He blanched, sick at the thought. “We’ll never know, will we? Because you didn’t have the guts or decency to tell me.”
He couldn’t even take care of a dog. Glancing over, he saw that Ellie had burrowed her head under the comforter. Great, he’d scared the injured, timid dog. And he was supposed to be a father?
She visibly fought to get control of herself. “I’m telling you now because Cole needs his father to protect him if I’m arrested.”
That ache in his chest turned into a stone. Weighed him down. Trapped him. Adam had spent his life avoiding anything to do with family. Okay, yeah, the men he worked with in the military, they were a brotherhood. He’d led his team, and he’d been responsible for their lives. But they were adults who signed on to risk their lives.
That was different.
Not this. Not a child he could destroy with words, glares, and long, accusing silences broken only by drunken screaming. He lifted his hand to rub the bridge of his nose. He had to pull it together. He dropped his arm and stared at the woman he had been so wrong about. “How could you do this, Meg? I told you I didn’t want a family. Ever.”
She glared back at him. “I didn’t get pregnant by myself.”
He held onto his anger, keeping his darkest fears tightly under control. “I’m always careful.”
“Except once, obviously.” She lifted her phone with the screen toward him.
He didn’t look at it, didn’t want to see whatever she had on that screen. “No exceptions. I don’t take chances on saddling a kid with me as a dad.”
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Then slowly, she lowered her arm holding the phone. “You should have thought of that when I woke you up. You were having a nightmare after your parents’ funeral. I woke you…” Her face softened. “We had sex.”
He wanted to deny it. Tell her she was wrong. Problem was…he remembered. Oh yeah, he remembered the nightmare having a strangle hold on him, the blazing heat of the desert covered in the blood and gore of men blown apart. Of Brady, his face swollen and blue, shaking his head and telling Adam that he’d failed. Again.
Then her cool hand on him, her soft voice pulling him out of hell. He’d needed her. He recalled rolling over her, spreading her thighs and pushing into the warm depths of her softness. The feel of her arms around him. The horrors in his head receding as he lost himself in Megan. Afterward, he’d gone back to sleep, able to rest. And he’d never thought of a condom.
“Christ, Meg, how could you let that happen? The one time I don’t remember, you couldn’t take a little responsibility?”
“I’ve been taking responsibility since the moment I found out I was pregnant. Alone. Because I knew you didn’t want me or a kid. And you know what, Adam? That was fine. Cole is the best thing in my life. Not a mistake, but the best thing.” She closed in until she stood toe to toe with him. “But now he needs his father. Otherwise, if I’m arrested, there’s a chance Cole will be put in protective custody.”
The rock in his chest kept growing until he could barely breathe. “That’s a little extreme. What about your mom? Surely the authorities would just let the kid stay with his grandmother.”
She shook her head. “That’s not a risk I’m willing to take. You’re the father, you’re on the birth certificate. You can make sure he’s not ripped out of his home to be placed with strangers.”
He looked for a way out. “I’m a stranger. The boy doesn’t know me.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to be a father.”
Megan narrowed her eyes, her face tightening with strain. “Don’t you ever tell Cole that. Do you hear me, Adam? You can yell at me all day long, you can hate me until the day you die, but you won’t ever hurt our son with comments like that.”
He clamped his mouth shut because she was right. Oh yeah, he knew just how right she was. It was Megan he was pissed at, not the boy.
“All I want from you is to be willing to step up and claim him if I’m arrested. Stay with him at my house until I can pay the bond. My mom will help, but you need to physically be there to make sure he won’t be removed. If you do that, I’ll give you whatever you want. I’ll sign papers that I’ll never go after you for child support, sever your parental rights, whatever the hell you want. Just help me protect our son now.”
More anger arced through him and his guts twisted. “Back off, Megan. My kid isn’t a bargaining chip. I’m not making deals here. Especially with you, a woman who kept my son a secret for more than two years.” He still didn’t know how she could have done that. Why? Yeah, he didn’t want kids, but he would have at least paid child support. Made sure they both had what they needed. But then, they’d never know what he would have done. She hadn’t given him the chance. And now he had a two-year-old son.
None of this was the boy’s fault. Adam had to do the right thing by the kid. See him through this mess now. Then get the hell out of his life.
“I’ll do it.”
Megan closed her eyes, her entire body sagging. She turned away from him. “Thank you.”
“I’m not doing it for you, that’s for damn sure.”
She nodded. “I know.”
He hated this…everything that had been between them, it was broken. Destroyed. “I’m going to see a lawyer.”
Her shoulders tensed again.
“We’ll set up child support.”
She turned, frowning. “I don’t want—”
“I don’t care what you want. I stopped caring the second I learned that you kept the boy a secret. The support isn’t for you.” He struggled as emotions kept detonating in him, erupting without warning and shredding his self-control. “It’s for the boy. And I’ll have my will redone.” He was so pissed at her, it was taking everything he had to be rational. Think of the kid. Not her, not the sick feeling in his chest.
The sense of loss.
“All these years, Meg, I thought of you in the long nights. You were what I fought for. I knew I could never be that man who would love you and have a family with you. But I fought for you…because I believed you were worth it. Good, honest, real. When I got so worn down at times, when I wanted to walk into the firestorm instead of run from it, I thought of you.
“And I kept fighting, wanting to make the world a better place for you.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Adam…”
He shook his head, refusing to let her suck him in again. “You’re not that woman. You’re not who I thought you were.”
She nodded, picked her purse up. She headed for the door and pulled it open. She hesitated.
Morning sunlight streamed over her, catching the gold in her hair. She was so damned beautiful, yet her face and eyes were heart-wrenchingly vulnerable in those seconds. He held himself rigid. Cold. Locked in his anger.
“It might be best if you meet Cole. So he’s used to you. Get familiar with the house. Once I get a security system in, I’ll give you the codes.”
Security system. Shit, he’d gotten lost in his anger, and forgot there was a very real threat hanging over Megan. And a threat to Megan was a threat to their son.
“I’m moving in. Today.” He’d handle getting her place secured too.
She stared at him like he’d lost his mind.
Folding his arms over his chest, he said, “I might not be father of the year material, but I can damn well protect my son and his mother.”
Chapter Ten
Megan was emotionally wrung out by the time she got home after working a few hours. She parked her car and started across the yard to her mom’s house. Her mother and Cole came out.
Her boy’s face lit up when he saw her. He toddled to her, arms raised.
She scooped him up, hugging her baby. “Hey, little man. You ready to go to story time?” Library story time was the reason she scheduled two Wednesdays off a month from her practice. Cole loved it, and she enjoyed taking him. Usually they spent the whole day together.
Catherine put her hand on Megan’s shoul
der. “You okay?”
A lump tried to form in her throat, but she fought it. “I have to be.”
“Megan, let me take Cole to the library. You can use the time to figure out if having Adam at your house is really the best thing. You know you and Cole can stay with us.”
In her mind, she saw Adam’s face. First as he was listening to her problems and so there for her, trying to help. He had cared as best he could. She saw that now.
Then she’d told him about Cole. And anything he ever felt for her, any shred of caring, died in that instant. Regret lanced through her chest. Adam had looked at her exactly as her father had all her life.
She hated herself for that. If she had tracked him down and told him when she was pregnant, things might be different. They could have found a way to be friends, to do what was best for Cole. In time, he might have even wanted to be a part of Cole’s life. She could have helped him overcome whatever held him back. Been a real friend to him. Now he’d never trust her to help him.
Cole pressed an open-mouth kiss on her cheek, pulling her from her thoughts.
She looked into her son’s eyes and saw his sweet face so full of love. She’d screwed herself out of any kind of relationship with Adam, any kind of friendship. But that didn’t mean Cole couldn’t have something special with his father. She had to try. She had to give them a chance.
Turning back to her mom, she said, “I’ll be fine. Adam will keep us safe while I figure out how to fight whatever it is Nathan is doing. In the meantime, Adam can get to know his son.”
Catherine squeezed her shoulder. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. That being said, I do think you’re doing the right thing.”
“It’s not about me anymore. It’s about Cole.” She turned her son. “Hey, do you want Grandma to take you to story time?”
Cole held his arms out to his grandmother.
Megan laughed. “I think that’s a yes.”
…
By the time he and Logan had changed all her locks and installed the security system and motion sensor lights, Adam knew Megan’s house inside and out. It was a cute little place. Three bedrooms, open-concept living room, dining room, and kitchen. She had a nice backyard littered with toys. But he hadn’t seen his son yet.
Cole had been with his grandmother at story time. Now he was taking a nap at her house next door. Megan had gone over to get the boy. He paced the light wood floor with both dogs, Ellie and Max, following him.
Adam paced through the living room, passing by a sliding door that led out to the backyard. Tucked in the corner of the room were bookshelves stuffed with books and cupboards that held toys. Above that, on the wall, were pictures of Cole—with his mom, his grandma, on a pony, playing with Max.
Tension ate through his muscles, and a low throb started in his head. He had no idea how to act. Or how to feel.
Max suddenly ran to the door, his long tail smacking into the wall from his enthusiasm.
Adam turned, trying to steel himself. He was going to meet the kid and assess the situation. Then form a strategy on how to handle this.
The door opened and Megan walked in, carrying their son. His gaze locked on them, and in that moment, he froze as he never had on the battlefield.
Cole had dark hair cut short enough to almost tame the familiar wave. His face broke out in a huge smile as he leaned over Meg’s arm and yelled, “Max!”
Meg bent down, releasing the boy, who threw his arms around the dog’s neck. Curious, Ellie edged forward. Finally she leaned forward and sniffed.
Cole looked up and squealed in new excitement. “Doggie!” He lunged at Ellie.
The dog raced behind Adam, leaning her whole body against the back of his legs. Little Cole toddled after the dog, screeching in joy. A powerful longing welled up from Adam’s chest and tightened his throat. How was it possible that he hadn’t even known the boy existed before today, and yet feel a strong connection? One that was both amazing and so damned painful at the same time?
Megan scooped up Cole before he reached Ellie. “Honey, the dog’s name is Ellie and she’s scared. Be gentle.” She looked up at him. “Adam?”
He gritted his teeth, desperately trying to drive back the tidal wave of hot agony. Except for the eyes, which were all Megan, Cole looked hauntingly like the pictures in the box.
Like Brady.
Familiar guilt rode him, a constant reminder of what he had done to his family. Destroyed it by allowing the heart of their family, Brady, to die. How could he trust himself to care for a son? It felt as if the entire house was closing in on him, pressing down from all sides and cutting off his air.
Cole giggled suddenly.
Adam looked down to see Ellie had edged up and licked the boy’s calf, exposed by his shorts.
Christ, he wanted to run, to escape, but he couldn’t, not until he finished the job in Raven’s Cove, and not until he made sure Cole and his mother were safe. Then he’d have to figure out how he fit into Cole’s life.
Summoning his will, he pulled himself together. “Hi, Cole.”
The boy stared at him with open curiosity.
Damn, his light blue eyes really were like Meg’s, except that Cole’s were ringed in darker lashes.
“Would you like to pet Ellie?”
The boy nodded, twisting and throwing his whole body over Meg’s arm.
Meg easily balanced him, obviously prepared for the movement. She sank down on the sofa, setting Cole on his feet and keeping hold of his hand.
Following her lead, Adam crouched down and put his arm around Ellie just in case. She was still healing, and they couldn’t be sure of her reaction. The dog leaned against his side. He looked down at the sweet Lab’s big brown eyes and stroked her head. “Good girl, Ellie.”
She smacked him in the back with her tail.
“Cole, go ahead.”
His son met his gaze and Adam felt something foreign kick in his chest.
With his mom’s guidance, the boy carefully lifted his hand and held it near the dog for her to smell. When Ellie lifted her head and sniffed his hand, the boy giggled, then plopped down on his butt.
Ellie went down to her belly, and army-crawled until she put her head in the boy’s lap.
Adam was riveted to the scene. Cole put his entire body into petting Ellie, and the dog reveled in the attention. Meg stayed close, while Max seemed unconcerned, stretching out beside Cole and sighing. The four of them looked so right.
His son had barely noticed Adam. It made his throat ache in a way that surprised him. He stayed crouched there, feeling like an intruder, yet worried that if he stood and walked away, Ellie would follow him.
Slowly, he stood. Ellie watched him but seemed content to stay with Cole and Max.
Megan bent her head close to the boy, and the afternoon sunlight streamed in, picking out the gold highlights in her hair. She laughed at something, her face glowing with joy. There it was again, that foreign feeling in his chest.
He didn’t like it. Didn’t want it. It had taken him a long time to learn to stop feeling. He’d never have endured his life after Brady otherwise. All the pictures of Brady were stored away. His parents refused to speak of him, unless they were drunk. Then the pictures and recriminations came out in words that cut Adam to shreds.
Silence was better. Not feeling was better. It was the only way he knew how to survive.
Megan moved up beside him. “He loves dogs.”
“Clearly.”
“He’ll get used to you.”
That got his attention. He looked at her, saw the strain in her eyes. “You weren’t going to tell me, were you? If you hadn’t gotten into this mess, you’d never have told me.” He kept his voice low and controlled.
She pulled her mouth tight, her gaze going to Cole playing with both dogs, and then back to him. “I was going to tell you. After Saturday night…” She trailed off, wrapping her arms around her waist as she stared at Cole. “I called you, but you didn’t answer. I got your m
essage you were out of town.”
“You didn’t say it was important.”
She looked up at him, her face flushing. “You always do that. You shut down just like you did Saturday night. Then you leave.”
His gut brewed with the memory because for one moment when they’d stood at the door of that cabin, he’d wanted to tell her…things. But the words were locked down tight. Trapped. And it was better that way. “It was business, Megan.”
Her spine stiffened. “And that boy over there.” She indicated Cole. “He’s our son. He won’t understand that business comes before him. So you’d better decide what you’re really doing here, besides playing hero.” She sucked in a breath, her eyes darkening. “You’re not going to let him come to depend on you, then vanish when you can’t handle it anymore.”
He didn’t like her digging through him, touching raw places. He fought back. “You’re the one I left, not him. I didn’t know about him.”
Something vital drained from her, and she swallowed. She turned her entire body away from him. Shit, he didn’t have to be such a bastard to her. That was how his mother had lashed out and he knew what it felt like.
“I have to go.”
She nodded, starting toward Cole.
Adam caught hold of her arm, tugging her back. “I left the key to your new locks on your kitchen table.”
“You changed the locks, too?”
“I won’t take any chances with your or Cole’s safety. I also talked to Nathan. I told him I’d try to find his dog. He’s upset, says Celtic Fire is going into heat.”
She pulled her mouth tight. “And he wants to breed her.”
“Yes.”
She shook her head. “The strain of the pregnancy could kill her.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Megan…”
Jerking her arm back, she said, “I didn’t take her, Adam. I don’t know who did.”
He sighed. “The point is, if I find her, we can clear your name.”
“And then you’ll go back to Los Angeles.”
A ball of anxiety swelled in his chest. “That’s where my company is. I’ll have to go home after the golf tournament on Saturday.” He sucked in a breath. “I don’t know anything about being a dad. Don’t know how. But I’ll figure out a way to…” What? Hell, he didn’t know. He was so out of his depth here.
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