"Kieran, look at me," Cody said. "You don't have to come with me to my cabin if you'd rather stay and be with Brandon."
"Brandon is straight," I responded.
"And remarkably stunning, like an Olympic athlete. I completely understand your attraction to him."
"I want to be with you tonight." I grabbed my overnight bag and slung it over my shoulder.
Later, after Cody and I were in his cabin, sitting together on the same couch with our shoes off, I told him everything that had happened with Brandon. The only part I left out was the money. I don't know why I excluded it, but the experience wasn't about the money. Cody stroked my forearm and the palm of my hand while I shared the details with him. He maintained an earnest expression and showed no significant reactions.
"Despite all of that, do you still want me to stay with you tonight?" I asked, upon completing my true story.
"I do."
"But do you think I betrayed you by fooling around with Brandon when you and I already had a date planned?"
"You didn't betray me," Cody said. "Maybe I wasn't alone last night, either."
"You had someone else last night, too?"
"No, but I could have. That's the point. We had a fantastic night together on Halloween, then plans for a first date. There's no commitment there or anything that would have triggered a betrayal just because you happened to meet someone else special."
"These issues are difficult for me to sort out at times," I admitted. "My head can tell me one thing, but my instincts, or heart, tells me something else. Complicated stuff. Envy, betrayal, suspicions."
Cody put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek. "Can I trouble you with yet another suggestion?" he asked.
"Of course. I want your help."
"Consider this. Respect people you date and have sex with. Give them the benefit of the doubt, but don't trust anyone until they have earned it, and that takes time. Only be with people you really want to be with. Never be with someone because you think you need to do so to own or control them, or to quell feelings of envy."
"Excellent advice. It kind of recalls something that Brandon said to me in a casual remark. Brandon compared himself to a mustang, or maybe it was a stallion, and said there was no way to stuff him into a pen."
Cody nodded, tickled the hairs on the back of my neck, and said, "We're all like wild horses, at least until we make commitments to monogamy. In other words, we're going to gallop away with whoever we want to run with."
Chapter 14
Indeed, our sex was wild. Even more comfortable and knowledgeable about each other, and each other's bodies, we stayed up half the night switching positions, interspersed with more rounds of foreplay. We sometimes had the lights on, sometimes off, and even plowed away at each other outdoors in the forest until we were so cold we had to run back into the cabin and warm up against the fireplace.
By morning, after a few hours of sleep in each other's arms, I realized it was the kissing that I craved from Cody the most.
We showered together after the alarm went off, then dressed and enjoyed plates of Belgian waffles with strawberries and cream.
"Was I too preachy last night with my unsolicited advice?" Cody asked, while he put away the dishes he had just washed.
"I wanted to hear it," I answered. "Actually, let me say I needed to hear it."
"I may have been harsh about the allure of straight men. We're attracted to men, so it's only natural that masculinity is especially appealing to us."
"I got it. It's not the magnetism at issue, but what we seek from other men. Pleasure and companionship. Or validation that will never be enough."
"That's right, Kieran."
In fact, that was precisely on my mind as I drove into work and started my shift at the wetlands preserve. The untamed, yet tender night I had just shared with Cody would not have been possible with Brandon. Or Andrew, for that matter, though he and I had frequently kissed and experimented. But down deep I knew that Andrew liked giving me pleasure, and watching my reaction to his touch, but Andrew was unlikely to ever lust for me the way Cody did.
These thoughts didn't upset me. They just helped me sort out what was possible with the men currently in my life. I didn't want to hurt anyone, or get hurt myself.
Chapter 15
Sleep deprived and exhausted from a busy day of work, I downed an energy drink before leaving the wetland preserves. I was so wiped out I worried I might fall asleep at the wheel. I knew better than to have a second energy drink, but didn't want to delay the drive home to wait for the caffeine and sugar to kick in, so I imbibed another. Finally, I was buzzing like a hummingbird.
I safely arrived back at my duplex, but couldn't find a place to park. The streets were packed with cars against both sides of the curbs. This overcrowding tended to happen on a weekly basis, anytime one of the neighbors threw a party or hosted a bridal shower or other function in one of their homes. Agitated from winding around the blocks to find a space, then parking five blocks away when all I wanted to do was jump in bed and get some rest, I trudged home carrying the overnight bag and cursed under my breath at the town planners who had failed to require adequate parking opportunities.
Everything came to an abrupt halt when I reached the sidewalk in front of the duplex. There was Brandon's rental car. Just in front of it, was a car that resembled Cody's rental car. I strolled closer and recognized Cody's license plate. Brandon's front bumper was only a whisper away from Cody's back bumper. I couldn't have slid a finger between the two cars.
Jolted, worse than if someone would have punched me in the face, I staggered back, staring at the proximity of the two cars, and an image of Brandon and Cody in bed together flashed in my mind and stuck there.
I unlocked my door, tossed my bag on the floor, and fumbled with my uniform. I noticed my hands were shaking and I was having trouble with the buttons. I downed two glasses of cold filtered water to try and steady my nerves, but it didn't work. I changed into blue jeans and a pullover. The mental picture of Brandon and Cody having sex wouldn't go away. It hurt so bad I thought I would jump out of my skin. I paced the room, dejected, and sent a text message to Brandon and got no response. I put my ear against the wall separating my unit from Andrew's unit. I could hear classic rock music playing, which I had heard before from Andrew's collection.
I braced myself and knocked on Andrew's door for Brandon. He didn't answer. I knocked again, harder this time. Still, no response. The music kept playing.
I knew those bastards were in there. And I knew they were aware it was me at the door. Once again, me being a loser. A creep.
I tried to convince myself I could let them be together in peace. I could go for a walk. Or a jog. Or drive to a fast food joint and have an early supper.
But I couldn't let go. The pain was too intense and all I wanted to do was stop them and make the world right again. Cody had sure played it cool last night, playing the wise owl and telling me about his past demons. But he hadn't defeated them. He was still at their mercy. Brandon had captivated Cody, just like he did me, and Cody had plenty enough guile to work out a way to get inside Andrew's unit alone with Brandon.
Out of my mind, more with acute distress than fury, I snuck out the back door of the duplex, crawled around the side of the house on my hands and knees, and peeked into the bedroom window.
Empty.
"Kieran."
Spooked, my whole body shook from hearing my name. I crawled to my feet, flushed red, and hung my head down with shame. Brandon stood in front of me with his hands on his hips. He had on his compression clothes for jogging and his knit cap.
"You look awful," he said. "What happened?"
"I don't know," I answered. "I got sick at work. I'm not myself right now."
"Why are you at the window?"
I shook my head and stared at my feet.
"Were you checking to see if I had already left yet?" Brandon asked.
"Yeah."
"I leave
a bit later tonight. Don't worry, I was going to stop by and say goodbye. But since you're here, come inside for a second. I have something for you."
I followed Brandon with immense relief. He had assumed the best about me, or given me the benefit of the doubt, letting me off the hook for spying. Even better, I understood that he had been out jogging, not having sex.
But where was Cody?
"Take a seat, Kieran."
"Uh oh."
"I think you need to be seated for this."
I looked to the bedroom, expecting Cody to walk into the room. I inhaled and involuntarily gripped the armrest on the couch. Brandon sat across from me and handed me an envelope. It was plain, like the one he had given me the morning after our web cam show.
"Not more money?" I asked, confused and shaking my head.
"Better," Brandon said.
I carefully opened the seal and pulled out two airline vouchers.
"One for Andrew, one for you," Brandon said. "So you guys can come visit me in Vegas. Keep these safe until Andrew gets home."
"But this cost you a fortune," I protested.
"No, not when I have gobs and gobs of accumulated airline miles. Let me share this with you."
"Thank you, Brandon!" I reached over and hugged him.
"I'll be expecting the two of you before the end of the year."
"Won't Willow be jealous?"
"Andrew and I talked about it. He will do other things with her. For Vegas, he wanted to take the trip with you."
"Really?"
"Like Willow, you're also a special person in his life."
"Andrew said that?"
"Kieran, he told me all about the two of you."
Chapter 16
There remained the mystery of Cody's whereabouts.
That was solved several minutes later when I spotted him from my living room window traipsing up the sidewalk with a small bag in one hand and a large cup of coffee in the other. I stepped outside of my front door and met him on the front steps.
"You're beaming, Kieran."
"Well, I should be. I'm glad to see you."
"Oh! It's very nice to hear this. I took a chance I wouldn't be intruding."
Cody came inside, took off his coat, and sat by my window. He mentioned that he had arrived at my duplex after work to surprise me, but since I wasn't home yet he walked to the truck stop to heat up with some coffee. He unwrapped his bag and handed me two novels he had recommended to me the night before. The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison and The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner. I thanked Cody and then he told me he was leaving for his home in Texas first thing in the morning.
"I'll be back for awhile in early December, just after Thanksgiving, for some follow-up on the preserve's expansion projects," he said. "I'm hoping to have some more dates with you then, if you're still single, available, and interested."
"I'd really like that," I replied.
"Wonderful. Well, that's what I came for. To give you the books, and to let you know my news, and to tell you I'd like to continue seeing you, Kieran. Sorry for showing up unannounced." Cody reached for his coffee cup and coat.
"Please stay. Have you had dinner?"
"You sure?"
"Definitely."
"I haven't eaten yet."
"All right, let's get that pizza we had originally planned on for last night," I answered. "It's my turn to foot the bill this time."
We took Cody's rental car, since it was closer to the duplex, and arrived at the pizzeria. It was decorated like a vintage diner, with vinyl records and 1950s memorabilia scattered along the old walls. Black and white tiles, in a checkerboard pattern, gave the room an extra-dimensional effect, and the red booths with torn seats actually added to the charm. We both ordered pizzas by the slice, to try a range of flavor combinations, and all-you-can-eat salads.
For a split second, I considered telling Cody about my panic attack and the harsh thoughts I had formed about him after seeing his car beside Brandon's. But I discarded that idea immediately. How unfair to burden him with my insecurities and jealousy. There was a limit to how much honesty and openness to embrace, especially in a budding relationship. So I swallowed my secret, forgave myself for my poor reaction earlier, and reveled in my good fortune to be able to spend another magical evening with such a remarkable man.
Chapter 17
Andrew returned from Minnesota a few days later. He had gained a pound or two and needed a haircut, but I still thought he was absolutely mesmerizing. He told me Willow's mother continued steady improvements and Willow was expected to return the following week.
Andrew and I caught a Saturday matinee downtown and then strolled the nearby blocks to watch workers hanging Christmas decorations from the light poles and other posts. Thanksgiving was still more than two weeks away, but Andrew wanted to make sure I had somewhere to go for the holiday meal.
"Are you and Willow returning to Minnesota to spend Thanksgiving with her family?" I asked.
"Willow is going back, but not with me," Andrew said. "Her other boyfriend is taking her. Willow's parents already know him and they are confused about her dating more than one man at a time. They privately confided in me that they are absolutely perplexed by her behavior, but how could I explain anything to them? It's her life. They are from another era. Maybe they forgot what it's like to be young and uncommitted. Who knows? But I knew better than to comment on any of that to them."
"I understand. I don't think anything you could have said would have put them at ease. They'd have to get their answers from their daughter, not you."
"That's right."
"I was just going to spend Thanksgiving here," I added, answering his question. "My parents will be away on a river cruise, so it will be a quiet holiday for me."
"How about you and I use those vouchers from Brandon and have Thanksgiving with him?" Andrew cocked his head, shooting me a hopeful look.
"Let's do it!"
"Have you been before?"
"Never."
"Okay, let me make all the arrangements. I know Vegas pretty well."
By the time we finished our walk my spirits were soaring. I thought of the bright lights, the allure of flirting with luck, the travel—all with Andrew. And Brandon, too. Did I deserve all the good things that were happening to me, I wondered. We went back to the duplex, took off our boots, lounged on Andrew's chairs across from each other, and just listened to the rock music record collection. We both drifted off into our own thoughts, but he remained close to me. Nothing further may or may not have been needed to be said, but curiosity and guilt got the best of me, as it often did.
"We're more than just friends, aren't we, Andrew?"
"Yes. I consider you someone important in my life."
"Do you think Willow would be upset if she knew?"
Andrew sat upright and looked directly at me. "Willow knows about you and me."
"She does? Everything?"
"Yes, everything. She and I hide nothing from each other."
"Was she upset when you told her?"
"No. She likes you. She'd rather I be with you, on occasion, rather than hooking up with strangers. And she understands that friendships can lead to other emotions and feelings. Willow is quite astute when it comes to these matters."
"Brandon mentioned you told him about us, too," I said.
"I did."
"What was his reaction?"
"He wasn't surprised."
"Was this before or after his web cam show?"
"After."
"Hmm."
"You guys hauled in the bucks! He said that rarely ever happens on that web site, in terms of the giant amount the two of you earned, as far as he knows. He said a typical session making a hundred dollars is a great night."
"I experienced guilt afterwards thinking it might have upset you or made you jealous."
"It didn't," Andrew said. "I actually got a kick out of it. You two had strong chemistry on the tape, and while Brandon
was insisting nothing could happen, it seemed inevitable due to your connection that something really fun might develop."
"The tape?"
"I watched the recording."
Stunned, I leaned forward and my jaw dropped. "You saw all of it? How?"
"Someone recorded it and posted it on an adult video site."
"But I saw the disclaimer on Brandon's page forbidding any captures from his show."
"Come on, Kieran. We're talking about the internet. The lawless land of the web. People do whatever they want. There are some sites that specialize in recording private web cam shows and then selling their customers access to viewing them."
"Oh boy, what if my bosses see it!" I dropped my face into my hands.
"I wouldn't worry about it," Andrew assured me. "You didn't use your names, or wear your uniform, or anything like that. Anyone else who watches it will be doing so for a prurient reason."
I peered at Andrew through my fingers and laughed. "What have I done?"
Andrew playfully punched me in the shoulder. "You and Brandon are forever linked, at least as far as the internet is concerned."
"Forever," I repeated. My eyes widened, out of focus, staring into the distance.
Andrew tackled me, tousled my hair, and tried to pen me down with wrestling moves. "That expression on your face just now," he laughed. "I wish you could have seen yourself."
I fought back, using a leg lock to temporarily gain the upper hand. "What was my look like?"
"Not dread. Not joy."
"What was it?"
Andrew regained control, pushing me onto my back and holding my arms down at my sides. "The stunned look of a young man awaking to all the possibilities he mistakenly thought he was ready for."
Author's Note
Thank you for reading "Covet," the fourth story in the Straight Taste series. Please consider leaving a review. For updates on new releases and book specials, please join my mailing list at JaylenFlorian.com.
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