by Hannah Ford
“Help will be there in just a minute. You’re doing fine Ms…”
“Kinsey. Skylar Kinsey,” I murmured. I reached out and took Madden’s hand. His skin felt clammy. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead.
“Okay Ms. Kinsey, the police have now arrived. You should see them any second.”
As if on cue, two uniformed men came through the door.
“They’re here,” I said.
“I’m going to hang up now and they’ll take care of everything. You did great.”
“Thank you.” I set the phone down and leaned in close to Madden’s ear but he was no longer responding.
“Help is here. Everything’s going to be okay now.”
But as I said the words, I wondered if it was really true. I wondered if anything would ever be okay again.
Chapter 2
Twelve hours later, Madden stood at the nurse’s station in a pair of jeans and a loose button-down shirt, arguing with the doctor about going home.
I still couldn’t believe he was alive, let alone standing and arguing with anyone about anything. How Madden had come through the violence and horror relatively unscathed was a miracle.
Only he didn’t seem to see it that way.
His face was drawn and pale and he gripped the edge of the counter with white knuckles. They’d sewn him up and given him pain medication, and I could see it in the long blinks he took.
“I’m going home, with or without your consent. You’ve done your damned job so go help someone else now,” Madden said between gritted teeth.
“I am recommending against it,” Doctor Henries said. His eyebrows were drawn down and he was frowning at Madden. “There was no damage to internal organs, but you were stabbed, Mr. Cross, and we would like to keep you under observation for a full twenty four hours.”
“I’m fine,” Madden rumbled. “Give me the damned papers so I can go.”
I stepped to his side and he glanced down. I could see the pain behind his eyes. I wrapped my arm around his, more so to make she he didn’t fall over than anything else. There was a slight sway to his body I didn’t quite trust.
“Are you sure?” I whispered. “One night won’t be so bad. I can take you home first thing in the morning. A compromise, right doctor?”
The doctor reluctantly nodded.
“I don’t compromise,” Madden growled. “I’m leaving now.”
A hundred different things that could go wrong flashed through my head. I still hadn’t recovered from seeing him get stabbed or all the blood. I wasn’t sure I could handle another emergency if anything happened.
The police had taken my statement after we got to the hospital and they spoke with Madden for a few minutes after he regained consciousness. The two men were alive and had been brought to the same hospital. At least Madden hadn’t killed anyone, though their fate was up to some public prosecutor because Madden refused to press assault charges.
I didn’t understand why and when I asked, he refused to answer.
After the police left, the pain pill took over and he fell back asleep for a few hours. At some point when I was grabbing some sleep, he must have called his driver to bring him a change of clothes. I didn’t know that until I returned to his room after grabbing some coffee in the hospital cafeteria and saw him struggling to put on his clothes.
No amount of pleading to get back into bed had changed his mind.
“I’m going home. And unless this is a prison,” he glared at the doctor, “I’d like it to be now before the damned press gets ahold of all this. If they haven’t already.”
The doctor stood up straighter and cleared his throat. “We take security here very seriously Mr. Cross, as I’ve said. You can be sure of complete discretion during your stay.”
Madden scowled. “There will be no stay, I’m leaving. You have two minutes to give me the paperwork to sign before I’m walking out without it.”
“Very well.” The doctor set his clipboard on the counter and slid it toward the nurse. “Have Mr. Cross sign the paperwork stating that he left against my advice. If there is any change in your condition, Mr. Cross, you must come back immediately. I’ll have the nurse give you a prescription for painkillers that you should take every eight hours for the first twenty-four. Then you can take as needed. You will be sore for some time, Mr. Cross and again, if there is any excessive bleeding, you need to come back right away.”
“I’ll make sure he does,” I said. Despite what Madden wanted, if it looked like anything was wrong, I was calling for another ambulance. His wishes be damned.
Madden signed the paperwork and I took the prescription.
“There’s a pharmacy on the first floor so you can fill that before you leave,” the nurse said. “And if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call.” She glanced appreciatively at Madden. Even pale and weak, he was imposing and still very handsome. Especially with the dark shadow of stubble that covered his jaw. I tightened my arm through his.
“Thank you, we will,” I said over my shoulder as we walked away.
“You’re the only nurse I want tending to my wounds,” Madden murmured in my ear. When I glanced up at him, I saw that familiar smirk drifting across his lips. God, even on potent painkillers he was still sexy as hell. And he knew it.
“You almost died tonight. I want to make sure you’re taken care of, and if that means a dozen nurses tending your wounds, then so be it.” I pushed the button on the elevator and tapped my foot impatiently.
Madden threw back his head and laughed. Despite my irritation, the sound was music to my ears. It meant that he really was feeling okay.
“It’s just a cut,” Madden said. “I’m all stitched up. The fucking hospitals and doctors and insurance companies just worry about liability. Covering their asses, that’s all.”
I looked down at the rust colored smudges that were all over my clothes and shuddered. There was dried blood under my fingernails and I could smell the metallic tinge every time I took a breath.
“Now if I could just change out of these clothes and have a shower,” I murmured.
Madden’s hand tightened on my arm. “I’m sorry about all this. I never expected…” He stopped and shook his head. When he looked at me his eyes were too guarded for me to see anything in them. He leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead. “Thank you. I don’t think I’ve said that yet.”
I didn’t know what to say, so when the elevator dinged open, I leaned my head on his arm. “Let’s just go home.”
* * *
Madden was asleep in the master bedroom and I had managed to take a very long and very hot shower, scrubbing my skin raw to get the feeling of the blood off me.
I pulled on a pair of leggings from my own bag that had been sitting in the foyer, now devoid of blood and the Oriental rug.
My favorite University of Maine sweatshirt hung past my thighs and I twisted my hair up and slid a large clip over it. Clean and in my own clothes, I felt a thousand times better. The house was quiet as I went down the carpeted stairs to find the kitchen. I avoided looking at the spots where the floor had been covered bright red as I moved through the room. I had no idea who had cleaned it all up, but I was grateful.
I’d seen enough blood to last a lifetime.
My stomach rumbled loudly. It was eight in the morning and I didn’t really remember the last thing I’d eaten. After last night, I wasn’t even sure I could eat again, but the gnawing pain assured me that I could.
I needed to get something for myself and for Madden when he woke. The marbled hallway led toward the back of the house and there were paintings on the walls that seemed more like a third grade art project than anything else. There were similar works hanging in the Cross building and I was sure that whoever had done them was someone of note.
The whole house was a showpiece but there wasn’t a single thing in it that made me think of Madden. There were no pictures, no souvenirs or personalization. It was very beautiful, stunning actually, but it w
as cold.
So it is like Madden, a voice in my head chided.
No, that was only a part of him. There was so much more to his life and I’d caught glimpses of it—enough to know that Madden Cross only got deeper and deeper the more you learned, like a lake that turned out to be deeper than the Mariana Trench.
I found the kitchen and grabbed a few fancy bottled waters from the enormous fridge and made myself a quick sandwich.
A search of the walk-in pantry turned up some sea salted wafer crackers for Madden, since the doctor advised against heavy food right away.
I carried it all back upstairs and set the waters and crackers on the nightstand, in case he needed them when he woke. I was exhausted but sleep refused to come, so I finished my sandwich and pulled a blanket over my legs, and settled into the oversized chair next to his bed and watched his chest rise and fall.
It seemed that every time he pushed me away, something pulled us back together. It was a roller coaster ride with him and right now he needed me, so with him was where I’d stay.
* * *
“Well hello there, sleepyhead,” I said with a smile, uncurling myself from the chair. I grabbed the bottle of water from the wine chiller I brought up to keep it cold and opened the cap.
When I handed it to him, he sat halfway up on one elbow and guzzled the contents. When he winced, I reached for his pain pills. It had been over ten hours since we left the hospital, so it was safe for him to have more. I shook out two into my palm.
“Just one. I hate feeling so fucking helpless,” he said in a sleep-deepened voice.
I gave him one and another bottle of water. After he finished it he lay back down with a deep sigh. I brushed the hair back from his face. He caught my hand and brought it down over his heart, hiding it there where I felt the beating under my fingertips.
“About those two men,” he said. “You should never have been involved in any of that.” He sounded truly sorry, his voice even breaking a little.
I wasn’t sure if it was the meds talking or not, but I gently climbed onto the bed next to him and settled against the side that was not hurt. I laid my head on his bare chest and ran my fingers up and over his shoulder.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said. “You could have died today.” I fought back the sick feeling and tried to focus on the fact that he was okay and lying next to me. Impulsively I pressed my lips to his chest. Madden tightened his hold on me and pulled me even closer.
“Who were they? Why did they call you Alex?” I finally asked.
He tensed under me and I wanted for him to tell me that it was none of my business. But then he exhaled and relaxed. He ran his fingers over my hair and the thumping in his chest sped up.
“Alex is the name I used to go by a long time ago.” I waited for him to go on and he was quiet for so long that I thought he might have fallen back asleep, but then his chest rumbled and he started talking again. “I’ve never told anyone about my past.”
I pulled the blankets up over us and rested my hand on his neck, softly stroking along his jaw. He seemed so vulnerable that I wanted to make sure he knew he was safe. That he could tell me anything.
After some more time passed, he continued speaking, his words growing more eloquent as he went on. “I grew up in LA. I didn’t know my father and my mother wasn’t really around much. Drugs were more important to her than a kid I guess. We moved around a lot and I didn’t have a lot of friends. When I was fourteen, I met this man who sort of took me in. Paulie Sciarrino. He became like a father to me,” a dark laugh barked from his chest, “as if I even knew what the fuck a father was supposed to be like. But he gave me delivery jobs and paid me more money than I’d ever seen in my life. It took awhile for me to realize that I was running drugs, but at that point I was taking care of myself and I wasn’t hungry or cold or getting my clothes at some second hand store.”
The bitterness in his voice made me hold him tighter. I knew what it was like to basically raise yourself, but at least I had someone in my life to care. My Gran was everything to me when my parents didn’t want to be.
“When I turned eighteen I decided that I wanted a different life,” Madden said. “I had this grand idea that I wanted to go to college except I never even graduated from high school. Paulie said he’d help me, that he’d make it happen. I just had to do one last favor for him.”
Madden’s body went tense and I could hear his heart thundering in his chest now. I leaned up and brushed my fingers over his rigid face. His eyes were closed but the hard lines of his face betrayed his state.
“You don’t have to go on,” I whispered.
His eyelids flickered open and in his eyes I saw so much agony that it took my breath away. He glanced at me. “There was this rival mob guy, a really sick bastard, that Paulie wanted me to take out. That’s all I had to do to earn a new life. Easy right? I’d seen a lot of death but it was never by my hand.” Madden inhaled raggedly. “I sat on it for a few days and talked about it with a few of the boys. In the end, I just decided I couldn’t kill a man who’d done me no wrong. So I called it off, told Paulie I couldn’t do the job.”
I watched him struggling to tell his story and my stomach churned for him. I wanted to stop him because it was horrible to hear about what he’d gone through. But I knew he needed to continue to tell the truth.
Madden opened his eyes and looked at me, smiling grimly. “I guess some of my so-called friends were not as good at keeping secrets as I’d given them credit for, because about a week later, that same man tried to kill me when I was on my way home one night.”
“The man you were supposed to murder?” I asked, my heart pounding in my chest.
Madden nodded weakly. “I still can’t believe he tried to do it himself. He must have loved the bloodshed, because he did it alone, at night, and he still almost killed me. It was going to be him or me that night and I wanted to fucking live. He got close enough to fire off a shot at close range, but by some stroke of luck, I moved just in time. Pulled my own gun and fired. I didn’t even know where I hit him, if I’d hit him, until he fell to the ground. I heard voices shouting so I ran. Later that night, Paulie came to tell me that I was a free man. He gave me a new identity and paid my way through UCLA and even grad school. I’m where I am today because of him, because of what I did. My success has this fucking black cloud hanging over it. If anyone knew what I did, I‘d end up with nothing. That’s why the plagiarism charge was such a big deal. If anyone looked too hard, they might find out I wasn’t who I said I was.”
I lay still for several moments, trying to take everything in. I was angry at his parents who didn’t care, sad for the boy who had to take care of himself, and heart-broken that in the end he’d had to use violence to have a chance at a real life.
Madden seemed to be able to read the emotions on my face. “See,” he said, “I told you I was no good for you. Being around me isn’t good for anyone. You should go before you get hurt.”
He started to pull away but I half crawled onto him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “You’re not a bad person, Madden Cross. You’re brave and strong and instead of accepting your life, you got out.”
“I got out, but at what cost?” he said. “I can’t forgive myself for the things I did.”
“You don’t need forgiveness,” I said, instinctively. “You just need to do better. And you have done better. That’s all any of us can do.”
His gaze met mine. The meds were doing their job and his eyes were heavy lidded but somewhere in them, I saw relief. I’d been able to give him that at least. And the fact that he trusted me with his secret changed everything.
“I still think you should run the other way,” he said, his voice heavy with sleep, “but I’m glad you’re still here Skylar. I’ve never let anyone this close before, but I don’t regret a second of it…”
His breath evened out and I carefully pulled the blanket up higher. I kissed his chest again and laid my hand over his heart. The small
glimpses I’d had of the man under the controlling cold exterior were nothing compared to now. If I had any doubt that I could care about him, they were shattered tonight.
Because I knew for sure that not only could I have real feelings for Madden Cross, I did. I’d fallen for him despite everything and the crazy part was that it didn’t scare me. He showed me a part of himself that he’d never shared with anyone else.
Which meant he trusted me as much as I trusted him.
I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my lips and Madden net to me.
Chapter 3
The buzzing reached into my head and pulled me from a deep sleep.
Madden stirred and then rolled onto his side with a groan to answer his phone.
I traced my fingers down his spine as he listened, then his entire body stiffened. “No fucking comment,” he growled then slammed his phone on the nightstand.
When he didn’t roll back over, I touched his shoulder. “What was that about?”
“None of your concern,” he snapped.
I pulled my hand away and pushed to a sitting position. “I’m lying next to you right now so yes, it is my concern. You can tell me.”
He rolled onto his back and I caught a glimpse of his eyes. They were hooded and cold again. Like last night had never happened. A lump formed in my chest. I thought things would be different now. He’d opened up and I saw a part of him that no one else had. That should mean something.
It meant a very big something to me.
“Madden?” I touched his shoulder again and he shrugged off my hand. Anger surged to life inside me. “So we’re back to that now? After last night, after everything that's happened and your back to being a cold bastard?”
I pushed the covers off and swung my legs out of the bed. I didn’t want him to see the tears welling up in my eyes. I should have known better than to open myself up and trust him.