The man eyed Alicia with respect. “You might be right, ma’am. I’ll think about it and see if Jason is willing to listen to me. Maybe we can work something out here.” He rose and took his leave, shaking Jake’s hand and following Alicia to the front door.
Jake waited impatiently for her return, but in vain. She walked past the parlor door and back to the kitchen. “Damn,” he muttered under his breath, and rolled his chair in her wake. “Fool woman is bound and determined to fuss with me.”
She was in the pantry and looked up as Jake wheeled his chair to block the doorway. “We’re gonna talk,” he said bluntly. He looked down to where his hands lay, seemingly helpless, in his lap.
He’d give much to be able to touch her right now. But she was aloof, and unless he missed his guess, Alicia was not fond of him right now. He’d come to the awareness that he was becoming more than fond of her, which presented a real problem.
“I don’t know any other way to say I was wrong,” he continued. “You’ve been good to me, and Jason, too, for that matter. You have as much right as I to put in your two cents’ worth with the sheriff or with my brother. And I can see how frustrated you are with me and my refusal to leave this house.”
He risked looking up at her, noting the sadness that drew her mouth into a soft line and gave her blue eyes a sheen of sorrow. He’d hurt her, and words were not adequate to convey his deep regret. “I seem to be doing this on a regular basis, Alicia, this apologizing to you and trying to make amends for my behavior. I fear you’ll reach the point of saturation with my bullheaded performances, and I don’t want to see the back of you again, as I did earlier today.”
“You do this so well,” she announced, biting her lip, as if to hold back a smile. Then the smile was there, a bit weak, but present, nonetheless. “You make me feel as if I’m beating my head against a stone wall sometimes. I’d hoped to remain untouched by your shenanigans, but it hasn’t worked out that way.”
His brow tilted in surprise and she heard amusement color his words. “Shenanigans? I’ve been up to shenanigans?” And then he reached for her, bending forward to touch her hand. It lay within his palm, limp and unresponsive, and he looked down at it in surprise. Alicia was many things…sharp of tongue, amused at times, and always astute and observant. Never had he seen her as an unresponsive woman.
“Your hand is cold,” he said quietly, and tugged her forward a bit to lift her fingers to his mouth. His lips caressed the cool flesh and he bowed his head over it, his eyes closing as he murmured words he’d never spoken aloud to another woman.
“I need you, Alicia. More than I’ve ever needed another human being in my life. I know I’ve told you this before and, understand, it’s not easy for me to admit my dependence on you, but there it is.”
He looked up at her. “You’ve become the center about which this house revolves. Both Jason and I owe you a great debt. The only problem is that he’s too young to understand just what you’ve done for him. I appreciated your suggestions to the sheriff today. I hope he listened well. Maybe he’ll consider doing as you asked.”
She nodded at him, and he knew she suppressed tears, tears she was unwilling to shed in front of him. Alicia had her pride, too.
“Will you reach the saturation point with me one day?” he wondered aloud. “Will I chase you away, Alicia?”
“It would take more than you’ve thrown at me thus far,” she said quietly. “I told you, I love you, Jake, and that leaves me open to hurt. But there’s always the chance of pain where love exists, and I’ve found that out in a mighty way lately.”
“I’d like you to stay with me tonight,” he said softly, and bent his head to kiss her fingers once more. Then he released her hand and rolled backward from the pantry door. She left the small enclosure and he waited silently for her answer, knowing she would not walk away without some sort of reply.
He was not disappointed.
“I’ll stay with you, Jake. I think we need each other tonight. Comfort is a warm blanket to my mind. And that’s what I need from you right now.”
His heart sang, the melody one he’d thought he might never hear again. He rolled his chair out of the kitchen and he heard the lamp chimney being lifted as she blew out the flame, leaving the room in darkness. Ahead of him lay the dim hallway, night having fallen as they spoke, the moonlight spreading across the wide boards through the narrow panes that framed the front door.
“Can you see all right?” he asked, his voice soft as suited the quiet gloom of the house. “Do you need to go upstairs for anything?”
“Yes,” she said, “I can see just fine. I have enough down here for tonight.”
She followed him into his room and crossed to the window. “I’m going to close this. It’s getting nippy out and I don’t want you to take a chill.” Framed against the window, she pulled the sash down and then turned to him. In profile she seemed to exemplify the very foundation of his life she’d become. Strong and sturdy, womanly and giving, Alicia was a wife to be cherished, he decided.
To that end, he spoke her name. “Alicia? Get undressed and pull back the sheets for me, would you? I don’t think we need the lamp or a candle lit. I’m used to doing this in the dark.”
He unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it on the chair, then worked at his trousers. Down to the drawers he wore, he rolled to the bed where she’d drawn the sheets aside. As he watched, she fluffed the pillows, bent over the bed, wearing her vest and petticoat. From beneath the pillow she’d slept on, she removed her nightgown and drew it over her head, offering him the same view of her nightly performance he’d seen before.
“One of these days you’ll leave the gown off,” he told her. “When you’re comfortable enough with me to know how I feel about you, you’ll let me watch you.”
She laughed softly and tossed aside her underclothing. “That may never happen, Jake McPherson. I’ve been doing this ever since I can remember.”
“I yearn for the day when you no longer object to my eyes on you,” he told her. “Then I’ll know that I’ve convinced you of my regard.”
“Regard?” she said musingly. “What a strange word to use.”
“What would you prefer?” he asked, already knowing her reply.
“Maybe affection,” she whispered. “Perhaps devotion, or fondness or maybe even love, one day. Any of them would do, Jake. But not unless they’re from the heart. And I’m not sure you have any of those thoughts about me.”
She sat down on the edge of the bed and reached down to remove her stockings. “I know you need me, you’ve made that clear, but eventually I want more than that from you. I’m not sure I’ll ever get it.”
He moved himself into the bed with his usual efficiency. His drawers were cast to the floor and he settled against the sheet, pulling it up to cover himself. Alicia punched her pillow, then turned to lie beside him.
“I’ll do my best to speak my thoughts, Alicia,” he said quietly. “I’m not good at this. I doubt very many men are. To speak of our affection aloud is difficult.” He reached for her hand and lifted it once more to his lips. “I’ll try. I’ll do my best. That’s all I can promise.”
“Then I’ll have to be satisfied with that, won’t I?” She turned her head and her face was but a dim, ivory oval in the gloom. “I’ve not asked much from you, Jake. Only that you treat me with respect, that you allow me to speak my mind. I’m not asking you for your love. I’m not certain you are capable of giving it to me, anyway. But I need to know that what I do for you and Jason is important.”
“Important?” He laughed, a rusty sound that choked in his throat. “Only about as important as every breath I take,” he admitted. “You’ve brought us back to life, Alicia. You’ve given Jason the presence of a woman in his life, and for that Rena would be thankful, if she knew.”
“I think she does know, Jake. And I think she’s at peace now,” Alicia said gently.
He closed his eyes, grateful for her words of comfort. “She’d love y
ou, Alicia. If she’d known you, she’d have wanted you as her friend.”
“I think I agree,” Alicia told him.
“I don’t believe in ghosts, Alicia. Rena lives inside a corner of my heart, and maybe it’s from there that I’ve felt her presence and heard her voice.” He felt an easing of the loss he’d suffered with Rena’s death, and he reached for Alicia, his fingers touching her shoulder, drawing her down next to him.
“Lie with me,” he said. “Sleep beside me. Tomorrow we’ll face all our problems. For tonight, let’s just be at peace.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“DO YOU THINK I could try to play the piano, Pa? Maybe I could take lessons from you, too.”
It wasn’t a question Jake had expected, and he found himself groping for an answer. “I didn’t know you were interested,” he said after a moment.
“I might’a thought about it before, but you’ve had it all covered up for a long time,” Jason said diffidently, halting in his raking of the front yard to look up at his father. Supervising from the porch, Jake had been surprised by the question, one he thought seemed to have come from out of the blue.
“So it has,” he said, nodding his agreement. “But it isn’t anymore, Jason. And if you’d be interested in it, I’d be happy to teach you.”
Jason ducked his head. “I just thought if Toby can do so good at it, maybe I can try.” He laughed scoffingly then, and his eyes glittered as he spoke. “Heck, even old Catherine can play with both hands now, Pa. There’s hope for me, don’t you think?”
Jake felt his heart swell within his breast. “Of course there is, son,” he managed to murmur. “You’re a talented young man, Jason.” He watched his son for a few moments, aware of the boy’s dark hair that curled against his collar, of his tongue stuck between his teeth as he concentrated on raking the leaves with precision.
Then he spoke his thoughts, deciding it might be better if Jason were aware of his father’s concern. “I hate to think that you’re having to pay such a high price for your actions lately,” he told him quietly. “All your energy and your considerable talent should be going toward your schoolwork and the abilities you possess.”
“Abilities?” The word seemed foreign to the boy as he paused in his work and looked up to meet his father’s eyes. “You think I’ve got abilities, Pa?” His tone was dubious.
“You’re a smart boy, Jason. You’ve just been directing your intelligence in the wrong direction over the past weeks. You’ll make Alicia and me both very proud of you one of these days, provided you straighten up and do as you should.”
Jason bent his head to his task. “I’m tryin’, Pa,” he said. “I told the sheriff I’d do whatever he wanted me to. I hate that you and Miss Alicia are—” He hesitated, searching for a phrase that would better explain his thoughts. “You’re both kinda embarrassed about me, aren’t you?”
“No, not embarrassed, Jason. Just wondering what we could have done to make things better for you. I know it was a shock to you when Alicia moved into my bedroom. But it was the right thing to do. You have to understand that, first and foremost.”
Jason dared a quick look at Jake. “I guess I do now. It just made me mad, that she left me all alone upstairs and that she likes you better than me.”
He hadn’t thought of that angle, Jake decided; it would be worth his consideration. “Well, she likes you an awful lot, son. You just don’t realize it.”
“Yeah, I do,” he said, shamefaced. “She’s been good to me, Pa, and I didn’t treat her the way I should’ve, did I?”
Jake shook his head. “No, you didn’t. It’s about time for you to make amends, don’t you think?”
THE WALK BACK TO the jailhouse was getting to be a regular part of her schedule, and Alicia set out with Jason in tow right after supper. The sheriff had allowed him to spend most of the day at home, for which she was thankful. The judge was to arrive in the morning, and she planned on appearing at the hearing, as did Cord.
“I need to say somethin’,” Jason said abruptly as they neared the center of town.
She looked down at him and nodded. “All right. Have at it,” she told him, and then waited, acknowledging that his words might not be to her liking.
“I really like you, ma’am,” he said softly, glancing up at her as if to gauge her reaction. “I know I haven’t always been real nice, and I know I said some things that were pretty nasty to you the other day.” He drew in a deep breath.
“I’m really sorry, Miss Alicia. I didn’t mean the stuff I said. I was mad at Pa and I guess I was feeling sorry for myself, that you wanted to move downstairs. I kinda liked you being upstairs with me.” He shot her another look, bordering on hopeful, she decided.
“I liked being upstairs with you,” she told him. “But your father is right. I’m his wife, and I belong in his bedroom with him.”
“I won’t give you any more trouble about it,” Jason said firmly. “I don’t want you to get upset and think about leavin’ us.”
“I’ll never leave you, Jason. I’m here for the duration.” Pleased at the effort behind his words, she refrained from her first impulse to lean down and press her lips against his cheek. He’d be humiliated should anyone see such a gesture, so she settled for a pat on his shoulder.
“Thank you for saying all of that,” she told him. “I think we understand each other a bit better, don’t we?”
He nodded, his steps slowing as they saw the sheriff in the doorway of the jailhouse, awaiting his prisoner’s return. “Will you be here in the morning, ma’am?” Jason asked her softly.
“Of course I will. And so will your uncle Cord,” she told him firmly. She raised a hand in greeting to the sheriff and spoke politely. “I hope we didn’t make you wait too long,” she said. “I cleaned up the kitchen first.”
“That’s what I left my wife doing,” he told her, then his attention shifted to the boy beside her. “You ready for bed, young’un?”
Alicia thought Jason’s answering nod held a degree of sadness, his shoulders slouching as he crossed the threshold into the sheriff’s office. The lawman turned to her and winked. “It’s gonna be fine,” he said in an undertone, lifting her spirits immensely.
IT WAS FINE. In fact, Alicia thought it was downright wonderful. The judge peered over his spectacles at the prisoner, reading aloud the list of community projects Jason had participated in over the past week, then the long line of work details he’d completed at his home and around the jailhouse. Most important, the escaped prisoners had been captured without incident.
“I’d say you’ve complied with everything the sheriff asked of you, young man,” he said in a booming voice. “I hope you recognize that you’ve been given a very light sentence for the seriousness of your crime, Jason. I’ll tell you one thing. If ever I see you standing before me again, I’ll not be nearly so lenient. Is that understood?”
Jason nodded and voiced a wobbly, “Yes, sir.” His words spoken in a shuddering breath. He repeated the reply, this time more strongly, and raised his chin, his shoulders becoming straighter, as if he recognized that his ordeal was almost at an end.
“Go home to your family,” the judge said. “And keep your nose clean.”
Jake was waiting on the front porch when Cord’s surrey pulled up in front of the house. He bent forward in his chair, his hands holding the chair arms as if he yearned to stand erect and meet his son halfway.
Alicia thought Jake’s eyes were a bit damp, but she ignored it, focusing instead on the meal she had cooking on the back burner of the cookstove. “Will you stay for dinner, Cord?” she asked.
“No, I’ll be in the doghouse if I’m not home by the time Rachel has mine on the table,” he answered. “She was making chicken soup and had bread in the oven when I left.”
“Maybe I’ll go with you,” Alicia said with a laugh. “We’re only having leftovers.” Turning to Cord, she offered her hand and her sincere thanks, the words unspoken but acknowledged by Jake’s brother a
s he leaned forward to press his kiss against her cheek.
She swept through the screened door and into the house, her own tears close to the surface. If only Jake had been there to support Jason with his presence. Cord was a wonderful substitute, but a substitute, nevertheless. The prospect of convincing Jake to rejoin society seemed an insurmountable task to her today.
There must be something she could do. Some way of giving Jake the impetus to go out in public once more, yet she felt unable to find a solution.
She began setting the table. From the front of the house, she heard Jason’s high-pitched laughter and she halted where she stood, a smile touching her lips. Then Jake’s low, deeper tones of good humor blended with those of his son, and Alicia knew a moment of contentment such as she’d yearned for over the past days.
ALICIA WAS KEPT BUSY in the evenings, making certain that Jason was caught up with his classmates. The boy was eager to make amends, it seemed, and though she’d recognized his potential before, Alicia found herself astounded at the intelligence he displayed.
“Miss Alicia, the other kids are gonna think it’s not fair for me to be having you teach me at home. It’s like I have my own special teacher. They all liked you a lot, and I don’t think that new Mr. Smithers is near as nice as you were to everybody. Now I get to have you here all the time because you’re my…”
“Stepmother?” she asked, providing the word he had difficulty speaking aloud.
“Yeah,” he agreed, relief apparent in his voice. “Seeing’s how you live with us and all, I get a lot more attention than the rest of the kids in school. Maybe it’s not right for me to—” He halted again and eyed her with a measuring look. “I know you’re tryin’ to help me, ma’am, but I don’t want to take up all your time.”
“What my son is attempting to convey in his own sneaky way, is that he’s feeling put upon, Alicia,” Jake said dryly. “He thinks you expect him to spend more time on schoolwork than the others do.”
Redemption Page 22