“Should never have left you there by yourself,” he’d muttered angrily, before disappearing into his office, where I heard him have a spirited conversation over the phone. My guess is he got the nitty gritty of what happened from one of his old police contacts, because when he finally resurfaced, his mood was better. Not good, but better.
By the time DEA Special Agent Francisi called to let me know they’d have the campground cleared in a day or two, my uncle hadn’t balked much at all when I announced I’d be heading back the next day. I have to admit, I was a bit freaked to find out they’d fished the remains of a well-known local drug peddler from the depths of the reservoir. Apparently that was the garbage I’d seen the other man toss overboard. I didn’t even want to think what it meant that it apparently had taken several bags to dispose of the body.
I did ask about Ben. I’d already surmised in the chaos after the shots rang out, he was some kind of cop. It was a relief to find out he wasn’t some vile drug dealer, but it didn’t change the deep sense of betrayal I felt. Mostly though, I was angry at myself, for apparently not having learned enough in my life to keep my heart safe. After losing the two most important people in my life at a young age, I’d known I wouldn’t be able to handle going through that kind of profound loss again. Just the prospect of one day losing Uncle Al, as well, was enough to avoid allowing room in my heart for anyone else. Judging by the persistent ache in my chest, I didn’t do such a bang up job. In the short time we’d know each other, I’d somehow let Ben in only to discover it was never about me. He’d played his role well. So well, that he left a hole.
“He’s fine,” Joe told me. “Will be signing his final papers next week and he’ll be on his way.”
Good. That meant there was no risk of running into him. I was packed and ready to go the next day.
“Yes, they are.” I smile when Jen takes the bag from my hand and starts pulling out the frames.
“Oh my goodness,” she whispers. “These are exquisite.”
The shots are ones I took that night on the dock. One shows a hint of the mountains reflected in the surface of the water, with the huge expanse of the star-streaked night sky above. That’s the one Jen is holding up.
“How did you manage this?” She points at the light streaks.
“Slow shutter speed,” I hear a voice behind me, and my heart lodges in my throat. “Isn’t that what you told me, Pixie?” he says softly in my ear.
I fight the urge to turn around, just as I fight the blasted tears flooding and subsequently escaping my eyes. Damn him! I try to focus on Jen, who looks stunned as she flicks her eyes from my now tear-stained face, over my shoulder, where I can feel Ben looming close. The heat from his body is pulling at me, and I curse myself for being too weak to ignore him. As much as I know I’m just handing him more ammunition to hurt me, there’s part of me that wants to hear what he has to say.
“Excuse me,” Jen mutters, a little flustered. “I have…I mean, I should check…on things.”
Well, this is uncomfortable.
“Ten minutes.” His soft, raspy voice has a pleading quality I’ve not yet heard from him. “I get you’re mad, but I’m asking for ten minutes of your time.”
My back still turned to him; I take a deep breath in. “It was you, wasn’t it?” I ask, looking at the empty spots on the wall, where I assume my prints have hung. He knows exactly what I’m talking about and answers instantly.
“Needed a piece of you. Something to remind me that through your eyes, there’s beauty everywhere. That getting to know you allowed me a glimpse too, even if all I’ve seen for years is an ugly world.”
I literally can feel the fissure in my heart crack wider at his words, and I can’t help the sliver of hope that fills it.
“Please.” His breath whispers over the shell of my ear and has me finally turn around.
I can almost feel the touch of those clear pale blue eyes as he scans my face. I recognize his regret when he sees my tears. “Pixie…”
“Okay,” I manage. “But not here.”
I follow her black bug up the mountain, noticing her occasional glances in the rearview mirror to ensure I’m still there. I’m not going anywhere, baby.
A month since I last saw her. Four weeks: I’ve spent writing reports, wrapping up my investigation for the most part, and hours upon hours of debriefing. Twenty-eight days, in which I’ve made a healthy start at shedding the life I’m leaving behind, taking steps in creating a new one. Six hundred and seventy-two hours of wishing I’d been able to handle things in a way that wouldn’t have caused the hurt I saw in her eyes. Forty thousand, three hundred and twenty minutes, not one of which passed without a thought of her, hoping…
I pull in beside her and cast a glance at the large family tent now occupying site forty-nine. A lot of the sites are occupied, including twenty-three. My old trailer is gone, it belonged to my old life, and I sold it without any qualms.
Isla stands a bit uncomfortably beside her car. Her tears seem to have dried up—thank fuck—but her unease is palpable. I put my bike on the kickstand, take off my shades, and resolutely reach for her hand. A small tug and she turns ahead of me, leading me into her trailer, not once letting go of my hand.
“I’m scared,” she mumbles with her back to me when I close the door behind me.
“So am I,” I admit, surprising her. She spins around with questions in her eyes. Questions she deserves answers for.
“I was in my early twenties when I started working for the DEA,” I start, still holding tight to her hand. “My first investigation ended up a clusterfuck of epic proportions that ended in a standoff. One that ended with one team member dead and one injured.”
“You,” she says immediately.
“Me,” I confirm. “It was a raid on a crack house in Denver. Four of us went in, and I was supposed to clear the kitchen. A little too anxious and overly eager, I missed the pantry door. Before I knew what was happening, someone grabbed me in a stranglehold, pressing a barrel under my chin.” I notice the slight wince on her face and shake my head before I continue. “Brad was a good man. A good friend and the only family I had. After that, I took on every undercover assignment I could get my hands on. It suited me…until I got tired of the stench of wading in the constant sewage.” When I pause, Isla guides me wordlessly to the couch, pulling me down beside her.
“Go on,” she urges me.
“I didn’t expect you. Al…well, Al being an ex-cop, I was going to fill him in on the goings on under his nose. Although I’m pretty sure he had his suspicions already: about site forty-nine and about me. I had it all under control…up till you complimented my bike and smiled like you’d just won the lottery, despite the pain that was clear in your eyes.” She immediately lowers her eyes to hide what I’ve seen there from the start. “Roped into this investigation at the last minute, I just wanted to see it through, so I could finally walk away. Be done.” My voice is getting rougher with every sentence, but I’m determined to finish. Then it’ll be up to her. “Isla—look at me.” With a finger under her chin, I tilt her head up. “What ended up happening between us had nothing to do with the job, and everything to do with person you are—regardless of how it started.”
“I know,” she whispers, surprising me. “I was using it as an excuse to walk away.”
“Why?” I ask, though I have a good idea already.
“Afraid,” she echoes what she said earlier, shrugging her shoulders slightly and dropping her head down. “Of how deep you had rooted inside me, in such a short time. It meant that by the time you’d decide to walk away, the damage would be even bigger.” Her eyes find mine and I squeeze her hand in encouragement. “My mom…she…”
“I talked to Al,” I interrupt her, the pain in her voice cutting me. “He contacted me a few weeks ago. Tore a strip off me first.” I chuckle at the memory of the old man, threatening to tear of my balls and shove them down my throat. He was dead serious at the time, too. “He told me ab
out your mom and your aunt.” I clear my throat as I cup her jaw in my hand and tilt her head up. “I get it.”
The last is no more than a whisper as I close my mouth over hers. Tentative at first—testing her—but when her lips open, inviting my tongue, she throws caution to the wind. Throwing her leg over mine, so she is straddling my lap, she gives herself with no reservation. Her fingers twisted in my hair, and the other hand pressed against my chest, she shows me exactly what’s in her heart. I’m fucking elated.
By the time I have her divested of her clothes and am buck-naked myself, we’re both breathing hard. I lift her up off the couch, where she’d ended up underneath me while our hands and mouths explored and tasted, and carry her to the bed, climbing in with her body clutched to mine.
“Hurry, Ben,” she tries to rush me, fingers clawing at my skin and her legs opening wide in invitation.
“Shhh…easy, baby,” I say, dropping my hips between hers. “Look at me.” When I have her beautiful eyes on me, I slowly enter her body, the look of bliss on her face reflecting my emotions.
Nothing is held back as I try to show her with my body what may be too soon to tell her. When I finally see her eyes glaze over, and feel her body clamp down on mine, I let go, throwing my head back as I come hard, grunting her name.
“Ben?” Isla’s voice sounds muffled against my chest a little later. I’ve rolled us so I’m on my back, and she’s draped on top as we catch our breath.
“Mmmm…”
“What happens now?”
“Whatever we want, Pixie,” I answer, idly stroking circles on the soft skin of her ass. “We don’t need rules, we can just make it up as we go.”
She lifts up her face and looks me in the eye, her hand coming up to touch my face.
“I think I’m falling,” she says with a soft smile. I turn my head and kiss her palm, keeping my eyes on her.
“Baby…I’ve already landed.”
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PROLOGUE
The first time I saw him was on July 28th 1998. I was celebrating my 6th birthday at my grandmother’s house in Osterville, Massachusetts with my family. I don’t remember a lot about that day, but the one thing I do remember was his eyes. They were as gray as a thundercloud during a summer storm over the ocean and as electric as the bolts that shoot out of the sea.
My grandmother’s backyard sits by the Atlantic Ocean. She lives on Sea View Avenue, a large island that is part of Cape Cod filled with beautiful sprawling, historical homes that have been in many families for hundreds of years. My grandfather and my father own McAllister Fishing & Co. which is one of the most successful Lobster companies in all New England with the business now expanding from Massachusetts up to Maine.
I remember my father telling me I could go for a sailboat ride as soon as we finished blowing out my candles and opening my gifts. I couldn’t care less about my presents. All I cared about was spending the afternoon on my family’s sailboat with my favorite person—my father.
Ever since I was born, my mother swore I was a daddy’s girl. Always wanting my father to rock me to sleep, play with me, and kiss all my boo boos. Even now at the age of twenty-two I have my father wrapped around my finger. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
As soon as I got the okay, I was changing out of my party dress and into my new sailing outfit: a pair of Bermuda shorts, a crisp white polo tank top that looked even brighter against my dark tanned skin, and my new pink sparkle sequin boat shoes that my parents had just given me for my birthday.
Before long my dad, my mom, and me were out in the middle the ocean with the sail open wide and gliding perfectly across the water. My parents surprised me by giving me one last gift while out on the boat. When I tore open the tiny box I squealed with glee as I popped open the tiny jewelry box and found a tiny nautical themed charm bracelet. I remember sitting on the seat staring at the bracelet as the wind and salt water whipped against my warm skin. I was staring at the tiny anchor, starfish, and sailboat charms lost in my own little world when my perfect day turned into one of the scariest days of my life.
Without warning an afternoon thunderstorm rolled in taking us all by surprise. The clouds were dark and thick as they moved in, taking away the blue skies and bright sunshine we were enjoying moments ago. In its place was high winds, causing the boat to rock about over the large waves that began crashing against the boat. My father tried to steer it back toward shore but a six-foot wave crashed over the boat sweeping me away.
Everything happened in a blur. My memory of what happened after that is jumbled, but I remember screaming for my parents as the water crashed over my tiny body, throwing me across the boat. I hit my head before falling overboard into the water. I remember everything going black and being very cold. The sound of my parents’ voices carried over the water as they shouted to me. I felt strong arms wrapping around my waist and pull me tightly against their chest. My lifejacket raised up to my face making it hard for me to see anything besides water and lightening as it cracked across the sky.
I was crying and yelling for my mom and dad as blood trickled down my head. As I looked up to see who was pulling me toward the boat, I kicked my feet and was met by gray, stormy eyes that were cold, yet comforting at the same time. He whispered down at me, “You’re going to be alright, Lucy.” I don’t know why but I believed him. A stranger who I’ve never seen before in my life, nor did I know where he appeared from, but I believed him when he promised me I would be okay.
Before I could ask him who he was he vanished into thin air. I felt my father swim up beside me as I floated alongside the side of our sailboat as it rocked fiercely against the massive waves crashing around us. He scooped me up with the help of my mother and whisked me into the cabin below to safety. I laid in my mother’s arms trying to get warm as she hummed a song I can’t remember, trying to distract me from the howling wind and crashing waves threatening to toss us all into the sea.
As I laid there with the eyes of the stranger lingering in the back of my mind, I asked my mother about the man who was in the water with me and held me safely until Daddy reached me. She told me it must’ve been a figment of my imagination, a side effect from hitting my head. But I didn’t miss the flicker of awareness in her eyes as I asked her about the strange man.
My father stayed up on deck fighting the storm like the master sailor that he is. After an hour of battling the rough waters, we finally made it back to safety as we docked the boat at my grandparents’ house. Of course, as we sailed the boat back to shore, the dark storm clouds rolled away into the distance and slowly the sunshine began to break free from the darkness and shine its warmth down on us once again.
After getting looked over by my grandmother who was a nurse, I spent the rest of my birthday lying in bed dreaming about raging oceans and dark, stormy gray eyes.
Eyes that would haunt me for the next sixteen years.
CHAPTER ONE
May 2014
“Congratulations class of 2014! You are now officially Boston College graduates!” Jumping to my feet along with all the other students around me, we grab our graduation caps and toss them into the air. My ears ring from the celebratory cheers that fill the large sprawling courtyard beside the massive university.
I look around at the sea of black gowns and grinning smiles and let this moment sink in. Four long years of hard work and way too much partying has come to an end. My college years are officially over. Now life is going to consist of job hunting and then adulting. It feels as if these last four years blew by in a blink of an eye.
I’m filled with mixed emotions of exci
tement, sadness, fear and relief as I look around at my friends and let it sink in that this is the last time we’ll see each other.
We’ll promise to keep in touch & get together again, but the reality of it is we’re all heading into different directions in life. Our careers are going to send us all into new paths which sadly doesn’t include each other.
Arms wrap around me from every direction as my friends attack me, yanking me into a massive bear hug consisting of eight arms that squeeze me tightly.
“We did it!” Sophie cheers as she pulls me against her chest and bounces with excitement causing my head to rattle around on top of my shoulders.
Malory, Talen, and Rory all join in as their words bounce around me as does their bodies. “Time to celebrate! We’re officially done with morning class, term papers, and grumpy ass professors!” Rory shouts as everyone breaks apart and stares in awe at one another.
I let out a light sigh and smile as I try to push away the negative thoughts and instead focus on the excitement of today. I want to be happy, but it’s hard to be when I know after today all our lives are changing. Malory is heading to New York City for an internship at an art gallery in SoHo. Talen is flying back to his parents’ home in Arizona to spend the summer there while he begins his job search. Rory is flying to Florida with her boyfriend for a week-long getaway before returning to her parents’ farm in Arkansas. Sophie, who’s been my best friend since the first day I stepped foot on this campus, is staying in Boston and already has a job lined up at a private preschool. While I’ll be flying to Chicago to see my boyfriend of six years. We were high school sweethearts, and somehow we made the long-distance relationship thing work, even with him attending college in Chicago and me in Boston.
If I said it’s been easy, I’d be lying. There were many times I let the thought cross my mind to end things with him. It was hard going out on weekends with my friends watching them have fun with their boyfriends while I was the odd man out sitting alone. We video chatted and constantly texted back and forth throughout the day, always making sure we knew we were thinking about one another, but it didn’t make the fact that we were living two completely different lives any easier.
Love, Lies, & Crime: Anthology Page 7