He flinched. Trust him? She’d done that and he had failed her. He was beginning to think Amelia might trust him, too, and he was going to have to tell her about all the lies. Ones that would tear her apart and maybe pull them away from each other in the process.
But he owed her the truth. About his heart, about his past, and about everything he had withheld in an attempt to save himself. And once all those things were on the table, then at least he would know he was the kind of man she deserved.
Chapter Nineteen
Amelia had always liked London. Her father had insisted they spend most of their time in the city as she was growing up, so she enjoyed the hustle and bustle, the people and the noise. But as they turned into the drive of Hugh’s city estate a few days later, she felt less enthusiastic to be in Town than she normally would have.
It wasn’t that their trip had been unpleasant. With Lizzie in the carriage with them, their threesome had been jolly, indeed. She loved watching Hugh as he interacted with his sister. His gentleness and patience made her think about him as a father, and that idea thrilled her beyond measure, for she’d always wanted a large family.
They’d played games, read out loud to each other and had some good talks. And at night, at roadside inns? Well, Hugh had been happy to remind her how lovely it was to be alone together, too.
But now she thought of Brighthollow and the wonderful time she’d had on the estate. Things would change in London. Hugh would have matters to attend to and so would she. That bubble of privacy and contentment was gone, and she would have to navigate her way in her marriage here in this more complicated world.
Still, she smiled as the carriage stopped. Hugh helped his sister out first and then her. He held her hand a little too long as they faced the pretty brick façade of the estate.
“Welcome home, Your Grace,” he murmured low. “I hope you will like this place a little more now than when we left it.”
She smiled, for it was like he’d read her mind and her worries. His low tone soothed her immediately. It was funny how he could do that.
“I already do,” she reassured him as she slid her hand into the crook of his elbow and squeezed gently. “I cannot wait to see what pleasures London brings us.”
They entered the foyer and he leaned in. “Neither can I.”
As he released her, he let his hand glide down her back and tap her backside very lightly. She jolted at the inappropriate and utterly intoxicating touch and glared at him. Damnable man and his easy seduction. Now all she could think about was that chamber upstairs, and she couldn’t go up and drag him there until she finished with…
“Your Graces and Lady Elizabeth!” Murphy gushed as he took coats and motioned for servants to take them away. “How wonderful to have you home. You’ve several messages, and supper will be ready in less than an hour if you’re of a mind to rest.”
“Oh, I could certainly use a moment,” Lizzie said with a girlish laugh. “And I cannot wait to see my old chamber. Is it just the same, Murphy?”
He smiled at her. “Just the same, my lady. We did not dare move a thing in the hopes you would return soon.”
Lizzie’s face lit up and she clapped her hands together. In that moment, there was no doubt of her youth, and Amelia smiled. She liked seeing Hugh’s sister so bright and excited and carefree. This was what Amelia wanted for her and would fight to make sure she had during their time in London.
“Go on up then, Lizzie,” Hugh said. “Reacquaint yourself with our home.”
“I will. And I won’t be late for supper. I want to plan every moment of our walk in the park tomorrow with Amelia.” She leaned and kissed Amelia’s cheek before she scrambled up the stairs, calling out her maid’s name with every exuberant step.
“Being here looks to be good for her,” Amelia mused as Murphy bowed away and left them alone a moment.
Hugh smiled as he reached out to cup her cheek. “Being with you is good for her. Thank you for being so kind to her. And to me. You’ve brought new life to us both.”
Amelia’s lips parted at those sweet words and the warm expression on his handsome face as he said them. “It’s easy to be kind to her,” she said with a shrug that belied how important this moment was to her.
“I may be more difficult, but I appreciate it nonetheless. I hope one day I will even deserve it.” He ducked his head and brushed his lips to hers briefly. Far too briefly. Then he backed away. “Murphy will leave my messages in my study—I think I’ll take the time before supper to review them. Yours will likely be in your chamber before we choose a room to transform into your own study. I’ll see you later.”
She watched him go, her heart throbbing a bit too hard, a bit too loud. Telling her things that she still struggled to hear. How could she feel so drawn to this man when she’d truly believed herself in love with another just over a month before? What did that say about her and her fickle nature?
“Perhaps it only says you thought you wanted boyish sweetness and in fact you needed something very different,” she muttered as she moved up the stairs toward their chamber and whatever peace she might find there.
But she knew it might not be any peace at all, for her heart fluttered and thoughts of her husband would likely plague her until they met again at supper.
Amelia drew a deep breath of cleansing air as she and Lizzie walked through the park together the next day. Normally such exercise cleared her mind, but today she was distracted by thoughts of…well, of a great many things. Chief amongst them was her husband. Hugh was so changed. That struck her every time she spent a moment with him. Kinder, softer, sweeter and so much more seductive.
She shivered as she thought of how he’d made love to her last night and then held her in his arms. She’d never wanted to leave.
“You are woolgathering again,” Lizzie giggled as they rounded a bend in the path.
Amelia shook off the troubling thoughts. “I am. It must be the travel that is making my mind wander.”
“Are you certain that is all it is?”
Amelia faced her with a forced laugh. “Of course, what else would it be?”
“Nothing except for your mooning over my brother day and night.” Lizzie blushed. “Perhaps I should have stayed back in Brighthollow to allow you two to be newlyweds.”
“Don’t be silly. We love that you are here with us.”
“It’s obvious you like being around him very much.”
Amelia wrinkled her brow at the uncertain tone of Lizzie’s voice. “Yes,” she said, drawing out the word slightly. “He is good company.”
“I mean you like being around him,” Lizzie repeated, her gaze darting away.
Amelia jerked in surprise, for she understood the meaning that was meant in those innocuous words. “Ah, I see. Lizzie, though it would be very inappropriate to speak to you about my…private relationship with your brother, I do think that you should know what we share is something you can still have. I hope you won’t judge your future by one bad experience from your past. With the right man everything can be…can be…perfect.”
She said the last word in a whisper, for it struck her how right that word was. Perfect was how she would describe the physical connection between herself and Hugh. And as he let his walls come down and showed her more and more of his true self, their time outside the bedroom was also becoming more perfect.
“Amelia, Lizzie!”
The two turned, and Amelia couldn’t help but smile. There, at the top of the hill, were Meg, the Duchess of Crestwood, and Charlotte, the Duchess of Donburrow. They’d stood from a picnic blanket where their young children were still playing, and were waving.
“You say you know both Meg and Charlotte, yes?” Amelia asked as they started up the hill together.
Lizzie nodded with enthusiasm. “Oh, yes. They are sisters of men in the duke club, just as I am. Though they were both so much older than I was, they both kindly included me in their circle back when
I was a girl.”
Amelia smiled. Of course they would, for she couldn’t picture either lovely woman being anything but kind, no matter their age. “Good afternoon, ladies!” she said as they reached them.
Hugs were exchanged and Amelia laughed as both women cooed over how tall and beautiful Lizzie was becoming. It was clear she would have champions of the highest caliber as she made her way in Society, and that pleased Amelia greatly. Together they could all make her transition easy.
“And look at the bride,” Charlotte said, reaching for Amelia’s hand. “The country has done you wonders—you practically glow.”
Amelia swallowed hard as Meg examined her more closely. “You do look wonderful, Amelia. I wonder whatever could be making you so happy?”
They laughed good-naturedly, and Amelia did the same, despite the heat that flooded her cheeks at their teasing. And at her own thoughts about Hugh, which rushed back, louder and more confusing and unbalancing as ever.
“Sit with us,” Meg said, patting the blanket. “We so need to catch up, Lizzie—we have not seen you in an age.”
Lizzie glanced at Amelia and, when she nodded, happily took a place on the blanket with the other two. Amelia remained standing, trying to calm her restless, throbbing heart.
“I could actually use a bit of air,” she said. “A little walk to the edge of the lake and back. But then I will sit and we’ll have a lovely, long chat together.”
The three women glanced up, and she saw concern on all their faces. Meg was gentle as she said, “Of course. Travel can be quite overwhelming. Take a moment and we will be here waiting.”
Amelia squeezed Lizzie’s shoulder, then turned and made her way back to the path. Just over the next rise was the lake’s edge, and she followed the lane there. She stood near the water, drawing deep breaths as she tried to control her wild emotions.
Emotions that were building up inside of her. Telling her one thing and one thing only: that she was in love with Hugh. And it was a much deeper and more powerful feeling than anything she had felt for Aaron Walters.
“Amelia?”
She froze as her name was said by the voice of the very man who had just come into her mind. She turned and found Walters standing before her, watching her intently.
She stared, still uncertain if this was some odd conjuring from her errant mind. And also taken aback by his appearance. He looked the same, of course, as he had when she’d left his home just two weeks before. He held a hat in his hand, but every hair on his head was perfectly in place. His bright eyes were the same. He was still tall and absolutely handsome.
But when she looked at him, she felt…nothing. He seemed a boy to her now, shifting around as he cast side glances at her. Not like Hugh, who had always held her gaze steady. Who always made her feel like he was certain at all times.
“M-Mr. Walters,” she stammered at last when she realized she had not yet responded to his greeting. “What a surprise to see you here.”
The shy smile that had been on his face faded and something harder set his jaw. “Mr. Walters,” he repeated. “Is that what he would force you to call me?”
His poisonous tone should not have been surprising to her. After all, her husband had destroyed Aaron’s hopes weeks ago, and he believed that it had been done just to hurt him. Still, hearing that venom raised her hackles and made her wish to defend Hugh.
“No,” she said. “I simply believe it would be inappropriate for me to be so familiar as to call you by your first name now.”
He folded his arms. “Very well, Your Grace.”
He stared at her, unblinking, and she shifted with growing discomfort. What had Hugh said to her all those weeks ago? That Aaron was not a good person? She’d never pressed him on that topic since. At first because she had been determined not to believe him. Then because she had been separated from Walters. There had seemed no point to finding out why her husband didn’t like him when she was trying to make the best of the situation.
Right now she wished she knew. Wished she’d pressed.
“You look well,” she said, glancing past him up toward the hill where Charlotte and Meg were sitting with Lizzie. If she needed help, would they hear her cry? And why did she feel she needed to know that answer all of a sudden?
He looked down at himself and his lips thinned. “I am a survivor. It is how I am made.” She frowned at that odd description, and the frown deepened when he stepped closer. The hard edge left his face and voice, and the boyishness returned, like it was a lever he could turn off and on. “You must be miserable.”
Amelia was once again put off by his familiarity and drive to corner her into speaking ill of Hugh. Perhaps he meant it as a comfort, perhaps he was unhappy so he wanted to commiserate. But she had no desire to participate. Not right now when she was able to admit to herself that she had fallen in love with her husband.
“No,” she said, trying to make her tone gentle but firm. “I’m not. Of course, our beginning was not ideal, but there is no misery. If you have worried about me during the time I was away, you needn’t trouble yourself further on that score.”
His eyebrows lifted. “I see.” Once again boyishness was replaced by darker things. Anger. Rage. But not pain. “Does that mean you never loved me at all, Amelia?” He emphasized her given name, and it suddenly felt like a slur he hurled.
She took a step away from him. “It will only hurt us both to talk about this, Mr. Walters.” His cheek twitched and she sighed. “Aaron. Whatever was in our past, it is over now. We must adapt and move forward. I’m certain there is much happiness to come for us both. Now I think I should go. Good day.”
She turned to walk away, but to her shock, he caught her arm. His fingers dug into her flesh as he pivoted her back, dragging her closer.
“He will convince you he cares for you,” he hissed, spittle flying from his mouth. “But he will discard you. That is his game. Be intelligent enough not to fall for it.”
Amelia jerked her arm away and lifted her hand to rub the red marks he had left on the flesh. “You forget yourself, sir,” she said. “Good day.”
She marched away, and this time he allowed her retreat, but tears had leapt to her eyes at his words. They were so cold, so cruel and…and they reflected her own fears. What if Hugh’s attention toward her was something that was fleeting? He had not declared any deeper feeling toward her, never even hinted at it. So even if she felt as she did, in the end there might be no future.
She started up the hill toward the others, but as she did, she saw Lizzie standing a few feet in front of her. She had been so upset by her encounter with Aaron, she hadn’t even noticed Lizzie coming down.
Now she stared at Lizzie’s face. It was pale, her lips trembling and her hands shaking at her sides as she gazed straight ahead. Amelia’s stomach dropped. She hoped Lizzie had not seen her interaction with Aaron and misread the situation. It would be so difficult to explain to the girl, and Hugh would certainly not be happy if he knew she’d met with her former fiancé.
“Lizzie,” she said as she got closer. “I didn’t see you coming.”
Lizzie never looked at her, just continued to stare at where Amelia and Aaron had been talking. Amelia glanced over her shoulder, but Aaron had left.
“Lizzie?” she repeated. “What is it?”
Lizzie finally looked at her, and her eyes were wide and wild. Tears gathered in her eyes. “Why?” she asked. “Why would you talk to him?”
Amelia swallowed hard and tried to remain calm in the face of Lizzie’s deep upset. “Whatever you think you saw, it isn’t what you believe,” she began, hoping to convince her sister-in-law before the moment escalated into something worse.
“Hugh said you didn’t know who he was,” Lizzie said, seemingly oblivious to Amelia’s words. “He said not to tell you his name. But you know it, obviously you know it.”
Amelia blinked as her terror was replaced by confusion. “I-I don’t under
stand, Lizzie. What are you talking about?”
Lizzie caught Amelia’s hands, and the tears that had sparkled in her eyes began to stream down her cheeks. “That is the man who seduced me,” she choked out.
Amelia’s mouth dropped open in shock. “What? No, you must be mistaken. Perhaps he only looked like that other man.”
“I would know Aaron Walters from a mile away,” Lizzie sobbed. “He took my innocence and I never wanted to see him again.”
Chapter Twenty
Hugh lifted a glass and saluted Diana and Lucas as they sat in their parlor together. Once they’d all taken a sip, Diana smiled at him. A knowing smile.
“You seem very happy,” she said with a sly look toward Lucas.
Hugh set his own drink aside with a shake of his head. “Ah, am I that obvious? Yes, I am happy. Not content, but happy.”
“Not content?” Lucas repeated. “Why is that?”
Hugh let out a long breath. This would be the first time he said these words out loud and it seemed to require courage to do so. But it was good practice, at any rate, for his plans for later.
“I have…fallen in love with Amelia,” he said. The words rang in the air around him and felt more true and right than even in his own mind.
Diana clasped her hands together and then pivoted to Lucas on the settee, where they sat together. “Oh, it is just as I told you. Isn’t it? Isn’t it?”
Lucas laughed as he settled a hand on her knee. “I never doubted you—you are ten times more clever than I am.” He turned his attention to Hugh. “In love with her, eh? I cannot say I’m unhappy this has happened. She seems a lovely woman and you will make her very happy.”
At that, Hugh’s smile fell and the joy he felt at the confession of his heart faded. “That is the part that keeps me from being content.”
“You don’t know her heart?” Diana said softly.
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