most lucid moments of her life.
“Please, Creed, please understand I was in such a horrible place, and nothing, not a fucking thing was looking like it would get better. I was lost and alone. I had no – “
“Who’s fucking fault was that, Kennedy? You were the one that ran away!” he interrupted.
Dirt.
She was lower than dirt.
Which seemed fitting with just how dirty she was.
“Creed!” Linc hissed.
“Don’t fucking do it, bro! She was ready to leave you, too. She didn’t know she was ours then, but she sure as fuck is now!” he yelled to his brother, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look him in the eye. What she saw sucked the air from her body.
Possession. Claiming. Ownership. He was making a stand, and she was the prize.
“You get it now?” he asked so quietly she’d almost have missed it if it weren’t for the threat behind his words.
Nodding her head in agreement to what she didn’t quite understand, but one thing was clear, there was no turning back now.
She was theirs.
“Tell me something, Kennedy.” At her nod, Linc asked, “Other than that time, did you ever think about it again?”
Shame slammed her. She had often. Sometimes daily. But there was no way to make these big, strong men understand how broken her mind had been, still was. Some days she didn’t even understand.
Not looking at either of them because she didn’t want to see the disgust and disappointment that she was sure she’d see on their faces, she confessed, “I did. More often than I’d like to admit. Some days I’d just be sitting down and the shame would slam into me like a sharp knife slicing through my skin. I would get overwhelmed with it. So much so that I would close my eyes and I could picture myself free falling into warmth. I’d been cold for so long, I just wanted to feel again.” Pausing for a breath and to try and dislodge the lump in her throat she continued. “When I would fall, it was like I was landing on a cloud or something; so soft and warm that you never wanted to get up again. But then, just as I would accept it, accept that my life was over, that this was the end, I would hear it.”
“Hear what?” Creed asked softly, sitting beside her again.
“Smooth whiskey and a lullaby.” It was huge to her but to them, it was probably nothing. “The first time I heard Linc talk all I thought about was how smooth and gravelly his voice was, just like fine whiskey. I’d have followed him anywhere. His voice would calm my nerves in ways the drugs never could. When you sang to me, though, Creed, I could feel my soul leaving my body. I was ready to give up. Done. That was it for me.”
“Sunshine…” The emotion in Creed’s voice as he called her that nearly broke her but she forced herself to continue. “Then I heard those notes in this deep, dark voice rough with emotion, dragging me back. You caressed me in a way I’ve never felt before, never dreamed of feeling again. Anytime the darkness became too much I would hear it and that song; your singing brought me back. I would dream of your voices. Never anything else, just the soothing sound of your voices. It became my drug, so much so that I would just close my eyes and I could hear you.”
Breaths heavy with regret and fear, she waited… and waited. When neither of them said anything or moved, sh
Feeling hands on her waist, she was shocked when Creed picked her up sitting her across his lap. Burying his face in the side of her neck, he held her far tighter than she’d ever expected. The safety she’d been desperately seeking for months was wrapped around her like a glove. She felt it in the air she breathed, the small kisses he was laying on the base of her neck where it met her shoulder. Turning her face to his head, she nudged him with her cheek whispering, “You saved my soul, Creedence.” At his growl and nip on her neck, she felt peace.
True peace.
Nine
Her words nearly destroyed him. Her easy acceptance of her life being over broke his fucking heart into a million tiny pieces. He’d been so angry at her for being so ready to just give up on herself because they almost lost their chance with her. To show her how beautiful the world could be again.
He could see clearly now that she wasn’t giving up. It was more that she had spent so much time fighting this battle by herself and she felt lost and alone. He could understand that. Any soldier could. She wanted the warmth she thought death could bring, the safety. While he hated that she felt that was all she had, he would work every day for the rest of his life to make sure she never felt that way again.
“Sunshine.”
“Creed.”
Fucking woman.
Smiling at how deep she made her voice to match his, which was horrible by the way, he laughed. A deep belly laugh until he had tears leaking from his eyes.
“I like your laugh, Creed.” She smiled shyly at him.
“Oh, yeah?”
Nodding, she nuzzled her head under his chin. It was a perfect moment. His fucking brother had to ruin it, though.
“Alright kiddies, let's get some food. I’m starving and all this emotional crap makes me wanna upchuck.” Winking at Kennedy when she shot him a scowl, he grabbed her hand pulling her up quickly and tossing her over his shoulder fireman style. When he took off at a slow run, she started to squeal and yell making the two of them laugh.
·٠•● ●•٠·
Happy to be done with the heavy moments and talk, Kennedy was in heaven. Or as close to it as she’d ever been. Telling them about how she nearly lost herself when she first came to Italy was a relief in a way that telling Dr. Schroder about what had happened to her wasn’t. Reliving it with him sent her back to hell. Reliving some of her worst moments with the guys brought her back from it.
She was still terrified to tell them about what happened to her because a huge part of her believed they would walk away. That doubt kept her from sharing it all with them. She wanted to enjoy her heaven before she was thrown back to hell.
She bounced on Linc’s shoulder so much she was nearly dizzy from it. Slapping his back she screamed, “Lincoln Black, put me down this minute or I swear your ass will meet my vomit!”
Nearly screeching to a halt, he whipped her off his shoulder and onto the couch so fast she had whiplash. “You wouldn’t have!” Leveling him with a look that said otherwise had him questioning. “Would you?”
Smirking at the appalled look on his face, she ran to the kitchen in search of something to make. She’d found that she loved to cook in the last few weeks. It wasn’t always edible, but she enjoyed it. Deciding on a simple Mediterranean salad with grilled chicken, she got to work preparing the fresh chicken she’d picked up on the way home in olive oil and just a few spices she enjoyed.
Grabbing the romaine lettuce, fresh spinach leaves, and green beans from Deedee’s mini garden, she tossed them on the counter as Linc and Creed walked in and sat on the stools at the little island watching her cook.
“I never used to cook, you know.” The looks they shared had her laughing under her breath. It was a mix of horror and dread. “When I used to attempt to cook, it would either be burnt to a crisp or undercooked, but my dads and brothers would eat every bite and pretend to love it to make me happy.” She missed those days.
“So you’ve improved then?” Linc blurted out. Looking up briefly, she could see the regret instantly. He probably thought she was insulted. She wasn’t, but she’d let him stew for a minute or two.
Hearing a grunt, she glanced back up as he rubbed his side from where Creed probably elbowed him judging from the stormy look on his face.
As the oil from the chicken popped, she went and turned the heat down while flipping it over to even out the cooking on the other side. Having her back to them wasn’t easy because she knew with the shirt she was wearing that they would see the scars. At first she’d done everything she could to make sure they were always covered up, but what was the point now?
They were a part of her she’d had to learn to accept, and if they really wanted her, they’d have to as well. Turning back around she noticed the stormy looks on their faces, and in that moment, she could tell they were twins. If it weren’t for Creed’s slightly larger stature and his fauxhawk haircut she probably wouldn’t be able to tell them apart.
“It’s fine,” she told them calmly, refusing to have anything ruin this moment even though she was itching to throw something on to cover the scars.
Putting the finishing touches of crumbled feta and a spicy vinaigrette dressing on the salad, she placed the bowl between them before grabbing plates and forks from the drawers underneath the island. A few more minutes of grilling the chicken and she placed a piece on each of their plates and declared, “Dig in!”
She watched in fascination as they took her at her word and dug in with gusto. Way more than was necessary. She’d fucked with them and that more than anything else made her day. They slowed down once they actually started to taste the food.
She waited with hands clasped under her chin for one of them to say something.
It didn’t take long before they were tripping over each other complimenting her. “This is really good, Sunshine,” Linc raved. “Best I’ve ever had, Ken,” Creed gushed.
She laughed, hard. Harder than she could ever remember laughing before. It felt fan-fucking-tastic. They smiled and she laughed, and together, they were perfect in that moment.
·٠•● ●•٠·
Creed could honestly say she’d made him the best meal he’d ever had. Sure it was simple; salad and chicken, but it came from her and that more than anything made it taste like the finest dish he could think of. When she’d told them about her dads and brothers, they’d been terrified they were gonna get wilted salad and burnt chicken, so they’d shoveled it in as fast they could until the flavors started to explode on their tongues as they chewed. It was amazing. She really had something with it.
When they were finished eating, he and Linc shooed her away telling her they’d clean up. Observing her as she grabbed her sketchbook, he watched her leave out the back door with a shy expression on her face as she looked back at him.
He was dying to see what she drew. How she drew. He knew she would be good, pouring every emotion into her pictures and he wanted to get a look into her mind in that way. It would be another clue as to how she ticked.
“I can’t believe we nearly lost her, Creed. We never even had her and we could have lost her.” Linc’s anguished words had him spinning around to see the regret on his face over leaving her for that last job.
Clapping his hand on his brother’s shoulder, he met his gaze and told him, “Don’t do that. Don’t think about what could have been, bro. Think about what will be, ok? We’re here now and we ain’t going nowhere, so don’t torture yourself about something that was out of our control; it won’t do any of us any good.”
“I know, man. I do, really. But fuck…” Drawing his hand down his face roughly, Linc looked out the back catching a brief glimpse of her. “The thought of her being so alone thinking she had nothing left to lose kills me inside.”
Nodding his head, they said nothing else to each other as they cleaned up the kitchen. When Linc’s phone rang a chill ran down his spine. Not many people had their numbers and the thought of who it could be and what they would want had a fierce anger running through his veins.
He’d always had a short fuse but with things the way they’d been in the last five months, it had gotten shorter. He was sick of big brother constantly trying to collar them. Every time they shook loose they always managed to get sucked back in again, and he was done.
Nodding his head in the direction of their future, Linc smiled before answering as Creed made his way towards the best thing in their lives.
He walked towards her relaxed form sitting on the sand with her sketchbook beside her, the lapping sea behind her, and he fell. In that moment, he knew he was in love. She was it for him. He’d known that before but never expected to feel half of what he did now. She was stunning, her wavy hair caressing her body like a lover’s touch as the waves lapped at her feet, and in the sand she drew swirly lines. Nothing more magnificent than a stunning woman with the setting sun and the ocean as a backdrop.
When he’d first seen her he’d been stunned stupid by her beauty, but watching her struggle to accept what was happening around her had him amazed by her strength. She didn’t see it in herself the way they did, but it was there. And if he were honest with himself, he was more attracted to the strength that shone so brightly from her than anything else. She was a survivor, a fighter through and through and while she was struggling to see it now, he knew that once she did nothing would hold her back from finding the fire within. He anticipated watching her grow. Was dying to see her find her place in the world again and looked forward to being a part of that life with her. To be by her side knowing that she chose them to be with her was a gift really.
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