“Bas, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” he asks. The misery in his voice assaults me. “Sorry for not giving into me when you’re still dating Tanner? Sorry for not falling all over me just because I confess everything to you? Sorry for not knowing how to tell me that I’m not the one you want?”
Startled by that last one, it only takes two quick steps to bring myself to his side again. My hand slips around his, pulling him away from the tree. He lets me turn him, but refuses to look at me. I don’t let that stop me.
“I’m sorry for not seeing who you really were from the beginning. I’m sorry for not realizing how much I have been hurting you. I’m sorry for making you feel like I don’t want you, because I do,” I say.
Bas’s whole body sags against the tree. “When you pulled away, I thought …”
I shake my head. Noel’s request on the phone comes back into my mind as I struggle to figure out what to say, what to do. I don’t know what else to do, so I take Noel’s advice and hope it will show me the way.
“Bas, can I ask you a question?”
Standing up straight, he nods. “Of course.”
“Will you tell me about the fire?”
Clearly, that wasn’t anything close to what Bas was expecting. He looks physically startled, walking over to a bare patch of ground and sitting down slowly. He doesn’t look at me when he speaks. “Why do you want to hear about that? I’m sure people have already told you the details.”
“Not all of them,” I say as I sit down next to him. “Noel told me to ask you about the fire.”
“Why?”
I shrug, not sure myself. All I can say is, “He seemed to think it would make a difference.”
Bas is quiet for a long time. “What have you already heard?”
Unsure of the wisdom of this conversation, but trusting Noel that it will indeed help me see Bas more clearly, I tell him.
“I know there was a fire three summers ago. It was at one of the cabins deeper in the woods that people use for hunting during the winter. A bunch of kids from town snuck out to one of the cabins at night. They had an old oil lantern because the electricity was shut off at the cabin for the summer, but it got knocked over somehow and the cabin caught fire. I don’t know everything that happened after the cabin caught fire, but I know you were the one to pull everyone else out. You saved their lives.”
When I look over at Bas for his reaction, I don’t expect to be greeted by his reddened face and tear-swollen eyes. I try to reach out to him, but he pushes me away. I don’t understand why until he speaks again.
“Nobody told you about how it was my idea to sneak out to the cabin? Dani didn’t show you were she was burned? Jackson probably didn’t mention that he was in the hospital for a week because the smoke damaged his lungs. And I suppose nobody bothered to mention Alice, either.”
I shake my head slowly. “Who is Alice?”
“Alice is the only one I didn’t save.” Bas’s shoulders begin to shake as he breaks down. “I couldn’t get her down from the loft. She died there because I wanted to show off, sneaking into the cabin like that somehow made me special.”
The guilt and pain I saw hiding in Bas’s eyes at the hospital floods out of him. His body crumbles in on itself. His head drops to his knees and he releases the pain he has been carrying around for over almost three years. For the second time today, I try to comfort someone as their world crashes down around them.
Bas outmatches me in height and weight, but all it takes is one gentle tug to pull him into my arms. I quietly whisper words of comfort to him as I smooth his hair back from his face and run my fingertips along his skin.
When Bas’s body finally calms, I ask, “How did the fire start?”
“Alice and Nico were up in the loft, making out as usual. I think one of them must have kicked over the box it was sitting on. The oil spilled out over the floor of the loft and over the edge to the first floor. The fire from the lantern lit it up in seconds.”
I continue to hold Bas as he tries to hide the last traces of his pain. “How did Nico get out, but not Alice?” I ask.
Bas turns further into my embrace as shame takes over. “They both panicked. Nico ran down the stairs and Alice tried to follow, but she tripped or got caught on something. I saw Nico through the flames and I thought she was with him. Some of the oil had landed on Dani. I was trying to put the fire out and I didn’t realize.”
As Bas’s breathing starts to escalate, I lean down and press my cheek against his. “Bas, it wasn’t your fault.”
“I brought them there,” he argues.
“They all agreed to come. Nico was the one with Alice. He didn’t realize she hadn’t followed him either. I’m sure everyone was panicking.”
Bas pushes away from me angrily. “They were all my responsibility!”
Gently, I touch Bas’s arm. “This is why you were so hard on Tanner about what happened on the lake with that girl, isn’t it? You feel responsible for what happened to Alice. It eats away at you. You don’t understand why nobody blames you.”
“They all called me a hero,” Bas says, his voice cracking. “They wanted to congratulate me, thank me. That was almost worse than the fire.”
“There would have been more people who died if you hadn’t stayed calm and gotten them out.”
Bas stands up and paces back and forth in the trees. “Most isn’t enough when you’re talking about people’s lives! I should have been able to save Alice. She was in the most danger, but I didn’t even realize she was still up there. I tried!” His hands drag against his face, as if he can rub away what happened. “I tried to go back for her, but the fire was too big. I saw her lying next to the bed. She wasn’t breathing, but I still had to try!”
I watch as Bas’s hands press against his side. He holds it as if he is in agony. Risking upsetting him even more, I approach him slowly. I try to cover my hands with his, but he bats them away. Giving up isn’t something I can do right now. Bas needs someone to share this burden. As my fingers slip under his shirt, he tries to push me away, but I won’t let him. He fights me until my hand finally gets past him and presses against the puckered flesh of his abdomen.
My gasp breaks through his defenses. His hands fall limply at his sides as I push his shirt up frantically. He’s halfway out of his shirt before I find the edges of the burn. Tears spring to my eyes at the sight of the scars reaching from just below his waist up to cover half his chest. One hand covers my mouth as the other one spreads out over the scars.
“Alice’s parents came to me in the hospital and thanked me for trying to save her.” Bas’s face crumbles. “Why would they thank me? Why didn’t everyone blame me for what happened? I deserved it. I didn’t deserve being called a hero, asking me to work with the fire department, praising me like I had nothing to do with why Alice died. Why?”
With great care, I pull Bas’s shirt back into place. My hands don’t leave him, though. They slide up to his chest, twisting my fingers around his shirt and pulling him down to me. “They didn’t blame you because they see you more clearly than you see yourself.”
Bas tries to shake me off, but I won’t let go.
“The fire wasn’t your fault. You did what no one else could do. You kept your head and got out everyone that you could. No, you didn’t save Alice, but dying as you tried wasn’t going to change that. Everyone knows you did everything you could. They know the kind of person you are. They see what I see when I look at you.”
The pain in Bas’s eyes is still there, and may never leave completely, but it seems to have lessened by the tiniest degree. “What do you see when you look at me?” he asks. The pleading in his voice brings tears to my eyes.
“I see someone who is compassionate enough to befriend a very strange new girl and try to make her feel safe. I see someone who is brave and strong, who puts others before himself all the time. I see the kind of person who would give up his life to protect the ones he loves. I see one of the
most beautiful souls I have ever met.” My fingers stop strangling Bas’s shirt and flatten out against his chest. “I see the real Sebastian Wallace when I look at you.”
Just like Noel was hoping I would.
Bas crushes me against his chest. I can barely breathe, but I don’t complain. He is still carrying around so much pain and guilt. I don’t know if anything can ever erase it completely, but I want to try. I look up at Bas and am instantly caught in his love.
“Arra? Bas?” Sibeal’s timid voice calls out to us.
I suppose I should dart out of Bas’s arms, but neither of us moves. Neither of us wants to move. Only the click of Sibeal’s camera makes me look away from Bas. I laugh when I see Sibeal take another picture.
“What are you doing?” I laugh.
With her eye still up to her camera, Sibeal says, “My mom just called and told me that Tanner is at the house.”
That is enough to break me and Bas apart. Bas turns away from me, but Sibeal is having nothing to do with that. “No, no, wait. I told my mom we’d be another twenty minutes or so. Don’t go yet. I promised Arra pictures.”
Bas looks confused. I have mixed feelings. “Sibeal, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
She gives me a dry look. “I do know how to keep a secret.” She smiles, though, and says, “Besides, I still have a point to prove.”
“What?” Bas asks.
I shrug.
“Just give me a few minutes,” Sibeal begs. “I promise it will be worth it.”
It’s hard to resist her knowing that it might be the last day either of us gets to spend alive. It’s hard to resist staying near Bas, as well. Bas must feel the same way, because his hand slips into mine and pulls me back to him. We spend the next ten minutes doing exactly as Sibeal says. She is more rushed than when she did my solo photos, but I have no doubt the results will be just as amazing.
Bas pulls me up off the ground when Sibeal finally releases us. His arm wraps around my shoulders without missing a beat. It is soothing to have him so close, but it also makes me realize that he was right. We can’t be around each other without acting on our feelings. I know I have to settle things with Tanner.
“Okay, here,” Sibeal says with a smile, “this is what I wanted to show you both.”
As Sibeal turns her camera to face us, I hesitate to look. Bas is more eager. He crowds behind Sibeal’s camera and stares. He is so silent, I can’t resist. I step forward and let my eyes find what my heart is begging to see.
The image of Bas and I sitting on the ground at the base of a tree, the ground littered with fallen red leaves, is mesmerizing. It isn’t the scenery that captures me. The trees and leaves are beautiful, but it’s the expressions on our faces that hold my attention. Bas’s eyes are fixed on me, and no one can doubt the honesty of his emotions. I never doubted Bas, so this is not a surprise to me. It’s my own expression that is so startling. As I lean into Bas’s chest, there is a look of such complete happiness on my face that it pierces me deeply.
Sibeal was right. This picture is worth any amount of words I could try to use to explain how Bas makes me feel. I look over at Sibeal with a smile. “Thank you.”
She smiles back. “After what Bas told me, I know I may never have the chance to find something as beautiful as this,” she says. “I would hate to see you walk away from it because you couldn’t recognize it for yourself.”
I smile at her words, but it slips away quickly as I realize this moment may have come too late.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Bas and I walk back to the house on either side of Sibeal. There seems to be an unspoken agreement between us that our personal messes have to wait to be sorted out until we help Sibeal…if I last that long. When Sibeal’s house comes into view, I spot Tanner waiting on the porch. He sees us a few minutes later and waves. My body tenses as he steps off the porch and walks to meet us.
Things have been tense between Tanner and me since our fight, but he approaches me and gives me a hug. No kiss, though. I don’t offer one myself. Tanner greets Bas with a sharp nod. If he notices that Bas is quieter than usual, he doesn’t comment on it. The most awkward greeting is between Sibeal and Tanner, but that is nothing unusual.
The four of us pile into Sibeal’s house and are immediately swept into the kitchen by Mrs. Ahearn to add toppings to our pizzas before she puts them in the oven. I am immediately grateful for her interactive dinner menu. The simplicity of choosing toppings and spreading them over the crust seems to relax everyone as much as can possibly be expected.
Mrs. Ahearn promises to tell us when the pizzas are ready as we shuffle out of the kitchen and back to the living room. There is a moment of hesitation as no one seems to know where to sit. Bas moves next to me first, but then backs off as Tanner does the same thing. Before it turns even more awkward, I grab a pillow off the couch and plant myself in the middle of the floor.
“So,” Tanner begins, “what’d I miss?”
The twisted explanation we have to offer takes quite a while to get through, even as we rush to finish telling Tanner everything we learned today before the pizzas are done. We end up talking over each other several times and Tanner has to cut in and try to separate what we’re saying. I don’t think he even has time to react to anything we tell him. It takes all his concentration just to listen to everything.
When we finally finish spewing everything out, I feel bad when I look at Tanner and see the shell-shocked expression on his face. He can only respond with one word. “Druids?”
A response seems to be on the tip of Sibeal’s tongue, but her mother bursts in with news of the pizzas being ready. Everyone jumps up, more than ready to take a break and let everything sink in. Tanner most of all.
“Take as much pizza as you want,” Mrs. Ahearn says cheerfully. “There are sodas and juice in the fridge as well. There are movies in the den. You’re all welcome to take your food in there and watch a movie while you eat.”
“Are you going to watch the movie with us, Mom?” Sibeal asks.
I think we all hold our breath.
“No, you four have fun. I’m just going to take my dinner out on the deck and enjoy the sunset. It will be too cool to eat outside soon.”
Mrs. Ahearn pours a glass of juice and excuses herself to the deck. We finally breathe again. No offense to Sibeal’s mom, who seems like a really nice lady, but we do not need her hanging around tonight. Sibeal sighs and picks up her food. Surprisingly, Tanner hurriedly grabs a soda from the fridge and follows her out.
I look over at Bas, but he can only shrug. Too curious to let it pass, I collect my own food and follow Tanner out of the kitchen with Bas right on my heels. I nearly miss the stairs to the basement den in my rush. The sound of voices grabs my attention before I pass it by. Stopping by the door, I wait at the top of the stairs. The voices are faint. I chance moving down a few steps to hear better.
“No, I admit, it’s a lot to take in,” Tanner says in response to something Sibeal just said.
“I wasn’t sure how you’d respond, to be honest,” Sibeal says.
I silently applaud her for being straightforward with Tanner. I know that isn’t easy for her.
Tanner clears his throat. “Look, there’s plenty I’m still confused about, but I wanted to apologize to you for the way I’ve treated you. Arra’s dreams freaked me out and I jumped to conclusions. I was scared of her getting hurt and I wanted to protect her.”
“Protecting her doesn’t mean locking her up so nothing can ever harm her,” Sibeal says so quietly I almost can’t hear her. “That was the approach my parents took with me and Darcy. Look how that turned out.”
“I don’t know how else to protect her,” Tanner says.
“You have to trust her, and be there to back her up in case it doesn’t turn out the way she was hoping,” Sibeal says.
Tanner grunts at her answer. “What if she gets hurt, though?”
“I’m sure she will, at some point. Everyone gets hurts
. Knowing you have people around you to fall back on makes it easier to bear, though.” Sibeal sighs.
The den is silent for a few moments. I almost take another step, thinking their conversation is over. Tanner’s voice makes me pause.
“Regardless, I’m sorry for thinking the worst of you and making you feel like an outsider. I should have been a better friend from the start. I should have trusted Arra, too.”
“Well,” Sibeal says, “I may not have a lot of time left for friends, but it’s nice to know you’re one of them.”
The muffled sounds of bodies settling into couches are soon washed out by the sound of the TV turning on. I look back at Bas and nod that we should head down. Neither of us says anything as we walk into the den. I’m a little surprised to find Sibeal and Tanner sitting next to each other. It leaves the second couch open for me and Bas.
When Sibeal winks at me and Tanner shrugs, I figure this is another ploy by Sibeal to push me toward Bas. Normally, I don’t take very kindly to interference like that, but I know she means well.
“So, what are we watching?” I ask as I take my seat as far away from Bas as I can manage on the small couch.
“Watching?” Tanner asks. “I’ve still got a ton of questions.”
Sibeal reaches for the remote and changes the input to the DVD player. “The noise will cover up anything we talk about. My mom has no idea about any of this.”
“Oh.” Tanner goes back to eating his pizza until the movie is playing loud enough to keep Mrs. Ahearn from doing any eavesdropping.
The first third of the movie is spent trying to answer Tanner’s questions. It’s kind of hit or miss since we have no clue about half of this stuff, but we do our best. Sibeal seems to have the most answers on the curse now that she knows what the curse actually did. I keep hoping for another call from Noel with more information, but Bas’s phone stays quiet.
“So, I guess the question now is, how do we stop this from happening?” Tanner says.
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