Choosing Henley

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Choosing Henley Page 11

by Anne Jolin


  I look at Hannah and she nods her head. We’re thinking the same thing. “Well, wasn’t that, like, a thing?” I say hesitantly.

  “No. I mean, not really.” Beth sighs. “Don’t get me wrong, I love Jay.” She puts a hand over her heart. “I really do, but I think deep down we’ve always just been friends. Do we flirt? Sure, but who doesn’t flirt with Jayden King.” Looking at us, she shakes her head before continuing. “Well other than you two of course.” She waves her hand between the two of us. “I think we sort of tried there for a bit, the whole hanging out thing, but it just wasn’t there. I mean, I get it. It would have been nice if our whole little group just matched up like a TV show cast, but no dice, girls.”

  “We didn’t mean to pressure you guys into feeling like you had to be together,” Hannah tells her.

  “You didn’t. It’s all good, sis.” Beth smiles reassuringly at both of us. “We’re just friends and I’m happy with Kyle.” She bats her eyes at us, and I kind of what to smack her in the face.

  I know that seems a bit dramatic, but this guy seems like bad news, and of all the people to be blind to all those red flags, I just can’t believe that it’s Beth.

  I think of the most generic, noncommittal way to answer her. “I’m happy you’re happy.” Although, all douche-canoe-new-boyfriend-related things aside, I can think of one grey-eyed beauty who will be happy to know that Beth and Jay aren’t bumping uglies.

  “Good. That’s settled.” Beth flashes us an award-winning smile. “Now is that the only reason for this emergency Valentine’s Day lunch? Or is there something else you’d like to give me the third degree over?”

  “No,” Hannah says softly from beside me.

  “No, what?” Beth asks, cocking an eyebrow at her sister. “There’s more?”

  “Yes,” she answers even more quietly this time.

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me?! What else did I do?” Beth huffs.

  “It’s not you. It’s me.” Hannah clarifies. “The other reason I wanted us all to talk today is because I have something to tell you.”

  I reach under the table, lacing my fingers with hers. “What is it, Han?”

  She looks nervous and it’s starting to scare me.

  “Sis?” Beth urges from the other side of the table.

  A tear slides down Hannah’s cheek, but the panic I’m starting to feel subsides when her face splits into a grin. “I told him this morning. It was my Valentine’s gift,” she says, and another tear streams down her cheek. “I’m pregnant.”

  “Oh my god, Hannah! That’s wonderful!” I grab her in a hug and Beth comes around, sliding into the booth on the other side of her.

  “It wasn’t planned and I’m not even sure how it happened, but I’m so happy,” she gushes as the tears of joy keep flowing from her eyes.

  “I’m so happy for you!” I gush, hugging her again.

  “I’m going to be an auntie.” Beth tears up, smiling down at her sister.

  “You both are. Auntie Beth and Auntie Lennon,” she coos. “I had to tell him first, but it was killing me to not tell you,” Hannah confesses, and we smile.

  “How did you tell him?” I ask.

  “The card I gave him today said, ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, Daddy,’ and inside, I put a picture of the ultrasound.”

  This is when I notice that she’s literally beaming. I guess pregnant people do glow.

  “When are you due?” Beth asks.

  “September 15th.” She smiles, placing a hand over her stomach.

  We spend the rest of our lunch talking about baby everything. Will they find out the sex? Have they told their parents? Do they want a boy or a girl? Do they think it could be twins? Do they have names they like? Literally everything under the sun is touched on in twenty minutes.

  I am going to be late for my next appointment, so I excuse myself, hugging them goodbye. I tell Hannah to make sure she passes my congratulations on to Greyson before stepping outside. The snow is falling lightly on this beautiful winter day in Rock Falls when I cross the square, taking out my phone to send a quick text to Jami.

  Me – Did you hear?

  Jami – I’m going to be an uncle!

  Me – Yes you are! And I’m going to be an auntie!

  Jami – Uncle Jami and Auntie Lennon. I like it ;)

  I put my phone back into my pocket, smiling to myself. Things have changed so much already this year and we are only halfway into the second month. It’s unbelievable.

  As I’m rounding the corner, only a block away from the salon, a figure steps in front of me. When I look up, I feel my daggers coming out when my eyes lock with Malibu Barbie.

  “He’s never going to stay with you,” she spits, placing a hand on her cocked hip.

  I notice today that she’s sporting god-awful lime-green nails. Could she be any tackier? The colour goes so nicely with her orange skin and yellow hair.

  “That’s not any of your business,” I answer coolly, moving to step around her.

  She blocks my path again, blowing a pink bubble in my face with her gum. “Whatever this thing is going on between you two, he’ll get bored of it.” She smacks her lips, chewing her gum. “And when he does, he’ll come crawling right back into my bed.”

  It takes all of my willpower not to clock her upside her pretty little head, but I am not about to get in a catfight in the middle of town square where everyone can see us.

  I let the fakest grin I’ve ever done spread across my face. “Keep telling yourself that sweetheart.” The honey dripping off my voice only serves to piss her off.

  I move around her again, and this time, she doesn’t stop me.

  “Bitch,” Kelsey snarls under her breath.

  I continue walking, but I pull my hand back behind me to flip her the bird too. Barbie is really starting to get under my skin.

  The rest of the afternoon at work flew by, leaving me absolutely no time to work myself into a frenzy over what was going to happen tonight. I already know what we are doing, and that alone should calm me down, but it doesn’t.

  I finish work at five, which gives me only an hour to get home, shower, and change before Jami is coming to pick me up at six. I change into a red, silk dress and black stockings that clip onto a lace garter belt, and I finish the outfit off with black pumps. I spin around in front of my floor-length mirror and grin. Jami is going to have an absolute heart attack. Then I button my black dress coat over the ensemble.

  Just as I step out of my bedroom, I hear a knock on the front door before it swings open. Jami quickly searches the room before his eyes land on me.

  “Hey, you.” He gives me a grin before furrowing his handsome brow. “I thought I told you guys to keep this door locked when your home. Anyone could just walk inside.”

  I walk over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Mhmm. Anyone could,” I tease, smiling at him. He looks handsome tonight in black jeans, a white button-down shirt, and a dress coat.

  “I’m serious, Lennon. You girls need to be more careful,” he scolds me.

  I stand up on my toes to kiss him on the lips. “Happy Valentine’s Day to you too.” I laugh before pulling away from him.

  He grabs me before I can back away and drags me against his chest. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Beatle.”

  Ten minutes later, we’re walking up the front steps to his house. When we reach the door, he turns around, grinning at me. “Close your eyes.”

  “Why?” I ask, confused.

  He rolls his eyes. “Oh just do it.”

  “You’re just going to feel me up while I can’t see you.” I laugh at him.

  “Me? Never,” he says in mock offence. “Now close your eyes.”

  I huff but do as I was told and close them. I hear him unlock the door before he helps me inside, pinching my ass through my coat. “Hey!” I scold, and he chuckles. Then he shuts the door behind us before leading me a little farther into the house.

  He stops, wrapping his arms around my
waist from behind and whispers into my ear, “Open them.”

  I don’t wait a second longer, my eyelids flying open. The entire living room is covered in red roses. Some are in vases on the tables while petals are sprinkled across the floor, and a crackling wood fire burns in his rock fireplace. It takes me a second to find my words because no one has ever done anything this romantic for me in my entire life.

  “It’s beautiful, Jami,” I choke out, not wanting to cry. I’m not a crier.

  We took our time eating dinner. Jami spoiled me by cooking my favorite food—pasta from scratch. Everything from the sauce to the noodles, he made himself, just for me. He thought of everything, and although some would think the night was low key, I think it’s perfect. There is no pressure here for me, and I love it.

  We’re sitting on the large couch in front of the fire, listening to music. It’s mostly a mix of slow country, and I don’t miss the way his eyes keep settling on the tops of my thighs. I’m wearing the dress just for him, and it’s obvious that he approves.

  When the track changes on his sound system, a cocky grin breaks out over his handsome face.

  “What?” I ask, confused as the song starts to play.

  “Dance with me,” he says, pulling me up to stand.

  “Here?” I look around. “Right now?”

  “Why not?” He brings me up against his chest, and I give in, wrapping my arms around his neck.

  It’s not until he starts to sing along to the lyrics that I toss my head back in laughter. “You planned this, didn’t you?” I raise my eyebrows at him with a smile.

  “Of course I did.” He winks. “No one’s this smooth by accident.” He kisses me softly before continuing to sing the lyrics to Chris Young’s “You’re Gonna Love Me.”

  If you like a man who you can put your trust in

  You don't have to worry where he's been

  Then rest easy

  Girl, you're gonna love me

  I laugh again as he sings the last line. It’s the same line he’s been using on me since New Year’s Eve.

  And if you like to slow dance to ol' Keith Whitley

  Long Sunday drives out in the country

  I'm your cup of tea

  Girl, you're gonna love me

  Come and rest your head against my chest

  'Cause I'm the one for you

  You don't have to look no more

  Your search is through

  So girl if you like a handful of fresh wild flowers

  A back rub on a bad day talkin' for hours

  I'm good company

  Girl you're gonna love me

  Come and rest your head against my chest

  'Cause I'm the one for you

  You don't have to look no more

  Your search is through

  So girl if you like a big heart that's in this for the long haul

  Till we're rockin' on the front porch and they're callin' me papaw

  Till the last breath you breathe

  Girl, you're gonna l ove me

  Just try it and see

  The whole thing is incredibly cheesy, but I find myself loving every second of it. And as the song starts to wind down, he dips me low, pressing a kiss to my lips before whispering the last line…

  “Girl, you're gonna love me”

  “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL,” JAMI whispers, tracing his fingers lightly over my bare back.

  I blush, turning my head back towards the heat of his spectacular fireplace. At the moment, we’re lying in a heap of scattered clothing on the rug in front of it, me on my stomach, Jami on his side behind me, drawing circles on my back..

  I have to say that I’m not normally one to get wooed or smitten all that easily, but with Jami, it was inevitable. When he isn’t singing cheesy country songs and dancing with me in the living room, he’s cooking me dinner or making me scream his name. I love every one of the moments we’ve created together over the past month, but I still have this nagging feeling. This nervous current that seems to run underneath the surface every time we are together. He still doesn’t know why I am hesitant. Why I am so guarded. Why I am so scared. And it’s time I tell him. He said that he wants real with me, and at the very least, I can show him who that person is.

  It takes me a few minutes to work up the nerve to speak. Even when I do, I keep my face turned away, looking at the fire.

  “Do you remember our first night together?” I ask him softly.

  “Lennon, love, that night is burned into my memory,” he answers, moving my hair to the side so he can glide his fingers over my skin there. “What would have only made it better would have been waking up to you still in bed with me.”

  I wince inwardly, drawing a deep breath in. “It’s not that I didn’t want to stay,” I confess.

  “Why didn’t you?”

  “I just...” I blow out a large breath of air. It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud. “I was scared.” I squeeze my eyes shut.

  Jami stiffens behind me. “Do I scare you?”

  “Yes.” I feel his fingers stop moving, so I quickly correct myself. “Not like that. I’m not afraid of you,” I say reassuringly, reaching behind to return his hand to my back, drawing him closer to me. “But I am scared of you.”

  He hooks his hand around my side and drags my body tight against his. “I’m not sure that I’m following you, Beatle.” He kisses my shoulder softly.

  I know he’s trying not to say too much but still enough to encourage me to keep talking. He’s wanted me to open up for so long. I just hope that, once the flood gate is open, he knows how to swim.

  I blow out a breath of air, sighing heavily. “I’ve never had to explain this to anyone before.” I’m frustrated at how weak I feel in this moment. “I’m doing a shit job so far, aren’t I?”

  His body relaxes entirely and his hands continue their soothing caress of my back. “You’re not doing a shit job of anything, Lennon. Whatever it is, it will be okay. Let’s start with the first part. Why do I scare you?”

  “Okay.” I let my gaze drift back into the flames. “I’m scared of how I feel when I’m around you. It’s never felt like this with anyone else before. It’s never felt like someone has their hands wrapped around my heart. It’s as if I’ve lost all control over it.” I close my eyes again, choking back the panic that surfaces from my vulnerability. “It feels like my heart is in your hands, screaming at you, ‘Break me!’ and I’m absolutely scared shitless that you will. That you’ll break me.” Eyes fluttering open slowly, a well of unshed tears behind them, I allow the last words to fall from my lips. “And my heart will never survive a betrayal like his again.”

  Rough hands grip my sides, slowing turning my body around to face his. I keep my chin tucked down, my face hidden. My confession makes me feel weak and foolish. As if knowing I need reassurance, Jami wraps his one arm around me, holding my smaller frame protectively against his large body.

  “I’ve got you,” he whispers softly into my hair. I feel the tear escape before it crashes onto his beautiful chest. “Look at me.”

  I’m still staring at the place where my tear has fallen when I feel a finger underneath my chin. I tightly close my eyes, afraid I might be showing too much in them.

  “Look at me, Lennon. Please,” he asks again. He’s so close to me that I can feel his lips on mine when he speaks.

  I cautiously open my eyes to meet his chocolate ones.

  “I want you to see my face when I tell you this. I want there to be no mistaking what I’m saying.” He catches another traitorous tear on my cheek, wiping it away with the pad of his thumb. “I could never hurt you. I promise I will spend the rest of my life making sure no one ever hurts you again.” He swallows hard. “Because when you love someone, you’ll do everything you can to protect them.”

  My eyes widen at his choice of words, and he smiles.

  “I know you’re not ready. I know you can’t say it back now. I hope one day you can, but I’ll wait as long as it t
akes you to be ready.” He rests his forehead on mine. “I love you, Beatle. I’m in love with you. I think I always have been. I could never break your heart because breaking your heart would break mine.”

  The sob escapes me before I have time to stop it. I free my head from his hands, burying it into his chest as I start to heave. “He…left …” I choke on another gasp. “He was genetically programmed to love me”—my body starts to shake—“and he left me.” I’m violently convulsing as years of unresolved emotions break through the wall I’ve had up for so long. “He didn’t love me enough to stay.”

  Jami slowly rubs my back, but I can feel the anger radiating off his body. “Breathe, beautiful. I need you to breathe for me, okay?”

  I nod my head into his chest, sucking in a deep breath before another tremor rocks through me.

  “Shhh. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.” He sits up, leaning his back against the couch, cradling my body against his chest.

  I hide my face in the crook of his neck as he pulls a blanket over us. It takes nearly half an hour for me to calm down.

  “What happened, baby?” he asks when I finally seem as though I can speak again.

  I clear my throat, sitting up to look at him. “He left.” I chew nervously on my bottom lip. I’ve never had to tell another person this. Everyone who knows was around when it happened. “The night before my thirteenth birthday, my dad left us for his other family.” Jami’s jaw clenches as I continue. “We were happy, you know? Like TV-fucking-family happy,” I say, bitterness staining my voice. “But it was all a joke. A lie. Some sick charade.” I laugh without humour. “We were like contestants in some twisted game show. You know, like who’s the better family? Or something equally as fucked up… Not that it matters anyways, because we lost. I thought for the longest time, if I just missed him hard enough, he would come back, but he never did. We weren’t enough. He didn’t love us enough to stay.” I work up the nerve to say the worst part of it all… The ringer. The knockout punch. “Turns out, he’d had another family for almost my whole life. Two daughters, a wife, and a motherfucking golden retriever and everything. I loved him more than anything on the planet, and he left. He left us for them.”

 

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