by Murray, Dean
The boys were still pretending disinterest, but the girls all sat up straighter, pulled in by the thought of how painful it must have been to watch a loved one die by stages, slowly losing all feeling in their limbs over the course of several weeks.
"Worry over his daughter's sickness preyed upon Ed'wer's mind. He thought it unjust that someone so innocent should die, but it was widely known that only the Goddess was capable of curing the plague."
Of course, the Evil One can't cure, he can only destroy.
"And so, after many days of agony, Ed'wer forswore himself and fought his fellow guardsmen in an attempt to free the Goddess."
Suddenly the room around Jain seemed to disappear, to lose importance and form beside the realization that her conscious mind had been trying to protect her from. Va'del wasn't involved in the tale, he was doing his best to ignore her, to pretend that she didn't exist.
What did they do to him to make him not want me?
The story continued on, and after the Lore-master finished up, someone got up and read several passages from the Teachings, but Jain never heard a word of any of it.
##
Va'del wrapped his coat more tightly around himself as he cautiously made his way through the near-darkness towards the hot spring where he'd met with Jain so many times before, but the chill seemed to ignore the bulky garment. Try as he might, Va'del couldn't seem to keep his breathing even, and it was only partly due to the post-incarceration weakness that still plagued him. What if she isn't there? The thought echoed through Va'del's mind as it had for nearly two days, leaving little room for anything else, despite the fact that there were other things he should be worrying about as well.
The more he thought about what Guadel A'vril had said, the more he worried that she'd been trying to prepare him for how badly things were going to go when the Council finally got around to disciplining him and Cindi for the link. On'li had mentioned that Jain, being a Daughter still, would be disciplined by her instructors and the Mistress of the Daughters rather than having to go before the whole Council.
Va'del was happy that the repercussions would be less for Jain, but he was fairly sure she'd been disciplined already, and he was more worried with each passing minute about just what exactly they'd done to her.
What if she can't see me anymore? What if whatever happened to her is so bad she doesn't want to see me ever again? That's probably why she chose not to sit close to the center.
Va'del knew Jain wasn't the slightest bit fickle, but that knowledge hadn't been very comforting when he walked into the room and saw her sitting so far away from her usual place. With so many of the older girls still gone, Jain could have easily had any spot she'd wanted. The only logical reason for her to sit where she had was that she didn't want to talk to him.
He'd been telling himself for cycles that it had always just been a matter of time before she realized that someone so smart and pretty could have any of the candidates. The mantra hadn't actually done anything to alleviate the pain of Jain having decided not to settle for an orphan who'd probably never be able to link with her again.
Va'del turned a corner and found himself in complete darkness as he walked the last few feet to the cavern housing the hot spring. Before he was able to completely enter the room, a warm, shaking Jain wrapped him in a hug that was surprisingly intense.
"I was so worried you wouldn't come."
Va'del wrapped his arms around Jain and whispered into her hair. "Of course I came. I couldn't have done anything else. I would have come every night on the slight hope that maybe you'd changed your mind and still wanted me. Are you okay?"
Jain created a small sphere of light to float above them as the pair sat down, and then waited several seconds, drying her tears before finally answering. "I think so. Bell and the Mistress must have questioned me for two or three color cycles after the Lore time. They were both so stern. The Mistress is always that way, she has to be or she'd spend all of her time dealing with minor complaints from all the Daughters, but Bell is usually so nice and approachable."
Jain took a shaky breath. "After I told them what happened, they asked why I thought it was okay to violate the rules concerning linking. Then they wanted to know how I learned to do it in the first place. Then they wanted to know how I felt about you, how well we knew each other, and about a thousand other things."
Va'del felt himself tense up as Jain's tone told him that everything wasn't okay. "Did they punish you?"
Her head still against Va'del's chest, Jain nodded. "Yes, mostly just minor stuff. They seemed to think they could keep everything a secret by telling everyone it was Cindi's link with you that carried the day. As long as none of the other girls get the idea they can get away with something similar, they both seemed to think the circumstances justified what I did."
I wonder if the Council will be that understanding with Cindi and me.
"Va'del, they told me I wasn't to see you."
"Because they're worried it will happen again. Is that why you were avoiding me in the Lore Chamber?"
Jain was silently crying again, and Va'del could feel her tears leaking through the thin linen of his shirt. "Is that what you thought? That I'd just abandoned you? I thought if I looked properly subdued they'd offer a lighter punishment. I wanted to tell you so badly, but you wouldn't look at me."
Va'del felt his insides tighten up as he realized just how easily their misunderstanding could have spun out of control. "I looked in from the shadows of the corridor. Once I saw that you were so far away I thought for sure you'd decided I wasn't worth the problems I've caused. I couldn't bear to be seen as continuing to follow after you like a starving gurra lamb when you'd so obviously made your decision. That's why I didn't look at you."
Jain shook her head violently. "You came for me when nobody else would have, that outweighs any problems you might think you're causing. My feelings aren't based on that one act, but that's part of why they've forbidden me to speak to you. They're worried I'll be so overcome by the fact that you rescued me that I'll do something foolish. I think they're worried about what will happen if you're never accepted as a candidate. We're really not supposed to spend very much time around normal boys. Not until we've decided for sure that we're going to become a healer instead of a Guadel. They said if you were to become an actual candidate they might relax the prohibition a little, but until then I shouldn't get myself caught up feeling things that might make it harder when I finally have to make my choice."
Before Va'del could respond, Jain pulled him down into a kiss. It's been so long, I forgot how incredibly soft her lips are.
For a moment, everything else in the world seemed to fade away to unimportance, and Va'del felt a flash of regret as they separated.
"It's too late though, I love you. I loved you even before the bandits captured me. I should have said so before, but I don't think I realized it was true until they asked me all of those questions. I couldn't tell them I've already made my choice, but I have."
Va'del felt his throat tighten up, and it took him two tries to get the words out. "I love you too. When they took you away after the avalanche, I just kept thinking about how empty everything would be without you. That's why I came after you. Not to save everyone else from the bandits. It was to save you."
Jain nodded again, but Va'del continued before she could say anything. "Ever since Jasmin and her family were killed, I've wanted to become a Guadel more than anything else, but that doesn't mean anything if I can't be with you."
The teenager paused as Jain started crying again. "What's wrong?"
"I feel the same way about you, but I think your becoming a candidate is the only way that we have a chance to be together."
"What do you mean?"
"I think if you don't become a candidate, they won't let us marry, not even if I decide to become a healer. They are just too worried about some kind of rogue Guadel to let me become a healer and then marry someone who's had candidate training."
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On'li bit back a mild profanity and stopped herself from rubbing her throbbing temples again. It seemed impossible that so many fairly intelligent people could really be so stupid. Every single point Ja'dir had raised in response to On'li's attempts to get Va'del and Cindi acquitted had been ridiculous. On'li honestly would have expected Ja'dir to get laughed out of the chamber. Instead there were Councilors who had demonstrated new levels of stupidity again and again over the course of the afternoon. A'vril's speech from a few days before had been just the opening Ja'dir and the others had needed.
"And so you see, in a society ruled by law, we simply can't have people flaunting those laws, regardless of what accidental good may come of their actions. That would quite simply lead to chaos as people broke whatever law they pleased and then did some small good to offset their action."
Cindi, despite being still only half her previous size, seemed well on her way back to her old, opinionated self, and was quite obviously fuming, but since she wasn't a Council member she wouldn't be granted the chance to defend herself. It wasn't one of their finer traditions, but Cindi was only present in case the Council had questions for her.
It was terrible taste, but there wasn't anything to be done about it at this point. Of course, the more On'li thought about it, the more reason she could see for Cindi to be so apt to believe that her opinion was always the right one. When the 'best and brightest' the People had to offer demonstrated this kind of idiocy it would take the Goddess Herself not to assume the majority of people must be bumbling idiots.
Before Javin could rise to his feet and try to poke holes in Ja'dir's arguments, Per'ce leaped to his feet and slammed his hand down against the stone table. "That's ridiculous. Those laws are in place for a purpose yes, but none of us are served by blind, unthinking obedience to them."
On'li and Javin exchanged a startled look. Per'ce just continued to surprise everyone. His bloodline was the most conservative of any created by the Goddess. It made absolutely no sense for him to be coming down on their side in this.
Per'ce continued. "We aren't dealing with children. People are able to tell the difference between when the spirit of the law is violated, and when the letter of the law is broken. If you punish people who haven't broken the spirit of the law, you commit a grave injustice."
Javin stood as Per'ce seemed to be winding down, and nodded his support. "Not only that, but I don't believe the supply of saints to be nearly as great as you seem to think it is. If you make that kind of self-sacrifice the cost of doing the right thing, you'll quickly find people stop doing the right thing."
Per'ce nodded his thanks, as the two men returned to their seats.
The discussion having finally come to a limping close after more than two color cycles, A'vril called for a vote on the motion to acquit. On'li watched as the voting made its way around the circular table until it hit the four swing voters. One for, one against and then two more for. We did it, they won't be punished!
The relief that On'li felt rush through her was offset more than a little by the fact that those who'd voted against the motion were very obviously unhappy with what had just happened. That kind of anger almost always came home to roost. Some of those thwarted Councilors, maybe even A'vril, would oppose On'li and Javin on something that they otherwise might have approved. For no other reason than that they wanted to return some of the pain they'd been made to experience today.
##
Jain suppressed a shiver as she walked down the dimly-lit hall towards the training salle. She was far enough back from the group ahead of her, that they'd disappeared around a corner, creating the illusion that she was utterly alone. Rattling around nearly all by herself in the section of the dormitories reserved for girls her age had finally driven home just how few Daughters there actually were. Even when everyone was in residence, there were still a number of dormitories sealed off and never used. If the dormitories had actually been full at the time just before the Goddess left, then the People really had declined in strength from what they'd once been.
Jain felt a little embarrassed that she'd stumbled onto the realization for no other reason than that she was lonely. She'd hoped things would get better when she heard that the first few caravans were returning, but so far none of the girls who'd returned were willing to talk to her. It made the chance to go see Va'del even more precious than it would have otherwise been.
By long-standing tradition, there were a few blocks of time each week where the Daughters were allowed to go watch, and to a certain extent mingle with the candidates, many of whom would someday be their husbands.
Before Va'del had arrived, Jain had always dreaded the prospect of having boys walk over and want to talk to her. She'd never known if they had been interested in her as a person, or just wanted to claim one of the prettiest girls for their own. Even worse had been the nagging suspicion that some of them were only interested because they needed to marry one of the Daughters if they were going to become a full-fledged Guadel.
Jain had always tried to suppress that last thought. Most of the boys really were fairly kind-hearted, and she suspected more than a few would have been heartbroken to know she'd wondered how much of their interest was because of the power she represented. Unfortunately, after seeing the way that Be'ter eyed the girls, mentally grading them like prized gurra in some kind of contest, she'd never been able to completely stop herself from wondering.
Va'del had changed all of that though. He hadn't pursued Jain because she was pretty, he'd pursued her because he needed a friend. Even more remarkable, she'd let slip that she was one of the weakest Daughters, and he hadn't minded. If Be'ter had learned that she was the weakest out of her year class, Jain was positive he wouldn't have acknowledged her even as much as he did the plain girls.
Va'del really was astonishing, which made honoring the prohibition against talking to him very difficult. She'd come to weapons practice every day since in the hopes of at least seeing him, but so far had always left disappointed.
As the small group of Daughters came around a bend in the corridor, Jain scanned the clumps of trainees and candidates, feeling her heart sink until suddenly she caught sight of Va'del. Fi'lin was working with him, probably trying to figure out just how rusty he'd gotten over the last month.
Jain found a place on the wall that was far enough away from the other girls that she wouldn't have to pretend to participate in the conversation they were pretending to include her in, and then leaned back and watched Va'del. He was going through one of the complex forms that Fi'lin, the seemingly emotionless weapons master, believed turned novices into master swordsmen.
Va'del had always been one of the best students, but now he moved with a painful slowness. Jain felt her face redden in embarrassment as she realized just how badly he'd been treated while imprisoned. How could I have missed that? It seemed impossible that Va'del could really continue to love someone who was so thoughtless. He'd nearly died in that cold, dark cell, and rather than making sure he'd been okay, the first thing out of her mouth had been to tell him that they couldn't talk anymore.
For all that he was obviously weaker than normal, Va'del was still more graceful than any of the trainees, the equal of almost any of the candidates. Jain felt her worry slip away for the first time in days as she lost herself in the simple joy of watching his fluid motions.
Nearly half a color cycle passed before Fi'lin nodded, seemingly satisfied with what he was seeing. The older man gave Va'del a few more instructions that were too quiet for Jain to hear and then walked over to a pair of candidates who were sparring.
Jain watched as Va'del continued with his forms, using techniques that ranged from broad, powerful slashes with his heavy practice sword, to quick, subtle stabs with the dagger in his offhand. Jain wasn't skilled enough to follow most of them, let alone properly appreciate his ability.
Another half color cycle passed before Be'ter's despicable, but elegant, figure lazily strolled over to
Va'del. In a departure from his normal practice, Se'ath didn't follow, but the way he looked at his friend with an unwholesome anticipation made Jain's stomach twist into a dozen knots.
Again, the conversation was too quiet to be heard from Jain's position, but she knew she'd been right to worry as she saw Va'del's face move from the guarded caution that was his usual way of dealing with the world at large, to the stony mask he assumed whenever he felt really threatened.
Jain felt her insides tighten up as she hoped against hope that she was mistaken. Only Be'ter would wait until someone was exhausted before challenging them. It was like he had an innate instinct about how to milk the most personal advantage out of any given situation without regard to what was proper.
Va'del nodded in response to whatever Be'ter said, and then walked over to the wall where he'd left the light padding the students all used for sparring practice, and Jain felt a pulse of relief as she realized that the pair was just going to practice rather than actively trying to kill or cripple each other.
The Daughter's relief lasted only a few seconds, and then each young man saluted the other with a raised weapon, and they began the bout in earnest.
Be'ter was old enough that he was already as tall, and nearly as strong, as any of the guardsmen who were doing their best to watch the match without appearing to stop their own practice. Va'del was still a year or two from his full growth, but his lowland mother had gifted him with her uncommon height, and Jasmin had done something to increase his strength before she died. The pair quickly moved onto blows that, even with practice weapons, were only a hair's breadth short of killing strength.
Jain felt a moment of hope as she saw Va'del surge forward with a strength and speed that had been missing from his practice techniques a few moments before, but it quickly became evident he couldn't maintain such a fast tempo. Only a heartbeat or two later it became obvious the advantage was shifting back to Be'ter.