“No, there's a thing staying still beside the moon. Space junk would move in orbit. A thing that stays in the same place has to be using power to do that so it must be a UFO.”
“So you’re gonna catch it?”
“I'm only going to locate the critters who landed from it and call in the Army to take care of them. With me getting proper credit of course. I may need your help with my equipment,” Krinkle said, pointing to a large cardboard carton on the back seat of his car. Small flaps cut in the right side and the top exposed the currently unextended telescoping rods of two rabbit-ear type antennas. Large flaps in the front and the left side revealed a device inside with multiple dials and switches that could be observed and reached through those flaps. “That my FODD, my foreign origin detection device. I learned how to make it in a dream. It should let me tell from a distance who's not an earthling.”
“Does it work?” Jones asked, fascinated with the idea.
“Uh, I haven't detected any aliens with it yet to be sure but I have confidence in it. The smaller thing beside it in the other box is my jammer.”
“You take your jammies out for car rides?”
“My jammer. It's to jam the aliens' communications systems so they can't call for help as I close in on ‘em.”
“You throw jam on their radios so they're too gunked up to talk into?” Jones seldom had an easy time with more than the most basic statements but he was amiable and willing to help with grunt work if you gave him detailed instructions and supervised him closely.
“No, my jammer detects their wave lengths and automatically swamps those with music off the radio. Mostly country music since that’s popular around here. The aliens can't hear one another because of all the broken hearts and unfaithful boy or girl friends.”
“Won't that make the aliens not trust cowboys?”
“A small price to pay for catching them before they can learn our secrets. Let’s do this thing. George Krinkle and Zippedy Jones are off.”
“That's what my mom keeps saying.”
Krinkle went around behind his car to get in on the driver’s side.
Jones stepped over to the front passenger door to wait for it to be unlocked so he could get into seat. He noticed the item stuck to the door, pulled that off – and after a cursory glance at it, tossed it over his shoulder. Krinkle was unlocking his door and didn’t see that.
The tape and its electronic payload hit the front of the rental van - and stuck there.
Krinkle drove himself and Jones away without seeing that.
Regimentator had turned around so she could watch the men by peeking down the pavement side of the parked cars. When Jones got into Krinkle’s car she moved around, always in a full crouch which was hard on her thigh muscles but necessary for sneakiness, so when they drove by her location she was on the pavement out of sight rather than still between the vehicles where Krinkle might have seen her. She didn’t know if Jones had noticed her when he passed on the opposite side of the street but the fact that Krinkle drove away without looking more than routinely paranoid suggested the young guy at least hadn’t mentioned seeing anything unusual.
As they drove Krinkle explained, “We have to stay alert for signs of Reggie. That’s interference I’d be happier without, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
They drove another block in silence before Jones asked, “What’s a reggie? Is it a kind of car?” Like an Audi or a veggie? No, wait, veggies aren’t cars. Are they?”
Krinkle gave no sign that he found any of that amusing or odd. He simply replied earnestly, “I mean Penelope Regimentator. She’s the nasty problem I want to avoid. If that frustrates her and pisses her off that’s okay.”
“Why does she piss on what you do?”
Krinkle decided that fit with what he was thinking even if it twisted what he said a bit so he opted not to straighten it out. Instead he answered the question. “She knows the kinds of things I’m interested in so it’s likely she’s looking to follow me around today. She hopes I’ll lead her to any very foreign visitors so she can sell photos and the story about it to the news people before I can. In fact I’d rather keep it secret at least for a time to have a chance to find out about the visitors and maybe learn useful stuff from them.”
“Did you call her and tell her you were going alien hunting and she’s not allowed to know about that?”
“No, I haven’t talked to her for a long time. But I have seen her tailing me a couple of times when there were UFO type stories in the news. She knows I’m interested in those and do my homework to know about the latest rumors and any facts, although there aren’t usually many of those,” Krinkle said.
“Does she read your mind about those things?”
“It’s not quite like that. She flirty flip-flopped me and I just can’t forgive her for that. Or ever trust her.”
“Okay,” Jones said simply.
Even though it seemed Jones wouldn’t ask about that Krinkle said, “I should explain that. Reggie’s always on the lookout for people who might do something important that she can slip in and steal out from beside them in whatever way is possible. For me that means find out what I’ve discovered and report it to those willing to pay her for that scoop before I can tell the world about it myself. This is hard for me to talk about.” He stopped and took several deep breaths.
“You don’t need to.”
“Yeah, sooner or later I’ll maybe have to tell others these facts so I need to start with you to get me through it. Fact is that to get me relaxed enough to talk about my interests and what I have already discovered she once flirted with me.”
“Is a flirty girl a bad thing? My mom won’t talk to me about stuff like that.”
“It was bad this time for me because I made the mistake of telling her about what I’ve learned and what I hope to find out and about my dream inventions.”
“Is that the machines you dream about in your sleep and then make when you wake up? Like the things on the back seat?”
“Exactly right, Zippedy.”
“They’re neatsy-petesy and awe-filled up stuff.”
“Thank you for agreeing with me about that. She however wasn’t impressed because none of it was stuff she could see a way to make money off right away. Also...uh, let’s just say I thought we had become boyfriend and girlfriend so I... Uh, anyway she got flustered and laughed at me and called me a nerd and a loser.”
“That wasn’t nice to say even if she thought it.”
“Since then I won’t have anything to do with her the several times she’s made half-hearted moves to get friendly but still stay at a distance from me. So she stalks me. I’d bet a dollar that when she heard the news reports about a local man reporting the object near the moon she immediately assumed it was me and is trying to tail us to scoop me.”
“That’s why you’re watching out for her?”
“Righto. If it won’t take me too far off the trail I’ll misdirect her and let her flounder around and miss the story. I won’t attack her, but I’ll barricade the road.”
“Or barracuda it? I heard that word someplace and it sounds neat but I don’t know what it means,” Jones admitted.
“You’re right that there’s something fishy about it, Zippedy,” Krinkle said and allowed himself a quiet little chuckle. “Look, I’ve been driving in a pattern to see if I can spot Reggie following me but I don’t see her so I’m gonna pull over here for a few minutes in case that might fool her. Also to check for developments on the news programs.”
Chapter 04
Nerber checked that his wig and hat were firmly in place and that his feet were entirely inside his big shoes. “These pains to my feet are necessary to pass but I will be so happily ever after to be rid of them as soon as this competition is done and gone. Is this one approaching us acceptable, Wilburps?”
“The entity moves about on its own so we should assume it could be one of the ruling species. We know what they sound like but since we h
ave never had good picture reception from here until too recently for the techs to have updated me about that we cannot be certain. The technicians are only now using the images I am sending to see how to adjust the visual decipher programs so they can go back and reinterpret the signals on which our assumptions about how things are on this planet are for truly since it is clear they are different than we expected. You are not only a pioneer, you are an explorer, Nerber. One who goes on adventures to discover information and treasure.”
“I like the sound of treasure.” Nerber picked up Wilburps and slung him over his shoulder like a backpack. “We will start off with leaving you exposed so you can record the full range of visuals as well as voices. If you attract too much attention I will have to return you to the cloth bag appearance.”
“Understood. We are both explorers, every move we make is a test since we know nothing much about what happens here and the social expectations, if there are such things.”
“No, they assured me that they have learned a lot about this place and its inhabitants,” Nerber objected.
“They assured you about much but I have in my memory bank what is actually stored to use in any encounters with inhabitant creatures and there is not much there. Starting with what the dominant or at least any intelligent kinds look like.”
“This which I am proposing to approach is not known to us to be one of a type with high intelligence?”
“It’s status and intelligence rating is not known to us for truly sure. Its kind are often found with another kind we want to check out. You are the first to actually assess it. Go, be a pioneer.”
“This is not truly how I imagined first encounter to be.”
Nerber walked confidently to where a male dog was sniffing a tree trunk. He stopped several yards from the animal and said to it, “Greetings and nice to meet yous. I am friendly so you are too, yes?”
The dog glanced at him but continued its scent exploration.
“A feline, whatever that is, has taken your tongue? Is that a joke, no?” Wilburps translated for Nerber. The voice the animal heard actually came from the zerpy while Nerber moved his lips but those moves didn’t correspond to the sounds coming out.
The dog lifted it leg and urinated long and productively on the tree trunk.
Nerber moved around awkwardly trying to figure out how he could do the same. He said to Wilburps, “They did not prepare me for this social behavior. I do not think I can do that without problems but I want to meet the challenges.”
The dog walked on down the street without giving this stranger another look.
Wilburps reported, “New inputs indicate that that was not one of the dominant life form types so you should ignore it. Wait, there, the no-sound transmission system between us should now be operational.” To avoid extra complications we will still have your thoughts that are not directed exclusively to me verbalized if that is satisfactory.
Sure. That makes things easier than pie, whatever pie is. “Does the new information give us a better idea of what I am seeking for or five or whatever they say on this planet?”
“Yes. Revolve one time”, Wilburps instructed.
Nerber revolved at a fast rate.
“Krimplerpunt! Uh, slowly please,” Wilburps cued.
Nerber slowed as prompted.
“Suitable target spotted. Proceed to the left.”
“Your left or my left?”
“I always adjust my directives to fit your positioning.”
“Right.” Nerber walked off down the block to his left.
“The inhabitants must walk into walls all the time because their language has them turning the wrong way,” Wilburps said.
* * *
Down the block Jake Billings, seventy-seven, a casually dressed retiree wearing glasses and hearing aids in both ears, had come around the corner and stopped without noticing Nerber.
Nerber stopped near the man and placed Wilburps beside him - where it hovered a foot off the ground. Nerber waited for some social signal from Billings but the man was too distracted checking his pockets and muttered to himself to notice anyone.
Nerber finally shrugged and said, “Is this a nice day, yes?”
Billings mumbled, mostly to himself, “Old age ain't for sissies. Head's full of holes and what I'm doing keeps falling out.”
Nerber whispered to Wilburps, “Your translation is received but can it be anything like for real?”
What he said makes no sense to anything in my data banks.
Nerber asked Billings, “Are you in need of medicinals for your holey head, mister sir?”
Billings looked around, startled. He moved his glasses a bit trying to see Nerber clearly. “Huh? Who's there? Prissy?”
Use caution. That might be an insult but since this is our first true encounter with one of them I am not for certain sure.
“Are you disking me, mister?” Nerber asked Billings.
Billings fiddled with his right ear hearing aid then asked, “What? Darn thing's not worth ten cents some days. You're not my neighbor Priscilla are you? I don't always recognize her so if that is you, Prissy, I'm having trouble with my new lenses. Nothing works right.”
“Your lenses are a trouble so you do not hear well, yes?”
Billings had been checking his pockets again and not paying much attention to the stranger. “Huh? I was gonna pick up a few things at the convenience store on my daily constitutional but I can't remember what those are.”
“I am new here so your talk-talk is much for me. Why is it you do not find it convenient to go to most stores?”
After a moment Nerber said, “Never the mind, new download makes me sensible about that, thank you.”
Billings said, mostly to himself, “I think I made a note but I can't find one so maybe I did or maybe I didn't or maybe it's on the table.”
“May I back off a step please,” Nerber requested politely. “What do you constitutional about? This is not known to me so can I learn?”
Billings gave Nerber a look but quickly shook his head and tapped a finger on his left ear hearing aid. “Which is worse, to not hear or to hear what you know is gobbledygook? Have to take these things in for another adjustment.” Then he took out his wallet and searched in it for a note or a shopping list.
“This gobbledyness is a noise of big you-eat-it-up thing with what you call fetters, no? Can you do that noise for me to hear and be amazed?”
“Not in there either. Time was I didn't need notes, I'd remember just fine. Now I'm a sad mess.”
Nerber opted to proceed with a standard greeting ritual he had prepared for this venture. He said, “I am most pleasured to meeting with you, mister sir. We can make nice social talk-talk, no?”
“Huh? No what? I was thinking about whether I need toothpaste. What did you say if it was important?” Billings looked around as if surprised at his location.
“I am visitor here being nice and to make friendly with you,” Nerber persisted.
“I know where I am but why am I here? I probably started out to do something but I don't remember what?” He took a pair of eye glasses in a case from his pocket and switched those for the ones he had been wearing.
He laughed as he looks around in the new glasses. “Okay! These are a lot better. Wonder why I didn't put them on earlier? Maybe I'll never know so no benefit to think more about it.” He noticed Nerber standing there and stared at him, asking, “Have I met you, Stranger? You don't look like anybody I know unless I do but don't recognize you.”
Recommendation, Wilburps?
Be polite but move on. You will not be able to complete the challenge with this one - or any of them if they are all like this.
Nerber turned to say something more to Billings but the man was wandering off down the street, Nerber forgotten.
“Okey-my-dokey - or should it be my donkey? Any which the way, that was easy. We need to get better at my sorting out what not to bother saying before you vocalize it for me or you need to make my spe
akifying less interesting by screening out all the not necessary bits. This translation stuff does be a problem. Anyway, the first challenge on the list is to get physical with a local of the most advanced species I can find so I am nowhere but at least I am not damaged or discovered.”
“The show designers deliberately did not define the terms so you can adapt to what you find on any alien planet. That one who was here sounds like what the long-distance recordings say the dominant creatures sound like - but if he is one of the most advanced type here, we have the wrong idea about this planet.”
Nerber started down the street saying, “Moving along, I have an idea of what I take get physical with to mean - but not with one like that. This is maybe to be going on as a bigger thing than I thought about. Maybe is craziness to continue.”
“You are here and you have no easy way home for now so what is the point except to do what you can for the sake of fame and fortune?”
“Fame and fortune. You are programmed to know the way to motivate my heart each time, Wilburps.”
“I have my role to play in things.”
Chapter 05
Penelope Regimentator was seldom a happy person and at this moment she was far from that state of mind as she drove along the urban streets as fast as she dared. She wasn’t a big respecter of speed limits but right now it was the need to carefully scrutinize the moving traffic on each cross street as she reached it that was slowing her up.
She had stayed out of their sight when Krinkle had driven off and when someone hurried to the rental van that had been parked right behind him and followed close behind him. She couldn’t be certain that wasn’t another ally of weird George so she stayed down until that vehicle was up the street too. Then she ran to her car, turned on the tracking device signal detector, and began a high tech version of the game of following without being noticed.
“I’m betting that the really weird outfit he’s wearing today means he has a lead and is off to meet the Martians or whoever they are. Those pictures’ll be worth a lot of trouble. He owes me for me being so patient waiting for him to unwillingly give me a real cash payoff.”
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