by V. F. Mason
His presence gives me a weird, hectic peace that brings relief and alertness all at once.
“My family never meant anything to me. How could it? They rejected me, so I hated them all by default. All their apologies couldn’t erase the past. Do you really think I would give two shits about Cillian suffering at the hands of the Dark Four? Especially knowing his tendency to find trouble wherever he goes? A man has to learn how to control his temper at some point—might as well learn it from them.” He spits the words, his hands traveling to my neck as his thumbs brush my chin, and he angles my head even farther, leaving me completely at his mercy.
I study him for a while, his handsome features and those eyes that can turn any female mad… the eyes that no matter how much they want… they can’t hide their emotions.
And truth shines brightly from them now.
“I think you would.” He stills at my words. “Your siblings were little. You wouldn’t want them to suffer.” He says nothing, waiting for me to voice the realization that hits me like a ton of bricks and, with this, only complicates my life more. “But you wouldn’t use a woman as a weapon. Not with your past.”
Silence follows my statement, and he asks, “I wouldn’t?” An odd note laces his tone, his thumb sliding up and down my chin as he awaits my reply.
Would a true monster care what I thought about as long as it ensured he had what he so coveted?
“No. Because then you’d be him,” I whisper, realization soothing my restless mind that finally finds peace in this chaos I’ve been dumped into ever since his damned brother spoke on the phone.
Human mind is a tricky thing, isn’t it?
Sometimes, the boy who watched his mother suffer in a brothel and being raped on a daily basis grows up into a sick man who wishes to bring the same hurt to women, because his psyche is irrevocably damaged. Nothing in this world has the power to help them, and they become this despicable person everyone warns us to stay away from.
Sometimes, or rather most of the time, they push through the darkness surrounding their upbringing and grow up into normal, loving people who never, ever want to remember their nightmares or traumas, because they truly moved on. They are happy and free from the past that no longer has power over them.
And sometimes… in the rarest cases, they grow up to be like Ryder, who relives his trauma every time he punishes a man like his father, and in this, it heals the pain eating at him from inside out and the guilt from not saving his mother.
Or rather feeling responsible for her suffering, she probably held on for her life because she had a child.
I understand the emotion well.
Besides, judging him for it when I give my brother and his friends a pass for all their dark deeds really makes me a hypocrite, doesn’t it?
My mind urged me to run away from him the minute I found out the truth and didn’t give my heart even a single moment to think, because if it did… I’d never leave him.
Falling in love with a monster was never part of my life plan.
Yet I fell so hard and fast nothing and no one could have stopped me.
It was inevitable though. After all, my very own family consists of monsters with hearts of gold.
Even if it takes some time to see under the harsh exterior.
However, I’m not my mother.
I would never blindly follow a man or allow him to hurt me or our children should he ever lose his head and become a monster who feasts on his own flesh and blood, having no regard for anyone’s emotions but his own.
Although Ryder probably will never fully succumb to the darkness, since he hasn't already.
Heat and relief alike flash on his face, his deep-brown eyes brightening anew and shimmering under the moonlight after my words while the energy booms around us and thunder echoes in the night, signaling a decision that will forever shift the course of my life.
He glides his hand lower, his touch sending hot flushes all over me, and a gasp slips past my lips when his hot palm wraps around my throat. He drags me toward him until our mouths are a breath away from each other. “Am I your choice, Estella?” he asks, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard. “Are you willingly mine?”
As our stares lock, my heart flips inside my chest, because these questions have such deeper meaning than they seem on the surface along with his determination and hatred toward himself.
No matter my answer, he already claimed me as his own and will never willingly let me go.
I’m trapped in this dark world of his for eternity, for only death would keep the monster whose obsession I've become away from me.
A man who desires me so much he will move mountains in order to be with me and destroy anyone standing in his way.
I place my splayed palms on his chest, rubbing them up and down as my words rock between us. “My brother? Our families and their issues?”
Ryder’s body jerks underneath my hands, because my softly spoken question is an answer on its own.
The princess of the castle wishes to protect the dragon guarding her wellbeing, but she is willing to go with the dark knight who has come for her.
And while my dark knight would probably be considered a villain in most fairy tales, in my particular one, he is a dashing hero who snatched me out of the frozen life in which I only existed, never feeling anything or hoping for more.
He once and for all shattered the snow globe and protective cage Octavius designed around me, but even in freedom, my family matters to me.
I could never be happy if anything happened to my brother.
He rests his forehead against mine, rolling them together as he closes his eyes, and I feel some tension leave his body while my fingers grip his sweater. “They can hash it out between themselves. We have nothing to do with it.” A beat passes, and his heart pangs against my hand. “I won’t hurt Octavius or any of the horsemen. If they do not hurt any of my own.” He leans back a little, his breath fanning my cheeks, as he murmurs into my ear, “I will always protect what’s mine. You have my word I’ll do my best to resolve the issue should the need arise. Besides, our conversation with Octavius was a long time coming.”
“I probably made things worse by coming here, right?” Regret and guilt ring loudly in my voice while familiar fear envelops me, reminding me how they all tread on dangerous lines, and if they do decide to go to war over me… consequences will be bloody and deadly.
He tips my head up, angling it until it presses against the wall, and a smile shapes his mouth. “Darling, it would have come to this sooner or later.”
A raspy breath escapes me, dreading their encounter on a whole new level now. Who knows what happens when two monsters meet?
“If Octavius loves you as you claim, he will accept this union. And if he doesn’t, then tough. Either way, I’ll handle him.”
Before I can ask him what he means by that, he connects us in a toe-curling kiss that wipes away any rational or logical thoughts, leaving only desire and passion in its wake.
For a second, our lips just press against each other, our breaths mingling together while each of us soaks the relief from having the other next to them. Thousands of goose bumps break on my skin, almost announcing the upcoming pleasure that will know no boundaries.
The need grows stronger within me, urged by the forbidden and wicked aspect of our relationship while wanting to be with my man all over again as so many people wish to separate us.
Slowly, agonizingly slowly, he opens his lips, his tongue instantly delving into my mouth and seeking mine, locking them in a passionate duet designed to drive me insane as light tremors rush all over my system.
With each swipe, he claims me anew, showing his complete ownership over me while staking an invisible claim, making it impossible to ever forget about his power.
For even his darkness pales in comparison to the love flourishing in my soul, craving to soak him up in it so he will never know loneliness again.
The kiss becomes more heated, his hand
sliding up into my hair, fisting it hard, and he swallows my moan while his other one grips my hip. And that’s all the warning I get before he hikes me up, my legs wrapping around his waist as his hard-on digs into me, the thick bulge making my core clench.
We groan at the contact, his fingers digging into my skin while the kiss changes once again, the raw and deep strokes almost unbearable as he possesses my mouth while electricity travels all over me, awakening every hair on my body.
He turns around and goes to the bed, each move only intensifying the deep need growing inside me. My nipples peak and rub painfully against the silky nightgown that disturbs my skin, and I wish for it to be destroyed.
My lungs squeeze inside my chest, demanding oxygen, and tearing my mouth away, I gulp for much-needed air while whispering, “Ryder.” He hisses when I place my mouth on his neck, sucking on the flesh, craving to see my hickey marring his skin too so everyone in close proximity knows that this monster belongs to me now.
And as such, darkness will never take him from me.
A yelp echoes in the room, mixing with another boom of thunder, partially muting it when he throws me on the bed, and I cover my lips, remembering we are in my childhood home where people might hear us.
A soft laugh escapes me at the thought of him ravishing me in my bedroom where I used to read his books and dream about meeting him someday.
His brow rises. “Care to share, my darling?” He toes off his shoes and then tugs on the back of his sweater, removing it and throwing it on the floor while exposing his male beauty in all its glory.
Along with the scars scattered all over his tan skin, and my heart cries out at the pain they must have caused him just because his father failed to love him.
Seeing them before hurt me, because I understood the pain, but with the truth uncovered… there is also pride in him having them, as he survived in the dire circumstances and managed to come away whole from them.
A scarred warrior who conquered the princess.
Sitting up on my knees, I glide my palms over my form until they reach midthighs, gripping the hem of my nightgown. Dragging it up, I show him my panties. “Sometimes I would lie in this bed while arousal shook my entire body and pleasured myself like this.” I put my hand on my core, flipping the panties to the side and rubbing my middle finger up and down, shivers rushing through me. A soft moan emerges from me while his eyes darken as he breathes through his nose, his fingers practically ripping the button on his jeans away as he unzips them. “Thinking about you doing wicked things to me I only heard about but desperately wanted to try.”
Scooping some wetness on my fingers, I get on my knees, coming closer to the edge of the bed and rubbing them over his lips. He instantly traps them in his mouth, sucking on them hard while fire inside me burns brighter.
Biting on my fingertip a few times and leaving a sting behind, he steps back, ready to shimmy out of his jeans and claim me on this bed. “Lie down, darling. I’m about to make all your innocent fantasies come true.”
While my pussy spasms at the prospect, another need hits me hard, the part of me that I thought never existed coming to the surface and wanting to get his approval and forgiveness for running away when I should have stayed.
The part of me that comes alive only in his presence, even if logic cannot understand it.
He sees my hesitation and threads his fingers in my hair, my gasp reverberating through the space when he pulls me up so our eyes are on the same level, drilling his stare into me. “What do you want, darling?”
I close my eyes, then whisper, “To please you.”
And by how his hold on my hair tightens, I know he wants it too.
* * *
Ryder
When a man exists in the darkness for as long as I have, he never takes anything good life has to offer for granted.
Even if he never truly believed in goodness to begin with.
Especially not an angel who fell to his hell and graced it with her light that washes away all the memories and the pain attached to them.
For when a man looks in a mirror and sees the scars inflicted on him, he has no choice but to go back to the past and remember his hideous captors who destroyed his soul.
Yet any destroyed surface has cracks, and through these small openings, Estella managed to slip inside and slowly, piece by piece, gather my soul together, gluing it back.
While it’ll never be whole again, now it has an ability I thought I’d lost forever.
To love.
I’ve been through some of the shittiest things in my life; however, loving someone, loving a woman, terrifies me in ways I never felt before.
Because a monster cannot live without his love and obsession. We are attached now, always seeking each other out, and it’s a terrifying realization to know that something so valuable and vulnerable exists on this earth.
I won’t survive if anything ever happens to her, and as such, I will guard her until my last breath.
My gorgeous woman who accepted me with all my flaws and still welcomes me in her arms, ready to face all the challenges of us being together—from social to the fucked-up dynamic our families have—with no care about the consequences.
My most prized possession.
A siren I never expected, because love and happiness are forbidden for the monsters like us.
At least I thought so.
Turns out, even the darkness can crave light that warms the coldness permanently residing in it.
Familiar possessiveness rushes over me in a heated wave, and she moans under my hand when I wrap it around her throat, her pulse beating wildly under my thumb. Despite all the things I’ve done to her, she radiates innocence.
Innocent and pure of heart. It would attract all outcast creatures this world hopes to get reprieve from, but I will never allow it.
Other men can admire from a distance, but they will never touch her or even think about having a chance with her.
“You. Are. Mine,” I say, and she exhales a heavy breath as I grin at her, leaning closer and biting her earlobe before whispering, causing goose bumps to pop on her skin while her nails dig into my chest. “Should I punish you for running away today?” I slide my mouth to her neck, nipping on her flesh as she gasps, her thighs rubbing against each other. “How does my favorite and special student apologize to her professor?” She claws my chest, and hissing through my teeth, I squeeze her throat harder, cutting off her oxygen for a second before giving it back to her. “Answer me.”
A beat passes and she swallows, the action bringing attention to her glazed eyes while her chest rises and falls while arousal consumes her.
“With her mouth.” She places her hands above mine as she slowly peels it away from her throat, earning herself a growl from me. “She apologizes to him with her mouth.” She pushes at my chest a little, making me take a few steps back and giving her room for whatever she wants to do with me.
Her flame-colored hair cascades down her back in heavy waves, creating an illusion of fire over her form while her vivid green orbs promise me heaven and hell alike.
The taste of her pussy in my mouth almost serves as my undoing along with the sight she presents right now, all hot and beautiful, ready to be fucked hard until neither of us can walk.
My dick strains against my zipper, while the need to claim her over and over again pumps my blood, and my voice sounds almost like a harsh growl when I say, “Start, darling.” She has a few minutes to play before I get my hands on her and feast on her body for hours, giving her no reprieve. “I bet that pussy is soaked, ready to be rammed hard.”
I slide the zipper down, my dick springing free, and the air hitches in her throat, her hands fisting her nightgown as her mouth opens. Wrapping my hand around my length, I jerk it once before squeezing it and letting the precum leak from the tip.
She bites on her lips, her skin flushed from desire and need, but she shakes her head as if resisting the haze pushing us toward the bliss that we can o
nly get from each other. “Tonight, I don’t want to be your student,” she murmurs, throwing her hair over her shoulder as our gazes clash, and profound emotion coats her face, stabbing at my heart in ways that still manage to bring me pain. “Tonight, I want to be a woman who loves her man.” A raspy breath slips past her lips as she adds the last part. “Because I do. I love you, Ryder.”
I love you, Ryder.
I freeze, trying to protect myself from the inevitable hurt that always follows these words, because in my life, no one besides my mother ever loved me or addressed such words to me. The tortured little boy who still lives inside me wishes for her to never speak this word again, as just four letters can scare and hurt someone so much.
Everything I am, everything I have, all of it belongs to her. A man cannot want a woman more than I do Estella, because it’s impossible.
Yet right now, I’m hopeless under her hopeful stare, asking me to do something I’ve never done before. Or rather vowed to never allow to happen again.
Give her complete control over me, leaving me at her mercy and trusting her with my soul that has seen so much damage it will not withstand one more betrayal.
She palms my head, dragging me back to the present while focusing all my attention on her as softness settles on her and changes the aura around us, transforming the sensual energy into more.
A more I’ve never felt before.
Or rather acknowledged, because deep down, the minute I touched her, I always did it with love and affection I haven’t given anyone else.
It will exclusively always belong only to her.
“I love you, Ryder,” she repeats, and I close my eyes, hating the onslaught of emotions hitting me from every corner while I feel her shift on the bed, and her hands slide down, lovingly gliding over my skin, serving as a soothing balm over the scarred flesh before settling on a vicious scar right in the middle of my chest.
Although she has touched them many times before, she never knew the hidden stories behind them, and somehow the truth transforms her touches into an entirely different thing.