Another Dawn

by Sandra Brown

  When their eyes met and locked hungrily, he lowered his mouth to hers. He thrust his tongue deep into her mouth as he pressed her hips against his swollen front. She cradled his hardness between her thighs.

  He tore his mouth free. "No, Banner. I hurt you before, remember?"

  "Yes, but that wasn't why I was crying."

  "Then why?"

  "Because it began to feel good and I... I thought you'd hate me for the way I was acting."

  "No, no," he whispered fervently into her hair.

  "You were so... big."

  "I'm sorry."

  "I just didn't expect it to be so... and... and so..."

  "Did it feel good to you at all, Banner?"

  "Yes, yes. But it was over too soon."

  He laid his hard cheek against hers. His breathing was labored, otherwise he didn't move. "Too soon?"

  "I felt like something was about to happen, but it didn't."

  Jake was stunned. Could it be? He knew whores faked it. He didn't have any experience with decent women. Certainly not with virgins. Never with a virgin. He had never taken anyone he could feel tenderness for.

  But tenderness for Banner enveloped him now. He cupped her face between his hands and went searching in her eyes for the truth. He saw no fear there, only a keen desire that matched his own. Making a growling sound deep in his throat, he lowered his head again.

  "Hello!" a cheerful voice called out. "Anyone at home?"

  Only then did they become aware of the jingle of harnesses and the unmistakable sounds of a wagon being pulled to a halt outside.

  "Banner? Where are you?"

  It was Lydia.

  TEN

  Banner watched the dawn sunlight turn from pink to gold as it weakly filtered through her bedroom window. She lay with her cheek pressed against her pillow. Frequently a tear would spill over her lower eyelid and roll down her cheek. It was absorbed into the soft pillowcase as all the others before it had been.

  Her thoughts were on last night. She couldn't believe the turn it had taken. Before Lydia's untimely arrival, things had gone according to plan. Jake had been swept into the romantic mood she had created.

  Never having had to lure a man before—that one night in the barn didn't count—she had tried to remember the lures and schemes her girlfriends had sworn by to snare a husband. A good meal, soft lighting, flowers, a pretty dress, and a sweet disposition, everything to appeal to a man's senses and make him think that it would be marvelous to have that kind of tender loving care all the time.

  Banner had always thought such machinations were beneath her dignity, compromising to her integrity, and downright ridiculous. To the disbelief of her friends, she had even declared that she wouldn't want a man who could be so easily manipulated.

  But there must be something to such female schemes because everything had gone so well. Until Lydia knocked on the front door.

  Jake had jumped like he had been shot. He tripped over the stool still lying on its side. Only a miracle and some deft footwork had saved him from sprawling on the floor.

  Banner had smoothed her hair, pressed her hands to flaming cheeks, and rested her pounding forehead on the doorjamb for a few precious seconds before swinging open the door and saying, "Mama! What a nice surprise."

  "Hello, dear."

  Lydia breezed in carrying with her crisp night smells that seemed to cling to her hair and clothes the way one sprig of honeysuckle makes a whole house smell good.

  Banner's heart sank.

  Lydia looked beautiful in a plain ecru shirtwaist and brown skirt. She would still turn any man's head with her whiskey-colored eyes and hair the reddish-brown shade of cinnamon. Her figure was trim, but her breasts and hips were womanly full. What man wouldn't want to rest his head on her maternal breast and stay for the rest of the night? Lydia looked comfortable, as though she was all a man would need to make him happy and self-satisfied.

  "Hello, Jake." She smiled at him and Banner's heart slipped down another notch toward the bottom of her soul. Lydia's smile was guileless, open, friendly, but could he help himself from melting beneath it?

  Jake looked like he had just swallowed something distasteful and was about to vomit. "Lydia." One brisk nod of his blond-white head was all the greeting she got and Banner had known it was because he didn't trust himself to speak yet. He had been about to kiss one woman, and in had walked the one he really wanted. That was enough to rattle even the staunchest of men.

  An awkward silence stretched out until Banner seized the moment and stepped forward with her hand pointing toward the picture. "What do you think, Mama? Jake was just helping me hang it when we heard your wagon pull up."

  "I wondered what was talcing you so long to answer the door," she replied absently as she studied the picture. "I like it." She pivoted slowly on her heels, taking in the entire parlor. "You've done wonders with the room, Banner. Everything looks just right and... homey."

  "Thank you."

  "Maybe you need another lamp," Lydia said, laying her finger along her cheek ponderingly. "It's a trifle dark in here."

  Banner wished the floor would open up and swallow her, but since it didn't she asked, "Would you like some coffee?" She desperately needed something else to do with her hands besides wringing them damply together.

  "No. It's too hot."

  "Something else?"

  "A seat?" Lydia asked, teasingly.

  Banner's hand flew to her chest. "I'm sorry, Mama. Of course, sit down. Jake... ?" She turned to him, indicating another chair.

  "I've got to get that wagon unloaded," he said awkwardly, and made for the rack by the door where his hat and gunbelt were hanging.

  "Sit down, Jake, for heaven's sake," Lydia said with some exasperation. "This isn't a formal call. What's the matter with you two?"

  "Nothing." The word virtually tripped over Banner's lips on its rush out. She glanced toward Jake for support, but he had slumped into a chair and was staring at the floor. "Jake is just sulking. He didn't appreciate me asking him to hang the picture."

  "Ross is the same way. He hates doing 'piddling things in the house' as he calls it."

  Banner took courage from her mother's familiar smile. "I'm glad you came to see me, Mama."

  "You two have been strangers to River Bend. We were wondering if we had done something to offend you." She was still smiling, but there was a hint of inquiry in her eyes.

  "No," Banner said, laughing falsely. "We've just been so busy. You can't imagine all the work we've been doing around the place."

  "That's what we hear from the hands," Lydia replied. "Are they working out well for you, Jake?"

  He raised his eyes to Lydia and pulled himself up straighter in his chair. He looked like a boy who had just been called on in school. "Yeah, they're fine."

  "Frankly I was worried about that younger one, Randy," Lydia said.

  Jake's eyes flickered to Banner for only a heartbeat before he said, "He's rowdy, all right, but I've managed to keep him in line. How's Ma?"

  "Fine. A little put out with you for not riding over to see her."

  "I've got to get around to that soon."

  "That's why I rode over this evening," Lydia said. "I was going to wait until tomorrow, but Ross and Lee got involved in one of their endless checkers tournaments and it was such a nice evening, I decided to drive on over now." She paused and drew a deep breath. "We're giving a party Saturday night."

  "A party?" Banner asked, surprised. "What for?"

  "To show people that our lives, and especially yours, aren't over because of what happened at your wedding."

  Banner went cold on the inside. For long moments she remained unmoving. Then she came to her feet and began to stamp around the room, straightening this, rearranging that, whisking away imaginary dust motes.

  "Is that what everyone thinks?" she asked tartly. "That my life is over, that I'm pining?"

  "Please don't take this the wrong way, Banner. Your father and I don't give a hoot w
hat people think or say. We learned a long time ago that you can't keep them from thinking or saying what they please. But we both know how labels hurt. Once you get one, you're stuck with it."

  "What do you mean?"

  Lydia glanced at Jake, but his face remained stony and gave away nothing. "It only means that we don't want people to get the wrong impression of you, because it might be a lasting one. Ross went into town a few days ago. He said people asked about you like you had a fatal disease that might claim you at any moment. Lee and Micah said the gossip going around is that you've moved out here to hibernate."

  "That's not true!" Banner shouted. Her cheeks were flushed now for an entirely different reason. She was vexed and her posture showed it as she pulled herself up regally. "I feel more alive and vital now that I'm working on my own place than I ever have in my life."

  "That's why we're holding the party. We want folks to see you as your old self and put these rumors to a stop before they get out of hand."

  "But a party." Dispiritedly Banner sank back into her chair, suddenly quelled by the thought of everyone gawking at her. "Is that necessary? I haven't been into town since the wedding. Couldn't I start with that... be seen there by folks?"

  Lydia shook her head. "You know how people are. They wouldn't come up to you. They'd gossip behind their fans and make up their own minds. This way they'll be forced to talk to you, and there will be no mistaking that you're perfectly fine. It won't be formal. Just a barbecue outside. What do you think?"

  "I suppose so." Her eyes went to Jake. He refused to look at her and that hurt. When he held her, had he only been slaking a natural hunger for a woman? Would any woman have done? Had she merely been convenient tonight? And did he hate her and himself now because he had defiled his feelings for Lydia?

  She had planned to seduce him into the idea of marrying her. How foolish she had been. Other men might fall for such feminine wiles, but never Jake. Had he known what she was up to and merely played along for his own amusement? In any event, she had had her chance, and it had ended disastrously.

  "I guess I do need to start seeing people again." By people she meant men. Apparently that was the idea behind the party.

  Lydia stood up briskly, as though her mission were accomplished. "Wonderful- Of course you'll come too, Jake." Without waiting for his answer to her nonquestion, she went to Banner and drew her into a tight embrace. "Ross and I miss you terribly, but we're so proud of what you're doing here. Is everything all right?"

  "Yes, Mama, fine. I'll come see you more often." She kissed Lydia's cheek. "Do you have to leave so soon?"

  "Yes. I promised Ross I wouldn't be long. Good night," she said, kissing Banner's temple. "We'll see you Saturday."

  "I'll walk you out," Jake said, taking his hat and gunbelt from the rack. "I was on my way out when you came in. Thanks for dinner, Banner."

  And she had stood there alone in the doorway while they walked across the porch and down the steps together, Jake's hand solicitously under Lydia's arm. Their heads wens close.

  "Is she truly all right, Jake? We're so worried about her," Banner overheard her mother whisper.

  "She's fine."

  "Ross and I would go out of our minds with worry if we didn't have you to look after her."

  "I'm doing my best." He helped her into the wagon. "What's Ross thinking of, letting you drive over here after dark by yourself?"

  "Why, Jake Langston, I can take care of myself, thank you," Lydia said haughtily, swatting him playfully on the arm.

  "Do you have a gun?"

  "Yes," she said wearily. "Ross wouldn't let me go anywhere without one. You two, I swear! You'd think I was helpless and had to be cared for."

  "Be careful driving over that bridge. It looks rickety in places. As soon as I catch up with some of the work around here, I'm going to shore it up."

  "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Good night. See you around seven on Saturday. Did I tell Banner the time?"

  "I'll pass it along. You get home before it gets any later."

  "Good night, Jake," she said, clicking her tongue to the horse who pulled the wagon.

  " 'Night, Lydia."

  Long after she had ridden off, Jake stood there in the yard gazing after her. Banner watched him watching after her mother, sending her back to her husband, loving her.

  Tears flooded her eyes now as they had periodically throughout the night. What a fool she had made of herself! How could she have thought to tempt Jake into loving her, just a little, when his eyes and head and heart were so full of Lydia? It had rent her heart in two to see him walk back into the barn, his shoulders slumped dejectedly.

  How could she face him after throwing herself at him last night? After talking to him about—

  Lord, had she truly revealed how she had felt about that other time, spoken aloud the thoughts she had harbored for weeks, thoughts that she had been ashamed even to contemplate? Had she returned his passionate kisses measure for measure? Little good it had done her except to make herself more contemptible in his eyes.

  She had failed on two accounts. First, she had thrown herself at him and been rejected. He hadn't come back in to pick up where they left off after Lydia left. And, when she had probed him, he hadn't been forthcoming with any information into her parents' past. He had clammed up just like everyone else when she baited him.

  Something didn't mesh. Why had Lydia mentioned the labels placed on people? When had anyone labeled Lydia anything but an ideal rancher's wife and mother? There was something in their past that her parents didn't want Lee and her to know, and everyone who loved them was keeping their secret intact.

  Added to her humiliation concerning Jake and anguish over her heritage, was dread at the party Saturday night. If it were only herself involved, she would thumb her nose at everybody in Larsen County. Let them talk. Let them think what they liked.

  But Mama and Papa were involved. They had always wanted the best life possible for her. The way the rest of the world saw the Colemans was important to them. Papa had to do business with the men in town. Those men had wives who gossiped. Mama was right. They needed to show everyone that the Colemans were far from suffering defeat at the hands of Grady Sheldon.

  But how she was going to survive the week with that blasted party hanging over her head, she didn't know.

  * * *

  The water in the tub had grown tepid, but still Banner lay immersed in it. Earlier that afternoon she had washed her hair in rainwater which she had been collecting in a barrel outside the back door. She had pinned it up on her head before stepping into her bath. The tub was stationed in the middle of the kitchen floor. It had been filled from the pump in the sink and kettles of heated water off the stove.

  Ordinarily she would have looked forward to the party all week. But getting ready for it held no joy for her today. Jake had been as cranky as a hungry wolf. They hadn't exchanged a private word that wasn't necessary. Indeed, he had avoided her as much as possible. He had bolted down his meals as through the devil had given him a time limit. He didn't stay to linger over a cup of coffee or smoke a cheroot, but left by way of the back door after saying a terse, "Thanks."

  For the most part, Banner had stayed indoors after exercising the horses each morning. Studiously she kept her distance from the cowboys, not wanting to provoke Jake's anger.

  As for the ranch, it had been a productive week. They had finished the barbed-wire fence around the pasture. Banner had whitewashed the boards of the corral, working on it after the men had ridden away for the day.

  But it had been a tense week in which the hands sensed the prevailing mood. Thinking it was a leftover from the incident with the caterpillar, they walked on eggshells around Jake. For the past several days Plum Creek hadn't been a happy place to be.

  Banner had used the hot bath to soothe her nerves and ease some of the tension from her muscles. But if she wanted plenty of time to dress, she had to get out now. She stepped from the tub just as someone tappe
d on the back door.

  "Banner?"

  Jake! "Just a minute." She snatched up her robe and wrapped it around her, sloshing water on the floor as she went to the back door and opened it.

  His face went perfectly blank when he saw her. "What are you doing?"

  "Taking a bath," she replied candidly.

  "Christ!" he hissed through his teeth, and glanced toward the three cowboys who were mounted and waiting for word from him. "I just came to tell you that I'm skipping that party tonight. I'm riding back with the boys now. I'll send Lee after you. And for godsakes get some clothes on."

  "No."

  "No?" he asked under his bream.

  "No, you're not skipping the party tonight."

  "I'll do as I damn well please on a Saturday night."

  She could hear the snuffling of horses just beyond the door, so she, too, was keeping her voice low and tense. "I don't care what you do with any of your other Saturday nights, but tonight you're going to that party."

  "Why should I?"

  "Because it'll look strange if you're not there, and I don't want anyone to think there's something wrong between us, that's why."

  He stared at her long and hard, irritation making his mouth a straight, narrow line. Over his shoulder he said, "You all go on ahead. Banner's got some business she needs to discuss with me."

  The three men muttered goodbyes. Jake waited until they were safely out of the yard before he turned back to Banner. "There is something wrong between us."

  Her gaze slid from his face to the bandana tied around his neck. He was never without it, no cowboy was, but it looked so good on Jake, even coated with dust as it was now. "You're talking about the other night," she said softly.

  "I'm talking about all of it. That first time in the barn and the other night and all the times in between when we—"

  He broke off and she raised her eyes back to his. "When we what?"

  Now it was Jake's turn to look away. For days he had cursed himself anew for flirting with something so dangerous. He was dancing around a keg of dynamite with torches in his hands, daring it to blow up in his face.