“This inhabitant looks like a crowd pleaser. As long as we’re able to record it all, the best time to bring Nerber up is in the nick of time,” Feedle said.
“That will be the money shot, him fading from their grasp as they are about to tear him apart,” Lacrat said. “Besides, the interference from the inhabitant’s device might mess up the transport system and destroy Nerber and his useful downloads so you should try hard to figure out how to offset the rest of its effects. Nerber and the rest of us will all thank you for that. Uh, not with any particular rewards implied of course. Your contracts stay as they are. I don’t want any misunderstanding.”
Feedle cut the communication link. She said to Lacrat, “It’s good to make things like that clear but it’s better not to plant the idea that they could even be possible in the first place. Don’t give them ideas they could use against us.”
Hasley did a triple complete-spin in his swivel chair as he said, “This might in the end be a problem but it’s also really useful. It’s the perfect excuse for us not sending more material home for a while because they can tell the audience what’s happening and whet the collective appetite and get them to watch more repeats of what’s already been aired while they wait for the next bits. I wouldn’t have planned it this way but I’m willing to take advantage since that’s what successful business types like me do. The nicey-niceys who won’t do so aren’t even remembered as failures.”
“It depends on the techs being able to figure out what to do about the inhabitant’s thing though,” Lacrat said.
“Maybe. Nothing’s sure until we try them,” Feedle said. “Maybe that’s not affecting anything except what we can see and hear in the short-term. It’s definitely not keeping us from recording it all. Sooner or later the techs will find a way to clean it up so we can air it. Wimpledimples! We can air the fritzerish versions, then later the cleaned-up versions and have twice as many episodes! I am for truth a genius!”
“That would entice the audience and as long as we only delay the better version for a day or two they won’t get angrily upset,” Lacrat said. “We make the point from the start that the inhabitants caused the problem but we’re too clever so we undid them but it does take time and high tech skills.”
“Here’s the for most truth genius idea,” Hasley said. “No matter how soon the techs clear the interference from the signals we can add it in to make ‘the inhabitants tried to keep you from seeing and hearing this’ versions to air. No one outside Bang-Boom Shows needs to know what was foreign-caused interference and what was added for effect.”
“Of course it all depends on us getting back to Ormelex alive and intact,” Lacrat said.
“You worry about that for us all so we can focus on the other matters,” Feedle said.
* * *
Molten and Biccup stood at the transport room control podium. Biccup watched closely as Molten keyed in commands.
“With the interference it is generating added to our total lack of experience transporting earth materials we can only make educated guesses about what will work,” Molten said. “We can’t even be sure we won’t damage or destroy either what we want to grab, the transport system itself, or in some ninxy heyhexel twenty and two the whole ship – but the only way to find out is to try it.”
“I understand that but I am still verging on spifgrez.”
“I take responsibility,” Molten said. Then he pushed a button and they waited, glancing back and forth between the console’s monitor and the open area of the transport alcove.
After a long moment Molten tapped a button and said, “Bips fump! We didn’t manage to transport the device up and we don’t have any feedback that lets me know for certain sure if we had any effect at all. Maybe if at some later time we get an upload from Wilburps we can go back and see if the zerpy detected anything but for now we’re without any clues which is much frustrating.”
“I can’t tell from these signals if that system worked as it was supposed to even if it wouldn’t ever be able to bring up earth materials. I fixed a problem in it but still can’t know if it’ll bring Nerber up fast, alive, and intact when that’s called for,” Biccup said.
“Nothing I can see from the analysis of what I did gives any good information on that either, Molten said”
* * *
Later Feedle, looking solemn and worried, stood in the program edit room speaking to a zerpy floating in front of her. Her image doing that was on the main view-screen section. The live feed from Wilburps in the back seat of Krinkle's car was on a small screen at the side. Hasley and Lacrat stood back where they wouldn’t appear in the recording. Venrik and Svenly were at the control console.
Feedle said, slowly and solemnly, “Should those whose lives are at stake try to surrender or must they die in a possibly ineffective effort to keep the hardware out of the aliens' grasp?” She made a small gesture at Venrik who touched some control switches and her image on the view-screen began to break up. “Uh oh, this is worse than I expected so soon. It seems that's not a decision they get to make after all. This is probably the beginning of the end and too bad for all of us.”
Feedle's fearful expression didn’t change as the image dissolved into static noise, then was cut off.
She didn’t move until Venrik gestured that the recording was over. Then she smiled and asked, “Was I scared enough? The audience loves fear more than anything.”
“You looked terrified, which means you were terrific,” Hasley said. “That'll keep them worrying and therefore wondering.”
“There's no way they won't air that,” Lacrat agreed. “So we're still the hottest thing in the Pacification By Distraction With Entertainment industry.”
Feedle jumped in the air and waved her feet in the air in delight saying, “The excitement of not knowing what'll happen is real too. I may die during this but if I were back home I wouldn't be able to not watch for each new tidbit.”
“We've always manufactured fakey crises for the contestants on the shows we made at home to deal with but this is probably the first time their literal survival has been in such serious doubt,” Hasley said.
Lacrat conceded, “There is a certain thrill to not knowing if we'll survive this.”
“Shame on us,” Hasley said with faked contrition. “Causing the A.D.U. boss guys such trouble having to decide whether to air our latest reports. The audience will be screaming for updates if they do but they will be screaming for the boss guys’ heads if there's no more for them to show. I feel so bad for them. Sib sog in triplicate.”
“Are the newly edited versions of those programs that we totally misunderstood in the past ready to send home?” Feedle asked.
“The second orbiting zerpy has been intercepting and recording their short and longer form entertainments full time on several channels. It’s convenient that like us they keep their masses docile by repeating the same programs over and over, even those that were long ago made and aren’t violent. It’s amassing a pile and then some of material to be compared with all that was recorded at earlier times to better understand what we confused in the first translations,” Venrik said.
“That will all be useful to give us a more accurate understanding of the thinking and abilities of the inhabitants,” Hasley said. “Plus many foreign-based entertainments to keep our audience pacified for many additional hours. With the new understanding of what is happening in those entertainments we can create new programs where we challenge the audience to predict what will happen next and then show them. Those who like that type of program will love it and there’ll be enough of it that we won’t need to get the whole planet tuned in to our program to make it profitable to show.”
* * *
Biccup looked up as Molten hurried back into the transport room saying, “I can’t get this problem out of my head. I’m reassured that there’s no sign that my first try damaged the system or Nerber so I want to try again with some changes to how I calibrate the system. Let me try this while we have an
apparent lull in the activity down there.”
“I can’t find any harm the first test did,” Biccup said.
Biccup noted the commands Molten keyed in then placed a hand over the console buttons saying, “Don’t try that, Molten. The system’s barely able to transport one of us and our hardware without unhappily mixing things together. If it couldn’t bring up the earth device by itself it’s too risky to Nerber to try to bring him, his zerpy, and the alien device up together.”
Molten thought about this, not angry but considering what other modifications to try. “You know more about what the system can do and exactly how it works than I do so it’s good for you to keep me from making a mess we can’t undo.” He pointed to two dials on the console. “How about if I try increasing this while decreasing this? Maybe that will better compensate for whatever’s different in their materials.”
“That shouldn’t make anything I know about more dangerous. I follow why it should alter the effect and why it might do the job. I favor you to try that.”
Molten keyed in some commands, and with a nod to Biccup pressed a button. They waited, holding their breath.
Nothing they could detect happened.
After a moment Molten touched the button to end the attempt. “From what little readable feedback we’re getting we should be targeting the thing we want to bring up but we’re not having the necessary effect. I’ll think about it some more.”
“While I check for any detectable changes that might keep us from bringing up Nerber and Wilburps when we need to.”
* * *
The three producers lolled in their office chairs under the ceiling basking lamps. The view-screen was blank.
Feedle swiveled a cheerful three-sixty in her chair as she said, “I’m laughing inside my head at the image of Delmus and Ackack turning so pale they need extra strength basking to keep going at the thought of losing us and all the material they would expect us to have that they could convert into program episodes for The Far-Out Show and a whole collection of tie-ins.”
“They like to think they’re the masters at keeping others, like us, anxious and uncertain but they’re not the only ones who know how to reap the profits from doing that,” Hasley said.
“It makes me worry that our tactic might get us written off as lost so there appears to be no more profit from paying us any attention or helping us,” Lacrat said.
“Always the one who worries,” Feedle said with exasperation in her tone that she made no attempt to hide.
“Maybe so,” Lacrat replied. “At times somebody has to.”
They looked up when a harsh tone sounded and Eroder appeared on the view-screen.
“What now, Eroder?” Hasley asked.
“Some news we officially don’t know,” Eroder said. “The A.D.U. guys activated the ship’s self-destruct unit. The signal came through without being affected by the noise in the signals from the planet.”
That news made the producers sit upright and attentive.
“Is there anything we can do to stop that?” Lacrat whined.
“Don’t have to for now,” Eroder said. “They quickly sent the signal to reverse that. The unit’s back to stable and inactive condition. Until they send the signal again.”
“Didn’t Svenly say the techs had done something about them?” Lacrat asked, unable to stop himself from running on.
“They were working on it but haven’t figured it all out yet,” Eroder said. “After this I’ve assigned Icetop and Yelpam to that as their top priority job. I’m confident they’ll figure out how to disable the darned things. Not only the ship’s big unit but our individual personal ones. That is, if they have enough time. Nothing’s certain the way things are going.”
Hasley said, “Uh, there’s no reason to worry the rest of the crew about this, Eroder. You and those two have it all under control.”
“Everybody knows, Hasley. We’re all in this together,” Eroder said. “When I need every idea anyone has about how to avoid disaster I don’t keep secrets.”
“Of course not. I didn’t mean we should keep it secret from them, I only meant...”
The screen blanked as Eroder disconnected.
“I don’t like that,” Feedle said.
“Well, dre. Only a discer prumous would like hearing that we were set for destruction with no warning but got a reprieve that could end at any moment,” Lacrat said.
She sneered at him and said, “I meant Eroder’s attitude. We should be enough in control that he wouldn’t dare tell the crew anything without asking our permission first.”
“He’s the captain and it won’t help anything to get into a fight with him about something like that,” Hasley said.
“Why do you think the A.D.U. guys did that?” Lacrat asked.
“Maybe to test that it works,” Hasley said. “It would have sent back a status report showing the unit was armed and working within acceptable parameters.”
“I’m thinking it was a warning,” Lacrat said. “I’m thinking that they took Feedle’s faked message that we’re having problems and may have to land on the planet to try to fix the engines completely seriously. That they want to make sure we don’t risk getting them in trouble with the governors by keeping even our intact debris from being examined by the inhabitants any time soon.”
“It would solve that problem for them,” Hasley conceded.
“Hey, you’re supposed to reassure me,” Lacrat whined. “Tell me they wouldn’t do that. That there’d be too much left for the Earth inhabitants to pick through and learn from. Tell me any and every reason that this isn’t a real threat to me.”
“It is a threat, so pull yourself together. It’s too late for getting all quilcrup the way you sometimes do to make things better,” Feedle said. “It’s a mimzy-plishers but we knew from the start it could come to this. That’s been an extra incentive to find the fine-most lineage between keeping them anxious while keeping us too valuable to lose.”
“We don’t have the skills to deactivate Whizybeam’s big self-destruct but we’re pros at thinking sugsipfer the kignip so let’s do that. If we can’t disarm the unit what can we do with it? We know where it is. What are the options?” Hasley asked.
“Send it home addressed to the A.D.U. headquarters building,” Feedle grumbled.
To her surprise Hasley said, “Good, that’s a start. Get it out of the ship. There’s no way to aim it in more than a general direction but once it’s out of Whizybeam we’re safe.”
“Safer but far from safe,” Lacrat corrected him. “If it goes off anywhere near us it’ll still likely badly damage us. That means eject the unit in one direction and get as far from it as fast as we can in the opposite direction.”
“The best protection is to put something solid between us and it. Eject it so the rotational force will take it to the other side of this moon,” Hasley said, getting excited by the idea of taking control of things.
“Then we head back for the snaggiewarp while it should be held in orbit here,” Lacrat said, getting into this. “When we’re well away we detonate it while it’s on this side of the moon and they won’t know that happened so they won’t know to look for any small bits, which is all that will be left.”
Feedle flapped her feet together in mock applause and said, “A fine piece of ‘let’s pretend in order to distract ourselves’. I identify three big problems for starters. First-most, we know it’s located in the center of the ship to have the best effect. It was firmly connected there to make it nearly impossible to remove it without severely weakening the ship. We suffered major damage and hardly made it through the snaggiewarp coming here, there’s no chance we’d arrive back on the other side intact. Second-most, for now as far as I know we don’t know the signal to set it off so we can’t get rid of it once we’ve gotten rid of it from our back closet. That therefore leaves open the chance that the inhabitants would find it, identify it as a weapon, and follow our trail to and through the snaggiewarp to deliver some punish
ment back home.”
To her surprise and annoyance Hasley said, “Good, this is a start. We’re thinking about this critically.”
“What was her third objection?” Lacrat asked.
“We don’t know of any tested and proven way to eject anything that big-big from the ship,” she answered.
“Good point. See this gives our imaginations specific matters to consider,” Hasley said.
“In good part that’s so we won’t spend too much useless time thinking about Icetop and Yelpam probing and maybe testing whether they know how to set off personal self-destruct units,” Lacrat said. “Any wagers on whose units they’d test things on?”
“I know who’d be the two test subjects if I were the one running the tests,” Feedle said. When Hasley and Lacrat gave her startled looks she said, “I mean those two techs. I don’t trust them and, once they get us all home safe, see no reason to keep them around and reducing my share of the wealth.”
* * *
Eroder sat at the main control room console keeping an eye on the general state of the ship’s systems. Icetop and Yelpam entered and went to one of the side consoles.
“What did you learn?” Eroder asked them.
“It’s what we thought it was and where we thought it was. We scanned it every way we know of so we’re letting the special zerpy analyze it all,” Icetop reported.
“In case the main ship’s system is rigged to give deliberately false readouts when given data about that unit we’re sidestepping around it,” Yelpam explained.
“Good thinking,” Eroder said. “If we’ve learned anything we’ve learned not to trust the defaults of this fast traveling container or most of the information we’ve been freely given about it.”
“Given enough time I’m sure we can see what to do and then do it but if they don’t allow us that much time I’ve decided a quick end will actually be better than dying off slow and in agony because the life-support systems failed,” Icetop said.
“I’ve been thinking much the same thing,” Eroder agreed.
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