As we climbed higher, I saw a long, low barrier made of wood and stones piled upon dirt. This was the wall my new band had built. Then huts seemed to rise from the ground above us, and I heard the sound of many voices. The band was singing, and their song was filled with a joy I had rarely heard.
Boys ran toward us. They climbed over the wall and held out arms to the smaller ones. They were smiling, and their faces were round and full. As we dismounted, one boy ran to Bint, and he hugged the child with his big arms. At that moment, I longed for Tal.
I could see this band’s wealth. Meat, enough for days, turned on spits in the center of the settlement. Logs of wood, enough for many fires, sat outside each of the huts. Bint chattered in that band’s tongue to the boy who clung to his hands, while Geab danced lightly on his feet and then shouted, “The Lady is good.”
I said, “We are blessed.”
“And your old guardian,” Geab answered, “is a fool.”
I stared at my new home. These men had built on high ground that could be defended. Each hut seemed large enough for five men or more, and an enclosure inside the wall held a herd of sheep. There would be much work for me in the settlement, for I saw that such a camp needed the labor of many. But the smiles of the young boys told me I would also find contentment.
I had been taught to fear strangers; I had thought my own band knew as much as men could know. Now I felt how small and weak we were.
The boy with Bint handed him a skin. Bint drank from it and handed it to me. “Mare’s milk, Arvil.” I tasted the unfamiliar drink and made a face. The boy laughed. I had grown more used to the horses during our travels, had taken to riding more easily than I had expected; I supposed I would get used to the milk.
“Look there!” Eagle Eyes cried out. He was gazing toward the horizon, where I could barely make out the shimmering spires and the vast wall of a distant enclave. Five tiny globes suddenly rose from the wall, hovered above it, and then flew in our direction. We gaped at them, marveling at the enclave’s magic.
The globes grew larger as they approached until I could see that each was even larger than a hut. They glittered in the sunlight. They swept toward the plateau and circled us while several men sang loudly, threatening to drown out the hum of the silver balls.
“The Lady favors us,” Bint shouted. “She is welcoming you to our home.” The boys near the barrier cheered.
I could not speak. “Does this always happen when a band joins you?” Geab asked.
Bint shook his head. “It has never happened before. This must have a special meaning. What a glorious day!” We stood there and smiled at the globes as their glassy eyes winked at us.
Then the Lady rendered Her judgment.
Rays brighter than the sun shot out from the globes. I heard a boy scream and saw three huts catch fire. A man near me fell. His head was gone, and his blood spurted over the snow.
Truthspeaker held out his arms. His face was twisted, and he seemed to be entranced. “Lady!” he called out in the holy speech. “I have stood before You! I turn from You now! I would embrace evil rather than join You in Your realm!” His words were horrible to hear, and, as he spoke, two boys fell at his feet.
Cor was struck as he ran toward me. One man lifted his spear and launched it at one globe before he fell under another ray. Beams struck along the wall as flames leaped from the roofs of the huts.
I was stiff with terror, unable to move. The boy near me dropped his skin of milk and screamed as a ray caught him. Bint knocked me to the ground. I rolled down a slope and was caught under a boulder, then threw my hands over my head. I could still hear the screams of both horses and men.
Tal was right, I thought, then tried to silence my mind, afraid that the Lady would hear my thoughts and find me. Feet ran past me as men fled down the path. Peering through my fingers, I saw the runners fall under the rays of a globe. I heard other voices full of rage, some cursing in the holy speech. Even now, while the Lady was showing Her power, some were refusing to plead for mercy; they would only condemn themselves in the next world.
Truthspeaker had doomed my band as well as his own. The cries of rage and pain became a single cry, the cry of a maddened beast. Rays flashed as the globes hummed. Their hum reminded me of a swarm of bees, those creatures so loved of the Lady, those creatures that sometimes gave us their honey yet stung those who did not approach their hives with care. I pressed my face to the ground, praying for a quick death, as I listened to the agony of others.
I lay there for a long time until I could hear no more screams, only the hum of the globes and the crackling of the fire. The humming grew faint and then died away.
Slowly, I got to my feet. The globes were gone. Bodies were strewn about on the reddened snow. I staggered toward Bint. He was on his back, his chest burned open, his face stiff with terror. Geab lay next to him. Truthspeaker’s face was frozen in a snarl.
The huts continued to burn. Each blackened structure caved in with a creak until there were only charred mounds.
I felt that I must do something for the wounded and stumbled from body to body until I understood that all were dead and that I was alone on cursed ground. The settlement’s sheep milled about and bleated in the distance, having escaped through a breach in their enclosure. Two wild-eyed horses near me whinnied and then galloped away.
I looked down toward the plain. A few men were riding southeast, and I guessed that they had escaped from the caves we had passed earlier. I could not have caught up with them, and perhaps they would not have accepted me, thinking that my band had somehow brought this punishment upon them. Perhaps we had. I could not know the Lady’s mind.
I moved as if under a spell. I took charred meat from one of the spits and packed it in my pouch. Near one hut lay a pack. I put more meat inside it and tied it to my back, then picked up my bow and spear.
I prayed for the dead, hoping that the Lady, having punished them in this world, might show them mercy in the next, but the words seemed useless. I wondered if the few who had escaped, instead of repenting, would only harden their hearts against Her.
Eagle Eyes had taught me the lore of mushrooms and how to forage for wild plants. Arrow had shown me how to shape my weapons and which stones were best for them. Hawk had gazed at the stars with me. Stel would never grow large enough to challenge me when I chided him. I had hunted with the men of my band, and they had shown me how to make fires with my flints and how to make clothes out of hides. Now they were gone, and I had no band. After praying, I took Geab’s metal knife, for there was no one else to claim it, and thrust it into my belt with my own.
I could not remain on unholy ground. I left the plateau, crept down along the path, and wandered aimlessly until dusk, when the bitter wind of evening bit into my face and brought me back to myself. I could not remain out there alone. If I could make my way north, I might find Tal when he returned from the enclave there, but I would have to avoid the scavengers near the wall. Then it came to me that Tal might leave the wall before I could reach him, and that I might never find him.
I was near Hecate’s shrine. Tal had told me always to stop and pay my respects, and no man could harm me there. But the Lady had judged my new companions and had destroyed their camp; She might strike me down as I prayed.
At that thought my numbness vanished, and I knew terror. I clung to a tree and moaned, trying to hold back my tears. In that state, I somehow cleared my mind. If the Lady knew I was alive, She could take me at any time. I could not hide from Her, so She had to know where I was, and that meant She had decided to spare me. If I did not stop at Her shrine and thank Her for my life, She might be angered.
I went into the shrine.
I knelt before the Witch and prayed until my knees were sore and my forehead hurt from striking the floor before the altar. The image glared at me but did not speak, and I began to hope.
I got up, went to a couch, and put on the Lady’s crown, knowing what I had to say.
I prayed sil
ently, below a whisper, shaping the words of the holy tongue as I had been taught to do by Tal. “Lady, please speak to me. Our Headman led us to the plateau where You struck down the sinners who sought to challenge Your way. I was given to another man by my guardian Tal, and had to follow that man, for I am only a boy. But I am still Your servant and did not sin against You. Guide me—tell me what to do.”
She was silent.
“Tell me what to do. I am alone, without a band. You have called my old guardian Tal to You, but I cannot follow him to Your side. What shall I do? Speak to me, please.”
I kept praying in that way until I grew so weary I could not rise from the couch. Curling up on my side, I clung to the soft red cloth, still pleading.
An invisible hand reached out and touched my face. A form took shape, and I saw that an aspect would appear to me. I was on the couch, but no longer in the shrine. The Lady had taken my soul, through Her magic, to a smaller, darker room.
She moved closer to me and touched my face once more, then drew back. “What is it you want?” Her hair was blond and Her tunic white; Her eyes were the wintry gray of Tal’s eyes. “Why do you call Me?”
I told my story again, and She was silent. Then She said, “Wait,” and stepped back. I could see Her more clearly; the body under Her clothing was slight and unformed. She lifted Her hands to the circlet on Her head and faded from sight.
I stared into blackness until another voice spoke, a lower voice, but still soft and musical. Somehow, I felt that I had heard this voice before.
“You seek My guidance,” this voice said. Another manifestation of the Lady appeared; Her hair was auburn, Her voice kind. “You say that you are alone. I can help you. Your guardian Tal is with Us, and I have decided to call you to Me as well. Go to the southernmost side of our enclave’s wall, to where Tal entered, and wait there before the door you will see. You will be allowed to enter and will find your guardian again. Spend the day before you approach My city purifying yourself in a shrine. You are a strong boy, and I believe you will overcome the dangers of your journey. If I do not behold you within fourteen nights, I shall send your guardian from Me.”
My joy unbalanced me. I should have abased myself and offered thanks. Instead, my mind cried out, “Why did You punish those on the plateau? They were not all evil—the man called Bint prayed often and was Your true servant. The boys could not have been evil—they were only children. Could You not have punished the evil ones while sparing the good?”
She drew back and Her eyes narrowed; She seemed almost to be sorrowing for the condemned men. Then She said, “Men are tainted. When their sin grows larger than their virtue, and they must be punished, there can be no mercy. The Lady, Who gives life to men, may take it. Those who live with evil will be struck down as surely as the evildoers themselves. It is ordained that you shall wander the world in bands, but those men sought to unite themselves against the Lady’s aspects. That cannot be allowed. Remember that.”
She turned Her face from me and covered Her eyes, then looked up. “I send you a visitation,” She said, “so that you will know you are blessed. The Goddess be with you.”
She disappeared and another took Her place. This aspect was naked, Her hair was black, and Her brown eyes were rimmed with gold. Her hands drew away my clothing as Her fingers caressed me.
“Come to Me,” She said, and I held Her. She guided my hands to Her body, and this was part of the magic of Her blessing—that She seemed to take pleasure from my touch as well as giving pleasure to me. My member swelled, and I felt Her breath on my ear as I entered Her, and was one with Her as I felt release.
She disappeared, and slowly I came to myself. My muscles ached, and my groin felt sticky and wet. I had been called, and the Lady had blessed me. I opened my eyes; I was in the shrine again.
A man and a boy were kneeling at the altar. As they stood up, they turned to look at me. I struggled to sit up. Their furry hoods were thrown back, showing their black, frizzy hair. Their broad faces were much alike and their skin was as dark as Arrow’s. I felt sorrow again as I remembered that Arrow and Stel were dead.
These worshippers could not harm me there. I said, “I have been called.”
The boy snickered; the man shot him a look. “I saw,” the man said. “You were thrashing about possessed, as your soul traveled to Her realm. I thought you had only Her blessing until I saw the joyous smile on your face. Are you older than you look?”
“This is my twelfth winter outside the enclave.”
“I do not know why the Goddess would call one so young, but Her purposes are unknown to us.”
He led the boy toward the couches near me, and both lay down, closing their eyes and donning the circlets. It was soon clear that the Lady would not speak to them. At last, the man sat up.
“Where is your band?” He spoke each word slowly, as if unused to my language. I, in turn, was surprised that he knew it; we had spoken in the holy speech before. “Are these not your words?” he continued. “You have the look of men who speak in this way.”
“It is my tongue,” I admitted.
“Where is your band?” he asked again.
I was suddenly cautious. I could not lie to him in a shrine, where the Lady would take offense at false words. “They are elsewhere,” I replied; the Lady could not consider that a falsehood.
He looked at the sack beside my couch, then raised his eyes to me. “And you have been called. Your band will be pleased when you run to them with the news.” He rose. “Peace be with you.” He led the boy from the shrine.
I slept in that holy place, hoping that the Lady would again visit me. I had been given Her blessing before, and yet I had never felt such pleasure at other times. I had been near death, and She had restored me to life. She had called me to Her enclave, and that meant that She had forgiven me for falling under the spell of Truthspeaker’s band. I had learned why men obeyed Her call, why some even forsook taking such pleasure with other men when they were blessed often enough in shrines. But She did not return to me that night.
I ate some of my meat and left the shrine at dawn. The weather had grown warmer. The snow was beginning to melt and the ground was muddier. I warmed snow in my hands and drank of it.
I had been called. I would be a man when I came out of the enclave. I said it to myself again and again, exulting in the words. Even Tal had not been called so young. For the first time in my life, I wished that Cor were with me so that I could glory in the triumph, and that thought gave me pain. I wanted to tell everyone of that summons, and there was no one to tell.
As I walked north, I recalled the landmarks Bint had shown me. I wondered if I could have controlled a horse by myself and was sorry I had not tried to bring one with me from the plateau. I would have to move quickly, and my body was still stiff and sore from the days of riding. Soon, I came to a small hill, topped by a few thin trees, where we had stopped during our journey. As I climbed, I began to feel that I was not alone.
Eyes were watching me. Tal had taught me to trust such feelings. When I reached the top of the hill, I knelt as if to examine the ground, then peered quickly through my legs.
Below, someone disappeared behind a rock. I caught only a glimpse of my tracker’s furry brown cloak, but I knew who he was. The dark man I had seen at Hecate’s shrine was trailing me, and if he discovered I was alone, I would be in danger.
LAISSA
Inside my tower, a few small girls were playing near the entrance. I crossed the lobby and entered the lift; the platform carried me up through its transparent cylinder and stopped at my floor. Women leaned over the railings on other floors and called to the girls below; I hurried along the walkway to my door.
Button was sitting on the couch playing with a pocket puzzle. I felt a twinge as I compared his lot to that of the girls in the lobby. “Where’s Mother?” I asked. “It’s nearly suppertime.”
“She had to go to the wall.” He lifted his head and glared at me. I went to the screen in
the corner; Shayl had left a message saying that she had to study that evening but would visit next day to hear all about my tests.
Button said, “You’re sending me away, you and Mother.”
“You should be in your exerciser, not sitting here with a puzzle. You have to get strong.”
“You’re sending me away. You hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Button.”
“You do, and so does Mother. You’re sending me away.” I went over to him and sat at one end of the couch; he recoiled from me. “I’m going away, too. I’m going to live with my friend Shayl, and I’ll have to work hard at my studies. All of us have to go and live somewhere else someday.”
“I don’t want to go.”
“You have to, Button. You’re a big boy now. A man will come for you, and he’ll take care of you. You’ll go outside, and meet other boys, and learn lots of new things from them. You’ll be with your own kind. You’ll like it a lot more than here.”
“No, I won’t. I want to stay here.”
“Well, you can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re a boy, and boys have to go outside.”
“Why don’t girls have to go?”
“Because this is our home.” I tapped my knee impatiently. “And sometimes girls have to go, too, if they’re very bad.”
“I have to go away because I’m bad.”
“No,” I said. “You go because you’re a boy, and you wouldn’t like it here later on—really, you wouldn’t. You see, girls who are very bad go outside, but boys who are good go outside so they can be with other boys, you know that. And girls have to stay here and look after the city. That’s hard work. You can go outside and see new places, and you don’t have to worry about the problems we have.”
The Shore of Women Page 5