Oh, God, am I ever ready. “Yup. Let’s go. The game’s already started.”
*
“They seemed good, didn’t they?” Courtney asked as they drove away from Mark’s house and waved to Lisa in the doorway. “Don’t you think they were cute?”
“They were very cute,” Rachel agreed. “Very cozy and comfortable with one another. It hasn’t been that long, has it?”
“Only a few weeks.” She thought about how at ease Mark and Lisa seemed with each other, touching, laughing, sharing private moments of eye contact. It had made Courtney simultaneously happy for them and a little envious. She made a mental note to try to figure out a way to ask Lisa how it was going…if she was having an easy or a hard time, if she was comparing Mark to Stephen and if so, how she was handling it.
Quiet descended upon the interior of the car as each woman focused on her own thoughts about the evening. It had been terrific. The Bills pulled it out at the last possible second, causing the foursome to jump up from their seats and scream in elation at the television. Between Courtney, Rachel, and Lisa, they’d polished off the absolutely delectable bottle of Shiraz from Rachel’s wine rack. Courtney sat in Mark’s comfy chair and Rachel spent the evening on the floor between Courtney’s feet, her elbows resting on Courtney’s knees. Courtney found herself playing with Rachel’s hair more than once, threading it through her fingers like golden strands of spun silk. Their position seemed so natural that neither of them moved nor acknowledged it. It just was.
“Hey,” Courtney said, breaking the silence as she drove. “Thursday is Halloween.”
Rachel smiled at her. “So it is.”
“Do you have plans?”
“I don’t.” Tossing a sudden panicked look in Courtney’s direction, she asked, “You’re not going to ask me to dress up, are you?”
“Hmm…I wasn’t, but now that I think about it, that could be fun. Do I get to pick the costume?”
“Um, no.” Both women laughed.
“Party pooper.” Courtney stuck out her tongue. As she made a left and headed down Rachel’s street, she explained, “I suspect I’m going to get a lot of kids at my new house and I’m not used to that. I’ll love it, but I’m not used to it. We lived out in the ’burbs, as you know, and only got the few kids on our street. I think this year will be different.”
“I think you’re right,” Rachel said, nodding in agreement.
“Would you like to come over and answer the door with me? I think there are a bunch of scary movies on that night.” Courtney pulled into Rachel’s lot and shifted the car into Park. “If you like that kind of thing.”
“Trick-or-treaters and scary movies, huh?” Rachel asked.
“I like Halloween,” Courtney replied with a shrug, feeling a little sheepish.
“That sounds like fun.”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely. What time?”
“Well, if you’re not busy, you should try to come by no later than five thirty. The cutest costumes are the teeny, tiny kids and they start out pretty early.”
“Makes sense to me. How ’bout if I pick up some dinner and bring it with me?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Okay. But how ’bout if I pick up some dinner and bring it with me?”
Courtney laughed. “That would be perfect.”
“Do you like Thai food?”
“Love it.”
“Terrific. I’ll be at your house by five thirty on Thursday, dinner in hand.”
“I look forward to it.”
“Me, too.” The engine of Courtney’s VW hummed steadily as it sat in the parking lot. There was an almost awkward silence for several seconds before Rachel spoke again. “I had a really nice time tonight, Courtney.”
“So did I,” Courtney replied. As Rachel studied her own lap, Courtney felt a surge of adrenaline, a sudden peak to the desire that had been steadily building all evening, like a slow-burning fire, getting hotter as time passed. She leaned toward Rachel and placed gentle fingertips beneath her chin, turning her so they were face-to-face. “I really like spending time with you,” she whispered as her gaze dropped to Rachel’s full lips. Before she had any time at all to analyze what she was doing, she pressed her own lips to Rachel’s, reveling in the warmth, the soft sweetness.
She felt rather than heard Rachel’s breath catch in her chest, and then the warmth of Rachel’s hand settled gently on her thigh. The muscle there tightened involuntarily and the feel of Rachel’s fingertips digging in nearly made her swoon as Rachel deepened the kiss. Courtney slipped her tongue, hot and wet, into Rachel’s mouth and was rewarded by a hoarse moan from deep within her.
She pulled away a fraction of an inch, just long enough to mutter, “God, I could kiss you for hours.” Not allowing for a reply, she fisted her hand in Rachel’s hair at the back of her neck and tugged firmly, exposing her long, elegant throat and pulling another groan from her. Rachel grabbed Courtney’s head with both hands, holding tightly. Courtney licked up the front of Rachel’s throat, nipped at her chin, then focused her attention on Rachel’s mouth once more.
The sharp honk of a passing car startled them out of their entanglement, and both women sat back in their seats sporting a look of surprise. Meeting one another’s gaze, they suddenly snorted with laughter.
“I don’t know why we both act shocked when we end up kissing,” Courtney said, shaking her head.
“Me, neither. We’re damn good at it. Um…” Rachel gestured around them to the now fogged-up windows. “Think you’ll be able to get home?”
Courtney laughed again. “Jesus, I feel like I’m sixteen.”
“I know. So do I.” Rachel leaned toward Courtney and kissed her softly and sweetly on the mouth. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
Courtney could only nod, feeling suddenly mute.
Rachel rubbed her thumb over Courtney’s bottom lip, kissed her one more time, and then pulled on the door handle and exited the VW.
Courtney crawled halfway across to the passenger seat and rubbed a circle on the hazy window so she could watch her date walk across the parking lot. Rachel’s gently swaying hips caused a zap between Courtney’s legs that actually made her groan aloud and drop her forehead against the cool glass with a thump.
*
“God, I’ve wanted this so badly.” Rachel was almost panting with need as she pushed her body against Courtney’s, forcing her back onto the bed.
“Me, too,” Courtney said, Rachel’s head in her hands. Mouths crashed together, lips, teeth, tongues melding, exploring. Hot and wet, wanting and needing, all else a blur of unimportance. Rachel kneed Courtney’s legs apart and pressed herself against the warmth radiating from beneath the silk panties. She began a subtle shifting, a rhythmic movement, sliding her thigh against Courtney’s center.
The combination of solid muscle and smooth skin rubbing against her made Courtney feel light-headed with desire. Being surrounded by Rachel’s long body made her delirious with need.
“Please, Rachel…please…” Her grainy whisper dissolved into a moan as Rachel applied more pressure with her leg and fastened her mouth onto the pounding pulse point at the side of Courtney’s neck. A soft, ragged cry issued from her throat as Rachel bit down gently, nipping the skin there. “Rachel…please…”
“Oh, you are good. You’ve got her begging.” It took several seconds for Courtney to realize the voice didn’t belong to Rachel. “Begging is good. You totally own her now.” It was Theresa’s. “Take your time. Don’t rush it or she’ll come too soon.”
Courtney blinked in disbelief, unable to sit up due to Rachel’s weight pinning her to the bed. “Theresa?” She craned her neck, trying to see around Rachel’s body and be able to lay eyes on her long-lost love.
“Pay some attention to her breasts,” Theresa instructed. “She likes that.”
“Like this?” Rachel cupped a handful of lace-covered flesh with one hand and kneaded gently.
T
orn between the confusion of what was happening and the arousal still coursing through her veins, Courtney sucked in a breath at Rachel’s touch, feeling her nipple harden and push against the fabric and Rachel’s palm. Her eyelids fluttered closed of their own accord as she felt the sensations spread through her body.
“That’s great, that works, but…” Courtney’s eyes flew open as she felt a cooler hand on her torso, pushing her bra up so her breasts popped free. Theresa looked down at her and smiled, her rich, dark eyes gentle, yet dilated with unmistakable arousal.
“Theresa?” Courtney’s plea was small and broke off into a cry when Theresa took an aching nipple between her thumb and forefinger and squeezed.
“Try this,” Theresa instructed, cocking her head to look at Rachel, who nodded as if listening to directions on how to program her cell phone. “Nice and easy. Gentle at first, then increase the pressure.”
Rachel took hold of Courtney’s other nipple and mimicked Theresa’s actions.
“This is not happening,” Courtney gritted through clenched teeth as she pushed her head back into the pillow. The sizzle of excitement that shot through her body like an electric current was the only thing keeping her from completely freaking out.
“Oh, yeah,” Theresa said, commending Rachel as they worked Courtney into a frenzy. “That’s good. See how much she enjoys that? It makes it all last a bit longer if you just explore a little bit, build it up. Right, baby?”
Courtney barely registered the question, nodding absently as her eyelids once again fluttered closed and her system focused solely on the fingers that were touching her and what exactly they were doing. She lifted her pelvis, trying to find Rachel’s thigh again, to continue the earlier pressure to win herself some release.
“Very good,” Theresa said, patting her charge on the shoulder with a proud smile. “You’re a fast learner. Okay, now I’ll show you how she likes you to go down on her.”
Courtney snapped awake and shot to a sitting position, blinking to try to adjust her sight to the darkness of her bedroom. Waiting for recognition to dawn, she lay perfectly still, trying not to notice her labored breathing, the sweaty sheets, and the soaked condition of the apex of her thighs. When she got her lungs under control, she willed her body to relax one muscle at a time until she began to feel normal and slowly lay back down again.
That’s when an image of both Rachel and Theresa bending over her, pulling her underwear from her heated and flushed body, assaulted her memory. The pillow took the brunt as she rolled over and screamed into it.
“Are you kidding me with this?” she shouted at the empty room.
Chapter Thirteen
Courtney was glad group had been moved to Tuesday night instead of Wednesday. She felt like she was going mad and didn’t know how to grab hold of her own swirling thoughts. Hoping that simply being in the same room with others who’d dealt with similar situations would help her find solid ground, she slammed her car door and pulled her green jacket tightly around her to ward off the autumn evening chill. The days are getting shorter, she thought, noting the early dusk as she saw Lisa’s car pull into the parking lot. The idea of the approaching winter did nothing to lift her spirits. If anything, it had the opposite effect…long, cold nights alone, short, cold days being stuck inside layers of clothes…she’d never liked the winter. Today, she found the idea of it more depressing than ever.
“Hey there,” Lisa said as she met Courtney on the sidewalk. “How are you?”
“Confused,” Courtney said honestly. “Do you have time to grab a cup of coffee or something after group?”
“Love to,” Lisa said without hesitation, and for that, Courtney felt herself flooded with affection for her newest friend.
“Thanks.”
“Are you all right?” Lisa asked.
“I have no idea.”
The rest of the group was already present, Constance Mays smiling her customary, comforting smile as the two women came into the room, shed their outerwear, and joined the circle. Once everybody was settled, Constance clasped her hands together and looked at each group member.
“So,” she said. “How are we all? What’s new? Anybody have anything they’d like to share today?”
There was the usual shuffling and shifting of a group having trouble getting started. After a few minutes of this, Lisa cleared her throat.
“I’m having a bit of an issue,” she said, a statement that surprised Courtney. Lisa always seemed so put together and Courtney often forgot that she was going through the same process of loss as the rest of them. “I’ve been seeing somebody new for a few weeks now, as I mentioned in the last group.” She studied her hands, folded in her lap, and was careful not to look at Courtney as she spoke. “And I really, really like him. He’s wonderful and sweet and kind…” She trailed off and then swallowed, seemingly bolstering her courage to continue. “But I’m finding that the closer I get to him, the more guilt I feel, and I’m having a hard time with that.”
Courtney was shocked by the parallel paths their lives were currently taking. She reached over and covered Lisa’s hands with her own. “I, um…I’m having the same problem,” she said, making quick eye contact with Constance.
“Me, too,” Ted said from across the circle, shooting the girls a half-smile, half-grimace. “But I’ve got the added complication of my kids.”
Constance spoke with authority, the usual note of diplomacy vanished from her voice. “Let’s talk about this, then,” she said, turning from Ted on her right to her left to make eye contact with Lisa, then Courtney. “After my husband died, it took me almost three years before I could even think about seeing somebody new. It just felt…wrong. Like I was being unfaithful to Gil.”
Courtney and Lisa nodded in tandem, like twin bobblehead dolls, as they listened to their facilitator’s words.
“I knew it was just my subconscious. I’d been in bereavement for months. I’d heard all the stories, knew what feelings would most likely hit me and when. But still, it was such a strong thing. Anybody here who was raised Catholic can certainly understand how guilt can affect a Catholic woman.”
Edith chuckled knowingly from her place in the circle. “Oh, yes.”
“Anyway,” Constance continued after tossing a grin in Edith’s direction, “I had met this wonderful man. He was gentle and understanding and treated me like gold. We had a lot in common and I really enjoyed spending time with him.” She shook her head. “It ended up not working out, but that’s not the point. My point is that we all go through this. No matter what, we all, at one point or another, have the sense that we’re cheating or being unfaithful or being disrespectful or whatever to our deceased partners. It’s a perfectly normal reaction.”
“Which doesn’t make it any easier,” Lisa said with a grimace.
“Which doesn’t make it any easier. No. But knowing that it’s normal and that it will pass helps us to plow through to the other side. Plus,” she leveled her gaze in Ted’s direction, “I had three children to deal with and they often end up feeling the same way as you do. They understood that their father was gone and never coming back, but it was hard to watch their mother try to date somebody else. They had the same worry about the unfaithfulness, the perceived infidelity.”
Ted smiled, his face a gently worn visage. “Well, let me throw another wrench into the gears. I lost my second wife a little over two years ago and my kids hated her. Now I’ve been seeing somebody new for a month or two and I think it’s pretty serious. I’m worried my kids won’t give her a chance at all, you know? That they’ll just hate her, too.”
It was such an honest and sad statement, and Courtney’s heart went out to him. “Have you talked to them about her?” she asked quietly.
“I’ve sort of hinted to my youngest, but that was all I had the courage for.” He shook his head, obviously annoyed with himself. “My oldest…she’s another story altogether.”
Courtney thought about Amelia and Mark, how they wanted noth
ing more than for her to be happy…to find somebody to love and to be happy, despite how much they loved and missed Theresa. She couldn’t imagine them wanting anything less for her. “Maybe you should give it a shot, try having just a little more faith in your kids. I know it’s hard, but they love you and maybe if you just talk to them...” She shrugged, her suggestion drifting off into the air, unfinished.
Ted nodded and looked like he was mulling it over.
“Good advice, Courtney,” Constance said with a smile and a couple others murmured their agreement. “We tend to forget that, for the most part, our loved ones just want us to be happy. Now, Lisa.” She fixed her gaze and asked very seriously, “Do you like this man?”
“Yes,” Lisa said, and Courtney realized when Lisa once again avoided looking at her that Lisa was embarrassed to be saying these things in front of her, given how close she was to Mark. “I like him a lot.” Courtney squeezed Lisa’s hand, hoping to telegraph her support.
“Is he a good man?”
“He’s wonderful.” Lisa’s conviction was solid as granite.
“Then talk to him. Tell him exactly what you’re going through and how it feels. He might surprise you.”
Lisa nodded, looking the smallest bit relieved.
An hour later, Courtney sat across from her at a table in Starbucks, sipping her caramel macchiato with undisguised glee.
“God, I love these things,” she said, foam clinging to her upper lip.
“You’d better. It’s the only way you can justify the fact that you just paid four bucks for a cup of coffee.” Lisa grinned at her, steam wafting off the creamy surface of her chai latte.
For a while, they were quiet, simply people-watching and enjoying the companionable silence their friendship allowed. Then Courtney spoke up. “I’m glad you brought that stuff up in group.”
“Me, too,” Lisa said. “I think.”
“You don’t feel any better?”
“Well…I guess I do. I have to admit that just knowing I’m not the only one dealing with these feelings does help.”
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