Jake’s younger brother, Tyson, became his swim buddy. They teamed up for their timed swims. Tyson had had some formal coaching, so was a great help teaching him how to turn and kick and extend his arms, so he could move through the water faster. Patrick’s stamina was better from his years of soccer, but the subtle techniques made a tough job a lot easier. Those were the little things he looked for.
He made a habit of not talking about what he was going through, because mostly, it was the same thing, day in and day out. But when Hell Week was going to start, he let her know.
He’d been lying on his back, staring up to the ceiling when he told her. She probably had not been sleeping, either, because she slipped warmly to his side. It felt good, and he realized he’d missed being intimate with her.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so preoccupied, Steph. You’ve been real good, honey. Thanks for not bugging me.”
Her hand grazed over his chest, and she kissed him there. “I know you’re doing what you were made for. I don’t want to interfere. I can handle it, for a while.”
She reached down and massaged his cock, her soft perfume wafting around him, reminding him of what was on the other side of all this training and what he was doing this for.
She let him take her without a lot of foreplay, and he buried deep, loving the warm feel of her acceptance of his hard body. He wanted to hear her crash and burn before he came, and she was working up to it, but struggling. He unwrapped her legs from around his waist and drifted down, putting his mouth on her pulsing sex. He worked on her until she started mewling like a kitten.
He pressed her legs up over her head, her knees hugging her ears, and drove in deep. Spreading her buttocks, pressing her nub with his thumbs, and holding her little ass tight, he completed his penetration to climax. When he was done, he was drenched and out of breath.
He kissed her goodnight and found she’d been crying.
“What is it, sweetheart?”
“Nothing.” Which meant there was something after all.
“Tell me.”
“Do you love me, Patrick?”
“Of course I do.” He bent down and pushed away her tears. “Did I hurt you?”
“No. I’m just—”
He could see her large brown eyes in the moonlight, staring straight at him with her innocence, her gentle love for him written all over her face. “I guess I’m a little bit lonely.”
Patrick didn’t want to hear that. Not tonight. Not the night before he was to start Hell Week. He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, trying to think of a way to explain how he just couldn’t do this. He just couldn’t get there to connect with her in any way but physically. That part, the sex, was always great. But he knew what she meant.
“It won’t be long now. Hell Week, and then I think it gets easier. Maybe we can celebrate afterwards. But until then, Steph, I gotta be tough as nails.”
He recalled how a couple of the recruits had gone out drinking the night before a training they hadn’t expected and the whole group of five had to drop. He didn’t want that to be him.
Then he remembered what she’d asked him.
I’m such a stupid fuck!
He leaned over and pulled her chin to the side to face him. “Steph, I love you more now than I ever have. You’re the one I come home to, honey. Hang in there with me for a bit, and I’ll get back to being me again, if I can. I’ll be honest with you, so far, I’ve done pretty good. This next week will test me in ways I never knew it would. I want to be ready for it.”
She stroked his cheek, gently kissed him on the lips. “I know, Patrick. But thanks for saying it. Maybe next week or the week after we can sit down and talk about stuff I want to do, stuff that’s important to me, honey. Okay?”
His veins were beginning to perk up, and now he might have trouble sleeping. He knew he should not ask her, but he did anyway.
“Like what?”
She hesitated for a second and then rubbed her forefinger across his lip. “I want to have your baby, Patrick.”
In spite of the distraction, the curve ball she’d thrown him, he made it through Hell Week. He’d never felt so much pain in his life, and he was bleeding in places he didn’t think he had blood. He came home with the green feet, just like Ryan had, from wearing shoes soaked with saltwater for six days straight. He was wet the whole time, trying to stay awake on the beach, letting the surf creep up and claim him like some frosty witch. On top of it, the week was rainy, unusual for San Diego, as if the angels themselves were crying. The coughing, vomiting, moaning and the sound of men dropping, falling in the sand to try to reach that damned bell mounted to the back of the truck they had to ring to quit made him feel like he was part of a prison population. Not a valued asset or elite warrior.
He kept seeing Stephanie with her belly enlarged and replaying that conversation he now regretted. The “not now, Steph,” words he’d said probably a little too harshly. But he didn’t want to think about being a caring, loving father to anyone. He didn’t think he’d be very good at it, especially now. They’d never talked about kids because he’d grabbed her and pulled her down to Coronado so quickly. Now all his second thoughts were swarming around in his head, making him crazy.
Fuck!
What was so upsetting about her words? She depended on him, and he was okay with that. But creating another person, someone who would be connected to him forever and forever, someone who was totally defenseless and would not survive without his constant care, it was too much to think about. He wondered if he’d ever be. And that would be a huge problem for Stephanie.
As he shed his clothes, she wasn’t home that day. There was no little celebration that night. He left everything at the foot of the bed, took a quick shower, and crashed naked across the mattress, waking up later on to cover himself. And Stephanie wasn’t home.
In the morning, he made his own coffee. The house was bright and cheery, and he resented it. He sat in the living room and turned on the TV but didn’t even look at it. He drank his coffee like a zombie and made another cup.
He found her note on the kitchen counter.
Gone to Palo Alto to be with Carla. I’ll be back Sunday.
Well, he passed one test but flunked another. He remembered what the men had told him and realized that yes, he had to fix it.
He thought he would be happier. Wasn’t this what he wanted? Where were the cheering crowds? He’d saved the game.
But he was playing to an empty stadium.
Chapter 18
Stephanie worked to keep her emotions between the lines, remembering all along what Lizzie and other wives had told her. She decided to give Patrick some space. She knew he would make the BUD/S cut. But his comment before he left for the week-long ordeal had left her wondering if they’d make it as a couple.
Carla’s life was a mess. She was glad she could give a shoulder to her big sister.
“Ray’s trial is wrapping up.” Carla said as she puttered in the kitchen.
“Well, that’s good. You’ve got to be pleased it will be all over soon.”
“Each week, I get served with more papers. Bills, demands from attorneys. He’s such a shit.” She put her hands on her hips and wrinkled up her nose. “What the hell did I ever see in him?”
“He’s handsome, I guess. In a wolfish way,” Stephanie said softly. With his pointed canines that appeared to be filed to a point, he’d always reminded her of a werewolf.
“Oh, thanks for that.”
“You know I never liked him. I don’t know what you were thinking. You’re a working fool, Carla. He took total advantage of you.”
Carla sighed and polished a glass before putting it away. “My counselor says there’s always a payoff. People don’t stay with horrible people or in horrible situations unless there’s a payoff somewhere.” She threw the dishtowel on the countertop. “I just can’t remember what mine was.”
“So, you got some help?”
“Attorney? Yup. Our CEO has a
friend he graduated at Stanford with. He’s awesome and very well respected. Turns out, he knew all about Ray before I had to elaborate.”
“Well, that’s good. How are the girls?”
“That’s the part that sucks. They still want to see him, that asshole.”
“Well, he’s their dad.”
“You’ll be very proud of me, Stephanie. I told them they better start studying and working on their soccer, because if they wanted to go somewhere good, they were going to have to get a scholarship.”
Carla’s youngest was only eight, and Stephanie knew how that would go over, but she kept her mouth shut. “I think it’s good that they earn their way. Not have it handed to them.”
Her sister didn’t acknowledge the comment. “How’s Patrick? Married life?” It was the first time Stephanie saw a smile on her face. She wished she’d had better news.
“Complicated. He’s under a lot of stress with the training.”
“Duh! God, what those guys go through.”
“True, and I was warned.”
Carla’s radar kicked in. “Tell me.”
In spite of what she’d told herself on the drive up, she was unable to keep the tears from spilling over and running down her cheeks. “We had a—I don’t know what to call it now—a disagreement or something—I don’t know.”
“About what?”
She wiped her face with the back of her hand, grabbed a tissue, and blew her nose. “I told him I wanted to get pregnant. It wasn’t the right time to discuss something like that.”
“Bull shit it’s not! You guys are married. Babies come when you’re married. Don’t you remember those stories? ‘You’ll have a baby when you really love someone’—like it was some magic spell or something. Remember us whispering about it after I learned the truth?”
Stephanie laughed. “I do remember that night. You showed me the pictures. I couldn’t make any headway with them. And then I had to open my big mouth at breakfast the next morning, right?”
Carla mocked her little girl voice, “‘Mommy and Daddy, what does fuck mean?’ That messed up their oatmeal big time. That was so funny! I told all my friends at school. It was the topic of the day.”
“I’m having a hard time finding my way. And although Lizzie told me I might take a back seat, now that it’s happened, I don’t like it much.”
Carla ran to her side and gave her a hug. “You have to be able to talk about everything and anything. You can’t keep something like that stuffed inside.”
“You’re right, but I should have seen it sooner and done something about it. A few weeks go by, while he’s so totally focused, as he should be, on making it through the qualification, and pretty soon we’re not having sex, not talking, not being warm to each other. It scares me, Carla.”
“Stephanie, stop being a snowflake. Put your big panties on. The guy is nuts about you. You gotta quit being afraid of him. I can’t understand why you’re acting this way. You’re not afraid of anything!”
“I don’t want to lose him.”
“No, you’re just being too young. You have to grow up. He’s a man—a high action man—doing all sorts of incredible things other men watch on TV with their popcorn. He’s out there trying to live that adventurous life. You gotta keep up with him, Steph.”
She loved her sister, but hated when she was right. She picked her phone up from her purse and was about to call him when Carla wagged her finger.
“Nope. You get your little butt back to San Diego and do it in person. You have one of those little conversations that winds up in real steamy sex. That will fix anything. Trust me, I do know that. If I can make it fifteen years with the wolfman, you can charm the pants off that Adonis. You’ve got a man who will love you stronger and longer—”
Stephanie giggled. “Stop it.”
“I’m serious. It isn’t the sex, but that will bring you together. Don’t let it drift off. Make it vivid, real. And make it so he can’t get away from you. You take him by the balls and let him have it. You walk around naked and let him see what he’s going to miss if he doesn’t get himself good and hard and service you right away. That’s the attitude you need!”
“I always knew there was more of Mom in you than in me,” Stephanie said between her laughter.
“Nothing like ten years of deprivation to bring out the cougar in me. Any one of those young SEALs would do just fine. And you’re surrounded with them. Lord Almighty, woman, get a grip!”
She was about a hundred miles to Coronado when her phone rang.
“I’ve been a dick.”
She listened, enjoying the sound of his pain.
“I’m sorry, Steph. I got wired up too tight. Almost blew the last day and chucked it all in.”
“But you didn’t.”
“Of course not.”
“And you passed?”
“I did.” His voice got low and gravely. “And I kinda need a nurse.”
“I can do that. I do that really well, Patrick. But can you do something for me?”
“What?”
“Can we at least talk about whether or not you want a family—not now—but some day? I just need to know. I never thought you’d be resistant to it.”
The long pause had her apprehensive.
“Are you okay?” She listened and couldn’t hear anything except the sound of his snoring.
She walked into the house and found him still asleep on the bed with the phone in his hand. He had sores that were beginning to scab over at the tops of his thighs and under his arms and some deep scratches and chaffing on his inner thighs. She had calculated he’d been home less than a day, but already he was healing.
She found some first aid cream and began to apply it to some of his weeping areas. He’d showered, and the sores weren’t infected, but until they scabbed over, he’d be very uncomfortable. Patrick stirred and then grabbed her wrist just as she was about to apply more cream.
“I’m just trying to help make you better, Patrick.”
“I appreciate that. Best thing for it would be a dunk in the ocean, but no cream, okay?”
“Maybe a warm bath?”
He released her wrist and smiled at her. “Now you’re talking.”
“Come on. Get your fanny up and into the tub, then. I don’t want to have to look at you this way, or I’ll start to hurt too.”
He pretended to let her help him up, but he was doing most of the work. She left him at the bathroom doorway while she drew water in the tub. From behind, she heard his whisper, “Nurse, you have the finest ass I’ve ever seen.”
She blushed and turned to face him. “Really? And just what do you intend to do about it?”
He walked toward her, all six-foot-four of naked eye candy. “Well, first I’d remove that constrictive device that’s holding those lovely orbs. I’d release them.” He slid a palm down her thigh and then around to her rear. “I’d get you out of that uniform you’re wearing, and I’d go get some cherry lollipops, and I’d get you into trouble.” He kissed her beneath her right ear. “I might even get you fired.”
“Fired or fired up?” She threw her arms around his neck, slipped off her shoes and jumped to wrap her legs around his hips. “Does that hurt?”
“I can’t tell. I took a pain pill.”
She smiled and undulated into his lower abdomen. “So you can’t feel a thing, then?”
“I can feel that.”
She rubbed her lips across his and then bit him playfully on the lower. “I can heal you, Patrick, but you got to let me.”
He let her slide down his front, placed his palms beneath her jaw, and kissed her long and lovingly. “I’ve been a fool,” he said when they came up for air.
“Yes, you have.”
“I’m going to make it up to you, and in return, will you heal me?”
“I’ll think about it.”
He touched her cheek with the back of his hand. “You will make a beautiful mama someday, and I want to have babies with you, S
teph, as many as you want. But not right now, honey. We’ll do it when I can be a proper father, not when I’m trying out for the team.” He kissed her.
She nearly fainted in his arms.
Chapter 19
Patrick got his Trident one sunny Sunday afternoon in late Spring. The Navy asked Kyle Lansdowne to give the address. Stephanie sat with his parents in the front row. A whole line of SEALs he knew well sat two rows behind and were especially loud when his name was called, and Kyle got to pin the Trident to his chest. Most of the audience turned to see who was making such a fuss.
When Tyson got his Trident, the whole band cheered again. Jake, unfortunately, was on deployment and couldn’t see his brother graduate. Tyson and Patrick took a selfie of the two of them and they sent it to him. He was in a training with the Norwegian Special Forces, the FSK. Jake sent them back a picture of the inside of his mouth and then a picture of a new mermaid tattoo he’d picked up in Norway.
Although Patrick was now a SEAL, this was the beginning of his qualification training, which would take several more months. At the end of that time, he’d be joining SEAL Team 3, he’d been told.
In the next few weeks after the ceremony, the graduates separated. Some went to the burn center in Texas. Some went to language school in Monterey, and others did a tour in Virginia and Washington, at either the Pentagon or Quantico, depending on their career trajectory. Though he was going to train as a medic, they elected not to send Patrick to the long course in North Carolina. Instead, he was informed he’d be working up with SEAL Team 3 for an urgent mission to Central Africa.
Several weeks ago, Patrick had told Kyle and the rest of his soon-to-be teammates about the keeper he’d trained and left behind in England. So, when Kyle asked him to reach out to his former teammate, he suspected it had something to do with where they were being deployed.
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