by Rye Brewer
Mom turned to me. “Do you have a reason why you’re not in training right now? I didn’t think we were here for you to take walks alone.”
“Taking a break right now. It’s for the best.”
When she raised her eyebrows, waiting for more, I turned away. It was too much to talk about, and I never intended to talk it over with her in the first place.
“Why is it for the best?” she pressed. The anger was draining from her voice, one word at a time. She sounded more like a concerned, exasperated mother.
I didn’t even know how much I missed hearing that until I heard it again.
I shook my head, looking out over the water again. I wished I could get a handle on how I felt. “I don’t know. For one thing, he hates vampires.” I laughed bitterly.
“That’s a wonderful start.” Her tone was rueful.
“But sometimes… sometimes, it’s like there’s this thing…”
“Thing?”
“This thing where he’s nice all of a sudden. Like, out of nowhere, he’s another person. He’s smart and sweet and nice and funny.”
“Sweet?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes. Sweet, I suppose. And I don’t know what to think about it. I sort of like him, I guess.”
“Oh, this is unfortunate,” she chuckled knowingly.
“I can get past that. I really can. I wish I didn’t like him so much—that would make training so much easier.”
“Nothing is easy. Isn’t that clear yet?” She smiled lovingly and linked an arm through mine. “You’re attracted to the wrong person. It happens all the time. It happened to me. Not that he was wrong,” she corrected, shaking her head, “but he seemed wrong at the time. It all seemed wrong, like it would never work.”
“What did you do?”
“I had his baby,” she said with a smile. “Anissa’s father.”
We walked arm-in-arm, and I felt better than I had back in the village. I wasn’t alone anymore. There was somebody like me. That good feeling was probably what gave me a little courage.
“What about my dad? How did that start? You never told me.”
She sighed, leaning against me a little. “How much do you remember about him?”
I searched my memory. “There isn’t much. It’s mostly feelings and impressions. Emotions. I remember laughing a lot. He would tease Anissa and me. He would hide in the closet and jump out to tickle us. He would give piggyback rides and bounce us around, and we would laugh—I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard in my life,” I added.
“I remember those days. I remember laughing with you. There’s nothing better for a mother than to hear her children laughing the way you did.”
“I also remember him being away a lot. I remember missing him.”
Her face drooped a little. “Yes. He always had business with his clan. It wasn’t easy, but he had his position to consider.”
This was news to me. “Who was he? I guess I assumed he was a Carver.”
“You were too young to understand. Or maybe I just didn’t give you credit enough to believe that you would understand. I’m not sure.”
I smiled. “What do you think? Am I old enough now?”
She only sighed and stared off into the distance. “Brandeis’s clan still made its home in the Old Country. Over in Europe. He had to return there from time to time in order to help settle clan business.”
“He held a position of authority in his clan?”
“Oh, yes. His father was leader of the Konig clan. He might still be, for all I know.”
My mouth fell open.
The Konigs were one of the original vampire clans, stretching all the way back to antiquity. They were practically royalty among vampires. And I was one of them?
“So, he could’ve been head of the clan one day?”
“Before he met me, yes.” Her smile became wistful. “I always told him I didn’t want to be the cause of him renouncing his birthright. That’s too heavy a burden for a person in love to bear, knowing that they were the cause of their loved one’s unhappiness. He swore it didn’t matter, that he never wanted to lead his clan. He saw what a lot of trouble it was for his father and didn’t want that for himself. Of course, for his father it was all about power. I believe Brandeis would’ve made a wonderful leader. He had a way of earning respect and trust without trying. He liked people, too. He had such an open, friendly nature.”
“I remember that,” I murmured. He was always in a good mood, always blowing into a room with a smile or a laugh. His laugh was infectious. “Why couldn’t he take his place in his clan?”
“Because of my… past.” She turned her face away.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not ashamed of anything you’ve done. I know you loved Anissa’s father, too.”
“I did. I still do, in a way. It all happened as it should have—if I had married him, I wouldn’t have you.”
“Things worked in my favor, then.”
She laughed. “I suppose they did.”
“But Dad didn’t mind about your history with Gregor?”
Her smile was bright and sure. “Not one bit. He never understood why the others treated me as an outcast. He used to laugh and reminded me how antiquated his clan’s views were, then tell me they were nothing compared to the way we conducted business here in the States.”
“How did you meet him?” I remembered him having a slight accent, but it wasn’t pronounced enough for me to make the connection with him being European. I learned something new every day.
“He had made a second home in the States just after the end of World War I—it pained him too much to see the destruction that war caused his home country. He wasn’t human, but he felt deeply for them and for the destruction of their way of life. So he left as soon as it was safe to travel and bought a home on Long Island.”
“Long Island?”
“I know. Of all places. But he always enjoyed the ocean. That was where we met. Right there on the beach, late one night.” Her sigh was sweet. “I loved him very much. Very deeply. Even to the end, my heart fluttered when I saw him. When he’d come home from one of his trips to the Old Country, it would feel like we were just meeting for the first time all over again. He healed my heart after the break with Gregor and made me very happy for a long time.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“I was sure I would never find anyone to love again. Not after I had him. It seemed certain that anyone else would be a poor substitute. Besides, I was focused on healing after the Fire. I’m not sure to this day which brought me more pain—knowing I would never see him again, or healing after coming so close to death myself.”
“Did you love Allonic’s father?”
I had to ask. It bothered me more than it should have to know she found somebody else after Dad. How immature could I be? Still, I couldn’t help but feel like Dad got lost in the shuffle. It should only have mattered that she was happy.
“Oh, yes. In a different way from the way I loved Brandeis, but there was a lot of love there. He saved my life and risked his own to protect and heal me. Just because he entered my life after Brandeis doesn’t mean he didn’t matter—and it doesn’t mean your father didn’t matter.” She paused for effect, or to let me process that before dropping the overall lesson on me. “It’s possible for love to change. Just because we love one person doesn’t mean they’re the only one we’ll ever love. Sometimes it doesn’t work out for one reason or another, or two lovers are separated by death. Love is always out there, all around us. We just have to find it again.”
She understood that I was thinking about Scott and Stark, even though I hadn’t explained what I was going through.
“And that’s all right? To admit that things have changed, I mean?”
“Some people are meant to be in our lives for a reason—and when they’ve done what they came to do, the time comes to move on.” She took my hand. “It’s all right to let go when that’s the case.”
I wished it were that simple.
30
Anissa
I let the nearly scalding hot water run over my head, down the length of my body, then down the drain. If it could only wash away everything that happened at the St. Regis…
I wrapped my arms around my trembling body—how could I possibly feel cold when steam billowed up from the shower and filled the room?
I’m safe. I’m at Jonah’s and I’m safe. Nobody can hurt me here.
Even so, my teeth chattered.
I almost died. I was just there, on the edge.
If I closed my eyes, I could remember everything going blurry, fuzzy around the edges, sort of gray. The sensation of wanting to move but not having the strength. Wanting to tell Jonah I loved him, but not being able to open my mouth and make the words come out.
I didn’t want to ever feel that way again. That slow process of feeling life draining from me and powerless to do anything about it. Not being able to hold on.
I closed my eyes and leaned against the cold marble of the shower wall. I was clean, cleaner than clean, but no amount of hot water or soap could make me feel good again. It was a waste of time and water.
I turned off the spray and opened the door—the extra-fluffy towel and robe Jonah had given me were hanging just outside the shower.
I took my time drying off and wondered why I was stalling. Because I knew Jonah would be waiting for me?
Maybe.
Something had happened between us back there on that roof that I was a little scared of.
I stared at myself in the mirror.
You can’t stay in here forever. You have to go back out there eventually.
What was wrong with me? Was I afraid of him? That was ridiculous. He was just Jonah. I loved him. He loved me. Nothing had changed, not really. He had saved my life. Otherwise, we were the same as we had ever been. And I owed it to him to go back out there and treat him the same as always.
I knotted the robe’s belt around my waist and toweled my hair off as I stepped out of the bathroom. The air in his room was cool compared to the steamy bathroom. Goosebumps rose on my skin.
There was a new outfit waiting for me on his bed. Probably Philippa’s. What would she think about me wearing her clothes? Did I really have to ask myself that question? She’d lose her mind.
Jonah knocked on the door. “You decent?”
I snorted. “Does it even matter anymore? Yeah. I’m still in a robe.”
He opened the door and stepped into his room. The first thought I had on seeing him was that he was just as uncomfortable as I was. His body language was sort of standoffish. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better, now that I’m clean. Thanks.”
“Of course. What was I going to do, let you walk around with blood on you?” He smiled faintly and sat on the edge of the bed.
I sat on the other side, angled so I could see him.
“I’m sorry things have gotten so crazy,” he murmured. “You don’t need all of this in your life.”
“My life was already crazy,” I reminded him. “You know. The whole assassin thing. The sister-in-a-dungeon thing.”
“But I added to it.”
“You add to my life, not to the craziness in my life. There’s a difference. You make my life better.”
His mouth twitched up at the corners. “That’s nice to hear. I hope you’re not just saying that.”
“Why would I? Have you ever known me to just say something for the sake of saying it?”
“No. You’re right. It’s one of the things I love about you—your honesty.”
My cheeks flushed. “Really?”
“One of many things,” he added with a smile.
“What else is there?”
He laughed. “Oh, you’re playing coy now? Is that a new thing?”
“I’m turning over a new leaf.” I stretched out on my back, still looking at him. “What else is there?”
“You’re good with a blade,” he grinned.
“How romantic.” I rolled my eyes with a giggle.
“You didn’t kill me when you were supposed to, so that’s a plus.”
“Wow. You’re in a very sweet mood. I mean, how many people haven’t killed you?”
“How many people were supposed to?” he asked, still smiling. He stretched out next to me, propped up on one elbow. “You were supposed to murder me. Killing me would’ve made your life a hell of a lot easier than it’s been since then. You didn’t take the easy way out.”
“I don’t like taking the easy way out—especially when the person I’m supposed to kill is gorgeous and sweet and protective and honest and honorable and…” I waved my hands like there was much more to say, but I couldn’t find the words.
When he leaned down to kiss me, I didn’t need to find the words. Instead, I curled one hand around the back of his neck and held him closer.
When I felt his hand on my thigh, I didn’t pull away. I only kissed him deeper, harder. I wanted to break down all the walls between us.
I wanted us to be one, to really be one. Together.
He broke the kiss to look down at me. His eyes were half-closed, his lips were parted as he breathed heavily through them. “I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too.” I stroked the side of his face, then ran my hand over the back of his head to tangle my fingers in his hair.
“Are you sure about this?”
I smiled and pulled him close again. “What do you think?”
31
Philippa
I was a little tired when I got back home just before dawn—coursing all that way was draining, especially when I put on extra speed to beat the sun. It paid off.
I was upstairs in the penthouse by the time the sun was coming up over the Midtown skyscrapers. At times like this, I wished I could sleep. A long sleep would’ve helped me reset the mess in my head.
What was I going to do? I still had Gage’s ring in my pocket—it was practically burning a hole there. I couldn’t stop going back to it in my head. Why was it in the dungeon? There was only one explanation, and it made me sick to my stomach.
When I thought back on the cold, dank, damp stones and pictured my brother there… when I imagined him going through the same sort of punishment I had watched Allonic suffer… my stomach did a flip-flop, and I had to fight back a rush of bile in my throat.
My poor Gage.
So it was Lucian who beat him—and made him forget about it. Like I needed another reason to hate him. I was starting to wonder if I should just let Valerius kill Lucian and get it over with. He deserved it. I only hoped he would suffer before it was over.
I paced back and forth in front of the doors leading to the balcony, chewing on my thumbnail. I had broken that habit years before, maybe decades. At least, I thought I had.
What if I gave Gage his ring and explained where I found it? It might jog his memory. He might remember why Lucian had him beaten. It would be helpful if he remembered any questions Lucian asked. I assumed he had wanted information from my brother. Otherwise, what was the point? Not that I would put it past Lucian to have Gage beaten for the sake of having him beaten.
I chewed my nail down to the bed and only stopped when I drew blood.
I had another problem, and it was much more immediate. I was only thinking about Gage to keep from thinking about how Anissa would kick my ass when she found out I got Allonic captured and tortured.
The thing was, I wouldn’t stop her if she tried. That little half-blood couldn’t do anything to me that would hurt worse than what I was doing to myself.
I deserved every word and whatever else she decided to throw at me.
He was probably at Genevieve’s hotel right now. What was she making him do? Why did she want a spiritwalker? I could’ve screamed—there was nothing I could do on my own to stop her. Besides, how could I stop anything when I didn’t know what she was pla
nning? That was my fault, too. Genevieve would never have been able to use him if I didn’t get him caught.
The penthouse was quiet. It wasn’t like the rest of them to spend so much time resting in their rooms—I was used to seeing my brothers hanging out together in the living room, comparing notes on the night.
I decided to go to Gage’s room first. I felt the ring in my pocket as I walked down the hall and knocked on the closed door.
“Gage?”
No answer.
I knocked louder.
Still nothing—when I pressed my ear to the door, I couldn’t hear a thing.
I decided to take a chance and turned the knob, then eased the door open.
The room was empty. I stepped inside. Clean as always—bed made, floor clear. If I didn’t know Gage called the room his, I would guess it was a spare. Not a sign of him anywhere.
I sat on the bed and tried to remember the last time I had seen him. I couldn’t. Dread built in the pit of my stomach.
I ran from Gage’s room and straight to Jonah’s.
“Jonah?”
I even threw the door open without knocking. And I got the surprise of my long life.
Anissa sat bolt upright with a gasp. She clutched the sheets around her chest.
I took a step back and wished I could turn back time. There were a lot of things I would happily die without ever seeing.
A naked Anissa in my brother’s bed was one of them. Maybe first on the list.
Jonah sat up and right away, his head was in his hands. “Don’t you know how to knock?”
I couldn’t answer. I was furious, disgusted, embarrassed. But it was the last thing I needed to be mad about. Anissa was going to kill me when she found out about Allonic. I couldn’t start a fight. So, instead of screaming my head off and ordering her to get her filthy half-blood butt out of my brother’s bed, I turned away and gave them a chance to get dressed while I dug my nails into my palms.
He was an adult. He had been an adult for a long, long time. I couldn’t tell him how to live or who to sleep with. But why did it have to be her? Anybody but her.