‘Did she? She never mentioned it.’
‘I think you were in the shower or something at the time or I would have had a word with you then.’
‘About what?’
‘This woman you’ve met.’
Haydon blinked. ‘What?’
‘Ella says you’ve met someone.’
‘We’ve met a lot of people,’ he replied carefully, his mind racing. Of course, he’d had an inkling that Ella had been watching him and Audrey carefully, but he hadn’t expected her to report back to Janine quite so immediately.
‘Don’t be evasive,’ Janine said. ‘She says you went out for dinner together.’
‘Well, Ella was there too so it was hardly romantic.’
‘But you like her?’
‘Janine…’ He frowned. ‘Where is this going? Are you saying you don’t want me to meet up with other women because—’
‘I’m saying exactly the opposite,’ Janine interrupted. ‘I wanted to know how serious it might be.’
‘We’re on holiday so it’s not really serious at all.’
‘But if it was then I just wanted to say that would be good, and I’m happy for you.’
‘But it isn’t.’
‘No, but if it was. It’s about time you started dating.’
‘You’re feeling especially guilty about dumping me today?’ Haydon cocked an eyebrow but immediately wished his tone hadn’t been so confrontational. Often, he was thankful that he still had a good relationship with Janine when so many other divorced couples didn’t, and he was aware of how unwise it was to jeopardise that.
She laughed. ‘I’m always feeling guilty about it. Nothing new there. But I hate the thought of you being on your own.’
‘Perhaps Kevin will build me a granny flat in your garden.’
‘Haydon… Please be serious for one minute.’
‘Is that all you’ve phoned me for?’
‘Does there need to be another reason? I just wanted to offer my support, that’s all.’
‘It’s just… phoning me for that. You’re sure there’s nothing else?’
There was another pause at Janine’s end and Haydon felt that kick of vague dread that the next thing out of her mouth was going to be something he wouldn’t like. She’d have been in regular contact with Ella during their time apart, but phoning Haydon… well, it wasn’t something she’d ordinarily feel the need to do. Was she really that happy about the prospect of him finding a girlfriend?
He looked up and realised that the rollercoaster had come to a halt. Ella climbed out of a car and dashed towards him.
‘Listen, much as I don’t want to cut you off I’m at a theme park with Ella right now. I’m not sure this is the best place to be having deep and meaningful conversations about my existential crises or anything else. Maybe you want to call me later with anything else you need to discuss?’
‘It’s OK,’ Janine said. ‘That was all I wanted really, to say that I want you to be happy, and if you meet a woman you don’t need to feel guilty about it. Ella seems to think there’s a spark of something between you and this girl you’ve met. If you like her you should do something about it because I don’t think you would if you thought it might affect me or Ella. And it wouldn’t affect either of us, except to make us worry about you less because you’d find a little bit of happiness.’ Janine sighed. ‘I don’t know that I’m getting this across very well, but do you see what I mean?’
‘I see what you mean.’
‘Right. That’s it. Tell Ella that I’ll call her later to hear all about the theme park.’
‘I will. And Janine…’
‘Yeah?’
‘Thanks.’
‘No need. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.’
‘That was amazing!’ Ella squeaked as Haydon ended the call and put his phone away. ‘You should try it with me!’
‘You have got to be kidding,’ he said with a warm smile. Little Ella, taking everything in. She really was growing up faster than even he’d given her credit for. ‘How about we get a hot dog or something instead – I’m starving.’
She nodded. ‘Who was on the phone?’ she asked as they began to walk in the direction of a cluster of fast-food huts.
‘Your mother.’
‘Oh,’ Ella said, colouring. ‘What did she want?’
Haydon could have used the opportunity to quiz Ella and ask why she’d felt compelled to tell Janine about Audrey, but he wasn’t annoyed. Far from it, he was touched that Ella had felt the need to share her hopes for his happiness with her mum.
‘She just wanted to know if we were having a good time,’ he said.
‘Oh, OK. And you told her we were?’
‘Of course – what else was I going to say? I’m having an amazing time.’
‘Me too.’ Ella smiled. ‘The best.’
‘Right then, so there’s nothing to worry about, is there?’
‘No.’
Ella slipped her arm through his and yanked him playfully towards a burger bar. ‘Can we have burgers instead of hot dogs?’
He smiled down at her. What she’d told Janine led him to believe she wanted him and Audrey to get together, but it wasn’t that simple. Ella wasn’t yet fourteen. She was still full of faith, full of belief in the magic of dreams and wishes, still thought that if you wanted something it would be enough to make it happen, and to learn life wasn’t like that was no lesson he wanted to teach her at such a tender age.
‘Right,’ he said, putting the matter firmly out of his mind. ‘Burgers all round and then maybe, just maybe, you might persuade me to try that rollercoaster after all.’
Sue’s best-laid plans had come to nothing. At her behest Molly had sent Ella a text that evening inviting her out for a game of boules in a local park only to be told that Ella was so exhausted from her day at the theme park she’d developed a headache and couldn’t bring herself to go anywhere at all, not even with Molly. So while Molly sulked about Ella’s no-show, Sue and Maurice had decided to take her and Bastien out for supper at the harbour (the prospect of a dinner with Bastien going some way to soothing her disappointment), leaving Ashley at a loose end.
She’d tried reading a book, and she’d tried sitting quietly on the swing seat in the garden as the sun set, and she’d even tried chatting to Nanette and Violette, but she couldn’t settle. Her mum was right – she needed to see Haydon. Perhaps it was unfair to take the decision away from Molly and him about whether they got to know each other by telling neither of them the truth of their relationship. Nonetheless, knowing what she knew now about Haydon’s fickleness, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it.
But there was no denying that she’d never be able to settle with the secret hanging over her. If Ella was tired and unwell, perhaps she’d be out of the way, leaving Haydon free at least long enough for Ashley to say what she needed to say and then leave. After that it didn’t really matter, she supposed, because it was the telling that was the important thing now. Once he knew the truth it was his call.
Pulling a cardigan around her, she slipped out of the house before anyone could ask where she was going. Easier that way, and certainly less complicated than trying to make up some convoluted lie or, worse still, having to put Nanette off when she decided she wanted to go for Ashley’s ‘walk for some air’ with her.
The sun sat on the horizon, orange and plump, bronzing the field as she crossed it. Amongst the grasses she could hear the crickets getting louder and the odd rustle that reminded her she needed to keep an eye on what was sharing the grass with her. But now that she was on her way she just wanted to get there before she lost her nerve and the paths around the field would take too long.
But how did you begin a conversation like the one she was planning to have? Hi, Haydon, remember that night we shagged like absolute idiots with no protection? Well, ta da! Or, You seem to like kids, which is lucky because here’s one you didn’t know about!
Before she’d worked out that cru
cial first sentence, Haydon’s holiday villa was in front of her. Ashley took a deep breath and pushed open the iron gates. The garden smelt of honeysuckle and jasmine. The house seemed quiet and still, and if Molly hadn’t already checked Ashley would have sworn nobody was at home. She was about to knock on the door when it swung open.
‘Ashley?’ Haydon looked confused to see her. He probably was, Ashley reflected, but it was nothing compared to how he was going to feel in a few minutes.
‘Are you psychic?’ she asked.
‘What? Oh, no.’ He smiled. ‘I was just taking Ella some paracetamol and a drink and I noticed you from her bedroom window. I’m a bit surprised to see you here, though. Is there anything I can do for you?’ he asked, glancing up the path behind her. ‘You’re not with Molly?’
‘No. She’s gone into town with my mum. Is Ella OK?’
‘Oh she’s fine. A bit headachy and exhausted but we had a pretty packed day out so she probably just needs a nap. She’s in bed now trying to get forty winks.’
‘She won’t sleep tonight,’ Ashley said with a frown. God, she sounded just like a mum. ‘Sorry, not my place to lecture – ignore me.’
‘It’s only what my ex would say if she was here,’ he said.
‘Mums always think of stuff like that.’
‘I know. So… you want to come in? I mean, I’m guessing you haven’t come all this way to stand on the doorstep?’
Ashley nodded and stepped in as he moved out of the way to admit her.
‘You want a cold drink?’ he asked. ‘Or I’ve just opened some wine?’
‘Wine sounds nice.’
‘I’m camped out in the back garden; it’d be a crying shame to waste this sunset.’
‘Yes,’ Ashley said, following him out to the garden. This villa was so different to the one she was sharing with Maurice’s family – neat and precise and organised, apart from Haydon and Ella’s belongings, which were scattered everywhere – but though she noticed this it was a vague, half-formed observation that floated across her thoughts. The garden was the same – well-ordered shrubberies and straight paths lined by immaculate borders and actual gardens as opposed to Violette’s rambling tangles of herbs and wildflowers. She liked Violette’s chaos better, though – it made her feel comfortable.
She sat at the table on the patio while he went to get another glass. Rivulets ran down the side of the wine bottle he must have just fetched out of the fridge, forming a little puddle on the mosaic tiles of the table. A moment later he emerged from the house again and poured two drinks, handing one to her. She took it and wondered why she was bothering. Why not just get it over with? What good was drinking wine with him when she had something so huge to get off her chest? She was only delaying the inevitable – that he would want nothing more to do with her when he learned the truth. He might not even believe her, and she couldn’t say she’d blame him. She had no proof to offer except for Molly’s existence – at least not here and now. What if he thought she was somehow trying to trap him? That she’d spotted an opportunity to improve her situation at his expense? What if he thought she fancied him gullible? Vulnerable after his divorce? What if he lost his temper?
Now that she was here Ashley wasn’t sure she could go through with this at all. And yet if she didn’t her mother would do the job for her and that would only make it a hundred times worse. Sue wasn’t exactly famed for her tact and she had no love for Haydon or his feelings right now. It was lucky Ashley hadn’t told Sue about seeing him kiss another woman, and even as this thought occurred to her the memory of the event made her face burn with the shame of her trusting stupidity.
Taking a sip, she watched him as he watched her, trying to gauge his mood, trying to see how this might go. But then he spoke, and it threw her thoughts into complete disarray.
‘Ashley…’ he began. And he suddenly seemed nervous, desperate almost. ‘I’m actually really glad you’ve come because… Well, there’s something I need to tell you. I’ll admit that when I first saw you after all these years I didn’t know how to feel. I probably reacted badly and said the wrong things, but, you see, I was in shock. I’m sure you were too…’
‘Yes, but—’ she cut in, and he held up a hand.
‘Please, I need to say this before I bottle it.’
Ashley blinked. Hadn’t she come to say the awkward thing? Wasn’t she the one who should need to talk, who ought to be afraid of losing her nerve? What reason did he have to be anxious?
‘I can’t stop thinking about you,’ he said, the words rushing out like air from a balloon. ‘I’ve tried – God knows I’ve tried – but I can’t. And I’m sure it’s not what you want to hear but I think… I thought… that night we spent together was incredible and afterwards… and then seeing you again, well…’ He brushed a shaking hand through his hair and then took a gulp of his drink. ‘I’m sorry. You don’t want to hear this and I shouldn’t be saying it.’
‘What?’ Ashley stared at him.
‘It’s crazy, isn’t it?’
‘It’s more than crazy!’ Ashley hissed. ‘I don’t believe I’m hearing this! Do you honestly think I’m that stupid?’
It was Haydon’s turn to stare. ‘I don’t understand…’
‘I saw you! I saw you with that woman last night – and that’s completely fine, none of my business – but now you tell me this! You tell me this after I saw you in full view of the world kissing another woman and you tell me you can’t stop thinking about me? What’s wrong with you?’
‘Ashley…’ he began, but shrank back at the fury in her expression. ‘Audrey… it was just a friendly dinner… I didn’t know when I asked her that I’d feel this way. We went out last night because it had already been organised but today when I should have been thinking of her, I kept thinking of you. I’m going to tell her later—’
‘You’re going to tell her later? You really do think I’m a mug, don’t you? I wonder if you would have bothered telling her if I hadn’t seen you? Or would you have strung both of us along for the week and then never phoned again once you went back to England?’
‘No, of course not! Why would you think that?’
Ashley stared at him. And then she threw her hands in the air.
‘What’s the point?’
With that, she got up and marched for the gates.
Chapter 12
You were wrong. My love life will forever be complicated and it’s probably my fault.
Haydon pressed send on his text to Janine and then turned his attention to pouring a strong coffee. He was going to need it if he was going to get through today without falling asleep, because sleeping was the one thing he hadn’t done very much of overnight. He hadn’t planned to come clean with Ashley the previous evening but, somehow, just seeing her there had unleashed this whole other spontaneous person he had no idea existed inside him. But the fact was, he could understand why she’d reacted the way she had, having seen him with Audrey, and now that he really thought about it, he realised he’d probably been behaving like a total shit.
Taking his coffee out to the patio, he sat next to Ella, who was already tucking into a pile of croissants and jam. When they’d first arrived in Saint-Raphaël she’d been determined to eat cornflakes, just as she always did for breakfast, but today, perhaps influenced by Bastien, she seemed more amenable to local food. Although, Haydon reflected wryly as he watched her eat, if she ever put a squid ring in her mouth he might just faint from the shock.
The phone he’d placed on the garden table bleeped and he unlocked it to see Janine’s reply.
What happened?
* * *
I screwed it up.
* * *
How?
* * *
You don’t want to know.
‘Where’s your breakfast?’ Ella asked, glancing across at the solitary cup in front of him.
‘Not hungry.’
‘It’s the most important meal of the day! You need to eat it whether you’re hungr
y or not!’
‘Hey, that’s my line!’ Haydon said, forcing a cheery tone. ‘I say it to you but it doesn’t mean I have to follow that rule too.’
‘What if you go all faint when we’re out?’
‘I won’t, and if I do then I’ll get some food.’
‘But you always have a huge breakfast,’ Ella said, looking vaguely confused. How could he tell her that he couldn’t think about food because there was no room for anything but thoughts of Ashley? He needed to see her, like an ache in his heart that was so extreme it was almost physical. If he closed his eyes he could hear her voice. Last night she’d called him out and he felt ashamed, but that didn’t change the fact that, despite Audrey’s perfection, her warm openness, it was cold, disapproving Ashley who kept creeping into his thoughts.
It was crazy, but the previous night had only made it worse. Audrey was like a dream that was almost too perfect to hold onto, a promise too impossible to keep. But Ashley could be his reality – a messy, imperfect, confusing reality that made him feel alive. She was someone who lived in his world, someone who made his heart beat faster, someone who would challenge him and keep him anchored and force him to be the best of himself. Audrey was beautiful and charming, and he would be a fool to let her go, but maybe he was, because the more he thought about it, the more strongly he felt about Ashley. But he’d messed it up and perhaps there was no going back now. Did that make it right to continue to see Audrey, even if all it would ever be was a holiday romance, as he’d kept telling himself?
‘It’s hot today,’ he said vaguely in answer to Ella’s statement, trying his best to keep things with her as normal as possible despite the turmoil in his head. ‘I don’t eat well when I’m hot.’
Ella shrugged, seeming to decide that the conversation wasn’t worth pursuing. ‘What are we doing today? Can we see Molly?’
‘If they want to do something I don’t see why not,’ he replied, trying to sound as casual as he could.
The Summer Getaway_A feel-good romance novel perfect for holiday reading Page 15