Shifting the car in park, Ellie reined in her emotions before killing the engine. Not giving herself a moment to think, she slipped out the car, closing the door behind her. The memories they'd shared in this cabin were numerous, far too many to count, all equally precious to her.
Nicholas had fabricated a kidnapping for her, had defied his father to see her, he'd nearly killed his best friend for her. Someone didn't just do things like that if they didn't love you. Nicholas cared about her, Ellie needed to believe that. She also needed to believe that it couldn't be that easy for him to just walk away from her.
With a drawn out sigh and a silent prayer to God for strength and courage, Ellie braced herself and rang the doorbell. She was hoping he was home and if he wasn't---well, Ellie could exercise patience. She counted her Mississippi's before pressing the bell again. It wasn't exactly late; eleven thirty P.M was play hour for Nicholas. His insomnia didn't allow him sleep until maybe wee hours of morning. Ellie knew this only because she'd stayed up with him during those sleepless nights talking about nothing and everything.
"Yes?" she had light brown eyes, bee-stung dahlia red lips, wavy blond hair that fell to her perfectly rounded milky shoulders and boobs. The white sheet wrapped around her chest and pooling on the floor did very little in hiding her ample endowments from Ellie's gaze. Ellie knew her.
"Ellie right?" Oh yeah. Ellie knew the bitch alright.
It took Ellie the length of exactly thirty rapid Mississippi's before she was reasonably calm enough to speak. "What the fuck are you doing here?" well, maybe she should've counted to fifty, because Ellie was suddenly far removed from calm. She was calm's ugly twice removed cousin, 'I'm-about-to-tear-you-limb-from-limb-if- you- don't- tell- me-what-the-fuck-you're-doing-half-naked- in-my-boyfriend's-home.'
Smug as any Queen Bitch ought to be at getting the upper hand on her nemesis, Evey's smugness could not be contained as she smiled at Ellie. "Nicky, invited me over. He called me to wish him off with a nice celebration dinner." She squawked indignantly when Ellie walked past her.
"Well I'm uninviting you, get your shit and get the hell out." There was only so much she could take! And this was just too damn much!
"I don't think Nicky's ready for me to leave. We were having so much fun before you came." Rubbing the salt further in the gaping wound was something Evey excelled at.
"What the hell is going on here?" And so the Devil arrived wearing nothing but a pair of the blue flannel pajama bottom Ellie had bought him. His hair had a tousled quality to it that only implied one thing. The implication of that look made Ellie ill. He slid into the room as languid as a serpent and assessed them both as a Sheik would the bickering women of his harem.
"Tell her to leave, Nicholas." Ellie quietly demanded with a composure she did not feel.
Nicholas spared a glance her way and not for the first time, he admired her strength to rein in her anger. But then again this wasn't new to him. That strength, atop countless other reasons was why he'd fallen in love with her in first place. But that love was gone now, at least, that’s what he told himself.
"Not this old song and dance again, Ellie. We've done this already. In fact last I remembered I told you we were over." His voice had a bored quality to it that further incensed Ellie.
"Be that as it may, you and I still have a few things to discuss and if you ever had any sort of respect for me and the relationship you're so determined to destroy, please get rid of her." She walked away then because the emotions were becoming far too much to handle and Ellie would rather die than give that smug bitch the satisfaction of seeing her cry.
Nicholas watched her progress the entire time until she disappeared into the living room, than he turned to Evey and said. "You have ten minutes to get your things and leave."
"But, Nicky…"
Lasers seared a hole in her flesh. “You’re down to nine, Eves."
"You'll only end up hurting her in the end." Words that echoed his own thoughts so perfectly.
Nicholas humorlessly grinned. "Yeah, but she'll always be stupid enough to come back." He rubbed a hand over his face, releasing the bone-weary sigh he had been holding in. He needed a strong drink, because that was probably the only thing that could numb the pain lodged in his chest.
Evey sighed, feeling strangely sorry for him. "Call me if you need me."
She left Nicholas with the realization that he would always need to call on people like her to make him forget how good it was with Ellie.
But he couldn't want Ellie. He wanted space. Nicholas needed the escape or else the turbulent force raging inside his core would eventually destroy them both.
It had always been a battle within him. Become Charles's heir or remain his own man? He had lived the life of a pathless miscreant, living only for the daily joys of thwarting his father and ignoring his mother. Believing that happiness was within the destruction of his own soul. He'd been content to fuck, drink and party his way through life without needing anyone. Love and happiness was never meant for someone like him. He'd come to terms with that long ago. But then Nicholas met Ellie and everything changed. His perspective on life took a complete one eighty.
Suddenly, he found he could truly laugh. He could relax without having to worry about anything or anyone. He could find the simplest of joys from bringing a smile to one person's face. Nicholas found himself holding a conversation without it being a battle of cunningness. He found new meaning in things. Found that he could be both friend and lover. Ellie saw the little good in him that Nicholas himself failed to see. Ellie made him want to see that good. Be that good for her.
She gave him things. Unknowingly gave him hope in family. In Ellie Nicholas found love. An emotion that had eluded him all his life, now presented to him by a fiery, incredibly beautiful girl whose spirit was to be envied. They'd lived through trials and tribulations and their happiness had been in reach. Nicholas hadn't believed in happily-ever-afters but with Ellie, he’d been ready to forge one. But then life intervened, just as it always did, pissing on his parade. His daughter's death happened and everything went to shit.
Isabella's death was the catalyst to his current turbulent mental state. He hadn't been able to protect her. He'd failed her. Just as his parents failed him. Just as he was doomed to fail Ellie and Sophie. There was a weakness within himself that he couldn't abide. And because of that weakness his daughter had died. He was just as responsible for killing her. The pain was fathomless. The guilt ran marrow deep.
Failure was a bitter pill to swallow and it would always be the case if he remained with Ellie. Because despite how many times a leopard changed its spots, no matter how many times he believed he could be the one thing Ellie needed, Nicholas knew that he'd always end up hurting her. Failing her. It was what he did. It was what a Grayson did. Isabella's death had slammed that fact home.
Cut out the cancer before it destroyed everything. Nicholas was resolute in removing himself from Ellie's life, even if he had to take a scalpel to do so. Before he left for Eton Ellie would be a sweet memory locked tightly away and cautioned to open only on rainy days.
Slipping the Grayson mask into place was becoming increasingly painless as each day went on. Pretty soon, he wouldn't even need to remind himself to put it on and try to act the emotionless fucktard.
"Now," he entered the room with ease, immediately heading for the bar. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"
"Are you demented?"
The bitterness of the drink remained on his tongue for a brief second, before it burned a blaze down his throat. "That remains to be determined."
"God!" Her eyes were red, but the tears had long ago dried out. "Cut the crap, already. Just…just stop it, and speak to me like a normal person! I want to speak to Nicholas, not to Charles's spawn."
"They're one and the same.” He said dimly.
"No. Right now, I'm speaking to Charles's clone, I want my Nicholas. I want to speak to the man I feel in love with."
"D
on't be obtuse, Ellie, they're the same fucking person. Now tell me what the fuck you want or get the hell out of my home."
"Why are you doing this?" She was suddenly tired of all the games. "Why are you hurting me like this? The Nicholas I know would never willingly hurt me."
"Maybe you don't know him all that well then." He didn't feel drunk, Nicholas silently mused as he stared at the disappearing drink in the snifter.
Ellie stepped away from the couch she'd been standing behind and walked to where Nicholas stood. "I know you well enough to know that you'd never hurt me."
Nicholas abandoned his post at the bar and advanced on her. Ellie held her ground, craning her neck to meet his cool stare. "You. You. You. It's always about you, isn't it?"
"It's about us, Nicky. Let me help you… talk to me." She made to bring her hand to Nicholas's chest, but he grabbed her wrist instead just before it made contact.
"I don't want your help. I don't want to talk to you." Nicholas's words were hushed venom, whispered so close to Ellie's face that the stench of alcohol perfumed the air between them. "I'm sick and tired of seeing your face. I'm counting the days until I leave so I won't ever have to look at you again." Releasing her wrist with disgusted shove, Nicholas stepped back.
"‘I may not know the meaning of love, but I know the feelings I have for you are stronger than anything I have ever known. I go to bed and wake every morning with you on my mind. I can't seem to function unless I have you around me’. You said those words to me, Nicky, remember?" The tears were silent when they came. "We've been through so much together, and through each obstacle, I gritted my teeth and trudged through because I knew I had your love there to get me through it. You've been my guiding light, always there when I needed you most. Please, I'm begging you, if any part of you has ever loved me at all, Nicky, please let me help you. Let me be there for you." She invaded Nicholas's space, took his hand within her own and tenderly brought them to her lips. Kissing each knuckle, love and fear shining in her beautiful eyes.
It would've been so easy then, take the amnesty that was being offered and run with it. But Nicholas's inner demons refused him absolution. They wanted penance and demanded his and Ellie's love on a silver platter.
"Okay," he gave her a deprecating smile, crowding her suddenly, pulling her flush against his body. "I knew you've always been good for one thing." He cupped Ellie's ass and laughed when she immediately struggled out of his reach. "What's wrong, Ellie I thought you wanted to help me. My dick is in excruciating pain, I was just taking what you were offering."
"Tell…tell me that you don't love me and I'll walk out of your life for good."
And there was the grand opportunity! Nicholas could see that Ellie meant what she'd just said. This was his big chance.
"I've fallen completely and utterly out of love with you Ellie Holbrook. You mean nothing to me now…you’re just another faceless name in a sea of hundreds." Nicholas made absolutely sure that their gazes locked and in his own, there remained nothing but cool enmity. He wanted Ellie's hope shattered. Their love decimated.
His words cut marrow deep. There would be no tourniquet thick enough to staunch the flow of blood leaking from Ellie's heart. She blinked rapidly, putting a hand to her chest to stop the pain that felt like a living thing within her. "When you go through the rest of your life, Nicky, I want you to remember this moment exactly as it is now. I want you to remember the words you've just said and I want you to remember that this is the moment you've lost a lover and friend." And gained a child.
How devastating would it have been to add in those words?
Ellie brushed her tears away, closing the door behind her. Nicholas owed her nothing. Being pregnant with his child was not something Ellie would've used for vengeance or even for entrapment. He wanted to leave? Fine then, the world was his stadium, let him play his games.
Ellie wanted nothing more to do with him. From this day forward, her hands were washed clean of Nicholas Grayson.
If ever the questions of its father arose, Ellie would share with her child all that Nicholas was. A man who was as stupidly foolish as he was eternally magnificent.
###
Beautiful Disaster (The Bet) Page 28