by Lacey Thor
“Do you need me for anything?”
“No,” Aleksy told him. “You can head up and crash with her. I’ll keep watch down here and listen for updates. You could use the rest, too. You’ve been running yourself ragged since she got here, keeping an eye on her while doing everything Tony wants.”
“She’s worth it,” Mitch swore.
Aleksy glanced down at his mate. “Love always is.”
Where Tony kept his personal thoughts and feelings close to his chest, Aleksy didn’t hide how much he loved and adored his mate. Mitch wouldn’t, either.
“It is,” he agreed. “I’m heading up then. Wake me if anything happens.”
He didn’t say what. It didn’t need to be said. Losing any of the ones currently fighting for their lives would be a devastating blow to the pride. Tah was the alpha, the leader they’d waited for. Gabriel had been known as The Angel to many shifters, an avenging legend who’d hunted down and brought justice for shifters hurt by hunters and their ilk. Mueller was the heart of the pride, a father figure to many of them, especially the shifters who’d grown up without a parental figure. Then there was Vic. Fast-talking former soldier who kept everyone on their toes. She backed down from nothing and no one and loved just as fiercely. That was easy to see when she was with her mate and fellow pride members.
He made his way up to the room Quinn was in. It was at the back, closest to the rear exit, and dark since it only had one window. He easily made out her shape when he eased in the door. Both mother and son appeared to be sleeping soundly.
He kicked off his shoes and shed his shirt, jeans and socks, then slid onto the bed in just his boxers. He’d been going to bed with Quinn stripped down like this since the second night they’d spent together. She’d never said a word, merely cuddled against him, letting him hold her through the night.
Aleksy was right. He’d run himself ragged. He definitely wasn’t on the top of his game. He needed about ten hours of sleep, so his body could reboot. He sprawled out on his back, lifting one arm to cover his eyes while he tried to deal with his emotions. He could have lost her today. Again. How many times was a man supposed to watch the woman he loved almost die?
“Mitch.”
Her voice whispered over him as she moved closer, snuggling against his side. He dropped his arm from his eyes and wrapped it around her, tugging her even closer.
“Thank you for bringing Emery.”
“Of course.” Didn’t she know he’d do anything for her?
“Are you okay?”
He felt her restless energy.
“I’m good,” he promised. “Tired. Will you rest with me? I don’t think I can sleep if you’re not here.”
She was silent for a long moment, then he felt her nod against him before she spoke.
“Yes. For a bit. I need to keep an eye on Emery.”
She didn’t say anything else, but he felt the tremor in her body. What was it about her silent tears that tore him apart faster and more thoroughly than if she’d been sobbing hysterically? It was the stoicism. The way she tried so hard to hold herself together. Which shouldn’t surprise him. She’d lived with hunters. Been at their mercy, subjected to their every whim. Dependent on them for everything. Silence had probably been her golden ticket in the hell she must have endured.
“Let it out, baby,” he urged, pulling her even closer until her head was on his chest. “Let it fucking go.”
The first sob seemed to catch in her throat. Almost like a half-hearted attempt. Or as if after years of bottling shit inside, she’d lost the ability to vocalize. In contrast, her tears were like a river. Soaking his skin and dripping down to wet the sheets beneath him. Her shoulders shook with her grief. Both fresh and old, he imagined. And he hurt for her. He wanted to go back and prevent what had happened today. Hell, he wanted to go back and prevent her from ever joining the hunters to begin with. It hadn’t brought her justice for her mother’s death. It had only brought her to the attention of a madman who’d used her as some experiment as if she weren’t human at all.
Her fist pressed hard against his chest, and he knew she was biting it, probably another habit learned in captivity. He reached down and moved it, pressing her fingers flat and weaving them through his own. She growled, sharp teeth nipping at his skin before licking over the bites then pressing warm, open-mouthed kisses to his chest. As much as he wanted her, he wouldn’t let either of them use the other to forget.
“No,” he told her, forcing her head up so her gaze could meet his. “Not like this.”’
She pulled away, curling into herself, her face broadcasting the rejection she felt. He reached for her, going to her when she wouldn’t let him tug her back to him. He wrapped around her instead, before turning and managing to lift her enough to sit her in his lap before cradling her face in his hands.
“Don’t misread the room, Quinn. You know I want you. I’ve made no secret of it since the day we met. My body wants you. My mind wants you.” He paused, making sure he had her full attention. “My heart wants you. I’m all in. Every part of me. So don’t use me to escape what you’re feeling. That’s not fair to either one of us. When we finally come together, and we will, it will be about that want, that desire, and the other tangle of emotions that keep us coming back to each other. It’ll be about us and only us. Understand?”
She nodded, and more tears leaked from the corners of her eyes to slip across her cheeks.
“It’s my fault, Mitch. Tah and Gabriel. Vic and Professor Mueller.”
She stopped there, swallowing hard before she continued.
“Whatever happens, it’s on me. “
“You know that’s not true.”
“They came here for me. It was never about Talbot. They’ve never cared about him. Every attack was geared toward getting to me.”
“And if it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else, something else. They were always going to come here. It’s why the pride settled. Why they stopped running. Why they planted roots and encouraged others to join them. It was always going to come to this type of showdown. No matter what happens, you need to know that. This isn’t your fault.”
“This time. This showdown. I’m the catalyst. Me and my son. And this blood is on my hands.”
Mitch didn’t say anything. She wasn’t ready to listen to him yet. She couldn’t hear the truth in his words because she was still struggling to deal with the horror of what had happened.
“We did learn something,” he noted aloud instead.
“What?”
“They’re willing to sacrifice as many as they need to get to you.” He glanced down at the top of her head where she’d lain it against his chest again. “What is it about you that has them so scared?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered, and the tremble in her voice told him that lack of knowledge had her scared, too. Then she took a deep breath, pushing away until she slid off the bed and stood beside him.
“Maybe, this has something to do with it.”
She took another deep breath, holding it for the longest moment until he was almost lightheaded from it. She closed her eyes, relaxed her shoulders, then flicked her eyelids back up. Her eyes glowed. Aleksy’s words came back to him.
She’s got some shifter characteristics, but she’s not a shifter.
She lifted her hands, and claws sprouted from the tips of her fingers.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” she whispered. “What’s inside me. But every day it gets harder and harder to hold it back. I’m ripping apart, Mitch, and I’m terrified one day I’m going to wake up and…not be me any longer. It terrifies me, and I can’t do anything to stop it.”
He stood and went to her, pulling her against him. “What if you weren’t afraid? What if you embraced it?”
“What are you saying?”
“Every time this side of you has come out, it’s been to protect you and Emery. I don’t think you need to fear it, but obviously, the hunters do. Enough
that they’ll sacrifice themselves to try and take you out.”
“Why?” she asked, and he shook his head.
“I don’t know,” he told her. “But I think it’s past time we found out.”
Chapter Twelve
Quinn was hollow. She snuggled Emery closer, finding comfort in him the way she had when he’d been growing inside her. She was still in the bedroom at Tony’s farmhouse where Mitch had joined her. They’d spent the last few days barely leaving it, and guilt ate at her for that, as well. She’d slept and fallen deeper in love with Mitch while others had spent the time pacing the floors, waiting for news on their loved ones.
Tah and Gabriel were holding their own, though neither man was awake. Both of their respective mates refused to leave their sides. From what Quinn understood, both men were in induced comas to give their bodies time to heal. According to Tony, it would be a few more days before they were allowed to wake.
Professor Mueller hadn’t regained consciousness, either. He’d coded several times while they’d worked to stabilize him. Tony had sent in Drake, who’d been a trauma surgeon before he’d joined their teams. The man was the best of the best, and it was only due to his skill that Mueller had made it out of surgery. When the professor’s daughter and her four mates had arrived within hours after the attack, Jess had taken over her father’s care. Though not awake, he was currently stable. His coma hadn’t been induced, and none of them had any idea when or even if he’d wake up. No one said that in Jess’ presence, though.
Then there was Vic. She’d coded so many times they’d lost count. No one would give up on her, though. Gideon refused to leave her room. Tony said he honestly thought her mate was the only thing keeping Vic with them. She wouldn’t leave him. More than one shifter had claimed if they lost Vic, they’d lose Gideon, too. He’d never recover. He’d preferred to travel alone before he met her and joined the pride she called home. If he lost her, there was no telling what he’d do.
And the entire pride held their breaths. It was like a vigil minus the candles. And still Quinn hadn’t ventured out to see anyone. She admitted to herself it was fear as much as anything else. She was to blame. No matter what logic Mitch tried to use to spin things around. This fight, this blood bath, could be placed exclusively at her feet. She’d been the catalyst who set everything in motion. Knowing that twisted her up inside. She was close to breaking. She knew it and fought it with all she had.
“Knock, knock.”
Quinn glanced over to see Reno’s mate, Amia, in the doorway. She shouldered open the door and entered, carrying a tray of food.
“Wasn’t sure if you’d eaten yet today.”
“Not yet,” Quinn admitted, eyeing the other woman warily. She’d rarely spoken to Amia, other than passing pleasantries, so why was she at Tony’s checking on Quinn?
Mitch had slipped from the bed they’d shared some time in the early hours of the morning. He’d spooned her throughout the night, holding her close against his body, one arm draped over her hip while the other had been slipped under her pillow, his hand holding hers as they’d slept. She’d tried to use him the first night, and he’d called her out on it. She hadn’t expected it, and she should have. From the moment they’d met, he’d stepped in and taken care of her. He saw through every shield she threw up and stayed. He stayed. She was afraid to read into that but he’d gone and told her they’d make love soon. Now, that was churning in her mind with a bunch of other things, making her feel guilty for how he made her feel.
“I could hold him for you while you eat?”
Amia’s offer brought Quinn out of her thoughts. Hell, she spent far too much time in her head as it was. And why was Amia checking on her? Shouldn’t she be with Abby and Reno keeping watch over Tah?
“Why are you here?”
Social niceties had escaped her long ago.
“Reno’s with Abby who refuses to leave Tah’s room. Kenzie and Laura are with Gabriel and both Logan and Daniel are sticking close also. Jess and her mates have surrounded Professor Mueller, completely taking over his care. And there are way too many people in and out of Vic’s room checking on both her and Gideon.” Amia shrugged as her gaze bounced around the room. “I’ve never been good at intense situations. I tend to lockdown emotionally.”
“Join the club,” Quinn quipped.
“Great club, huh.”
“Be careful with his head.” Quinn passed her son to an unsuspecting Amia. She might have offered to hold the baby, but she’d obviously not imagined Quinn would agree. “You brought the food. It smells good so I’m eating.”
Amia took Emery and cuddled him against her chest, dropping her head to breathe him in. Quinn understood that. She’d done it since she’d woken up.
“He’s so little and so strong all at the same time. I can’t believe he’s premature.”
“Have you ever seen a premature shifter baby?” Quinn asked.
“No,” Amia admitted.
“Me either, so as far as I’m concerned he’s perfectly normal.” Or as normal as he could be given the circumstances of his conception and birth.
“Did you cook this?” Quinn hadn’t realized how starved she was until the first bite of bacon and eggs hit her tastebuds.
“Thankfully, no, or you wouldn’t have that look of bliss on your face. You’d be gagging and trying not to hurl, wondering how the hell someone could screw up eggs, which, believe me, I can. It’s a serious skill.”
“I can’t cook, either. Never really learned how. Then…”
She paused as everything came back to her. Her mother had died. Her world had turned upside down, sending her on a crash course with Victor Talbot, becoming his lab rat. Then she’d found her way back home only to bring down hell on those trying to help her. Life could be cruel and unfair.
“It wasn’t your fault. I hope you know that.”
Only, it was and they both knew it. The food Quinn had managed to swallow felt like dust in her throat, heavy in her belly, and she fought the desire to lean over and purge it all onto the floor.
“I met Reno when I saved him from a group of Blane hunters. My father’s men. They had Reno hanging on a wall, beaten and bloody. Still, he took my breath away. Even then, he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. I fought him every step of the way when he dragged me with him back to Colorado. I was convinced I was going to get them all killed.”
“Obviously, you didn’t,” Quinn pointed out.
Amia swayed on her feet, rocking Emery back and forth in her arms.
“No, I didn’t. My father spent years torturing me. Letting me make a friend then stepping in and cutting them down in front of me just to show me he could. He beat me, cut me…” She paused, swallowing as she stared intently at Emery. “Buried me alive. Again and again and again. He made my life hell. Then I met Reno. To hear him tell it, I saved his life, but the truth is, he saved mine. He still does. Every day. The way he looks at me, loves me. I’ve only ever been truly alive since I met him.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
Amia shrugged again. “Because you remind me of me. Isolated. Afraid to open up, to trust in anyone or anything because I’d been let down and betrayed so many times. Conditioned. That’s what I was. Conditioned by my father. The way you’ve been conditioned by Talbot.”
She eased a sleeping Emery back into the basket then sat beside Quinn on the bed.
“They don’t get to win, Quinn. Or be in control any longer.”
“I don’t know what you want from me,” Quinn admitted.
“I want you to get angry. To stop letting Talbot and his words take up space in your head. I want you to start demanding answers. None of the others can get through to Talbot, but I think you can. I think he’s been waiting for you.”
“If he has, it’s because he has his own agenda. I promise you that.” Quinn had no doubt about it.
“Then meet him head-on with an agenda of your own. Don’t keep playing his game. Force him to pla
y yours.”
“What does this have to do with you?” Quinn asked, knowing there had to be a reason Amia was bringing it up.
“I’m going to speak to him with you.”
“I don’t see your mate letting that happen.”
“I love Reno, but he doesn’t get to make my choices for me. This is something I need to do. I didn’t lead hunters to Colorado, but they nearly killed my mate’s sister before he even knew she existed. All to get to me. To draw me out. Daniel nearly lost his life. And Murphy disappeared. That’s the sea I’m sailing on so I know how heavy the guilt can weigh you down. I feel it every day that passes with us having no idea where Murphy is. See it when I look at Finn’s face, a face I’m ecstatic to see because he almost died because of me, as well. The thought of what my father and his ilk could be doing to Murphy right now… It guts me.”
Amia’s face was pale, her eyes huge as she took Quinn’s hands and squeezed. “You’re his crowning glory. I’m Marcus Blane’s daughter. The two of us together? He won’t be able to help himself. He’ll talk. I know he will.”
That was what Quinn was afraid of. That Talbot would start talking and say things she didn’t want to hear, things that couldn’t be taken back once they were said. She was also worried that he wouldn’t. That he’d never tell her everything he’d done to her. What he had done to Emery. Then somewhere down the line, they’d be hit with a surprise that would tear them apart.
How did she fight what she didn’t know? How did she prepare her son for anything when she had no idea what the future held for either of them? Yet how did she say no to the unlikeliest of allies? She didn’t. She couldn’t. Because as much as she feared them, she needed those answers. Her son needed those answers. And if she was going to pursue any type of normal relationship with Mitch, he needed those answers, too.
“I do want answers. There are things I need to know. But I can have that conversation with him on my own. Why do you want to be a part of it? And don’t use the guilt thing. You know I get that better than anyone, but I can’t help wondering if there’s something more to this.”