The Sea Shell Girl

by Linda Finlay

  ‘Not at all. Praise where praise is due. Now may I offer you a lift back to the store?’

  Merry stared at him aghast. ‘I can’t come back to Plymouth, Mr Fairbright. I must stay here with Grozen.’

  ‘I see,’ he frowned. ‘Forgive me if I am being premature. You will be travelling with Lieutenant Meredith then?’ he enquired.

  ‘Rest assured, I will see that Miss Dyer is returned to the store when she has had time to recover from her shock,’ Carey said. ‘It is good of you to come, sir.’ Merry watched as he led Mr Fairbright over to the door. Why didn’t they all just go away and leave her alone? As if they’d heard her silent wishes, the villagers began leaving.

  ‘Don’t worry, Merry, Mr Fairbright will be happy to grant you a month’s leave of absence,’ Carey said, reappearing by her side. ‘It won’t be paid, of course, but I know you …’

  ‘You misunderstand,’ Merry cried. ‘I have no intention of returning to Plymouth, ever. If I hadn’t gone there in the first place Mother would still be alive. Besides, I need to care for Grozen,’ she said, glancing towards her grandmother, who was staring into the fire.

  ‘Of course,’ Carey said quickly. ‘Let me help you clear away and then I’m afraid I must return to Plymouth. I hate to leave you today of all days, but regrettably I cannot extend my leave any longer for we sail on the tide tomorrow.’

  Just go, she wanted to shout as he stood there staring anxiously at her.

  ‘Then you must leave now, for you must have things to do,’ she replied woodenly, ignoring the hurt that sparked in his eyes.

  ‘You’ve been a great help, lad,’ Grozen said, hobbling over and looking at Merry for agreement. Unable to respond, she just stood there fiddling with the necklace around her neck. ‘Your mother would have been pleased to see you wearing her precious trinket on this day,’ she added.

  Grozen’s comment seemed to shake Carey from his dejection. ‘I’ve been meaning to speak to you about that,’ he said. ‘Do you have any idea what that stone is?’

  ‘Meant to resemble a sapphire, I think,’ Grozen replied. ‘Ironic really, when you think those stones represent sincerity and faithfulness.’ She gave a harsh laugh. ‘Still, I suppose it’s fitting, a fake stone from a fake love.’

  ‘Except it isn’t,’ Carey said. ‘Fake, I mean. I have reason to believe it’s the genuine thing.’

  ‘What?’ Grozen gasped.

  ‘No?’ Merry gasped, snatching the chain from her neck and staring at it.

  ‘Surely you must recognize it? It’s identical to Saphira’s.’

  ‘Goodness, I noticed how clean it came up when I gave it a polish but I can’t believe I didn’t spot the resemblance,’ Merry frowned.

  ‘Will someone please explain?’ Grozen cried.

  ‘Sorry, Mrs Dyer. You see, Grandfather Meredith served on the merchant ships and he purchased these stones from South Africa and had them made into a ring and earrings for his wife. She lost one and turned the remaining one into a pendant. When my father – adoptive father – was going through her things after her death, he found the missing one and put it in his pocket. We’d heard he’d given it away but nobody knew to whom.’

  ‘And you think he gave it to my mother?’ Merry whispered.

  Carey nodded. ‘Of course, nobody realized the stones had any worth until Saphira inherited the pendant and had it valued.’

  ‘You really think this could be the lost one?’ Grozen asked.

  ‘I only caught a glimpse of the heart-shaped stone before today, but you wearing it outside your blouse now, Merry, has given me the opportunity to study it. Of course, I’ll have to get it verified but if my hunch is correct, far from being a trinket, it is worth a tidy sum.’

  ‘Then you can take it back with you,’ Merry whispered, placing it in his hand.

  ‘There’s no need …’ he began.

  ‘And this,’ she added, reaching inside the neck of her blouse and tugging off the silver chain with the heart charm he’d given her for Christmas.

  ‘No, Merry, please don’t …’ Carey began.

  ‘Thank you for your support today, Carey, but I have no desire to see you again.’

  ‘Merry,’ Grozen gasped. ‘You don’t mean that.’

  ‘You’re in shock, sweetheart,’ Carey murmured.

  ‘I am not and never will be your sweetheart. Please leave, Lieutenant Meredith,’ Merry said, turning away before his anguished look caused her to falter.

  He looked at her sadly. ‘I regret I have to go anyway, but you can be assured I shall return. Hopefully by then the shock you are experiencing will have eased and you will see things more clearly. Good afternoon, Mrs Dyer,’ he added, turning to the older woman.

  ‘Look after yourself, lad,’ Grozen muttered, but no sooner had the door shut behind him than she turned to Merry.

  ‘I hope you know what you’re doing, girl. That Carey is a good man and …’

  ‘If I hadn’t met him, Mother would be alive,’ she whispered as once more the swirling fog descended and wrapped itself around her.

  Next morning at first light, Merry headed for the cliff top where her mother had met her fate. She hardly noticed the boats bobbing on the water, the fishermen hauling their long lines, as the need to find out what had happened burned away inside her.

  ‘Did you jump, Mother, or was it a terrible accident?’ she cried, but only the gulls replied. ‘Please, please, let me know,’ she screamed. As if in a trance she stared down the cliff face but apart from a few dislodged boulders everything looked as it always had. Even the beach had been washed clean by the tide. ‘How can I go on living if I’m to blame? You must tell me what happened, Mother,’ she begged. But her words were snatched away on the breeze and the only answer was the roar of the waves, the screech of gulls. ‘I’ll come back every day until you answer me, Mother,’ she cried.

  Despite her grandmother’s pleas that she stay at home and recover, each day Merry returned to the cliff top. Each time she asked the same questions, hopeful her mother would respond, but there was never any answer and she would return to the cottage more despondent than ever.

  Neighbours and friends rallied round, calling each day with dishes of freshly made broth or casserole, staying to talk about the fine woman Karenza had been. Whilst her grandmother seemed to draw comfort from their visits, Merry resented the intrusion. She didn’t want to speak to anyone. Stealing upstairs, she wrapped herself in her mother’s nightdress then lay on her mattress, staring up at the ceiling. Twice her grandmother ventured up the stairs to tell her Nicco wanted to speak with her but she told her to send him away.

  ‘Nothing can bring her back, Merry. I only wish it could. You lying here like this won’t change things so why not go out for a walk with Nicco?’ she urged, when he called yet again.

  ‘I don’t want to see anyone, Grozen,’ she whispered. ‘Besides, I walked up to the cliff top earlier.’

  Her grandmother sighed and shook her head. ‘You can’t carry on like this, girl.’

  ‘Just because you’ve forgotten her, Grozen, doesn’t mean I can,’ Merry snapped.

  ‘Oh, Merry, is that what you really think?’ the woman sighed, sinking herself down on the bed beside her. ‘I may not go around moping but that doesn’t mean I’m not hurting. Your mother was the best thing that ever happened to me, along with you and your grandfather, of course. When he died I wanted to lie down beside him, close my eyes and never get up again but I soon learned it was better to keep busy.’

  ‘But I need to know what happened, Grozen, and until I do I can’t rest,’ she cried, staring up at the woman as if she could provide the answer. Her grandmother shook her head, then took herself down the stairs. Hearing the door slam moments later, Merry gave a sigh of relief. Seeing Nicco would only compound her feelings of guilt.

  Although she continued her daily pilgrimage to the cliff top it didn’t bring any comfort or the answer she desperately sought. Life seemed unreal. It was as if she was look
ing in through a window. After yet another futile journey, she returned heavy hearted to the cottage to find Grozen waiting for her at the door.

  ‘There’s someone to see you, Merry.’

  ‘I told you I don’t want to see Nicco,’ she muttered, instinctively making for the stairs.

  ‘’Tis been a long time since I’ve been mistaken for a handsome, dark-haired follower,’ a male voice chuckled.

  Merry stared at the snowy-haired old man perched on the stool beside the fire like a little Cornish pisky.

  ‘Cador called in to see how we are doing,’ Grozen said quickly, snatching up her basket. ‘Now, we’ve relied upon our neighbours’ generosity for long enough so I’m off to get some fish for our luncheon. Will you stay and join us, Cador?’

  ‘Thank you, but no,’ he replied.

  ‘Don’t get anything for me, I’ll not be eating,’ Merry muttered. Her grandmother pursed her lips.

  ‘You make sure you get two nice fish,’ Cador said firmly. ‘Whilst you’re out, Merry and I will have a chat.’

  Grozen nodded, and as soon as the door had shut behind her Cador smiled gently at Merry. Again she experienced that strange feeling, as if those piercing jade eyes were seeing into her very soul. ‘I’ll not ask how you are, my dear, for I can see you are in turmoil. It was a sad thing to have happened to your mother and …’

  ‘But that’s it,’ Merry cried. ‘I don’t know what did happen.’

  ‘Would it change anything if you did?’ Cador said in his soothing voice.

  ‘Well, yes. You see, if it was an accident that would be bad enough because she was on her way to tell me about my father … well, who he was. Obviously it was something she should have told me long ago, especially as she always said telling the truth was important even if you knew the consequences would be unfavourable, but she lied …’ She stuttered to a halt as Cador reached out and took her hand. Immediately she felt warmth penetrate the cold fog that had surrounded her since she’d heard about her mother, and the tears began to fall.

  ‘That’s better,’ he said softly. ‘Your mother was a fine woman and, as I see it, didn’t lie as such, she just didn’t tell you who your father was. She was only doing her best to protect you.’

  ‘Maybe, but she should have told me,’ she sighed. ‘If she did take her own life, then I’m to blame. She wanted me to stay here and marry Nicco, but I insisted on making my own way. It was my dream to leave here and see something of the outside world.’

  He gave a gentle smile. ‘The yen to travel, yes, I remember.’ She frowned for a moment then recalled his parting words on his last visit.

  ‘You told me my life and love lay here in Porthsallos. I should have listened, then Mother …’

  ‘Your mother’s time here on earth had come to an end, Merry. It’s as simple as that. I agree the circumstances were tragic, but I can tell you it was quick and she didn’t suffer. That’s more than can be said for some. And if you cast your mind back to our last conversation, I never said you had to remain in the village, just that your future lies here.’

  Merry frowned. ‘But why can’t Mother let me know what happened?’

  ‘Because she isn’t able to return, at least not as she was,’ he said sadly.

  CHAPTER 38

  Merry felt as if her heart had been sliced right in two. Never had she experienced such pain, and putting her head in her hands she wept as she never had before. She cried until she had no more tears left. As pent-up misery came gushing out in a storm, Cador sat quietly beside her. Then as her sobs subsided into hiccups, he leaned forward and threw twigs onto the dying fire.

  ‘Remember your sister in blood?’

  ‘Jenna? Of course, but what has she got to do with anything?’

  ‘She asks if you remember the day you went off with Mealy Mouth’s box?’

  Merry’s eyes widened. How did he know the name they’d given the surly fisherman? But Cador was watching her and waiting.

  ‘We waited until he fell asleep over his fishing rod, then ran off with his maggots,’ she admitted. ‘After hiding them in our secret hole in the old oak we forgot about them. When we finally returned and lifted the lid they’d turned into bluebottles. As they flew away we cheered because we’d set them free.’

  ‘Freedom,’ Cador smiled. ‘That’s what Jenna wants you to remember, for that is what your mother is experiencing now. Unbeknown to her, she fell in love with a married man and whilst you were her pride and joy, she never got over that, could never move on. She was a prisoner of her past but now she is free and you must be happy for her.’

  ‘But if Jenna can speak to you why can’t Mother?’

  ‘She’s not ready yet, Merry.’

  ‘But you’re a witch – surely you can cast a spell, conjure her up or something?’

  He shook his head. ‘I am a Cornish Charmer and have certain powers that I use to help and heal. Charms work but not always in the way you might expect, and only when the time is right.’

  ‘But I need to know now,’ she cried, tears falling unchecked down her face once again. Cador stared at her with those jade all-seeing eyes. ‘Get her to come back and tell me she’s all right,’ she pleaded.

  ‘That she is all right, I can assure you, and she will send that message,’ he promised. ‘However, as I said, you will only recognize it when the time is right. Now close your eyes and imagine heaven is the wide open sky and earth a deep pond. Can you picture that?’

  ‘Yes,’ she frowned, wondering what on earth this could have to do with her mother.

  ‘Now picture a nymph swimming in the water. One day she sees the shadow of a damselfly soaring free above and yearns to be with her. She can’t, of course, for she has yet to grow the wings that will enable this. The damselfly can drink of the water’s surface but cannot dive below, for it has evolved and moved on. Such is the way of life.’

  Merry frowned, trying to take in what he was telling her. ‘So I’ll never see her again?’ she whispered, tears welling once more.

  ‘Remember damselflies and one day you will understand. Now take hold of my hands,’ he instructed.

  Hesitantly she reached out and placed her hands in his. Immediately a feeling of peace spread through her body. She gazed at him in surprise but his eyes were closed, his lips moving silently. After a few moments, she felt the intensity of his gaze boring into her.

  ‘Take comfort from the fact your mother is free from the guilt that plagued her throughout her time on earth. Rejoice that she is happy and know that one day, when you are healed, you will be too.’ He stared at her for a long moment, his jade eyes seeming to peer into her very soul. Then, as if satisfied, he got to his feet and left.

  As Merry sat mulling over his words, Grozen came bustling in, her basket laden.

  ‘That wind’s blowing like blazes so no fish for us today. We’ll have to make do with bread and cheese. Still, Pucky Pint says the pilchards should be coming in soon. There’s been sighting of a shoal further round the point.’

  ‘Bread’s fine, I’m not very hungry anyway,’ Merry sighed.

  ‘But you need to eat and do some work,’ her grandmother said firmly. ‘The money from our knitting has seen us through the winter but we’ve not done any since …’ her voice trailed away. Sighing, she set the rest of her things on the table. ‘Anyway, we need to get back to it or Mr Fairbright won’t be happy when he returns. Once we’ve eaten we’ll settle by the fire and pick up our pins.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t think …’ Merry began.

  ‘Well, it’s time you did. This food didn’t just jump into my basket, it needed paying for,’ Grozen said as she cut into a fresh loaf. ‘If you’re not going back to Plymouth then you’d better carry on with Kar … Karenza’s … knit frock.’ Grozen swallowed, her eyes suspiciously bright. ‘There’ll soon be work at the pallace as well. I can’t do everything by myself, Merry.’

  As her grandmother stood there wagging her finger at her as if she was a child, Merry felt a wave
of shame wash over her. Rushing over, she threw her arms around her grandmother.

  ‘Oh, Grozen, I’m sorry I haven’t been much help but I feel as if I’m in some kind of cold, miserable fog.’

  ‘I know that feeling only too well but, like I said, you need to keep busy and you can start by making us some tea to go with luncheon. I’m fair parched.’

  Merry gave a tremulous smile and did as she’d been asked.

  ‘So how did you get on with Cador?’ Grozen asked when they’d finished their meal.

  Merry shrugged. ‘He mumbled on about nymphs and damselflies. It was a load of rubbish, really. Said when I saw them it would be the sign I was looking for. I mean, what on earth could that have to do with Mother?’

  ‘He works in mysterious ways, does Cador. But I’ve never known him be wrong,’ Grozen said, going over to the fire and jabbing it with the poker. ‘Come and sit down, Merry, the clearing up can wait.’

  Merry nodded but no sooner had she sat down than her grandmother fell asleep.

  As she sat listening to her gentle snores, Merry felt guilt sweep over her again. How could she have left everything for Grozen to do? It really was time she contributed towards their upkeep. And as for that Cador, he was an oddball and she’d take his gibbering with the proverbial pinch of salt.

  It seemed the pilchards would be reappearing soon and she would have to work at the pallace. That would mean seeing Nicco. The alternative was to return to her job in Plymouth, but that seemed a world away now. Her grandmother grunted in her sleep and Merry shook her head, knowing she wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone. She wondered how Freckles and Pru were and then, seemingly out of nowhere, a picture of Carey appeared in her mind. She smiled, remembering his tender looks, the fun they’d had. Then, like a blanket, the fog descended. If she hadn’t met him her mother would still be alive, wouldn’t she? She frowned into the fire, lost in contemplation once more.

  ‘Right, girl, I need to get on with my knitting,’ Grozen’s voice penetrated her thoughts, making her jump. ‘Honestly, girl, you’re a bundle of nerves. Why don’t you do some with me? It will take your mind off things and you might find the rhythmic motion soothes your nerves.’