“I’m in love. That’s the real problem.” She threw back her head and sniffed deeply, the leafless limbs blurring above her. “Brody lives here. This is his home. I doubt he would ever leave Highland Springs.” Like heavy clouds parting to bright sunshine, for the first time she could clearly see the simple truth: she wanted to stay. “But my career in DC is…I’ve worked too hard to give it up.”
She stood and faced John Tyler McNamara’s headstone, hugging herself against the cold and confusion. “Tell me what to do, Dad. I wish you could give me a sign or come to me in my dreams or something—anything to help me make the right decision.”
Since Kate hadn’t heard a booming voice from the clouds telling her what to do about her career, she decided to confer with Gram instead. Her grandmother had been home two hours and they were contentedly sitting at the kitchen table, drinking tea as the old rooster-shaped clock ticked out the seconds. She hadn’t seen Brody since he’d overheard her news, but he’d called and texted, and she felt everything was as good as it could be between them. It still didn’t stop the burning worry in her stomach—what was she going to do?
“So, what do you think I should do? I mean, I’d be stupid to pass up this opportunity, right? Who would pass up such an offer?”
“Well, now, honey, if what you tell me is—”
“I mean, Gram, come on, it’s Bell, Greenburg, and Goldman, the most prestigious firm in the District. Who would even think of giving that up? I didn’t kill myself to be in the top ten percent of my class and fight for that Federal clerkship after graduation for nothing. I had a plan, goals, a path to partnership.”
“That’s true, Katherine, but—”
“And, it’s unfolding exactly like I pictured it—even sooner maybe. I need to accept the promotion, right?”
“Honey, take a breath.” The warmth of Gram’s hands grasping hers settled Kate’s heart and calmed her frenzied thoughts. “Everything you say is true. You’ve worked hard and deserve that promotion. But you’ve also told me you love it here, too. It pained me to see how exhausted and stressed you were the first few weeks you were here. You hardly had time for anything in your life but work. Couldn’t you work here? Start your own practice or go into practice with one of the firms here or in Clarksburg?”
“I’ve thought of that—I have. But what keeps holding me back is BGG. Most people coming out of law school would give their left arm for the position I have.” She dropped her head in her hands and plunged her fingers through her hair, tugging the strands at the roots. “The other thing is, I keep thinking about Dad and Mom. Mom has encouraged me, has pushed me to be successful in my career, and Dad…well…he wanted me to be the best. I don’t want to disappoint him.”
“Honey, I’ve tried to tell you that’s not what your father expected. He would just want you to be happy, and from what I’ve seen you haven’t been happy until recently.”
“I don’t know.” She grabbed her half-full mug and trudged to the living room where she plopped on the couch. Strewn across the coffee table were three photo albums—one opened to a page of baby snapshots when Kate was about two. “Gram, why do you have all these photo albums out?”
“Feeling nostalgic I guess.” With remarkable speed for a nearly eighty-year-old woman, Gram crossed the room unaided by her walker and sat on the sofa beside Kate, taking one of the books into her lap. “Look how pretty you were in your Easter dress. I made that for you, did you know that?”
“I did. In fact, I’m pretty sure Mom still has that hanging in a closet at home. It’s beautiful.”
“Oh, and look here. This is your first trip to the zoo.” Gram tapped her finger against the clear cover at a picture of Kate reaching toward a giraffe’s curious face. “Who’s holding you? That doesn’t look like your daddy’s arm, but it’s sure not your momma’s.”
“Let me see.” Kate took the album out of Gram’s hands and tilted the page away from the lamp’s glare. “It might be Uncle Bill. Remember, he came to visit a lot when we lived near Seattle.” Flipping through the pages, she smiled at the happy little girl in the pictures and wondered if she’d ever have children. If she went back to the DC firm, she probably wouldn’t have a family for a long time. She slammed the book shut and closed her eyes, shaking her head at the confusion she was feeling.
“Honey, you can take this album home with you if you want or any of the albums. I’ve got plenty of pictures of you.”
It was true. Any open wall space had been filled with portraits and candids of Kate at various times of her life. There was no bigger cheerleader in her life than Gram. She gathered her grandmother in her arms and tucked her chin into Gram’s shoulder, drawing in the sweet, powdery scent of her. If only she could be as stalwart and resolute as Gram. Maybe she’d be happier with her decision.
TWENTY-FIVE
Blustering winds rattled the windows, tiny ice pellets pinged on the roof, but nature’s sounds were overshadowed by the lusty bellows and heavy breathing behind the bedroom door. Kate collapsed on Brody, propped against the headboard by a mound of pillows, and expelled one long breath against the nape of his neck.
“Remind me to send a thank you note to Darla.” He released a hearty chuckle, pressing his warm face against her ear. She leaned up and he captured her mouth, pressing his lips against hers. “Thank god she agreed to stay with Virginia tonight.”
“We won’t have to wake up before the sun tomorrow.” She snuggled against him, splaying her hand across his ribs, with a contented sigh. Just like she’d predicted, ever since Gram had gotten home, he ate dinner with them every night, and after Gram went to bed, he would sneak upstairs with Kate, being sure to leave in the early morning before Gram awoke.
Being with Brody felt so right, so natural, so where-she-needed-to-be. Many times, during those quiet early morning hours—just like now—when they lay skin-to-skin, the words “I love you” teetered on the tip of her tongue, and she had so desperately hoped he felt the same. But after days and days of internal debate and consideration, she had decided to accept the promotion. Tomorrow she was heading back to DC—she just needed to find the courage to tell him.
“What are you thinking about?” He tipped onto his side and brushed his knuckles across her cheek.
“Nothing really.” She rolled onto her back and the dark wood beams traversing the ceiling blurred in front of her.
“Nothing?” Brody tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and let his hand glide softly down the side of her neck. “I can hear your gears grinding. Talk to me.”
With a heavy sigh, she rolled to her side, facing the handsome “mountain man” she’d come to love more than she ever thought possible. “Do you ever have regrets?”
“Regrets?”
“About coming home. The decision to leave New York and Nashville?”
“No regrets. I’m happy here. It’s where I belong.”
“But all that you’ve worked for over the years is in Nashville.”
“That’s true, but the great thing about songwriting is I can do it anywhere.”
“Right, you can do it anywhere.” Would he be willing to do it in Washington, DC? Could he be happy there?
“Kind of like law—you can do it anywhere.” He twisted his finger in her hair, wrapping her dark locks around his knuckle, and hummed a few notes.
“Something you’ve been working on?” She brushed a few wayward strands off his forehead and touched her lips to his.
“Yeah, while I was driving to the brewery these chords came to me. I’ve got some lyrics that I think will work with it.”
“A song about driving a truck and drinking beer?”
“Nah.” He let the strands unwind from his finger and drew her against his chest. “Better than that.”
“This is the best place for you—songwriting—here in Highland Springs.”
“And living here—yeah.” As his hand stroked feather-light down her back, she braced herself for what was still unspoken. “And you want
to practice law in DC.” She released the breath she’d been holding and sagged deeper against him. He said the words she hadn’t had the courage to say. Before she could stop them, large, angry tears streamed from her eyes. Why couldn’t they be together? It wasn’t fair.
He tightened his hold on her and ran his hand through her hair. “Come on sweetheart, don’t cry. We both knew it was temporary.”
“But it doesn’t make it any easier. I knew this wouldn’t end well.”
“Do you regret our time together? Would you have preferred we stayed enemies?”
Kate swiped away her tears and rose onto her elbow, looking at the amusement on Brody’s face.
“Enemies? I don’t remember us being enemies…per se.”
“Yeah, you only bit my head off the first time you met me.”
“Well, that was different. You were breaking too many laws to mention.” Brody chuckled as he enveloped her in his arms and planted a kiss against her temple. The biggest crime of all was stealing my heart.
“Look, we both held up our end of the bargain. You learned to relax.” He pinched his thumb and finger together. “A little. And you’ve given me incredible inspiration. I’m writing again and you got your promotion.”
“And you’d never consider moving—”
“To DC? I’ve got the farm, the brewery—”
“You’re right. I know.” She snuggled her head against his chest, drinking in the familiar scent of him, his soft hair tickling her cheek. Leaving him would be the hardest thing she’d ever done. “I’m going to miss you, that’s all.”
He rolled her onto her back and stopped her with that soul-deep gaze of his, the one she’d become so familiar with, the one that gave her a delicious shiver every time. “I’ll never forget these past few weeks. They’ve changed my life. You’ve—”
“Changed me, too.” An errant tear escaped down her temple and he brushed it away with the back of his hand.
“We’re going to be okay,” he said as his tender lips kissed her for the last time.
TWENTY-SIX
Kate snapped her laptop closed and spun her leather chair to face the floor-to-ceiling window in her new office. The illuminated Capitol dome glowed in the distance as DC commuters scurried home before the impending snow storm. They were calling for six to eight inches by midnight and she figured she had at least another hour before the flakes began to fall. The usual hum of activity outside her office door had died down when the support staff joined in the mass exodus back to the suburbs. Most of the time she liked the quiet that settled in after the office cleared out, but tonight she couldn’t quiet her mind, couldn’t focus on the brief she’d been writing. It had been a week since she’d last heard from Brody. With each day, there had been less and less contact. She arrived at the only verdict she could—they were officially over. Mindlessly, she swiped a tear and rotated back to the work strewn across her desk.
Her cell phone vibrated against the mahogany desk and she noticed an incoming call from Annie. “Hey, are you coming home early? I made vegetable soup, banana nut bread, and a batch of brownies. You know—get-snowed-in food.”
“I wasn’t going to, but since you made get-snowed-in brownies, I guess I better.”
She wasn’t getting any work done as it was, so why not join in the city stampede before the snow hit?
Stuffed beyond good sense after an expertly prepared comfort food dinner, Kate stretched out across the sofa, hearing the muffled sound of Annie on the phone in her room. There were equal benefits and disadvantages to having a roommate like Annie—she was an amazing cook who took all the burden of food preparation from Kate, but if it weren’t for the fact that she rarely made it home for meals, Kate could easily grow to the size of a grizzly bear. The last time she felt this physically satiated was at Gram’s.
She grabbed the pink photo album off the coffee table and flipped through the pages of her childhood. When she made it to the last page, she started again at the beginning with the eight-by-ten portrait of her father, mother, and herself as a baby. She rubbed her hand over the picture and found a thickness beneath it. “There’s something behind this picture.” She turned the page, but only found another eight-by-ten. Once more, Kate rubbed her hand over the photo, convinced something was behind the photos. She opened the clear sleeve, separating the back-to-back photos, and found a small envelope tucked between the pictures. She reached in and pinched it between two fingers.
To Katherine—on the day of your birth.
Shock waves racked her body when she recognized her father’s handwriting. She sat up and perched on the edge of the cushioned couch. “What is this?” Her hands quivered as she gently lifted the envelope flap, drawing the folded sheet from inside.
Dear Katherine (or maybe I’ll call you Katie),
The nurse just took you back to the nursery and your momma is sound asleep. I’m supposed to be taking a nap, but I had the urge to write you a letter. I’m not sure how or if I’ll ever give it to you, but I just wanted to say a few things before life gets crazy.
First, I want to tell you I love you. Seven months ago, when your momma told me she was pregnant, the last thing I thought I’d feel is love for you. But I do. By now you know we had you when we were young—too young—but the way I see it, God just hurried us along, that’s all. I fell in love with your momma the first day of our senior year when she walked into our English class. She was the hot new girl in town and I swore I’d make her mine. Well, I did and I got you in the bargain. That’s okay though. As soon as I held you in my arms today, I was done for. I’m already wrapped around your pink little finger. I promised you then and there I would be the best daddy I could be and I’d love your momma until the day I die. That’s the best I can offer under the circumstances.
I guess this is the part where I tell you all the things I wish for you as you grow up. My basketball coach used to tell us all the time: “Be your best self.” I’m not sure what he meant by that because he sure yelled at us all the time no matter how hard we played. But I like that saying now that I’m a daddy. I think I’ll use that line on you in the future. To me it means give everything you do your best effort, be kind to others, be satisfied with what the Lord gives you, and always follow your heart. I had big plans of going to WVU, majoring in engineering, and making a boatload of money. It didn’t turn out that way, but I’m okay about it. Instead, I got you and your momma, and the two of you are more precious than gold to me.
More than anything I want you to grow up healthy, happy, and loved. Your momma and I will do the best we can to make all of that come true while you’re young, but someday you’ll be on your own. No matter what you choose to do with your life, I’ll support you and be proud of you. Just remember to always be your best self and follow your heart. Everything will be just fine.
Love,
Your daddy
The blue ink blurred as tears flowed down her cheeks. She finally got through the letter and collapsed against the sofa pillow.
“Be my best self—not ‘be the best.’” Kate hiccupped a sob into her fist. “That’s what he always said.”
Her dad had answered her—just like she’d asked him to at the cemetery. All she ever wanted was some kind of sign or message from her dad, and here it was, tucked behind a photo all these years. He said to follow her heart. He told her exactly what to do. Why did she feel like it was too late?
“Are you okay?” Annie placed her hand on Kate’s back and leaned in close. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s that damned song. Why do they have to play it every Thursday night?” Kate had her elbows on the table and her hands pressed to her ears. It had been a week since she’d found her father’s letter and she still hadn’t done anything remotely close to “following her heart.” And each time she met Annie and Derek for Trivia Night, the DJ played Trivial as the games began.
“I thought maybe you were sick.” Derek leaned back in the booth and took a long draw of his beer. “You look lik
e hell.”
“Thanks, Derek,” Kate mumbled toward the table.
“God, Derek, do you have to be so rude?” Annie rubbed her hand over Kate’s back, bringing much needed calm to her jagged nerves. He was right; she did look like hell, felt like hell. Since being back she’d returned to her old fourteen-hour day schedule and high stress level, and couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a full eight hours of sleep. When her head hit the pillow each night, instead of falling into a much-needed coma, she tossed and turned thinking about Brody and how much she missed him.
“Did he call today?” Annie’s sweet, caring tone was like a knife in her chest.
“No.” Kate barked. “He didn’t call today or yesterday or the day before. In fact, Annie, I’m tired of you asking me if he called. He’s not going to call. He hasn’t called in a long time and I’m not expecting him to.”
“Maybe you should call him,” Annie said.
“Damn it, drop it, will you?” She turned to Annie and could see she’d hurt her, and felt terrible. Annie didn’t deserve her wrath. “I’m sorry, but you have to let this go.” She softened her harsh tone and squeezed Annie’s hand. “Let’s just play. Here’s the first question.”
Kate recited the first question flashed on the wall-mounted monitor.
“What legendary female country singer—” She slumped against the back of the booth and shook her head. “Really?”
“What legendary female country singer is known as the Pride of Butcher Hollow?” Derek finished the question and looked to Kate.
“Why are you looking at me?” she asked.
“Figured you might know something about it, seeing as you—”
“Banged a country songwriter? Is that what you were going to say?”
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