by Jean Ure
In the kitchen, as I munched on cornflakes, Mum pleaded with me not to go off in a huff. She looked so forlorn that I almost caved in and forgave her. But then I reminded myself that she was an actor; you couldn’t necessarily go by the way she looked. She and Ellie, they hammed it up all the time. I also reminded myself that if she had her way I wouldn’t ever see Alex again. A thought which made my blood run cold. So I hardened my heart and munched on in silence, shovelling cornflakes into my mouth.
“Maybe when your dad and I get back,” said Mum, “we’ll review the situation…see how you feel then.”
See if you’ve grown out of this silly teenage obsession. That was what she meant.
“Dad’s waiting for me,” I said. He was driving me over to Katie’s to dump my stuff. “Gotta go!” I picked up my bag, gave Mum a quick peck on the cheek and headed for the door.
“Tamsin!” She called after me. “Don’t forget…I’m trusting you!”
It was what Katie said to me later the same day, when we were walking round the playing field together during first break: “She’s trusting you.”
“That’s her problem! I didn’t ask to be trusted. I didn’t make any promises!”
“But she’s your mum,” said Katie.
So what? She might be my mum, but Alex was my boyfriend, and I loved him! I said this, very forcibly, to Katie.
“I’m in love! Don’t you understand? I have to see him! I can’t just disappear without telling him where I’m going. I don’t even know why I’m bothering to discuss it with you, anyway!”
“Cos I’m responsible for you,” said Katie.
What?
“Well, my mum is. Which means I am, too, in a way.”
“You mean my mum went and told your mum about Alex! She told her to make sure we didn’t meet!”
Katie looked shifty. “Not exactly.”
“What, then?”
“She didn’t have to tell her! My mum already knew, cos of your mum ringing up that time thinking you were with me when you weren’t.”
I looked at her through narrowed eyes. I felt betrayed. This was supposed to be my best friend! “Are you saying if I don’t get back from school the exact same minute you get back, your mum’s going to start coming on all heavy?”
“She might ask where you are,” said Katie. “Then what do I say?”
“Same as you said before, probably, when you told Mum I was going out with a boy from a building site.”
Katie flushed. I could see I’d made her uncomfortable, and I was glad. She deserved to be uncomfortable!
“I had to tell her, I couldn’t help it. She was worried! She thought something awful had happened to you. I’m sorry! But what else could I do?”
“You could make up for it,” I said. “You could let me go and see Alex after school today and not say anything to your mum.”
“But what if she asks me?”
“She won’t, cos she won’t know!”
“Why won’t she know?”
“Cos I’ll be back home before she is, and if I’m not—well! You can just say I had to stay late.”
“Why?” said Katie. “What’d you be staying late for?”
“I don’t know! Think of something.”
She scrunched up her face.
“What’s the problem? You think I’m going to run away with him or something?”
That alarmed her. “Tamsin, you wouldn’t!” she said.
“I might, if this goes on. But I’m not going to do it today. I’m not going to do it this week! Just if—”
“If what?”
“Nothing! Forget I said it.” I wished I hadn’t; I wasn’t sure, any more, how much my best friend could be trusted. “Just do this one thing for me, then I won’t ever ask you to do anything else. On my honour! Cross my heart and hope to die…just this one last thing!”
I honestly thought that would get to her. But Katie has these hugely high principles.
“I just don’t want to have to lie to Mum,” she said.
“You won’t have to lie to her! I’ll be home before she gets there! What time does she get in?”
Miserably Katie said, “I dunno…’bout five o’clock.”
“So I’ll be back before. That is a promise. I don’t break promises!”
She looked at me like she didn’t believe me.
“If you’re thinking that I promised Mum, I didn’t. I wouldn’t! Even if I had, it’d be like under duress. Like when they torture people. So it wouldn’t count, anyway!”
Katie heaved a deep sigh. “I don’t know what’s happening to you,” she said.
I spent the rest of the day counting the minutes till I could be with Alex. I sat through double maths decorating my rough book with hearts and flowers, writing his name over and over in different styles:
Then I wrote Tamsin Kozlowski, and Mrs Tamsin Kozlowski, and Mr and Mrs Alex Kozlowski. Katie, sitting next to me, watched without comment, but I could sense the waves of disapproval. I could understand that it was difficult for her, me being in love and her not having anyone, but Beth’s reaction was so much more satisfying.
“That’s her boyfriend,” Beth said, pointing to my rough book, as we packed our bags at the end of maths. “He’s Polish. Alex—” She peered closer. “Koz…how d’you pronounce it? Koz-low-ski?”
I told her, Koz-lov-ski.
“Kozlovski.” She rolled her tongue round it. “Cool!”
I said, “Yes, but what’s not so cool is Mum and Dad sending me away so’s I can’t meet up with him during the holidays.”
Beth agreed that was a bummer. “We’d have had a really great time.”
Katie said, “That’s why her mum couldn’t trust her.”
“Oh, shut up, misery!” Beth shouldered past, on her way to the door. “Wittering on like some stupid old woman.”
Katie went bright red. I felt ashamed for her and had to turn away. But then I felt ashamed of being ashamed and turned back again to try and comfort her, only she wouldn’t let me; just shook me off and went marching out of the room. We made up later, cos we’re never cross with each other for long, but I knew that she was still upset.
I didn’t hang around at the end of school. I was first out of the classroom and first out of the gates, steaming up the road to the bus stop. I’d sent Alex a text, so he knew that I was coming. He was there waiting for me. As he saw me pounding round the corner he dropped the bucket he was carrying and raced towards me.
Dimly I was aware of Marek in the background, grinning and winking like he always did, but I’d got used to Marek by now. He didn’t bother me any more. What bothered me was having to break it to Alex that not only couldn’t I see him later that evening, I couldn’t see him for the whole of the rest of the summer.
“It’s my mum and dad,” I said. “They think I’m too young to be serious about anyone. It’s just pathetic! They are so out of touch.”
“What do we do?” he said. “Tamsin, I love you! What must we do?”
“I know what we do,” I said. “End of August, I’m going to be sixteen—” I was almost starting to believe my own fantasy. “Once I’m sixteen I can do what I like. They can’t stop me. We can run away together!”
“You mean—” He looked at me doubtfully. Obviously not sure whether he had quite understood.
“Run away! Why not?” People did it all the time. “We could go abroad, we could go to Spain! It’s lovely there, lovely and warm. And now Poland’s in the EU, you can go wherever you want!”
“But I not speak Spanish!”
“That’s all right,” I said. “I do. I can teach you. It’s much easier than Polish. You’ll pick it up in no time!”
He seemed a bit dazed. He said, “What we do there? In Spain?”
“Just be together,” I said.
“Together. Yes!” He closed his arms round me. “I want be together…I want be with you always! But how we live?”
Of course, we would need money; even I could see
that. I hadn’t actually thought that far ahead. But in a flash, the answer came to me.
“You could start your own business! Be your own boss, just like you wanted. And I could help with the books!”
Alex seemed confused. “We going write books?”
“No!” I laughed, and he shook his head.
“I not understanding well.”
“Account books.” I could help with the books, and take telephone messages, and made appointments. Alex and I would work together! We would be partners. And we would make LOADS AND LOADS OF MONEY. Far more than Mum and Dad had ever made. That would show them!
Alex said, “You really think this good idea?”
“It’s either that or not seeing each other any more. If you can live without seeing me—”
“No!” His arms tightened round me. “I love you, Tamsin!”
“And I love you. I can’t live without you.”
From somewhere behind us, Marek made one of those silly whey-hey type noises that boys sometimes make, thinking they’re being funny. We ignored him.
“Why I not come speak with your mum and dad?” urged Alex. “Show them I not such a bad person.”
“They’re not here,” I said. “Mum’s on tour and Dad’s filming. That’s why they’re sending me away.”
“So when they back…I come see them. We talk.” I shook my head. “There wouldn’t be any point.” I couldn’t have them finding out that I’d told lies about how old I was. I couldn’t have Alex finding out. “They’re very old-fashioned,” I said bitterly.
“But when you sixteen—”
“It won’t make any difference! I told you, they’re stupid. Just stupid, stupid! They’ll never let us be together.”
“But—”
“Can’t you understand?” In my desperation, I shrieked it at him. “They don’t want me seeing you any more! Ever!”
“Tamsin.” Alex tilted my face towards him. “Tamsin, don’t cry! I love you so much. We do what you say…we be together!”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Before we kissed goodbye—our last kiss for six whole weeks—I said that we should take pictures of each other on our mobile phones. We had never bothered before; it didn’t seem necessary, while we were together. But now we were going to be apart, and I almost couldn’t bear it.
“If we don’t have pictures we’ll have nothing to remind us of each other!”
Alex said he didn’t need a picture to remind me of him. “I am thinking of you all day.”
I told him that I was thinking of him all day too. “But six weeks is such a long time! I want to have your photo so I can see it last thing at night before I go to sleep and first thing in the morning as soon as I wake up…please!”
It is a sad fact that I am not photogenic. I hate photos of me! They always make me look horse-faced and my hair all scraggly. When I saw the result on Alex’s phone, I almost began to wish I hadn’t insisted.
Alex said, “Nice!”
“It’s not nice,” I said, “it’s horrible. Get rid of it!”
I snatched at his phone, but he laughed and held it away from me. “I need picture to remind me!”
“You said you didn’t.”
“I change my mind. Why you not like it?”
“It makes me look ugly.”
“Tamsin, you not ugly!” He sounded quite shocked.
“Well, I’m not pretty,” I said.
Still holding the phone firmly out of reach, Alex squinted at the photo. “You have beautiful eyes,” he said.
I glowed a bit at that. But it would still be nice to be photogenic. Mum and Ellie both are, even when you catch them off guard doing something silly, like pulling faces or letting their mouths drop open.
I sighed and said, “I s’pose it’ll have to do. And I s’pose I’d better be going.”
“I have present for you,” said Alex.
Marek, who was still hovering nearby, looked across and grinned. “We get raise,” he said. “More money. He spend it all on you!”
I asked Marek if he’d spent his on Marta, but he said no way. “She earn more than both of us.”
Alex reappeared from indoors. “Here!” He pressed something into my hands.
“Oh!” My face immediately turned stupidly crimson. I am not very good at accepting gifts. Or compliments. I never know what to say. “You shouldn’t have,” I stammered.
“Please! You take.” He closed my hands over it. “But not to open now. To open when home.”
I couldn’t wait that long. I clawed it open as soon as I was on the bus going back to Katie’s. He’d bought me the most beautiful silver chain with a cluster of little blue stars. Really sweet! I put it on immediately, vowing to myself that I would never take it off, not even for school. We are not actually allowed to wear jewellery at school, but I reckoned I would find some way of hiding it. One thing was for sure, I was not going to be parted from it. It was like a little piece of Alex that would always be with me, even when we were miles away from each other.
Katie noticed it as soon as she opened the door. “Oh,” she said, “that is so pretty!” And then she scowled and said, “Did he give it to you?”
I said, “Yes, he got a raise and he spent it all on me! I think it’s real silver.”
Scornfully Katie curled her lip. “You’re joking! They sell those things down the market, I’ve seen them. They only cost about a tenner.”
It’s not like Katie to be mean, and I think she regretted it the minute she’d said it, cos she at once added that it didn’t really matter if it were silver or not, it was the thought that counted.
“And it is pretty. He obviously has good taste.”
Well! At least she was trying to make up. I explained that just at the moment Alex didn’t earn very much money so he probably couldn’t afford real silver. “It was sweet of him to buy me anything.”
“Yes, it was,” said Katie. She added that according to her dad, Polish workers were being exploited. “They come over here desperate for jobs and get taken advantage of. Paid peanuts. Hardly enough to live on. But they are the best. If you want a good job done, get a Polish worker. That’s what my dad says.”
She was trying really hard. I felt a surge of gratitude towards her. I said that once Alex was his own boss he could charge people whatever he liked and then he would earn proper money.
“I s’pose he’ll have to wait a while, though,” said Katie.
I told her, not necessarily. “It might happen quite soon.”
She was curious to know more, but I wasn’t letting on. There are some things you can’t talk about even with your best friend. Katie has been brought up to be so conventional. She would be horrified if she knew what I was planning.
Beth wouldn’t; she would say, go for it! But I couldn’t tell Beth if I couldn’t tell Katie. That wouldn’t be fair.
Now that Alex had bought a present for me, I was desperate to buy one for him. I knew just the thing! But I needed to go into town, to Waterstone’s. I told Katie next day that I had a history club meeting during the lunch break, and headed out of school the minute the bell rang. We are not supposed to leave school during the day, but lots of kids slip out to the local kebab shop or the fish and chip shop and get back in again without anyone noticing. Being one of the good girls, I’d never done it before; but suddenly I was one of the bad ones. The ones who got detentions and ignored the rules and forgot to do their homework.
I ran all the way to the underground, jumped off two stops later, ran all the way to Waterstone’s, grabbed the book I wanted, paid for it, galloped back to the underground and arrived in school just in time for the start of afternoon classes.
“Why are you all hot and panting?” hissed Katie. “Where have you been?”
I said, “History club. I told you.”
“There wasn’t one! I checked. I asked Emily Groves and she said there aren’t any more meetings until next term.”
She’d been spying on me. My best friend…
not trusting me!
“You’ve been into town! Why didn’t you tell me?”
I wasn’t quite sure why I hadn’t told her. Normally I would have done. Normally we tell each other everything.
“What have you got? Have you been buying books?” She grabbed at my Waterstone’s bag before I could stop her. “Teach Yourself Spanish…what d’you want that for?”
“It’s not for me.”
“So who’s it—” She stopped. “Him? Why’s he want to learn Spanish? He can’t even speak English properly!”
I snatched the book away from her and put it back in its bag. “Never know when it might come in useful,” I said. And what business was it of hers anyway? Why did everyone have to keep interfering in my life?
“You could have told me,” muttered Katie.
Later that evening, when everyone else was downstairs, I shut myself in my room and wrote a message—To Alex, with Love and Kisses from Tamsin. Then I put the book in a Jiffy bag which I’d begged from Katie’s mum, with a first-class stamp which I’d also begged. If I posted it tomorrow, it would reach him on Thursday—the day that me and Ellie were being shunted off to the Aunties.
I was tempted to sneak away after school and give it to him in person, but Katie was being such a grouch that I was scared she’d shop me to her mum. I didn’t want Katie’s mum being upset with me. She’s a bit what Dad calls strait-laced, but I do actually admire her. She gives me books to read. The sort of stuff I might probably never think to pick up, if it weren’t for her. Jane Eyre, for instance, and Pride and Prejudice. Oh, and A Tale of Two Cities, which I really enjoyed because of it being about history. She knew I’d like that one! She told me after that to try Barnaby Rudge, which is also about history. I haven’t got around to it yet, but it’s on my list, along with the rest of Dickens. Sometimes I think I might actually became a teacher one day, and that would be thanks to Katie’s mum. I really wouldn’t like her to think badly of me.
Fortunately, not even Katie could stop Alex and me. We texted every night, at bedtime; not just once, but over and over. Because I was staying for three days Katie’s mum had put me in the spare room, where I could be private.