“Was she very pretty?”
Quiet laughter rumbled in his chest. “Not if she looked anything like Eddy. He thought she was beautiful, though. I guess he doted on her something fierce. He said that each time he left for the sea, he’d threaten all the boys in town that if they even looked at his little sister, he’d cut off their—” His hand went to his mouth. He coughed slightly to stop the rest of the words from coming out. “Perhaps I should just say that he threatened them with great bodily harm in a way that’s very effective on most young men.”
“Your friend doesn’t sound very nice.” She tried to sound serious, but couldn’t keep the amusement from her voice.
“Eddy was a character. He’s the one who talked me into getting this tattoo on my arm. He claimed no seaman worth his salt could call himself a seafaring man unless he had at least one tattoo.”
“My brother called himself a seafaring man, but he never had one. Father reminded him every time he left for the sea that the Bible forbids tattooing, or marking one’s body.”
“Eddy lost his father when he was young, the same as I did, although I don’t think it would’ve mattered. He really liked those tattoos. Both his arms were covered with the likeness of wild animals. He thought they made him look more intimidating, although he was pretty fierce looking without them. He was a big man with flaming red hair and a face that could change the direction of the wind.”
“Your friend had red hair?”
He confirmed it with a nod. “He went by the name of Red Eddy. Or Ready Eddy because he was always ready for a fight, or a good time. It didn’t matter which.”
“My brother had red hair, but he was nothing like your friend. He was a handsome man, very quiet and reserved. Fighting was something he was against. When he was home, he used to give sermons with Father about loving one’s fellow man and turning the other cheek.”
“It’s curious that you would say that. I remember more than once Eddy looking a man dead in the eye after being hit and offering his other cheek. Of course he’d always add, ‘If you’re ready to meet your maker’.”
“Oh, dear. That must’ve taken a lot of courage for your friend to do that.”
“More than I had,” he admitted. “But he put the fear of God into many a man.”
“Where’s your friend now?”
He lowered his eyelids so she couldn’t see into eyes. “He’s dead.”
“Your friend passed away?”
“Passed away?” he repeated, as if unable to comprehend the meaning. He looked directly at her. Fire seemed to flash in his eyes. “That seems like such a benign description for the agony Eddy endured. He’d been shot in the belly and suffered in excruciating pain before he finally died the next day.”
Uncertain what to say, she blurted out her heartfelt condolence. “I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend.”
“He was more than a friend. He was like a brother.” A look of suppressed rage boiled just beneath the surface of his expression. “He was shot when pirates tried to take over my ship.”
“That’s how my brother died.” The same rage built inside her, but she kept her voice low when she spoke. “I used to have nightmares as a child about his ship being attacked by pirates. But in my dreams, I never foresaw his death.”
He leaned closer to the table. His hushed voice sounded like a growl. “Piracy is the same business Dunbar’s group is involved in. If your brother was still alive, I can only imagine how greatly he’d disapprove of you working for a woman like Betsy Collins?”
Her lower lip trembled. She blinked her eyes in an attempt to vanquish the threatening tears.
“I’m sorry. I had no right to say that. I know how deeply my words must have hurt you.”
“Why bother to apologize when you are right? He’d strenuously disapprove. Probably as much as he would disapprove of me having dinner with a man like you.”
“Why would he be opposed to me? I’m a seafaring man, the same as he.”
“It’s your intentions to which he’d object.” She lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. “Your primary goal seems to be getting me into your bed.”
A grin tugged at his lips. “I can’t argue with that, but considering the way you respond when we kiss, I don’t think you’d object if you found yourself in my bed. You’re going to deny it?” he asked when she sucked in a gasp of air.
She lifted her chin to a defiant level. “That’s not likely to happen since you’re leaving Sacramento soon.”
“Where did you get that idea?” The heat in his eyes came up a degree. “I plan to stick around here for a very long time.”
“It doesn’t matter because I’m not going to allow anything further to happen between us.”
“Be careful what you say,” he challenged, “or you might prove yourself a liar the next time we kiss.”
“That’s not going to happen because I’m certain I can control myself.” She hoped he caught the cold determination in her voice. “All I have to do is remind myself that you are a seafaring man.”
He cocked his head. “How will that make any difference?”
“Seafaring men always return to the sea. They leave behind the ones who love them. I won’t let that happen. I will not allow myself to fall in love with a man who loves the sea more than he loves me.”
“I think you’re a little confused. What you feel when we kiss has nothing to do with love. It’s called lust. That’s a pretty powerful emotion, especially if you’re not familiar with it.”
“I’m certainly glad you clarified that.” She scrunched up her napkin and flung it on the table. “It reaffirms my belief that you only want one thing from me, the same as all the other men.”
“I’m not like the other men you’ve known.”
“Aren’t you?” she asked, skeptical of his assessment of himself. “You just admitted your main goal is to get me into your bed. How is that different from what the other men want of me?
“It seems you also want to control me as well as use me,” she continued. “When you tire of me, you’ll just discard me. Then you’ll return to the sea. I’ll be alone with no one who truly cares for me. That’s not much inducement for me to give myself to you, nor to any man. No matter how persuasive you think you may be, I’m equally determined to wait for a man who will love me and not just use me.”
“Love? Is that what you want?” he asked, but didn’t wait for her to answer. “It wouldn’t be too difficult for a man to fall in love with you, but I wonder if any man would ever have your love in return. Could it be you’re like so many of the other women I’ve known? They try to make a man love them just so they can control him, or manipulate him.”
“What a surprise.” She hoped he caught her sarcasm. “I thought you said I wasn’t like the other women you knew.”
“You aren’t.” His lips curled into a seductive grin. “And I’m not like other men. Perhaps that’s what makes us so perfect for each other.”
“Perfect?” A laugh escaped her, but she didn’t feel amused. “You certainly have a high opinion of yourself.”
“Not me—us,” he corrected. “We’re perfect for each other.”
“And what is so perfect about us?”
“I don’t think you need me to point it out.”
“I’m afraid I do.”
He relaxed back in his chair. His anger subsided, and his mood softened. “I care about you. Perhaps more than you realize. And it’s not just because of your obvious charms. My feelings for you run far deeper than your physical beauty. From the first night we met, I’ve protected you and kept you safe. Some people might call that love.”
Her mouth almost dropped open. Had he actually confessed he loved her?
“And apparently, you care about me,” he said. “You agreed to see me tonight because you were worried about what might happen to me.”
Her mind whirled in confusion. She tried to sort out her feelings for him, but they were jumbled up in her head. She cared about his li
fe and wanted him to be safe, but she couldn’t admit anything more to him—nor to herself.
“Let’s just say that I care enough about you not to want to see you hurt by these people. But that doesn’t mean we’re perfect for each other.”
“I disagree.” A sensual heat gathered in his brilliant blue eyes. “You’re my woman. And I find you perfect in every way.”
Chapter Twelve
Julia waited in the foyer of the restaurant for Payton to retrieve her wrap. As he helped her fasten the cloak around her throat, he leaned close to her ear.
“Don’t look too quickly, but there’s a man standing right outside the door,” he said in a low voice. “Do you recognize him?”
She touched her hand to her hair and pulled the loose stands free of her cloak so it seemed nonchalant when she looked in the direction he had indicated.
“Yes, I know him,” she said when she turned back to him. “His name is Gilbert. He’s the coachman for Mrs. Collins. Perhaps he’s here to see me home.”
“I doubt that. Collins probably sent him to observe us. She doesn’t know anything about me. She’s probably curious about my character.”
“Your character?” she repeated in astonishment. His personality seemed so complex she doubted anyone could figure him out simply by watching him. “Shall I tell her that you’re a man of courage and honor?” she said half jokingly.
“It would suit my purpose better, if she believes just the opposite.” He winked. “Perhaps we should put on a little show so he’ll have something to report.”
He wrapped her arm around his. His other arm extended in front as an invitation. “Shall I escort you safely away from here, milady?”
Her forehead crinkled. “Is this your idea of being charming?”
His lips curved into a smile. “No, it’s my idea of being Shakespearian.”
When they reached the walkway outside, Julia noticed the coachman had receded deeper into the shadows of the building. Payton might be right about being observed.
“What a marvelous night.” He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close as they walked to the curb. “Just look at that moon. It’s the perfect evening to be with a beautiful woman.”
She shrugged off his arm. “You’re holding me too tight. I can’t walk without tripping over your feet.”
“But I don’t want to let go of you.” His hands grasped at her waist as he took a step closer to her. “I’m afraid you’ll escape, and I don’t want to lose you. You’re going to help me make this an unforgettable night.”
“You’re talking too loud,” she said in a hushed tone. She pushed against his chest. “And it’s not proper for you to grab me like that in public.”
The doorman approached them. “Shall I get you a carriage, sir?”
“No, we’ll walk,” Payton said. “It’s not that far.”
She made a scoffing sound. “Mrs. Collin’s house is almost a mile from here. These slippers I’m wearing aren’t suitable for walking that distance.”
“But we’re not going there.” A wide grin showed on his face. “We’re going to my hotel room for the rest of the night.”
She didn’t know if he teased, but she decided not to chance it. “I am not going to your hotel.” She spoke each word clearly and firmly so he wouldn’t mistake her determination.
“But you promised that if I bought you dinner, you’d spend the whole night with me.”
His voice boomed above the street noise. She glanced around at the crowded walkway. Everyone on the entire block must’ve heard him, for they all stared at her.
If he joked with her, she didn’t find his comment amusing. “I never promised you any such thing,” she said in a voice almost as loud as his.
“But, sugar cheeks, I want you. Your body drives me wild with desire. You have to let me have you.” He grabbed her and pulled her to him.
An unladylike squeal burst from her lips when he nuzzled his face into her neck. Her arms were in front of her, and she shoved at him, but he wouldn’t budge. “Stop that,” she demanded.
Just before he stepped back, he put his lips close to her ear and whispered, “Slap me.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked, not certain she’d heard him correctly.
“You’re so beautiful. I have to have you.” The back of his knuckles brushed across the bodice of her gown. “Your breasts are so lovely.”
“Behave yourself.” She slapped at his hand.
He grabbed her arms and pulled her to him. “Not my hand, my face. Now do it,” he said in a low voice.
She twisted loose of his grip and stared at him. Was he serious about what he wanted her to do? He didn’t look serious. A glimmer of amusement glinted in his eyes. He also had a silly grin on his face.
“Do what?”
He rolled his eyes, as if exasperated with her. “What do you think?”
“Is everything all right, Miss?” the doorman asked.
“Would you get me a carriage, please?”
“But, sugar cheeks—”
“Don’t call me that,” she ground out between her teeth.
He came at her again, but she put her hand in front of her and stiffened her elbow to keep some distance between them. “Stay away from me.”
His mood turned belligerent. “Don’t act so innocent. You know you want me.”
“At this moment,” she said, her voice carrying a sharp edge, “you are the last person I would want.”
“So you’ve been teasing me all night long,” he bellowed above the din of the crowd. He also had an angry expression on his face. “You rubbed your body against me. You even put your hand in my crotch.”
“I did not,” she said hotly. His crude accusation shocked her so deeply that she turned away and hastened to the waiting carriage. She had to get away from him. His loud, vulgar language infuriated her.
Before she could climb inside, he grabbed her arm and turned her to him. His other hand grabbed at the bodice of her gown. He thrust his fingers beneath the hemmed edge and used the material to pull her to him.
“All you women are alike. You say no, but what you really want is for a man to rip off your clothes and make passionate love to you.”
When it appeared as though he intended to do exactly that, she slapped his face. Her bare hand landed with a loud smack against his cheek. His fingers slipped from the bodice of her gown.
The doorman pushed his body between them. He hustled Julia into the carriage.
Payton hovered right behind them. He handed the doorman a few coins. “I’ll see her home.”
The doorman looked at Julia, waiting for her response.
She shook her head. Payton’s outrageous conduct angered her. She didn’t want him anywhere near her. “I can see myself home.”
“What’s wrong, sugar cheeks?” His eyes sparkled with laughter. “Don’t you want to be alone with me?”
“No,” she said as sternly as she could without yelling. To her horror, he attempted to climb into the carriage. She shoved against his shoulder. “I don’t want you in here, Payton.”
The doorman gripped his arm. “Sir, I’m sorry, but the lady doesn’t want you in the carriage with her.”
Payton glanced at the doorman and then Julia. “Have I offended you somehow?” he asked in an innocent voice.
“You most certainly have. You’re crude and offensive, and your manners are completely intolerable.”
“Me?” His eyebrows rose, as if shocked at her accusation. “A man of courage and honor, behaving rudely?”
“Yes, you,” she said. “Now get away from the carriage so I can leave.”
Payton handed the driver money. “Take the lady home the long way so she’ll have time to cool down before she gets there.”
He looked at Julia and, putting two fingers to his forehead, made a slight saluting gesture as the carriage pulled away. He also had a very large grin on his face.
She rubbed at her hand. Her palm still stung from
smacking his face. She wondered if his cheek hurt just as badly. She had not intended to hit him so hard, but he’d become increasing obnoxious. He’d acted as though he’d wanted her to slap him. He’d even asked for her to do so. From Sylvia’s descriptive stories of her lustful adventures, Julia knew some men enjoyed being mistreated, even physically abused. She wondered if Payton had a propensity toward that sort of deviant behavior. His lewd actions had left her no choice but to slap him. When she’d complied, he’d appeared happy. He’d had that silly grin on his face.
Her head throbbed. Her stomach bunched into a knot. She feared a sick headache would soon develop. The dinner she’d just consumed threatened to turn on her. She rubbed her hand over her belly, but it didn’t relieve the anxiety churning inside. She tried to calm herself by not thinking of Payton, but that seemed an impossible task. So much had happened tonight that she couldn’t think straight.
Earlier in the restaurant, he’d talked about his feelings for her. Her mind seemed fuzzy with the details, but had he actually admitted he loved her? Her head shook in denial. His conduct tonight proved otherwise. If this was an example of his love, she wanted nothing more to do with him.
She had been right about him all along. He only wanted to get her into his bed. And he didn’t seem adverse to using force. His outlandish attempt to rip open her gown in front of the doorman, and everyone else on the street, convinced her of that. Even though he denied it, his motives were the same as every other man who chased after her. They promised their love, but all they were capable of displaying was their lust.
She slumped back against the cushions. Her lower lip quivered. Her eyes misted over with tears. This time Payton really was gone from her life. After his crude actions and her response to him, she felt certain she’d never see him again.
When the carriage stopped in front of Betsy’s house, her head still throbbed. The extended ride around the park had not calmed her. Her body shook with anger when she recalled the way he’d grabbed her and demanded she give herself to him. As she climbed down with the assistance of the driver, she noticed another conveyance turn into the alleyway that led to the carriage shed behind the main house. Mr. Gilbert had followed her from the restaurant.
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