“Sure. I know that feeling. Like when you're all but hitting a guy over the head with hints and he’s not getting it.”
Nerber listened to Wilburps's comment in his head, then reacted as if surprised by the idea the zerpy now silently suggested. “Would it make you ready to talk with me if I carry some bags to your destination?”
“Yes, I'd appreciate any help, thanks.” Parker picked up three of his bags and waited for Nerber to get the others but Nerber only stood there with a dumb grin.
Parker shook his head in disbelief at that, then sighed and reached for the other bags.
Nerber jerked as if given a shock and picked up the bags that Parker gladly relinquished. “Now I am graspening it.”
They started off down the street. “You are like any of your kind, no? An e-pi-to-me? Is that a word?”
“I'm sickly and at thirty still live at home with my mother more by choice than real need so no, I'm not typical and sure not an epitome.”
Parker and Nerber turned in at an older house with a covered front porch. Open but screened living room and dining room windows were on opposite sides of the screened front door.
Adam’s mother Edith called from inside, “I was about to send the police to try to find you.”
“I tried to carry too much and had to get this fellow to help me make it.” Adam led the way inside.
* * *
A few minutes later Nerber sat on the living room sofa, Wilburps in the guise of his backpack hovering inches off the floor by his feet. He gawked at the racks of knickknacks and many small framed photos and simple craft items on the walls, end tables, and two etageres.
Edith Parker, sixty, wearing a flowered house dress and slippers, sat in an easy chair that gave her a view out the open window. Adam sat in a matching chair across from her and where both of them had clear views of the TV in the corner beside the sofa. The set was on and tuned to sit com reruns with the audio at a low volume.
Edith said, “You were kind to help my son with his burdens. He hasn't been well.”
Nerber looked around, fascinated as he tried to imagine what the many knickknacks and other small items might mean or be used for.
“Of course living at home with mom at his age raises questions in some minds but I don’t pay those much heed. I think it bothers him more than he wants to let on though.”
A bump against his leg focused Nerber on his zerpy as it inched forward and turned slowly to give it’s sensors a view of more of the room to record all this stuff. Nerber gave a little start as he realized what was happening and why. He looked at the two humans and concluded they probably hadn’t noticed that movement but would likely do so if it continued. Edith in particular seemed tightly focused on the visitor and his actions and reactions.
Pretending to be only nonchalantly drumming his fingers on it, Nerber touched some control points on the zerpy’s top, then left his hand resting on it to detect any further movement.
“I don’t much care what people think. I do what I have to so I can get by,” Adam said with a shrug.
“It’s not like we’re in the public eye or keeping the tabloids in business,” Edith said.
“We’re not in the fast lane but that suits us fine,” Adam said. “Exciting stuff’s okay to watch on the boob tube but who with any sense wants to be in the middle of all that?”
Act interested in what they are saying, Nerber.
I interested truly am but unsure also I am of how they signal that to one another. I do not want to send bad signals.
“Are you okay with becoming tabloid fodder, Mr. Nerber?” Edith asked.
Nerber gave a little jump, the result of simultaneously being asked a question he did not understand by Edith and getting a minor electric shock from Wilburps. He dealt with the latter incident first. He stretched his neck a bit as if trying to see something at the door to the room. That had the intended effect of prompting both Parkers to look that way.
While they were thus distracted, Nerber rapidly pushed a series of spots on Wilburps. He understood that the producers were sending him silent commands to reverse the restraints he had manually imposed on the zerpy. They were eager to more fully record the many items in here. But he was not about to risk having the device attract unwanted attention that might interfere with his plans both for the show’s challenges and in the bigger picture. He knew that the producers cared less about him and more about the catalog of images they were amassing.
To the surprise and annoyance of the producers though, he knew enough about Wilburps’s class of zerpy to take control of it in ways they couldn’t override from afar. His signals were a warning to them that if they continued to risk causing him problems he would shut down the zerpy even more. Since they didn’t know he had Wowseyla they would expect that to leave him helpless with no translation capacity. They might decide that would be exciting program material - but since Wilburps couldn’t record it, much less send it to them, they would be the losers.
Wilburps vibrated a bit, the zerpy equivalent of purring. A signal that the crew would cooperate with Nerber. He was now supposed to remove the restraints so the zerpy would be free to move in any way when and if that was desirable. He didn’t trust them but he did release the restraints. But he kept his hand on the zerpy to detect any movement it made since he understood the strategy of progressive stages of rebuke and restraint.
Now Nerber got back to Edith’s question since both Parkers were staring at him. “Much have I the sorry, forgiveness is needed. What means ‘tabloid father’?”
Adam guffawed. “Fodder, not father. I can see why that had you perplexed. She meant would being talked about all over the place bother you? Do you want to be in the spotlight?”
Nerber hesitated as Wilburps silently translated that.
Finally Nerber said, “This is not where I would be hateful of truly being if my celerity could be of usefulness. Is okay a word celerity?”
“You probably mean celebrity,” Adam suggested. “It’s funny what a difference a single letter can make.”
Nerber was ready to accept the challenge of following that line of thought but when he felt Wilburps sl-o-wly gliding forward he affected a cough, leaned forward and rapidly tapped signal code into the zerpy while seeming to be grasping at it to help steady himself.
Sitting back up he apologized. “Much have I the sorry again. Your forgivingness is needed. Talk-talk is full of cooking implements stuck in roadway openings indeed.”
“Indeed,” Edith said and threw Adam a what-is-it-with-guy look.
Nerber received a stronger shock from the zerpy but since he had anticipated that possibility he tolerated it without pulling his hand away or shouting out in pain. Again he leaned forward and affected a cough – and let his fingers do the trouncing on the front side of the zerpy.
When he sat up this time the Parkers were staring at him with at least mild concern. “Do they have flu where you come from,” Mr. Nerber?” Edith asked.
“Please not to be filled with dread, I bring you no bad creeping and crawling thingees.” He pointed to a walnut-sized striped marine snail shell on an end table. “Is this nice to be looking at. I am filled with interest of what it is you make it be useful to do.”
Edith looked her question at Adam. He said, “I think he wants to know what the snail shell’s for.”
While they were distracted Nerber gave a small wince as he was silently bombarded with harsh messages sent via Wilburps.
“That? It’s a souvenir from a trip to the shore. It’s just to look at and remember the nice day we had there. We don’t use it for anything.”
“Maybe it’s like that rock thing on your hat. Is that a souvenir of where you bought the hat?” Edith asked. “Of course in this country we think keeping your hat on inside the house is sort of strange. Maybe even a bit rude.”
Nerber’s expression during this mirrored his quick sequence of emotions from surprise to anger to determined pushback that had nothing to do what was being said by the Pa
rkers.
“Don’t go getting all uppity like that’s important,” Adam chided.
“I’m just saying,” Edith said with a note of defensiveness.
Adam faced Nerber a bit more as he tried to smooth things over. “Of course you want to consider something attractive like that shell as a nice thing to look at on a gloomy day or the memory of that trip to the shore as a pleasant balance when there’s a lot of shitty stuff happening.”
Nerber didn’t touch the zerpy or even look at it. His response was mental, not manual, but it was emphatic, specific, and determined enough to convey his counter-threats and promises of consequences the producers wouldn’t want to deal with.
The Ormelexian brought himself back to the situation here. He knew his hosts had said things while he and Wilburps were otherwise engaged with priority matters but he didn’t know what.
So, with a mental shrug that apparently some social moves are universal, Nerber said, “Much of interest for surely true.”
“This place is full of junk that’s not worth anything to anybody else but it all has some meaning for us,” Edith said. “Heck, even that TV has a story. We won that in a contest at the market. Got a ham and a case of canned niblet corn too.”
The myriad other items in the room had quite fascinated Nerber so he only now noticed and stared hard at the TV, his jaw slowly opening in amazement as he watched.
Seeing this Edith and Adam exchanged looks and shrugs. “Don't recognize this old show?” Edith asked.
“I have heard the voices but I am seeing it for the first time. There is much I did not know about it.”
“You must come from a pretty sheltered place. These old shows are on almost full time on cable,” Adam commented.
“There is much to tell those at home. They will be very excited.”
“Where you from, Mr. Nerber?” Edith asked.
“Oh, very far away. On another world.”
“We went all the way to the Mexican border when I was a kid,” Adam said. “Didn't cross over, of course.”
Nerber thought hard about this revelation. “You were kid?”
Edith laughed, “Adam only seems like an old coot. He's not that old 'cause that'd make me ancient and I ain't that yet.”
Nerber's face showed his uncertainty as he waited for Wilburps to translate and make sense of that and inform him about what he had just been told.
Adam said, “Of course some people object to the word kid since it might confuse those not in the know who'd think of goats.”
Nerber brightened as that helped Wilburps comprehend the kid reference but then he had to process a new item. He asked, “Please, what means not in the know?”
“That's not a biggie,” Edith replied. “So how was your trip here from wherever you came from? I assume you flew.”
“My trip was fast and bumpety. Am I sure that is a for real word? Yet I am here with no parts no more with me so is okay, no?”
“You have a funny sort of way of putting things. What's your first language?” Adam asked, more curious by the minute.
Nerber gave Wilburps a nudge with his foot saying, “Is not okay how I talk?”
“We get your drift but you're obviously not a native talker,” Adam explained. “We're just politely interested in what would be new to us in your background.”
The Parkers noted a hamster that came cautiously out from under the sofa – and crawled right under Wilburps.
“You didn't put whiskers back in his cage before you went out shopping?” Edith asked.
“He ran under the sofa so I figured I'd get him later when he got hungry,” Adam answered.
Nerber looked around trying to understand what they could be talking about since they were looking in his general direction.
Edith asked, “Mr. Nerber, how does your bag stay up in the air like that?”
Nerber grabbed up the “backpack” - and finally saw the hamster under it that now scampered across the floor toward the Parkers. That startled Nerber who jumped up onto the sofa holding his pack in his arms and crying out, “Is that what?”
Adam was astonished by all this but retrieved his hamster. Edith had her own questions about this happening but was distracted by a Please Stand By For A Special Report graphic now on the TV screen. She turned up the volume with the remote. Nerber got down and sat on the sofa holding Wilburps beside him.
On the TV reporter Beth Regards was in the news studio beside the station logo reading a page of text and preparing herself. Then suddenly she looked up, realizing she was already on the air.
She said to the audience, “We interrupt our regular programming for this important news update. The whole world is worried about reports of a large object first seen near the moon and now probably hiding behind it. This might mean that aliens may have landed here. The president said, ‘First we'll find and kill them, then we'll examine their UFO ship to figure out what they wanted’. He has put all branches of the military on high alert. We urge all citizens to report any unusual creatures or events to their local police. There’s a report from Swiftyville in our area of a possible alien that resembled a football and disappeared when confronted by two burly football players. It is not clear if it made itself invisible or maybe disappeared back to where it came from. The young men who reported the incident say it’s only a joke but city councilman Rupert Porkchip says nothing concerning any invasion is a joking matter and has called for the young men to be thoroughly grilled by the police. He also demands that the Army send a massive protective force to our area. Okay, now back to our regular program already in progress.”
Edith turned down the volume and gave her son a raised eyebrows questioning look but Adam was staring slack-jawed at Nerber.
Nerber got the last of the translation from Wilburps, jumped up and hurried from the house with his zerpy calling, “Good-bye. Thanks for the memories. Look at the star’s position in the sky already! I am late, I am late, for a very important whitish rabbit date.”
“You don’t want to turn into a pumpkin,” Edith said with a laugh. The reference was lost on Wilburps – and Adam. She answered her son’s questioning look with, “Cinderella, for the love of dolphin pods.”
With a mixture of concern and wonder the Parkers stood at the window and watched the panicky Nerber hesitate outside at the sidewalk deciding which way to flee.
“You should check on the computer and see if there’s a money reward for reporting possible alien critters,” Edith suggested. “No point in missing out on easy money.”
So Adam did that.
After several minutes of scanning websites he reported, “No one’s offering money, only appeals to patriotic duty.”
“Be a sucker and let the bigwigs take the credit and then give themselves bonuses for letting you tell them what’s going on. I’m big on carrots, unbaited hooks don’t stir me to action.”
“I’ll check again every so often. Things like this change fast and then it might be important to be the first in line with information that could get the authorities somewhere. If the news media can scare enough people as they often seem determined to do, there might be rewards offered before long.”
Chapter 09
Hidden among the large trees and shrubs of the corner planting of the house at the end of Elmworm Street, Nerber faced Wilburps, who hovered in midair at his chest level. “My fellow Ormelexians, it will thrill you to learn that I am in great danger of being captured and killed here on the planet its inhabitants call Earth. It is now clear to me that we know next to nothing useful about this planet or its inhabitants. Our interpretations of the message signals from here are very wrong. The dominant species here, much like ourselves, favor a ‘kill it and then wonder what it was and wanted’ approach. They seem docile and even welcoming until they suspect you are not one of them but then do not want to talk about your differences, only to eliminate you. We must apply our improved translation systems to all the transmissions ever intercepted from here and revise our view of th
is strange, strange place.” He pointed to the nearby plants. “Like what are these things all around me here that seem to be alive but do not move? We could learn a lot exploring this place but if we are in constant danger from the inhabitants it does not seem worthwhile.”
He gestured to Wilburps that his message was finished.
“Will you proof that before I send it?”
“No, I said what I needed to. It comes out easier when I am not twisting words to fit how we thought they say things only to find out how off the mark we are. I wonder if the other contestants have come to the same conclusion. And if they know the inhabitants are searching for us and fully intending to kill us.”
“We are not allowed to know that.”
“What are you hearing from the show producers? They must know as much as I do and surely are as worried.”
“I am sending signals but with nothing but static coming back I cannot tell if those are being received. We are the first to be here and test the systems so I cannot tell if this is due to conditions on this planet or if the producers are not even trying to send return signals.”
“Why would they deliberately keep me unknowing?”
“You may prefer not to consider all the possible reasons.”
“It is not happy to think it but yes, they might abandon me here because the show was cancelled as too tame.”
“Or too expensive. Ratings and costs are always the bottom-most reasons for deciding about the doing of things.”
“On a happier thought, maybe the producers themselves crashed and burned up - literally.”
“I have no evidence to rule that out.”
“At least then they would not remove us. Doing that would solve the problem of our being examined by the inhabitants here but it would not be a pleasant resolution for you and me.”
“Tell me what you mean, Nerber. My data bank contains no mention of removal of contestants or zerpies.”
“Oh. It was in the fine print of the contract. We are both fitted with self-destruct systems.”
“Those I know about. In fact you were not to know it but I have instructions for when I should activate yours to protect your secrets.”
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